Where Social Awkwardness Meets Social Anxiety

| Singapore | Parents & Guardians

(I’m an extremely awkward and quiet 14-year-old. Usually, I can handle communicating with adults and sometimes even small children but the one type of person I can never, ever, talk to are people my own age.)

Dad: “Come with me. I have to visit my colleague.”

Me: *reluctantly* “All right…”

(We get into the car. Now, I’m slightly confused because I’m dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, definitely not proper attire to meet another person’s family, but my dad says nothing about it.)

Dad: “Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention — my colleague has kids about your age. You should talk to them. Socialise.”

Me: *goes pale*

(We stop at a store and collect some parcels, which we carry back to the car. Apparently these are gifts for his colleague. During this time, I completely freak out in my brain and wonder what I’m supposed to do or say when I meet these kids of his/hers.)

Dad: *parks the car* “Okay. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “We… we’re home. Aren’t we supposed to meet your colleague?”

Dad: “I lied about that.”

Me: “Huh?”

Dad: “You should have seen your face.” *laughs*

(Turned out my dad just needed me for the parcels, and only mentioned the “colleague” and the “kids” to watch me squirm for the whole ride!)

Had The Last Meow

| IL, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(I am in the car with my mother and sister, on our way to a Girl’s Night. I am recently married, and for some reason the conversation came to my eventual production of children.)

Mom: “I hope you have a girl. Girls are wonderful.”

Sister: “I don’t know… I think a boy would be better.”

Me: “I am not even the slightest bit ready for a baby. Why are we talking about this?”

Mom: “I like girl babies.”

Sister: “I like boy babies.”

Me: “And I like cats.”

My Family And Other Animals, Part 11

| VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom and I are walking back to the car after an event. Sometimes when I’m bored I ask my friends what animal I’d be if we all got turned into animals. I decide to ask my mom.)

Me: “Mom, if I were an animal, what animal would I be?”

Mom: *thinks for a moment* “A donkey.”

Me: “Is this your way of calling me an a**?”

Mom: *laughs* “Oh, no! I didn’t even think of that!”

Related:
My Family And Other Animals, Part 10
My Family And Other Animals, Part 9
My Family And Other Animals, Part 8

Worf Doesn’t Drink Sugarplum Juice

| KY, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My mother, sister, and I are on our way home from going to see the Nutcracker over the holidays.)

Mom: “What is a sugarplum anyway? Is it a dried plum?”

Me: “That would be a prune.”

Sister: “The Waltz of the Prune Fairy doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.”

Back-Seat Mothers

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(My mother is an incredibly nervous backseat driver who insists on sitting in the passenger seat when somebody else is driving. My parents have asked me to drive them downtown to get on their cruise ship. It’s an incredibly busy time of day, so I’m nervous enough as it is. It’s a warm, sunny summer day and the roads are perfect.)

Mom: *gasp of horror*

Me: “What happened?” *looking around to see if I almost hit something*

Mom: “Sorry, that guy in the next lane was pulling up next to you.”

(A few minutes later:)

Mom: *gasps again, starts slamming an imaginary brake*

Me: “What is it?” *looking around again nervously*

Mom: “Sorry! I didn’t know if that car was stopping at that red light.” *she points way ahead*

Me: “Mom, please calm down. I’m nervous enough as it is.”

Mom: “Sorry, I’ll try.”

(A few minutes after that I’m cautiously driving through a major intersection. I pull into the middle of the intersection.)

Mom: *screaming frantically* “[My Name], WATCH OUT!”

(In an absolute panic, I slam on the brakes hard enough to slightly skid. My father and a friend in the backseat get coffee all over themselves, horns start blaring behind me from the abrupt stop, and we’re all thrown forward into our seatbelts.)

Dad: “Oh, my god, what happened?”

Me: *looking around frantically* “I don’t know. Mom just started screaming. Mom, what was it?”

Mom: “…”

(The car behind us honks again; the people in the next lane are passing us and staring in confusion. Luckily the light is still green.)

Me: “Mom, what?”

Mom: “…that guy up ahead turned his signal light on. I thought he was going to change lanes.”

(The embarrassment seemed to fix her though; after realizing how psychotic she was getting, she’s been much better ever since!)

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