…and ‘Young Adult,’ ‘True Grit,’ ‘Law & Order,’ ‘Up In The Air,’ ‘Rendition…’

| Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

(My mother and I are discussing a movie she liked.)

Mom: “…and the man who played the teacher? It was his first role in a movie, and he did so well he got a BAFTA and an Oscar! He was really good!”

Me: “But wait, Mom, that was J.K.Simmons! He’s been in tons of things before! I’ve seen him everywhere!”

Mom: “Well, maybe, but no major movie!”

Me: “He was in all the Spidermans! Plus Juno and tons of TV shows!”

Mom: “Well, then, it was his break-through performance!”

That Is Inadvisable

| Newburgh, IN, USA | Siblings

(I have to write an advice column for my school newspaper, and since we don’t get requests we have to make stuff up.)

Me: “I don’t know what to write my advice column on!”

Brother: “Write about a guy who has a cup, and when he cries in it, it makes pearls.”

Me: “[Brother], this is an ADVICE COLUMN.”

A Powerful Lesson

| Louisville, KY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(Our stove isn’t working, so my father is trying to fix it.)

Mother: “Don’t forget to turn off the electricity!”

Father: “Mm.”

(A few minutes later there’s a loud bang and I come running out of the kitchen.)

Me: “Mommy! Mommy! Daddy can fly!”

(Turned out my father hadn’t turned off the electricity to the stove, touched a live wire with his screwdriver, and got launched across the kitchen. The sad part? He’s an engineer.)

In A Manner Of Speaking

| Wellington, New Zealand | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I am reading a book on manners to my two-year-old daughter.)

Me: “‘Bert would like a drink. What should he say?'”

Daughter: “Please”.

Me: “‘Oh, my goodness, Ernie just burped! What should he say?'”

Daughter: “Did you hear that one?!”

Isn’t Quite Living Over The Rainbow Yet

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I am at my parent’s house, when my mom shows me a rainbow afghan she has made for my cousin’s, her favorite nephew’s, new home. My sister and I are VERY proud of what we see as her acceptance of his coming out and finally introducing us all to his boyfriend. We have always all been a little protective of [Cousin] as he is a very sweet and shy man.)

Me: “You made that for [Cousin]’s new house? That is so cool!”

Mom: “Yes, isn’t it pretty? I thought, with all these colors, it could go with almost anything!”

Me: *exchanging a look with Sister* “Mom? You know that the rainbow is the symbol for Gay Pride right?”

Mom: “No, it’s not. [Cousin] just likes rainbows.”

Me: *trying not to laugh out loud* “Um, no, it’s Gay Pride. He’s living with his boyfriend.”

Mom: “Well, that’s not what I was making.” *leaves the room*

Me: *to Sister* “And I was ALMOST so proud of her.”

Sister: Think we need to warn [Cousin] what she is making for him?

Me: “Naw, I say let her be accidentally accepting in this case. She won’t ever bring it up with him anyway, and he’s too shy to bring it up himself.”

(He loved it and sent a pic of him and his boyfriend under it on the couch with big grins. Mom said it was sweet of him to share his blanket with his friend like that.)