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The Muffin Man And Me(at)

| NY, USA | Siblings

(My sister and I are wreaking havoc at the check-out counter at the local supermarket. The cashier hands my sister a bag of muffins.)

Sister: “Here, take the muffins.”

(I grab the muffins.)

Sister: “Stop being so aggressive! Stop molesting the muffins!”

(The cashier is trying to hold back the giggles and hands my sister a bag of raw meat. I grab the bag of meat out of my sister’s hand.)

Me: “Ah, no! The men carry the meat in this family!”

Sister: “Then give me the darn muffins back!”

Me: “Never!”

Cashier: *now on the verge of tears, speaking very quickly* “Your total is $20.95. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Sister and me: “Thank you!”

(We happily leave the supermarket.)

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 2

| Queens, NY, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

(Me and my mom are on the porch, saying goodbye to my brother who is leaving for college.)

Me: “I’m going to miss you. Just don’t make me an aunt!”

Brother: “Don’t make me an uncle!”

(My neighbor has been watching us. He looks shocked.)

Mom: *to neighbor, very proudly* “Yup, they’re my kids.”


Adopting A Sense Of Humor

| Texas, USA | Children, Hall of Fame, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

(My little brother is lamenting how different he is from everyone else in the family.)

Little brother: “Dad, was I adopted?”

Dad: “Yes, but they brought you back.”


| Canada | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I’m living away from home, going to school. My parents call me almost every night for a short chat.)

Mom: “How was class today honey?”

Me: “I didn’t have class. I had my lab exam, remember?”

Mom: “Oh, right. Did you learn anything new?”

Me: “No, I had my lab exam!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your lab exam?”

Me: “Today!”

Mom: “Oh, right. When’s your next exam?”

Me: “Monday. Mom, I’m going to head off now.”

Mom: “Ok, honey, love you. Good luck in your exam tomorrow.”

Mothers Hate Toilet Humor

| New York, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My dad purchases a new plunger, and is in the bathroom telling my mom how to use it.)

Dad: *sarcastically* “You know, for the new plunger, you have to pull the handle out before you can use it.”

Mom: “I know how to use a plunger.”

Sister: “Are you sure? You know you’ve got to put it in the toilet, right? And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then push.”

Me: “And then pull.”

Sister: “And then you’ve got to take it out of the toilet before you sit down.”

(Dad starts cracking up.)

Mom: “I hate all of you.”