Didn’t Graduate With Math

| Shingle Springs, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m in visiting my parents and am in the car with my 58-year-old mother. We are talking about our past high school reunions.)

Mom: “I went to my 10th year anniversary, but there was no one there I really cared about so I didn’t go to my 20th or my 30th.”

Me: “Are you going to go to your 40th?”

Mom: “I don’t know, probably not. I have a while before I have to worry about that.

Me: “Uh… Mom? It’s this year.”

Mom: *looks at me like I have three heads* “No, it isn’t. What are you talking about?”

Me: “It’s 2016. You graduated in 1976.”

Mom: *as she processes this, she gets a stunned look on her face.* “No way… No way! Oh, my god! 40 years!? How did that happen!?”


Always More Red Tape

| GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I’m driving with my dad, when I notice that a nearby car has the letters “USA” on the back of it, made with what appears to be red painter’s tape.)

Me: “USA! Made of red tape…”


Me: “That’s very accurate, actually.”

Dad: “Yep.”


Getaway Mommy

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I am running late for church but have to stop by the bank to get money for the offering basket. My ten- and eight-year-old boys wait in the car and watch me through the glass windows. As soon as I am done, I run back to the car, slam the door, slam my foot on the gas pedal and take off. The boys ride in silence until five minutes later…)

Ten-Year-Old Son: “Mom, did you just rob the bank?”

Me: “No! What made you think that?”

Ten-Year-Old Son: “Because it feels like we’re riding in a get-away car right now.”

(There is laughter from the backseat.)

Me: “Seriously?”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Yeah! You’re very good at it, though.”

Me: “Hey, be nice!”

Eight-Year-Old Son: “That was a compliment!”

(Silence for a minute.)

Eight-Year-Old Son: “Finally you can afford to buy us an Xbox One!”

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