Awakening To The Fact That Grandma Is Crazy

| Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents, Popular

(It’s two am and like most sane people, I’m asleep. I am awoken when my phone starts ringing and fumble around in the dark to answer it.)

Me: *in a groggy tone* “Hello?”

Grandmother: *accusingly* “Why are you still awake?!”

(I still have no idea why she called me.)


The Math Is Mightier Than The Sword

| USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(A man and his son, who is about five, come through my line and purchase toy swords for the son. The swords are five dollars.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer’s Son: “Dad, what’s five plus five.”

Customer: “Count it yourself.”

Customer’s Son: “I can’t, Dad; my hands are filled with swords.”


Salt And Peppered With Puns

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Popular, Siblings

(My sister and I are discussing a headlining news story about a 16-year-old employee at a popular fast food chain who had been attacked by a customer after she forgot to give the customer salt for her fries.)

Sister: “It was just the girl’s second week! The lady was in the drive-thru and actually came into [Fast Food Chain], grabbed the girl, and started shaking her and slapping her. Luckily it was all caught on the security cameras, and the police caught her straight away. All of this, just over some seasoning packets for chips!”

Me: “I guess you could say she was charged with… as-salt.” *laughs hysterically*

Sister: “…How are we related?”