Well At Least It Was Lactose Free

| Canada | Parents & Guardians

(In grade eight, my class made a bunch of putties and things in science class. One of them was made with Borax, so I bought a box and attempted to make it at home. It didn’t work, so I bring the cup I made it in downstairs to wash. I stop in the bathroom on my way, putting the cup on the dining room table. When I come out…)

Step-Mom: “I think that milk has gone bad… It didn’t taste right.”

Me: “Milk?”

Step-Mom: *holds up the cup*

Me: “OH, MY GOD, you didn’t drink that, did you?!”

Step-Mom: “Why… what was in it?”

Me: “Borax and a bunch of other chemicals!”

(Luckily she was fine! I don’t know what possessed her to drink a random beverage she found.)

Putting The ‘I’ Into ‘I Want It Now!’

| Canada | Parents & Guardians

(I’m about seven years old. My mom and I are at my uncle’s cabin, and we see that, across the lake, there’s a hill that’s been cut away, so the slope is exposed sand. We decide to write a message on it, by walking in lines to create the letters.)

Me: *stomping in a circle*

Mom: “What’re you doing?”

Me: “I’m dotting the ‘I’!”

Mom: *laughing* “Oh! I thought you were having the first tantrum in your life!”

Not Just A Game Anymore

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(The top video game console is the PS2, and I am 14. I’m waiting for a turn on the Playstation, which my younger sister had been hogging for at least three hours at this point. My parents never enforced time limits on how long we could play, but they did enforce the “I call it!” rule, which my sister would invoke long before we even made it home from school, so I spent a lot of my childhood arguing with her over whose turn it was to play.)

Me: “Can I have a turn yet?”

Sister: “No, I’m not done yet!”

Me: “You’ve been playing this game for the last three months! I only got to play [My Game] once since I got it because you won’t share!”

Sister: “I’m not done yet!”

(It’s seven more hours before she finally gets off the PS2. During the course of that seven hours, I’d repeatedly come back and ask her for a turn and remind her that she hasn’t let me play at all the last several days. The entire time my dad is watching silently and doing absolutely nothing about it.)

Sister: “Okay, I’m done now!” *hands me controller*

Me: “Thanks! Finally!”

(I start putting my game in the console.)

Dad: “All right, it’s my turn.”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Are you serious?”

Dad: “Yes. You didn’t call it.” *ignores the fact that neither did he* “Get off.”

(I was absolutely beyond rage at this point, so I reacted by violently shoving the controller across the floor towards him so hard that it tugged the plug from the console, and then stormed upstairs to my room where I refused to come out. My dad acted like he had no idea why I was angry and grounded me from video games for a month. I never got to play my game again because it was mysteriously missing when my grounding was up. My sister, years down the line, told me he gave it away as part of my punishment and she had been too scared that I’d be angry with her to tell me.)

Passing The Buck To Uncle Buck

| California, CA, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(I have two older brothers whom I refer to as ‘Bro1’ and ‘Bro2.’ ‘Bro1’ has a pet bearded dragon named Charizard who’s taking medicine to get rid of pinworms. Somehow ‘Bro1’ got me to help take care of him since he got him. I would be coming home late and since Charizard needs to take the meds each day, I sent a text to both Bros to give him it. When I come home, ‘Bro2’ is home and I asked him if he did what I asked since it’s night and Charizard is asleep.)

Brother #2: “Oh, him? No, I didn’t do anything. I don’t even know how to do it.”

Me: “It’s oral medicine. All you gotta do is get it in his mouth.”

Brother #2: “No, I don’t have anything to do with him. He’s your guys’ pet.”

Me: *I’m a ridiculous person* “But you’re his uncle!”

Brother #2: *walking upstairs* “He’s adopted.”

Me: “You’re still his uncle!”

Sarcastically Sincere About Being Sincerely Sarcastic

| NC, USA | Siblings

(I am known for being very sarcasm-blind while my dad and brother are sarcastic A LOT. This incident happens while we’re out for dinner. My brother made a sarcastic remark I took at face value and the following ensued.)

Me: “I can never tell when you and Dad are being sarcastic, [Brother]. You’re both so good at being sincere.”

Brother: “I’m sincerely sarcastic.”

Me: “This is going up on NotAlwaysRelated.”