At Least It Wasn’t Yellow

| Norway | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have just picked up my daughter from her daycare and we are driving home. She is three-and-a-half years old. It is winter and snowy.)

Daughter: “Do you know what I did today, mom?”

Me: “I don’t know. What did you do today?”

Daughter: “I ate some snow!”

Me: “Oh, yuck. Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Because the adults didn’t see me.”

Dad Doesn’t Baby You

| OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m showing my mom and sister cute pictures of baby animals. Dad has been disinterested, and was not impressed with the baby orangutans at all.)

Me: *to Dad* “Are there any babies you DO like, Dad?”

Dad: “Well…”

Me: “There IS a right answer, by the way.”

Mom: “Think carefully before you speak.”

Dad: “Hmm…” *reaches over and pets one of the cats* “I like these babies.”

Mom: *laughs*

(We were actually thinking about his own children, but this was found to be an acceptable answer.)

Where Social Awkwardness Meets Social Anxiety

| Singapore | Parents & Guardians

(I’m an extremely awkward and quiet 14-year-old. Usually, I can handle communicating with adults and sometimes even small children but the one type of person I can never, ever, talk to are people my own age.)

Dad: “Come with me. I have to visit my colleague.”

Me: *reluctantly* “All right…”

(We get into the car. Now, I’m slightly confused because I’m dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, definitely not proper attire to meet another person’s family, but my dad says nothing about it.)

Dad: “Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention — my colleague has kids about your age. You should talk to them. Socialise.”

Me: *goes pale*

(We stop at a store and collect some parcels, which we carry back to the car. Apparently these are gifts for his colleague. During this time, I completely freak out in my brain and wonder what I’m supposed to do or say when I meet these kids of his/hers.)

Dad: *parks the car* “Okay. Thanks for your help.”

Me: “We… we’re home. Aren’t we supposed to meet your colleague?”

Dad: “I lied about that.”

Me: “Huh?”

Dad: “You should have seen your face.” *laughs*

(Turned out my dad just needed me for the parcels, and only mentioned the “colleague” and the “kids” to watch me squirm for the whole ride!)

Had The Last Meow

| IL, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(I am in the car with my mother and sister, on our way to a Girl’s Night. I am recently married, and for some reason the conversation came to my eventual production of children.)

Mom: “I hope you have a girl. Girls are wonderful.”

Sister: “I don’t know… I think a boy would be better.”

Me: “I am not even the slightest bit ready for a baby. Why are we talking about this?”

Mom: “I like girl babies.”

Sister: “I like boy babies.”

Me: “And I like cats.”

My Family And Other Animals, Part 11

| VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom and I are walking back to the car after an event. Sometimes when I’m bored I ask my friends what animal I’d be if we all got turned into animals. I decide to ask my mom.)

Me: “Mom, if I were an animal, what animal would I be?”

Mom: *thinks for a moment* “A donkey.”

Me: “Is this your way of calling me an a**?”

Mom: *laughs* “Oh, no! I didn’t even think of that!”

My Family And Other Animals, Part 10
My Family And Other Animals, Part 9
My Family And Other Animals, Part 8

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