The Lizard Is Not A-Mew-sed

| Houston, TX, USA | Sons & Daughters

(My one-year-old daughter and I are home alone. I’m in the kitchen, fixing lunch, when I hear my daughter calling out from the doorway:)

Daughter: “Kitty! Kitty!”

Me: “The kitties are outside, sweetheart.”

Daughter: “Kitty!”

(I walk over to see what she’s talking about. She’s smiling proudly and clutching a very disgruntled looking lizard in her hands.)

Daughter: “Kitty!”

Me: *giving up* “Yes, [Daughter], kitty. Now, let’s go put the kitty outside, okay?”

Smoked Through A Second Opinion

| AB, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

(My aunt has smoked all her life. Some years back she was getting winded climbing stairs so she went to see her doctor. When she next saw my mother, her sister:)

Mother: “So, what did the doctor say?”

Aunt: “He told me I’m getting emphysema and if I don’t stop smoking I’ll be lugging around an oxygen tank within two years.” *pause* “I think I need a new doctor.”

(Sadly, she needed an oxygen tank within six months – and she still sneaks cigarettes.)

Getting Crabby With The Injury

| USA | Siblings

(I’m sitting in the living room, and my little sister is on the other side of the room.)

Sister: “I have a crab on my leg.”

Me: “You have a… crab on your leg?”

Sister: “Yeah.” *she points to the back of her leg* “Right there.”

Me: “A crab?”

Sister: “Yeah.”

Me: “You mean a SCRAPE?”

Sister: “It WAS a scrape.”

Me: *realizes* “Ohhhh. You have a SCAB on your leg.”

Sister: “Yeah, I have a scab.”