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Taken Steps To Ensure Understanding

, | QLD, Australia | Friends, Siblings

(My brother and his friend have to go to a sporting event in another town a few hours away from home. They drive up fairly late at night, and don’t see anyone until the next morning. In their second- or third-floor room, their toaster catches fire, so my brother runs outside and throws it off the balcony. While he’s out there, he sees the father of one of the boys who does the sport with my brother, who is a family friend.)

Family Friend: “Hey, how did you get up here?”

Brother: “Oh… there’s stairs… like in the building.”

Family Friend: “…I meant to [Town]. I understand that you would have stairs.”

(My brother proceeded to explain how they drove up late at night – and the story is now a family favourite)

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Punpop!

| NC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Punny

(My parents and I are out at a popular chicken fast food chain; I have lemonade, my mom has coffee, and my dad has soda. We somehow get to the marketing of soda.)

Dad: “So, with the soda business being so flat right now…”

(I burst out laughing. He looks confused briefly but then chuckles.)

Dad: “Oh. I made a joke.”

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Won’t Be Having The Salsa For A While

| Scotland, UK | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I’m currently studying at university in a city a couple of hours away from home. My parents have come across to visit me and I’ve decided to treat them to dinner at my favourite Mexican takeaway. Everything is made to order; you choose your food, filling, cheese, extras, etc. I have already ordered my usual. My parents don’t know exactly what they want and the guy behind the counter is being very patient and helpful.)

Worker: “What kind of filling did you want? We have [lists varieties].”

Dad: “Oh, um, I don’t know…”

Worker: “Okay, well, do you like hot things?”

Mum: *without skipping a beat* “Of course he does! That’s why he’s with me!”

Worker: *nervous chuckle*

(If it wasn’t for the fact that it’s my favourite takeaway spot, I think I’d have been too awkward to go back!)

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Skipped A To E

| Bridgeport, CT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(This story took place when I was a teenager. My youngest brother and I have been waging a prank war all week; it’s important to know that I’ve always been a huge goody two-shoes while he has a tendency to take things too far. One day, as I’m walking by the couch, he reaches out and tugs on my braid, and I end up slipping and landing on my tailbone pretty hard.)

Me: “F***!”

(At first he’s shocked, but then starts laughing, and I beg him not to tell our parents, who aren’t home at the time. He promises not to… until we’re driving home from a relative’s house the next day, of course.)

Youngest Brother: “Mom, she swore yesterday.”

Me: “It just slipped out and—”

Mom: “It’s okay. [Youngest Brother], we all know how responsible your sister is, right?” *to me* “You’re getting older, and I understand you might use those kinds of words when you’re angry or joking around. As long as it’s not someplace inappropriate, or in front of certain people, okay?”

Me: *immensely relieved* “Of course.”

(We drive in silence for a minute or two, with me having completely forgotten about the hair-pulling that led to the incident.)

Mom: *with a bit of a laugh* “I don’t think your father will believe it, though. What did you say?”

Youngest Brother: *before I can reply* “The F-word!”

(We all jerk forward slightly as my mother hits the breaks in shock.)

Mom: “I’ll admit, that wasn’t the one I expected to be your first.”

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I Could Go Agamemnon And On

| Singapore | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I have been telling my family that I did not want kids – ever. My mum keeps trying to change my mind by telling how wonderful children are. Finally, I get fed up, and try a new tactic.)

Mum: “Children are the biggest blessing from God.”

Me: “Yeah, so I want two sons. I’ve even picked out names for them.”

Mum: “Wonderful! What will you name them?”

Me: “Melchizedek and Nebuchadnezzar.”

Mum: “What?!”

Brother: *laughing* “By the time they write their names on the exam paper, the exam will be over!”

Me: “What? They’re biblical, majestic names! Names of kings in the Bible!”

Mum: “If that’s what you’re going to call your poor children, you better not have any.”

(And that’s the last I’ve heard from my mum about having kids.)