Climbing The Stairs Of Unreason

| CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad is a bit overprotective, and he has come with me to look at apartments. He has been trying everything he can to keep me from moving out.)

Rental Agent: “So, this apartment is about 800 square feet: one bed, one bath, with a balcony.”

Dad: “Wait, it’s on the second floor?”

Me: “I prefer to be on the second floor, actually.”

Rental Agent: “Yes, it’s nice not to have anyone above you. Plus you have vaulted ceilings.”

Dad: “But all those stairs!”

Me: “Dad, stairs are good! Great workout.”

Dad: “But… what if you meet a guy, and he takes you skiing, and you break your leg?!”

(The rental agent and I were both speechless. For the record, I’ve never skied, nor have I ever expressed a desire to do so!)

Has Ex-perience In Learning

| ON, Canada | Siblings

(My sister is looking for a job and is currently filling out one of those online personality profiles for an application.)

Sister: “Would you say I’m a fast learner?”

Me: “How many times did you date [ex-boyfriend]?”

A Paper Trail To The Future

| AZ, USA | Siblings

Me: “It’s 2015! Why the f*** are we still using paper?!”

Mom: “I’ve been hearing that for thirty years.”

Swimming In The Past

| Santa Clara, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(While at the local amusement park, my sons and I decided to go to the water slide area. This happens after getting changed into our bathing suits and renting a locker to store our things.)

Me: “Don’t forget, we have locker 1886.”

Son: “Right. The year you were born.”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Son: “1886. The year you were born.”

Me: “How old do you think I am?!”

Son: “Oh, right, the year Grandma was born.”

Me: “I am so telling your grandmother.”

Fought With The Dragon

| USA | Siblings

(I’m sitting by the window, and my brother is outside on the trampoline. Suddenly, he starts screaming, and I look up to see him running in circles. When he comes in a minute later…)

Me: “Am I right in guessing there was a bee on the trampoline?”

Brother: “Dragonfly.”

Me: “Dragonflies don’t sting.”

Brother: “Yeah, they do.”

Me: “No, they don’t.”

Brother: “It was chasing me.”

Me: “…”