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Before The Internet Came A Calling

| Pawtucket, RI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Teenagers

(My newly licensed 18-year-old son keeps mentioning the possibility of renting a car rather than taking the bus home from or back to school.)

Mama: “Do car rental places even rent to 18 year olds? When I was 20 or 21 I remember calling around to every car rental place in town just to find one that would rent to anyone under 25!”

Son: “Why were you calling?!”

(He knows I hate cold-calling, and will always choose checking a company’s website over calling them.)

Mama: “Kid, you really have no idea how much the world has changed just in your lifetime, do you? Twenty years ago, the Internet was still in it’s infancy, and no businesses were even online! Calling or walking in was the only way to get that info, and I didn’t have a car, so walking in everywhere would have taken all day!”

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This Goes Batman Beyond Shipping

| NC, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am very active in the DC fandom and have researched various continuities heavily though I have spotty reading of the comics themselves; I’m also a big fan of fanfiction. My mom is none of those things though I have explained the concept of “shipping.” In the car, one day I’m telling her about the “The Batman” cartoon.)

Me: “So the video I found shows some of the best interactions between Dick/Robin and Barbara/Batgirl. Now it’s not shipping-related…”

Mom: “Robin and Batgirl?! No way; it’s Batman and Batgirl!”

(Pause.)

Me: “Well, you called the plot twist about their relationship in ‘Batman Beyond’ and you’ve never seen it.”

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The Birds And The Bees Do It Differently These Days

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am about 10 years old and my dad decides to have the talk with me. I’m a girl.)

Dad: “Do you want your mom or me to tell you?”

Me: “You!”

Dad: “Okay, um. Sex is when the male—“

Me: *chuckles* “I already know, Dad. I learned in school, like, in the third grade.”

Dad: “Oh, really? Well, tell me, then.”

Me: “Sex is when the guy’s, you know, Thing, goes out and the guy squirts his, you know, guy things, at the woman, so they fly in her vagina. Kind of like a squirt gun.”

(My mom immediately begins laughing and leaves.)

Dad: “No… that’s not what happens.”

Me: “Really? What does happen?”

Dad: “Um.”

(At this point, Dad is looking regretful that he didn’t say, yes, that’s what happens.)

Dad: “W-well, the guy’s, it’s called a penis, goes INTO the vagina. It doesn’t–”

Me: *gasp* “Omigod, really?! Ew! Is that what you did to Mom?! HOW COULD YOU!”

(I sat there, disgusted and traumatized, while a red faced Dad goes to find Mom. I really did think it was like that!)

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Class-ic Dad Joke

| Corvallis, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(This happened while I was in college, with a rather erratic schedule. I have an errand I need to do.)

Me: “I’ll do it on Thursday; I don’t have any class then.”

Dad: “You don’t have any class anyway.”

Me: *blink blink*

Dad: *grinning* “Oh! You mean classes!”

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I Find Your Lack Of Parenting Skills… Disturbing

| USA | Children, Popular, Siblings

(My sister has four kids, one with autism and all very energetic and wild, so visits tend to be chaotic. While my sister is usually good about keeping the kids away from breakables, things occasionally do end up destroyed, so I try to pack up the more valuable/fragile items before visits. So it’s a shock when I come home from work to find my nephew with one of my expensive Star Wars books in his hands, eating as he reads.)

Me: “Um… where did he get that book?”

Sister: “Oh, he wanted to look at it so I got it off the bookshelf. It’s not a problem, is it?”

Me: “That book is expensive, AND it’s been signed by three of the Star Wars actors. Can’t he look at a different book?”

Sister: “What’s the problem? I’m right here with him. He can’t hurt it.”

Me: “He’s eating ramen noodles while he reads!”

Sister: “It’s okay, I’m right here. Nothing will happen!”

(Nobody seemed to understand why I was upset that of all the kid-friendly Star Wars books I had available for him, my sister chose the expensive and — thanks to the autographs — irreplaceable one to give him. As soon as he was done with it I ended up hiding it, and it’s probably going to stay packed up whenever they visit from now on.)