Knows Absolutely Airforce Zero

| Skogn, Norway | Parents & Guardians

(We are about to watch the movie ‘Air Force One’ and the narrator on the TV channel introduces it. My mom manages to say this gem:)

Mom: “Oh, I think I’ve seen Air Force One before. Is this Air Force Two?”

Me: “Uhm… no, there is only one movie called Air Force One. There is no Air Force Two.”

Mom: “Oh, well, I don’t know about these things… Then I have seen it before.”

(We watched the movie anyway.)

They Suck Up Knowledge

| OR, USA | Siblings

(Much to my chagrin, I am responsible for my sister’s first words aside from the typical ‘mama’ and ‘dada,’ and also her first sentence. She is two years (she is also autistic, so her speech was delayed) and I, as the older sibling, naturally find certain tendencies of my younger sister annoying.)

Me: *as I am walking away from my sister* “[Sister], you suck!”

Sister: *saying it badly, but still understandably* “You suck!”

Me: *pales as I turn around and look at her with a mixture of shock and confusion* “What?”

Sister: *blinks, then says it again*

Me: “Oh, no…”

Sister: “You suck! You suck! You suck!” *she giggles and runs off, repeating her new favorite sound*

Me: “[Sister], don’t say that! Ah, crap.”

(My parents were amused, and she quickly moved on to newer words as she discovered how different sounds got different reactions. Nevertheless, lesson learned. Never underestimate how impressionable young children are!)

Skirting Around The Gender Issue

| Houston TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am three years old and at the mall with my mom. At one point we both have to go to use the restroom. I am a boy but due to my age my mother takes me into the women’s room with her.)

Me: “We’re in the wrong room.”

Mom: “You’re not old enough to go by yourself so you have to use the same restroom as me.”

Me: “You’re in the wrong room, too.”

Mom: “No, we’re in the right restroom.”

Me: “You’re wearing pants but this is the skirt room.”

(My mom laughed and explained that the signs on the doors meant “men” and “women” and not “pants” and “skirts” like I thought. We still laugh about it to this day.)

Living A Very Sheltered Life

| Edmonton, AB, USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(Our next-door neighbour has been babysitting our four-year-old son while we’re at work. She has been recently looking for a new kitten. She brings Son over when I get home:)

Son: “Mom! Guess what? [Babysitter] took me to [Animal Shelter] today!”

Me: *to babysitter* “Well, I could have told you they wouldn’t keep him.”

Some People Should Be Locked Out Of The Internet

| Romania | Grandparents

(My grandmother has some trouble with computers. We are visiting her and she asks for help.)

Grandmother: “They locked my Internet!”

Me: “It doesn’t work?”

Grandmother: “There’s a lock in that code bar!”

(She was on Google and saw the ‘secure connection’ icon, which is a lock.)

Switch To Yahoo! Or Else

| Romania | Grandparents

(We are visiting my grandmother who has problems with her Internet.)

Grandmother: “The Internet sent me an ultimatum!”

Me: “How?”

Grandmother: “This email! It has a giant ‘ULTIMATUM’!”

(Yahoo! sent her a message asking her to upgrade to the new Yahoo! mail and the message contained the word ‘ULTIMATE’ in big fonts.)