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A Far-Sight For Sore Eyes

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians

(I am trying to figure out how to prepare my food, as I am not very experienced in cooking, when my mum takes the outer packaging from me to read its instructions. However, she doesn’t have her glasses on and is struggling to read it. Note: all three of us wear glasses, but mine are only for distance while my parents’ are for reading.)

Dad: *to my mum* “Let [My Name] read it. She has her glasses on.”

Me: “Even if I didn’t, I’d still be able to read it, unless it was over there.” *takes glasses off and points to the other side of the room where my dad is*

Me: “For example, I can’t see your face clearly.” *jokingly* “That’s an improvement!”

Dad: *looks jokingly wounded in response*

Me: *puts glasses back on* “Oh, no!” *covers eyes in mock horror*

(Dad’s phone then flashes as he receives a message. Note: his phone is in his shirt pocket.)

Dad: *in mock sadness* “That’s my broken heart notification…”

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Used The Double F-Word

| IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My dad is a very mild mannered man. In 28 years I’ve never heard him say anything I would consider a swear word. I’m visiting my parents and helping my dad fix the kitchen sink. He knocks over a bucket and spills water all over the floor.)

Dad: “Oh fiddle farther!”

Me: “…”

Dad: “Pardon my French.”

(Yes, he was serious about apologizing for his language.)

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Mom Finds New Ways To Drive You Crazy

| PA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom doesn’t like driving, and tries to avoid busy roads by using convoluted, long-way-around ‘shortcuts’ that take three times as long to get where she’s going. We’re at the intersection of a side street and the highway that leads into my town. I think she’ll turn onto the highway, but she goes straight across instead. I think she’s going to turn at the next intersection instead, but she goes past it.)

Me: “Where are you going?”

Mom: “Back to the house.”

Me: “But you just passed the highway.”

Mom: “I am NOT driving on that road. I don’t like it, and I won’t drive it.”

Me: “Seriously? It’s a 30-second drive.”

Mom: “I don’t care. I will not drive on that road.”

Me: “So how are you getting back to the house?’

Mom: “I’ll go through [Neighboring Town].”

Me: “Are you kidding?! You know how long that will take!”

Mom: “That’s the way I’m going.”

(I should note my mom has recently retired.)

Me: “It must be nice to have that kind of time.”

(She drove TEN minutes out of her way to avoid thirty seconds on a road she doesn’t like. I’d drive myself, except she’s a worse passenger than she is a driver!)