The Rainbow Found You Early

| MD, USA | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

Me: “Mom, I think I might be gay.”

Mom: “Yeah. I’ve thought that for about ten years.”

Me: “Um… ten years ago, I was six.”

Mom: “Okay, so I didn’t do the math.”

Trying To Silence The Little Words Of God

| San Gabriel, CA, USA | Children

It is the 1960s and I am quite young.

In Sunday School we have been learning about the importance of missionaries. I am riding with my mom as she is doing errands on a hot summer’s afternoon. The windows are down.

We pull up to a stop light and the car next to us is driven by an African-American gentleman. I lean out the window and shout, “Look, Mom, there’s a India Indian what doesn’t know God!”

He flashed my mom a huge grin and she laid rubber getting away as quickly as she could.

When You Need Your Potions In Bulk

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are in the car, parking it at the Wal-mart parking lot. This conversation happens as we park.)

Dad: “Hey, [My Name], look!  Voldemart!”

Me: “The store that shall not be named.”

TomTomfoolery

| UK | Parents & Guardians

(We are travelling from Glasgow to Aberdeen to visit family. My mum is driving and swears she knows the journey. Knowing she isn’t too good with direction I decide to print them off and use our TomTom. It doesn’t start well, but she refuses to listen, so my dad, my brother, and I just decide to let her handle it alone. We all manage to doze off for an hour and wake up in a city only I have ever been to.)

Dad: “Where the h*** are we? And where’s the nav?”

Mum: “It kept shouting at me that I was going the wrong way. I think it’s broken.”

Dad: “Well, judging by where we are I think it was right.”

Mum: “No, I know exactly where we are: ABERDEEN!”

(She enters a roundabout and takes the fourth exit.)

Mum: *pointing* “Oh, look at that!”

Me: “Mum, that’s Carlisle Castle. We’re in England.”

(Somehow she managed to drive south, and didn’t realise when all signs saying Edinburgh disappeared. She still refuses to listen and starts to phone our relatives for help. After a full day of driving around Carlisle and the wider area, she accidentally ends up on the motorway and…)

Mum: “Oh, look, ‘Welcome to Scotland.’ I guess we were in England.”

All Of Us: “THAT’S WHAT WE’VE BEEN TELLING YOU!”

(We never made it to Aberdeen that weekend. My dad does the driving now, with my mum giving ridiculous directions the whole time.)

At Least It Wasn’t Yellow

| Norway | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have just picked up my daughter from her daycare and we are driving home. She is three-and-a-half years old. It is winter and snowy.)

Daughter: “Do you know what I did today, mom?”

Me: “I don’t know. What did you do today?”

Daughter: “I ate some snow!”

Me: “Oh, yuck. Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Because the adults didn’t see me.”

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