Grammatically Incorrect

| Petaluma, CA, USA | Children, Cousins

(I am playing a game of catch with my five-year-old cousin. She gets frustrated with me because she keeps dropping the ball.:)

Cousin: *yelling and pretty mad* YOU’RE AN APOSTROPHE!”

Me: *now confused* “An apostrophe?”

Cousin: *falling to the ground laughing* “YEAH! YOU’RE AN APOSTROPHE!”

(She manages calm down for the time being. Later…)

Cousin: “What’s an apostrophe?”

Ho-Down! Ho-Down!

| Madison, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(It’s my mom’s birthday and we are all sitting around talking.)

Me: *to my dad* “What did you get mom?”

Dad: “A hoe. By the way I want to see you use that hoe before we go on vacation tomorrow.”

Mom: “It’s my birthday! I’m not going out now to hoe!”

Me: “A hoe? That is an interesting choice of present.”

Mom: “I had to open it quick before she suffocated.”


Mom: “Okay, that was bad.”

There Will Be Blood Relative

| Fullerton, CA, USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(My five-year-old usually crawls into our bed in the middle of the night.)

Daughter: “Are J and G my uncles like their mommy and daddy?”

Me: “No, their mommy and daddy are your aunt and uncle so they are your cousins.”

Daughter: “Yay! They have the same blood as me! It’s always good to have a ton of extra just in case!”

Me: “…”

Not Easily Em-bra-rassed, Part 2

| Australia | Parents & Guardians

(I’m visiting my parents for dinner and during a conversation I mention that I prefer to shower before bed.)

Dad: “Don’t you shower in the morning?”

Me: “There’s not much point. I work manual labour, so by the time I finish up I just need another shower anyway. Plus, I hate putting on a bra after a shower.”

Dad: “Oh. Well that makes sense. Your mother doesn’t put on a bra when she goes to bed either. And I like it when she doesn’t put on a br—”

Mum: “Okay, new discussion!”

Not Easily Em-bra-rassed

Home Alone 9: Pantsless in Pennsylvania

| PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(After weeks of pleading, my 14-year-old brother finally convinced my parents to let him stay home alone for a night while they were visiting a friend. I live right next door, so not even five minutes after they pull out of the driveway, I receive a knock on the door and answer it to find my brother.)

Brother: “So I have a question… What is the proper etiquette regarding not wearing pants in the house when you’re home alone?”