Playing Chicken With Traffic

| Australia | Parents & Guardians

(Sitting in the car with my dad in really bad traffic, listening to the news when the traffic update comes up.)

Me: “Now we will know why all the traffic is so slow!”

News Reporter: *talking about the usual crashes* “…and I can’t believe this, a CHICKEN is running around causing a hold up on [Highway] and some civilians have had to get out of their cars to help it cross the road.”

Dad: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Me: “You should have asked it.”

Keep Piling On More S***

| Wales, UK | Grandparents, Popular

(My family is in a car, going on a trip to the local shopping centre.)

Dad: “Is everyone ready to go?”

Grandmother: “Oh, s***, I left my handbag in the house!”

(Shocked glances. Dad motions to my little sister.)

Grandmother: “Oh, s***. I said s***, didn’t I?”

Me: “Yes…?”

Grandmother: “Oh, s***.”

Grandchildren On Red Alert

| NC, USA | Grandchildren, Popular

(This was a story my boss told, about one eventful car ride after picking up her grandson from school.)

Boss: *stops at a red light, and makes a legal right turn*

Grandson: “Grandma! That was a red light! A RED LIGHT! You’re supposed to stop. RED means STOP!”

Boss: “It’s called a ‘right on red’ and there was nobody coming.”

(Her grandson sees a police car parked by the road, and he rolls down the window and tries to hang out of the window waving and screaming.)

Grandson: “GRANDMA RAN A RED LIGHT! HEY! HEY, MISTER OFFICER, GRANDMA RAN A RED LIGHT!”

(Thankfully, there wasn’t anybody around and he didn’t fall out of the window!)

All Smoke And Car Mirrors

| Parents & Guardians

(My mom and I are in the car at a red light when a man pulls up beside us, smoking an e-cigarette. It gives off lots of vapor, which looks like smoke.)

Mom: *looking over at car next to us* “What the h***?!”

Me: “Oh, he’s just smoking an e-cig mom.”

Mom: “I thought his car was on fire!”

Ignite A Search

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My mom is rather absent-minded. We’ve stopped for gas and a snack on a long car trip, and have just returned to the car. While I’m distracted setting up the map on my phone, she starts searching for something in her stuff in the back seat.)

Mom: “Where is it?!”

Me: “What did you lose?”

Mom: “The key! I used it to unlock the door, and now I can’t find it.”

Me: “I’m impressed. Is it in your purse?”

Mom: “No.”

Me: *turning towards her* “How did you manage to lose it this qui— It’s in the ignition!”

(Later, just after we arrive.)

Mom: “I can’t find my stupid phone!”

Me: “Have you checked the ignition?”

The Brother Doesn’t Fall Very Far From The Tree

| OH, USA | Children, Popular, Siblings

(I’m driving my grandsons to meet their father when the five-year-old looks out the window.)

Five-Year-Old: “I want to run around there… and step on trees.”

Me: “If you want to step on trees you’ll have to get much bigger.”

Eight-Year-Old: “You can practice on broccoli.”

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