In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 9

| Cornelius, OR, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Popular

(While my oldest niece, who is 18 years old, and I were out painting we were talking about vampires and Twilight.)

Niece: “I LOVE Twilight!”

Me: “It was okay. There were some parts I really liked. Like the eye color changing depending on what you fed on and the wolves. But other than that it kind of gave me a headache. Now if you want some good vampires you have to learn about the REAL ones!”

Niece: “What?” *looks at me like I’m insane*

Me: *rolls my eyes* “No I don’t mean real live vampires. I’m talking about the ones that started it all. Dracula. Interview with the Vampire. You know what? We’re watching the movie and you’ll see.”

(So after painting we return home and I put the movie on for her, warning her about the nudity scenes so she wouldn’t be too embarrassed. When it ends I turn to her.)

Me: “Well? What’d you think?”

Niece: “Wow… I can see why you were so pissed about the vampires in Twilight! This actually makes more sense.”

(And she wasn’t being sarcastic. Ever since then she’s not been able to watch the movies or read the books. Next up is to get her to read Dracula!)

In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 8
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 7
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 6

Already Have What God Is Selling

| London, England, UK | Cousins, Popular

(My immediate family have recently moved house, along with my cousin who is currently living with us and from a fairly strict Jehovah’s Witness family. The doorbell rings and I answer to find two middle aged women at the door.)

Lady #1: “Hello, Jehovah’s Witnesses here. Would you like to talk about—”

Me: “No, thanks, we’ve already got one.”

Lady #1: *looking confused* “Umm. We’re not selling anything; we’re talking about God. We’re Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

Me: “Yeah, I know. We’ve already got one.”

(I then explained that my cousin was already the same religion but hadn’t joined up with the local Kingdom Hall yet.)

Not Asking For The Moon

| USA | Popular, Siblings

(My brother and I are idly chatting after he gets off work.)

Me: “So, I just realized that the Great Britain flag is just the English, Scottish, and Irish flags right on top of each other.”

Brother: “Yeah, I know.”

Me: “Does it work with anywhere else? Like the US?”

Brother: “You can’t really put the American flag on anything.”

Me: *not missing a beat* “The moon.”

Should Have Given That Food Some Thought

UT, USA | Sons & Daughters

(I’m grocery shopping with my two-year-old son. I’m buying more food than I usually would because of an upcoming family party, and to restock our emergency food supply. My son is sitting in the shopping cart, eating fruit snacks. It’s important to know that he’ll agree with people sometimes even if he doesn’t know what they’re talking about.)

Me: *jokingly* “[Son], you need to stop eating so much food.”

Son: *looking concerned* “Yeah.”

That Diet Went Pop

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m having lunch with my mom. She’s had to cut a lot of foods like dairy and wheat from what she eats because of health problems and allergies. I have completely different health problems from her, including a medication that makes me constantly crave sugary drinks.)

Mom: “You need to cut down on the processed sugar! No soda, no chocolate, no [Coffee Chain], just for a couple weeks. Trust me, you’ll feel better!”

Me: “I know. I’ve been trying, but it just seems to make the cravings stronger.”

(We continue discussing ways to eat healthier, until her lunch break is over and she has to head back to work.)

Mom: “Oh, by the way, [Coworker] gave me a big bag of [candy] and you know I can’t eat any.”

(And that’s how I ended up with a 2-lb bag of lollipops.)

Should Hammer Home That Definition

| Easton, PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Popular

(My cousin is four going on five years old. My uncle is putting something together.)

Uncle: “[Cousin], can you hand me that hammer?”

Cousin: “What’s a hammer?”

Uncle: “How do you not know what a hammer is?”

Me: “[Cousin], he wants you to hand him the Bang-Bang Stick.”

Cousin: “Oh!” *walks over and grabs the hammer off the table*