The Birds And The Mechanical Bees

| Geneva, Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

(I am six years old and my mom is preparing me for the arrival of my baby brother. She gives me a quick sex-ed lesson about where babies come from and I ask her a question.)

Me: “Mom.”

Mom: “What?”

Me: “Have you ever had sex before?”

Mom: *sarcastically* “No, you’re actually a robot.”

(I didn’t catch the sarcasm and believed that my 36-year old-mother had never had sex before her pregnancy and that I was a robot for two days before she corrected me.)


O Holy Special Features And Director’s Commentary

| ON, Canada | Nephews & Nieces

(My family, including me, are Christians. My niece has just found two DVDs, Sesame Street and Barney.)

Niece: “Everyday GOD gives me new DVDs every day.”


Only Achieved Half The Feat

| MI, USA | Parents & Guardians

(After a recent surgery, my father is unable to continue on a home repair project, so he asks me to finish up the trim in the dining room so the furniture can get moved back into place. My mother says she would go out the night before to get the supplies I’d need. The next day…)

Mom: “I got the trim pieces Dad said you’d need. They’re in the basement by the saw.”

Me: “Thanks!” *I go to check out the supplies*

Me: “Um, Mom? These are a lot shorter than the walls. Didn’t Dad say to get 16’ pieces?”

Mom: “Those are 16’ pieces. But I couldn’t get them in the van, so I broke them in half to make them fit.”


Your Brother Has Found Your Calling

| Copenhagen, Denmark | Siblings

(My brother rarely ever has his phone on, so most of our family members call me if they need to get a hold of him, sometimes without even trying his phone first.)

Me: “Someone just called with a survey and asked for you. Even people who don’t know us call me to get to you!”

Brother: *derisive laughter*


Brother From Another

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(One grandson is talking about a friend’s brothers.)

Younger Grandson: “Brothers are stupid.”

Me: *grinning and turning around to say* “You know you’re a brother; right?”