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Grammatically Incorrect

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Children, Cousins

(I am playing a game of catch with my five-year-old cousin. She gets frustrated with me because she keeps dropping the ball.:)

Cousin: *yelling and pretty mad* YOU’RE AN APOSTROPHE!”

Me: *now confused* “An apostrophe?”

Cousin: *falling to the ground laughing* “YEAH! YOU’RE AN APOSTROPHE!”

(She manages calm down for the time being. Later…)

Cousin: “What’s an apostrophe?”

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Ho-Down! Ho-Down!

| Madison, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

(It’s my mom’s birthday and we are all sitting around talking.)

Me: *to my dad* “What did you get mom?”

Dad: “A hoe. By the way I want to see you use that hoe before we go on vacation tomorrow.”

Mom: “It’s my birthday! I’m not going out now to hoe!”

Me: “A hoe? That is an interesting choice of present.”

Mom: “I had to open it quick before she suffocated.”

(Crickets.)

Mom: “Okay, that was bad.”

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There Will Be Blood Relative

| Fullerton, CA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(My five-year-old usually crawls into our bed in the middle of the night.)

Daughter: “Are J and G my uncles like their mommy and daddy?”

Me: “No, their mommy and daddy are your aunt and uncle so they are your cousins.”

Daughter: “Yay! They have the same blood as me! It’s always good to have a ton of extra just in case!”

Me: “…”