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Mom Is A Pear-ant

| Blairs, VA, USA | Children

(My sons and I are getting into the car after eating lunch. They are both talking to me and asking me questions as well as asking me to do things. I’m a little frustrated and begin to expand on this…)

Me: “Do you know that I’m only one person?”

Eight-Year-Old: “Yes, Mom. But we—“

Me: “Do you know moms don’t come in pairs because we would be too dangerous?”

(My four-year-old wastes no time in responding…)

Four-Year-Old: “Mom, if you came in pears you would be very dangerous because people would eat you!”

(Cue giggling and my no longer being frustrated — and a spelling lesson!)

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Unable To Ménage A Conversation

| KY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are listening to the radio while driving somewhere. He had a fairly sheltered and conservative upbringing, so certain things tend to fly over his head.)

Dad: “Hey, [My Name], what’s a ménage à trois?”

Me: “Dad, if you don’t know that, I don’t want to be the one to explain it!”

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Situation Is At Meltdown

| Hampton, VA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I’m five. My folks don’t have a ton of money, but manage to get a nice used car, a ‘66 T-bird. They stop for ice cream on the way home, getting something small for me and my sister. I get a round chocolate covered ice-cream on a stick, which being it’s mid-summer, soon starts to get everywhere.)

Mom: *looking back, holding my baby sister (pre-carseat days)* “Dad, he’s making a mess back there.”

Dad: *without thinking reaches his hand back* “Gimme that till we get home.”

(So I did. Splatted it right in the middle of his hand. My mom was howling with laughter as my dad was staring at the ice-cream now dripping all over the front seats as well.)

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