The Game Of (Creating) Life

| Canada | Siblings

(When we were kids, my sister and I both claimed that the other one would be a mom and we’d just be an aunt. In our 20s, I’ve had a hysterectomy and I’m married to a woman who also doesn’t want kids, so I’m definitely not reproducing. At her wedding, my sister tells me she’s pregnant.)

Me: “Oh, my god, that’s great! Congratulations! Told you I’d win.”

Me And My Roommouse

| Boston, MA, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My older brother moved out of his apartment a month early, but still had to pay last month’s rent to get his security deposit. I end up moving in for that last month until I can move into my own apartment the next month. One of the first nights, I see a mouse. I’m scared and hoping this happened to my brother and he has some trick to get rid of it.)

Me: *to Brother through text* “There’s a mouse in your apartment!”

(I sit there silently panicking for about ten minutes until he finally send a message.)

Brother: “Did you name it yet?”

(I did end up naming it Mr. Mousey.)

That Same Old (Fashioned) Argument Again

| Norway | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(My name, though popular in some countries, is very unusual and old-fashioned here, and people have a tendency to pronounce and even spell it wrong. My mum is telling me the story of how I got my name. Note: I have two older brothers, who’ve both been born by this point.)

Grandma: *to my mum* “You know, all my daughters say I have such a pretty name, but none of you have had the decency to name your daughter after me!”

Mum: *just trying to calm her* “No need to make a fuss. I’ll name my daughter after you.”

Grandma: *in a huff* “Yeah, you can say that. You’re not having more kids!”

(My parents had settled on having two kids, but lo and behold, Mum got pregnant again. She really didn’t want to name me after Grandma, but being the stubborn woman she was, Grandma did not let it go.)

Mum: “I can’t name a little baby [Name]. It’s so old-fashioned and unusual. It wouldn’t be fair to a little girl.”

Grandma: “Well, you promised. And for your information, that little girl will actually be an adult for most of her life!”

Having New Old Problems

| IA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(We’re driving and there’s a crowded crosswalk. Note: my mom is sixty-one years old.)

Mom: “OH, my god! What is with all these old people!?”

(Mom pauses, her eyes going wide.)

Mom: “I can’t say that any more…”

Me: “…”

Mom: “I AM an old people!”

His Bark Is Healthier Than His Bite

| USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My sister buys a puppy, and shortly after that she has to go abroad on an emergency. She can’t take the dog, so she leaves the dog with us. After a while, she calls back.)

Sister: “So, how’s [Dog]?”

Me: “He’s getting really big now. He can now bark really loud, too. Wanna hear it?”

Sister: “Okay!”

(The dog only barks when I squeak his toy at him, so I get it and squeak away. He barks, but only a little.)

Me: “Did you hear it?”

Sister: “Yeah… What’s wrong with my dog?”

Me: “What do you mean? He’s fine.”

Sister: “He sounds sick!”

Me: “He– Oh! That was the toy, not him. It’s the only way he barks.”

Sister: “OH! A toy! I thought he was sick or something!”

(We laugh.)

Dog: “Woof!”