The Sound Of The Trumpet Spider

| WV, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(My mother is afraid of spiders, so when one came rappelling down in front of her laptop, she said she was going to kill it unless someone took it outside. I volunteered. When I came back in, the instant I latched the door one of our computers made a “quest completed” sort of noise.)

Me: “Did I just unlock an achievement by taking a spider outside?”


Insuring No Insulin

| Madison, WI, USA | Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals

When I first started working, my boss had a four-year-old son. Fast forward 20 years, and her son is now working for the same company, although still living with her.

They have a couple of cats, one of whom is diabetic and requires daily shots of Insulin. She would prepare the shots, and whoever got home first in the evening would inject the Insulin. The other would know the job was done by the absence of a filled syringe on the counter.

One day, she decided to clean behind the various canisters on the cupboard. She found a hidden stash of filled syringes. Apparently, the cat had figured out that the absence of a syringe meant no shot, so she was hiding them.


300 In 1 Chance

| NJ, USA | Siblings

(My family’s GPS broke while we are looking for a mall, so we are lost somewhere in New Jersey, while the mall is in Pennsylvania. We decide to park somewhere and go around to ask for directions.)

Me: “Where’s the mall? I’m tired of waiting to get directions.”

Sister: “Calm down; just be patient. How about this? Just randomly say the first thing that’s all you can think of.”

Me: *thinks for less than a second and yells out* “THIS IS SPARTA!”

(Everyone on the streets burst into laughter.)

Me: “Why is everyone laughing?”

(Various people point to a sign that says what city we’re in. It says: “Sparta, New Jersey”)

Everyone On The Streets: *while still laughing* “THIS IS SPARTA!”

(Eventually, we got to the mall, two hours before closing time.)


Murica! The Lullaby

| CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(It is July 4th, and we are celebrating Independence Day. I am sitting in the front yard with my two-year-old on my lap, watching fireworks while my husband sets them off. My daughter is a little nervous about the loud noises.)

Husband: “You should sing her a fireworks song.”

Me: “What’s a ‘fireworks song’? I don’t know any.”

Husband: “You know, America songs.”

Me: *after a brief pause, singing softly to my daughter* “Baby, you’re a firework…”

Husband: “Wait, are you singing Katy Perry?”


Giving It A Bad Name

| Québec, QC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

(This story takes place when I was around five or six. It’s the holiday and we’re visiting my grandparents. My father is the seventh kid of eight, so they all have names familiar in their generation but not in mine.)

Me: “Hey, Dad?”

Father: “Yes, Son?”

Me: “When am I going to change my name?”

Father: *confused* “What do you mean, change your name?”

Me: “At what age do kids change their name?”

Father: *even more confused* “They don’t change their names; what makes you think that?”

Me: “Well, I have a kid’s name; I’ll probably change to an adult name like yours when I grow up.”

Father: “No, you won’t. You’ll always have that name.”

Me: *finally starting to understand* “YOU MEAN YOU’VE ALWAYS HAVE THAT NAME? AN OLD NAME? A KID WITH AN OLD NAME?!”

Father: “…”

Me: *lost in thoughts* “Wow… must’ve been weird.”