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Don’t Have A Cow, Mom

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Popular

(My cousin has moved to property in a rural area. Not long after she moves, my grandmother stays with her for a few days. When she gets back she is gushing about the animals my cousin now has.)

Grandmother: “They have horses for each of them; even the little ones are learning to ride. Oh, and they have the cutest little calves. The kids have named them Bill and Ben.”

Dad: “With names like Bill and Ben, they aren’t going to get much in the way of milk out of them.”

Grandmother: “Don’t be silly. They got them for the kids to play with.”

(It’s quite a while before she visits my cousin again. When they get back my Aunt gleefully tells us the story.)

Aunt: “We arrived just before dinnertime and [Cousin] had cooked a beautiful meal for us. Mom was raving about how lovely and tender the meat was, then made the mistake of asking what it was. [Cousin] looked at her plate and said ‘I don’t know. It could be Bill or it could be Ben. I can’t tell the difference any more.’ You should have heard Mom scream and she refused to eat any meat from then on.”

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When You Play With It Something Magical Happens

| BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(I am playing Katy Perry’s song “Dark Horse” for my dad.)

Katy Perry: “So, you want to play with magic…”

Dad: “So, you want to play with my WHAT?”

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Always More Red Tape

| GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I’m driving with my dad, when I notice that a nearby car has the letters “USA” on the back of it, made with what appears to be red painter’s tape.)

Me: “USA! Made of red tape…”

(Pause.)

Me: “That’s very accurate, actually.”

Dad: “Yep.”