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You’re Peeing Unreasonable

| MA, USA | Sons & Daughters

(My son is driving and I am the passenger.)

Me: “If we see a place to pee, let’s stop.”

Son: “Why?”

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I Like Big Butts And I Just Took Truth Potion

| USA | Siblings

(I’m eating dinner with my family and I’m talking to my little sister about Harry Potter, which she has just started.)

Me: “You know the fifth book is the longest one?”

Sister: “That’s okay. I like big—”

(Across the table, my brother jumps in without missing a beat.)

Brother: “I like big butts and I can not lie! All you other brothers can’t deny!”

Sister: “Big books…”

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God’s PUN-ishment

| VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Popular, Punny

(My mum, her boyfriend, my brother, and I are coming home from a road trip. While we’re stopped at traffic lights, we see a nun walking down the street wearing Crocs. I’m known for making a lot of (absolutely horrible) puns.)

Mum: “Why would a nun wear crocs? You guys don’t even wear them unless you’re doing something outside that’s water-related.”

Me: “Well, they are quite hole-y.” *starts laughing quietly*

Brother: *groans*

Mum’s Boyfriend: “Oh, my– how do you even do that?”

Mum: “That’s not even worth a groan, that’s so bad.”

(I laughed harder at their responses than i did at my own joke.)

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Must Have Been Navel-gazing Through That Class

| NM, USA | Popular, Spouses & Partners

(My husband is a very smart man, and very upfront if he doesn’t know something. The few times he is wrong there is often an argument since he admits he doesn’t know when he knows he doesn’t know… I was heavily pregnant with our first kid when this happened:)

Husband: “I really hope the midwife is skilled at tying belly buttons. I want my son to have a nice one.”

Me: “What…?”

Husband: “You know, the doctor ties the belly button on after the baby comes out and how good of a job they do depends on whether or not you get an innie or an outie. Everyone knows that.”

Me: “Um…. No.”

(Cue argument, explanations, and Google. It was the cutest thing I had ever heard. I still laugh about it.)

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Very Strange Del-ivery

| Australia | In-Laws, Siblings

(My laptop is currently playing up so I have opened it up and pulled the SSD to clone it. I’m reinstalling the SSD as my 10-year-old brother-in-law watches. The laptop is a Dell.)

Brother-In-Law: “It’s a very del-icate operation.”

Me: *hearing the emphasis on “delicate”* “Was that a pun?!”

Brother-In-Law: *confused* “No?”