My brother-in-law and my sister are born-again Christians of ten years, in a sect that does not condone alcohol or gambling. I have no problem with this ethos, but [Brother-In-Law] loves to shove his religious views down our throats at every family event… and it’s draining.

My parents were brought up in the same religion but are very laid back about the rules. They believe that what they do is their choice alone; everybody else can do their own thing. I’m agnostic.

I play the national lottery (£2 a week), and I like to have a glass of wine with meals out. [Brother-In-Law] comments on this every time we meet. He comments, “It’s a sin.” I say, “Only for you, not for me.”

This year, I won a few thousand in the lottery. I decided to give away some money to my parents and in-laws so they could go on a lovely holiday next year with the grandkids.

[Brother-In-Law] found out about the money and got my sister to call me to ask for their share.

Me: “[Brother-In-Law] has made it very clear that gambling is a sin and any money received is tainted by that sin. I wouldn’t want him to compromise his faith by accepting sinful money.”

My sister laughed and said she would relay the message to [Brother-In-Law].

[Brother-In-Law] is now not speaking to me. Oh, dear, what a shame.

My father’s ancient bar phone finally died; the battery won’t hold a charge. For some reason, he decided to buy a smartphone — without consulting me, the person who is expected to fix all things he deems IT-related.

Dad: “[My Name], can you come give me a hand with my new phone?”

Me: “What new phone?”

Dad: “The new phone I bought yesterday.”

He proudly shows off said device.

I decide to skip telling him off for buying it without asking me because he’s never listened before — why would he start now?

Me: “Ooookay. What’s up with it?”

Dad: “I just downloaded an app, and now I can’t find it. I’ve tried everything!“

The phone is thrust into my hands. I stare at an Android system far newer than anything I’ve encountered.

My Internal Monologue: “I have no f****** idea how this works. And I can’t see what’s on the screen very well because I’m colourblind, and the background image is making things hard to read. But I don’t think I can break anything unless I really try. I guess I’ll just start in one corner and randomly press buttons until I figure it out.”

I click on the first icon. Lo and behold, there’s the app!

Dad: *Watching over my shoulder* “How did you do that? I clicked on everything, and it didn’t do that for me!”

Me: *While adding the app to his home screen* “Clearly, you didn’t try everything, or you would have found the app. Was there anything else?”

Dad: “No. Thanks for fixing that.”

Tech-wizard image preserved.

This story reminded me of my grandmother. When people asked her age, she would proudly tell them:

Grandmother: “I just had my sixteenth birthday!”

She wasn’t lying; she was born on February 29th. It blew my mind a little when I was a kid.

Related:
My Mom Has Been Forty-Nine For Decades, Part 2
My Mom Has Been Forty-Nine For Decades

I’m at a bridal shower. At the entrance, we were all given a scrunchie with the instructions that if we hear anyone say “wedding”, we take their scrunchie. The person with the most scrunchies at the end will win a prize. The mother of the groom is there with her two teenage daughters. I’ve met them a couple of times, but I don’t know them very well. [Mother] keeps telling everyone who will listen that she has spent A FORTUNE on the wedding.

Mother: “Oh, my gosh, the caterer was $17,000! I couldn’t believe it! I said, ‘[Son], if this is what you want for your wedding—’”

Daughter: *Grinning* “Mom, give me your scrunchie.”

Mother: “What? Why?”

Daughter: “You said the W-word.”

She puts her hand out, but her mother swats her away.

Mother: “Don’t be stupid. I’m not playing right now.”

Daughter: “But Mom—”

Mother: “Go somewhere else. I’m talking.”

The girls leave the table. [Mother] is still talking about how much she has spent, even though everyone around her is uncomfortable. 

Mother: “I just couldn’t believe it! Her dress— Did you see her dress? When I got married, my wedding dress was $800. Hers is over $8,000!”

Man At The Table: “I’ll take your scrunchie, thank you!”

Mother: “That’s just a stupid game. Nobody is actually playing. Even the bride thought it was dumb.”

The bride is standing nearby and turns toward us. She comes over, and removes the scrunchie from [Mother]’s wrist, and gives it to the man.

Bride: “It is a stupid game, but it’s also fun.”

Man At The Table: “Actually, it should go to [Daughter] since [Mother] said the W-word before, too.”

Bride: “Okay!”

She took the scrunchie and gave it to the girl. [Mother] stopped talking and got into her phone. [Daughter] actually won the “stupid game” and got a $100 gift card as a prize.

As with most Asian families, my family believes that having a white-collar job is above anything. This is very evident with a couple of relatives who force their children to go to medical school. Any career other than a doctor is a sin in their eyes.

My mother was open-minded about my choice of career. The only condition she had was that I should have at least a bachelor’s degree before getting a job. So, I started working in the IT industry after college graduation. I had decent pay, I was able to learn and experiment at my own pace, and I even got an opportunity to work abroad. I was happy with my career.

Things weren’t easy at first, as with all jobs. I struggled to settle down with the workload and the new city. I reached out to my family to help me find a job near my home. My entitled relatives got hold of this piece of news during a family gathering.

Instead of helping me out, they scoffed. My aunt told my younger cousins:

Aunt: “See, this is why you shouldn’t be an engineer. You’re going to struggle and end up with nothing. After all, a doctor is the most respectable job in society.”

I blinked at her. I was shocked that she could just insult my career in front of everyone. I was also disgusted at her because she’s a teacher and I expected her to know better. I didn’t want to make a scene, so I didn’t talk back. But someone else did: my mother.

My mother is a single parent. She was a brilliant student at school and dreamt of being a teacher. But that was all gone when she was married off. She regretted that when she was divorced and struggled to live. She wanted her daughters not to go through the same thing. She sold her jewellery and spent her savings to get us a decent education so that we could get jobs. She was furious when someone insulted our hard work.

She didn’t hold back her anger as she thundered:

Mother: “Are you out of your d*** mind, [Aunt]? You’re a teacher! Can’t you show a bit of dignity when you speak? Don’t you have common sense to think that your daughter couldn’t work in a hospital with electricity, running water, machines, or software if there were no engineers? Even a janitor at the hospital has their value. If you ever insult my daughter or her choices again, you will see the worst of me!”

The room was silent as everyone watched my aunt process what was going on. Nobody had ever seen my mother that mad.

But it did a good thing. [Aunt] never raised a word about her children’s careers or mine after that. Also, two of my cousins got into the engineering stream following the incident!