Be Glad You’re Not In His Shoes

| WI, USA | Grandparents

(I am sailing with my grandparents, parents, and little brother. It is very windy, and the boat is going all over the place. My grandfather is wearing sandals, and his foot slips over the side.)

Mom: “Are you okay?”

Grandfather: “Yes, I am, but I lost my shoe…”

(He abruptly looks really angry, and takes off his remaining shoe.)

Grandfather: “What am I supposed to do with one shoe? HERE, TAKE THE OTHER ONE, TOO!”

(He flung the other shoe deep into the lake.)

A Leaking Boat

| Chesapeake Bay, MD, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My family has owned a boat for as long as I can remember. It’s a 40 ft, and sleeps my parents and me comfortably. A couple times per year, we take it down to Baltimore’s inner harbor, a ride well over an hour, sometimes closer to three in poor conditions. My mom and I typically go by car while my dad takes the boat and meets us there. We are expecting less than pleasant weather, so I help my dad on the boat this time. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “So, what do you usually do on these trips?”

Dad: “Audio books or music, usually. If I need a snack I slow to a crawl and run downstairs. Usually if I need to piss I’ll just go off the side of the boat. But with you here, you can drive while I go hit the head.”

Me: “Lovely image there, Dad. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t usually do this on my own. Peeing off the side of the boat is harder for us ladies.”

Dad: “Oh, it’s impossible for a lady. But a woman could probably pull it off.”

Sadly You’re Still A Nuclear Family

| London, England, UK | Popular, Siblings

(My brother, my grandfather and I have just gotten on a boat going down the river Thames. We see a boat with a diver under the water.)

Brother: “What are they diving for?”

Grandfather: “I heard the captain say that they found a bomb from World War 2.”

Brother: “Why is there still a bomb there?”

Me: “When London was bombed, not all of them went off, so they just stayed there.”

Brother: “Is it like, one of those big ones they dropped on China?”

Me: “What…?”

Brother: “You know, one of those really big ones?”

Me: “Do you mean the atomic bombs that were dropped in Japan?”

Brother: “Yeah, those.”

Me: “So, you think that there is an unexploded atomic bomb in the middle of London, no one is panicking and they sent one diver to get it?”

Brother: “…Yes?”

Me: “How are we related?”