Sin City Got Too Boring For Him

| New Zealand | Children, Siblings

(My dad is dropping me and my twin brother off at my mum’s. Whilst driving, Dad turns to my brother.)

Dad: “[Brother], do you know where god lives?”

Brother: “God lives in the clouds.”

Dad: “Good. Do you know where Satan lives?”

Brother: *thinking* “Satan lives… in New York.”


Puns In Stereo

| WA, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(We’re on the way home from a psychiatrist visit. I’m filling my mother in about the discussion we had.)

Me: “So he’s thinking of putting me on MAOIs or maybe adding lithium to my Pristiq.”


Mum: “So then you’ll be a—”

Me: “So then I’ll be a—”

Both: “Battery!”


Brother From Another

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(One grandson is talking about a friend’s brothers.)

Younger Grandson: “Brothers are stupid.”

Me: *grinning and turning around to say* “You know you’re a brother; right?”


300 In 1 Chance

| NJ, USA | Siblings

(My family’s GPS broke while we are looking for a mall, so we are lost somewhere in New Jersey, while the mall is in Pennsylvania. We decide to park somewhere and go around to ask for directions.)

Me: “Where’s the mall? I’m tired of waiting to get directions.”

Sister: “Calm down; just be patient. How about this? Just randomly say the first thing that’s all you can think of.”

Me: *thinks for less than a second and yells out* “THIS IS SPARTA!”

(Everyone on the streets burst into laughter.)

Me: “Why is everyone laughing?”

(Various people point to a sign that says what city we’re in. It says: “Sparta, New Jersey”)

Everyone On The Streets: *while still laughing* “THIS IS SPARTA!”

(Eventually, we got to the mall, two hours before closing time.)


Parental Guidance In Reverse

| TN, USA | Parents & Guardians

(It’s the mid-nineties and Jurassic Park II has just been released to theaters. On our way home, my parents are talking about their favorite parts of the movie.)

Dad: “I loved when the two t-rexs did [really violent thing].”

Mom: “Yeah, or when [other really violent thing] happened.”

Dad: “That was awesome. Oh! What about [yet another violent thing]? That was so cool.”

(I pipe up from the backseat, in all my infinite four-year-old wisdom.)

Me: “I liked the part when the baby dinosaur was safe.”

Dad: *silence* “We’re monsters…”

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