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Happy (Hunting ) Holidays

| NH, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(It’s Thanksgiving and my family has gone for a walk after dinner. We hear gunshots from a nearby forest, a popular hunting place. This is the exchange that follows:)

Mom: “Why would someone go hunting on Thanksgiving?”

Brother: “Someone who’s upset they didn’t shoot their own turkey.”

Mom: “Or their own relatives.”

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An Upstanding Lesson

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My mom thought it was a good idea to take me to a mother/daughter sex ed. class given at the children’s hospital. I came home to say:)

Me: *yells to dad* “Dad! I know all about your erections!”

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Thankful But Regretful

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(It’s a few hours after Thanksgiving dinner, so naturally everyone overate. We’re sitting in the living room. I get up to get a leftover piece of fudge from the kitchen.)

Dad: *hears Tupperware container being opened* “What are you having?”

Me: “Regrets.”

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Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dusty

| NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, LGTBQ

(My husband’s uncle and his male partner were together for 35 years until his partner died of a heart attack. He was devastated, and it took him a long time before he was even close to his formerly funny, irreverent self. We were visiting about a year after his partner died. Uncle was always a notoriously bad housekeeper.)

Uncle: “Sorry about the mess.”

Me: “It’s not that bad.”

Uncle: “You should have been here yesterday. I moved [Partner]’s ashes around five times. Then I finally had to say ‘Sorry, dear, but you’re going to have to go back in the closet!'”

(We all had a very cathartic laugh, and I am sure our other uncle would have joined in.)

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Wouldn’t Really Consider That Essential Oils

| Omaha, NE, USA | Children, Overheard

(This was a strange thing I overheard at a gas station on the way home…)

Kid: “Dad, Dad, Dad, gimme the gas pump, please, please!”

Dad: “[Kid], get back in the car.”

Kid: “Daaad, please give me the pump. I don’t want to taste it! I only want to smell it!”