Was Always Going To Be Doctor Strange

| CT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I am in my mid-20s, and have been an anime, manga, gaming, and superhero fan since I was a kid. My parents go to a funeral for the father of a college friend of theirs, while I have to stay home and work. My dad speaks to me when he and Mom come home.)

Dad: “You’re normal.”

Me: “Huh?”

Dad: “You’re actually normal.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Dad: “After [Friend’s Father]’s funeral I was listening to [Friend’s nieces and nephews around my age] talk about [Recent Superhero movies] and video games. That’s normal for you guys. You’re actually normal.” *he continues to repeat this in a surprised tone as he starts to walk away*

Me: *rather stunned in response to his revelation* “But I like being weird.”

(I’m still not sure whether to be complimented or offended at his surprise that I am rather normal for my age group. Plus, I like being weird. It’s fun!)

No True Artist Like A Dead Artist

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Siblings

(I’m explaining to my brother about my new resume, in which I’ve recently added graphic artist credits to my usual writer’s credits. My brother’s been skeptical about the addition, especially considering I haven’t yet made money from my art.)

Brother: “So, you need to write a couple big novels, and then fake your death…”

Where You Store Your Diet Coke And Mentos

| Milton, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m home a majority of the day because I do all my schoolwork online. I’m in the kitchen when I hear an odd clicking noise.)

Me: “Hey, Mom, do you hear that?”

Mom: “Oh, that’s just the fridge. It turned into a bomb.”

Me: “…”

Mind Reading Means You’re Screwed

| USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(My son, husband, and I are sitting on our couch, talking. My son has recently watched an anime about mind reading.)

Son: “Hey, dad, I can read your mind.”

Husband: “Not true. Mind reading is not real. I’ll give you 15 dollars if you can tell me what I’m thinking.”

Son: *looks like he is thinking hard* “You’re thinking about screwing mom!”

(I sit there speechless as my husband’s face looks surprised.)

Husband: “How did you… That’s what I was thinking!”

Freudian Slip On The Beer

| NH, USA | Cousins, Popular

(My cousin and I are having a girls’ day, and talking about the gift she wants to get for her fiancé for his birthday when they go on vacation. Her family is all about sports and beer while I hate sports and would drink wine over beer any day.)

Cousin: “He likes wine so I think maybe I’ll get him a bottle of wine as a birthday present while we’re away. What kind do you think he’ll like?”

Me: “That’s nice. Does he like red or white?”

Cousin: “I don’t know. Maybe I should get him beer instead.”

Me: “Well, wine would be more romantic. But if he’s going to bro out in front of the TV and watch sports maybe you should get him beer.”

Cousin: “Really, you’ve met the guy; I’m more likely to bro out with a beer than he is.”

Me: “You know how they say you marry someone who reminds you of your dad? Yeah, you’re not doing that. You’re marrying someone like me.”

Cousin: “Maybe that’s why the two of you don’t get along. You hate him because you think I’m replacing you.”

Me: “Freud would have a field day with us.”