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I’m Going To Make Him An Grenade He Can’t Refuse

| MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I have just gotten one of my wisdom teeth removed and am still feeling the effects of the drugs. I’m driving home in the car with my dad, listening to the radio.)

Dad: “This song sounds familiar. Who sings it?”

Me: “Marlon Brando.”

Dad: “What?”

(This conversation repeats a few times, with my dad growing more confused and me growing more upset each time because I know I’m not saying the right thing, but am too drugged to fix it, until I eventually give up. It was Bruno Mars.)

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Sharing Is IKEA-ing

| NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My mom, six-year-old brother, and I are on the way to buy furniture.)

Brother: “Where are we going?”

Mom: “IKEA.”

Brother: “Where are we going??”

Mom: “IKEA…”

Brother: “Where are we going?!”

Mom: “Son… IKEA.”

Brother: “No… you don’t care.”

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The Mother Of All Bad Driving

| Chicago, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m 15 and have my learner’s permit. My mom is driving; I’m in the passenger seat. At the time I wore glasses and was notoriously bad about keeping them clean. It should also be noted that car is currently moving at about 45 MPH.)

Mom: “Hey, do you have your permit with you?”

Me: “Um, yes. Why?”

Mom: “Grab the wheel for a moment.”

(I reach across the center console and grab the steering wheel. My mom then takes her hands off the wheel, and pulls my glasses off of my face!)

Mom: “I’m going to clean these real quick.”

Me: “Um, Mom. This is not a good idea.”

Mom: “What do you mean?”

Me: “You have my glasses. I kind of need them to drive.”

Mom: “Oh. OH! Take them back!”

(She took the wheel back and gave me back my glasses.)

Me: “What made you think that was a good idea?”

Mom: “I just saw your glasses and thought they were really dirty. I wanted to clean them. I’m a mom.”

Me: “And you couldn’t have asked first?”

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Finding New Ways To Moon Each Other

| Belgium | Siblings

(My family and I are in the car on our way back home. My sister is staring out the window, when this conversation happens.)

Sister: “Look, isn’t the moon beautiful?”

Everyone: “Yeah.”

Sister: “I think it’s a new moon.”

Me: “No, that’s a full moon.”

Sister: “Oh, I thought it was a new moon.”

(Silence.)

Sister: “But look at that color, isn’t that an eclipse?”

Me: “No, that’s something else. And no, it hasn’t got anything to do with any of the other Twilight titles, either.”

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Sin City Got Too Boring For Him

| New Zealand | Children, Siblings

(My dad is dropping me and my twin brother off at my mum’s. Whilst driving, Dad turns to my brother.)

Dad: “[Brother], do you know where god lives?”

Brother: “God lives in the clouds.”

Dad: “Good. Do you know where Satan lives?”

Brother: *thinking* “Satan lives… in New York.”

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