Get Him Into A Pinch Of Trouble

| TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am six, I am dealing with a bully who often pinches me while I am at day camp. I tell my dad about this and, having an “eye for an eye” philosophy, this is his response:)

Dad: “If [Bully] ever pinches you again, give her a taste of her medicine and pinch her right back.”

Me: “Umm… okay.”

(Being the quiet and innocent girl I am, I never take my dad’s advice. For the rest of the week, we have conversations that go like this:)

Dad: “Did [Bully] pinch you?”

Me: “Yes…”

Dad: “Did you pinch her back?”

Me: “No…”

(We have this conversation every day until one day when parents are asked to pick me and the others up at a pool near the day camp. When my dad comes to get me, I swim to the other end of the pool and pinch the bully, even though she doesn’t pinch me before that day.)

Bully: “Owww…”

Me: “See, Dad? I pinched [Bully] just like you told me to!”

Dad: “Umm…” *nervously glances at the counselors*

(I don’t remember what happened afterwards, but my dad did have a long talk with me afterwards.)

Camping Is Too In-Tents

, | PA, USA | Siblings

(My sister and I go camping by ourselves, which is a first since we usually go with our dad, so I’m a little nervous because we don’t have his protection and there’s a lot of drunk strangers close by at the neighboring campsites. We’re lying down in our tent to sleep.)

Sister: “Do you ever wonder how long it would take someone to find our bodies if we get slashed by a psycho while we sleep out here?”

(She then went promptly to sleep. Several hours later when the sun was coming up, she asked me why I was still wide awake and why I’d brought the tire iron from the boot of the car into the tent with us.)

I Know Everyone In Relation To Me

| MD, USA | Children, Cousins, Friends

(I’m at a girls cabin at a teen retreat camp. I’ve just finished unpacking my stuff after a 25-hour drive with 8 buses. I look across the room to the bunk bed parallel to mine and see someone I think might be my cousin.)

Me: “Is your name Porter?”

Girl: “Yeah. Aren’t you my third cousin?”

Me: “Yeah, I thought so. Just making sure! Hi, cousin. Nice to meet you!”

Girl: “Nice to finally meet you!”

(My friend has been listening to this. She looks amazed because this has happened right after unloading the buses, when I was continuously giving people hugs and telling them hello.)

Me: “Allow me to explain. My dad is one of 13 children, so I have a big family. Ten cousins that I know of are on the trip with us.”

Friend: “Are you related to everybody!?”

Me: *laughing* “Just about!”

(Later that night, one of the chaperones approaches my friend and me.)

Chaperone: “Are you two sisters or related or something? Because y’all look like twins!”

Friend: “Not yet!”

(My friend drops to one knee in front of me.)

Friend: “Will you marry me?”

(We all laugh. After we finally calm down again, she turns to me.)

Friend: “I think your brother is very cute though; so, maybe one day we will be related!”

Snap Dance

| Zealand, The Netherlands | Siblings

(It’s been very humid all day, and my brother and I suffer from asthma. We’re discussing the chances of having a thunderstorm, so our breathing will improve.)

Me: “I wish it’d rain and storm. I can’t breath anymore. It’s like breathing soup.”

Brother: “Really thick soup.”

Me: “Yes!”

Brother:” I know how I can help. I’m going to do a rain dance!”

(He steps outside of our tent, and is jumps up and down whilst waving his arms. Suddenly, out of nowhere, lightning strikes and the thunder is huge!)

Brother:*whilst jumping inside the tent* “Whoops… I think I did the wrong dance.”

Fertile Imaginations

| NM, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

(I am looking after a group of 5th graders. Most of them know something about the facts of life, but there are some serious misconceptions. One boy has a college-age sister who is attending another program down the hall.)

5th grade boy: “Boys rule and girls drool!”

5th grade girl: “Nuh-uh! If it wasn’t for girls you wouldn’t be alive! You wouldn’t even have life!”

5th grade boy: “No, that’s not true, even!”

5th grade girl: “Yeah-huh! You came from your mom, who is a girl. If it wasn’t for her, you wouldn’t even be alive right now!”

5th grade boy: “Nuh-uh! I came from my dad and my sister came from my mom!”

Me: *cautiously* “Everyone comes from both of their parents…their mom and their dad.”

5th grade boy: “No, you’re a girl so you came from your mom. I’m a boy, so I came from my dad!

Me: “I am my father’s daughter and my mother’s daughter.”

5th grade boy: “No! Fathers have sons and mothers have daughters! A father can’t have a daughter! It doesn’t work that way!”

(Later, I meet the boy’s older sister in the hallway.)

Me: “It was so cute earlier. Your brother was saying that girls come from their mothers, but boys come from their fathers.”

Boy’s college-age sister: “Yeah, so?”

Me: “Maybe mention to your parents to clear that up, whenever they think he’s ready.”

Boy’s college-age sister: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: *pause* “Well, it takes both parents…I mean…and fathers don’t just have sons by themselves.”

Boy’s college-age sister: “What are you talking about? Fathers have boys and mothers have girls!”