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Identity Theft

| USA | Children, Siblings

(This happens with my younger brother, who is six.)

Me: “Did you know that you have two names?”

Brother: “No…”

Me: “Yeah, your first name is [First Name], and your middle name is Robert!”

Brother: *eyes get big* “I don’t believe you!”

(After Mom confirms it, he gets upset.)

Me: “Don’t you like the name Robert?”

Brother: “No! I’m NOT a robber!”

(To this day, 29 years later, I still tease him about it even though he now likes his name better.)

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Mom Is A Pear-ant

| Blairs, VA, USA | Children, Popular

(My sons and I are getting into the car after eating lunch. They are both talking to me and asking me questions as well as asking me to do things. I’m a little frustrated and begin to expand on this…)

Me: “Do you know that I’m only one person?”

Eight-Year-Old: “Yes, Mom. But we—“

Me: “Do you know moms don’t come in pairs because we would be too dangerous?”

(My four-year-old wastes no time in responding…)

Four-Year-Old: “Mom, if you came in pears you would be very dangerous because people would eat you!”

(Cue giggling and my no longer being frustrated — and a spelling lesson!)

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Unable To Ménage A Conversation

| KY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are listening to the radio while driving somewhere. He had a fairly sheltered and conservative upbringing, so certain things tend to fly over his head.)

Dad: “Hey, [My Name], what’s a ménage à trois?”

Me: “Dad, if you don’t know that, I don’t want to be the one to explain it!”

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