A Different Kind Of Baby Blues

| USA | Siblings

(We are driving down the highway while listening to the radio. A song comes on about a guy who is trying to find his ‘baby,’ or girl, again. During it, my sister says this little gem.)

Sister: “Did he look in the crib?”

This Dog Has Gone To The Dogs

| OK, USA | Parents & Guardians

(Our dog blatantly misbehaves and appears to immediately regret it when we try to correct him. For example, he’ll jump up on someone and the second we start to correct him, he hits the ground and does every submission signal dogs know. He’s causing chaos in the kitchen while my dad’s trying to cook. I hear the dog slam to the ground again.)

Dad: “I have no advice for you except to stop.”

If The Shoe Fits

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(One day I hear a very loud clunking noise from the washing machine.)

Me: “Mom, why is the machine making that loud noise?”

Mom: “I put my shoes, your brother’s shoes, and your father’s shoes in there.”

Me: “What? Why? Our washing machine is not the best. It’s going to break.”

Mom: “Washing machines are made to not break!”

(She does it a few times more, and guess what: it breaks down.)

Me: “See?!”

Mom: “It has nothing to do with the shoes! It’s just old!”

(Since she doesn’t have money, she asks me to buy her a new one. I agree as long as she doesn’t put anything but clothes in there. Six months later, it breaks again.)

Me: “Mom, did you put shoes in there?!” *she looks guilty* “Mom!”

Mom: “It doesn’t break!”

Not So Knowing

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are at a concert for one of our favorite artists. As the artist is a little off the mainstream, the venue only seats about 50, which we think is fantastic. After the artist plays a song from his new album, a woman stands up.)

Woman: “Hey, [Artist]! Can you play that song about how music changes you? The song called — oh, I can’t think about it. It’s song number seven on [Album].”

(I happen to own that album, and I have a head for that sort of thing, so I quickly mentally count through the tracks in order until I figure out which one is the seventh track, and I shout out the name.)

Me:I Know! I Know!”

Dad: “Don’t just say you know! Tell him the name of the song!”

(My dad jokes around a lot, so I assume he’s kidding. A few of the patrons around me have caught on, and while one or two follow my lead, some of the others decide they don’t want to hear that song and start shouting other requests until the artist starts playing something.)

Dad: *quietly, under the song* “Why didn’t you tell him the name of that song?”

Me: “Wait, what? I thought you were kidding.”

Dad: “Why would you think that?”

Me: “The name of the song is ‘I Know.'”

Dad: “Oh!”

The Unknown I.T. Crowd

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Siblings

(I do IT support, so answering IT questions is just second nature. We get a phone call at the house, and I’m not really paying attention. I answer all the questions and hang up.)

Sister: “Who was it?”

Me: “I think it was [Cousin].”

Sister: “You THINK it was [Cousin], but you may have just given computer support to a complete stranger?”

(She then texts our cousin… It wasn’t her! I still don’t know whose computer I fixed.)