(My family and I were on vacation and stopped in a small town to spend the night. This exchange occurred when we were ordering our food at the motel’s restaurant.)
Waiter: “Would you like a soup or salad with your meal.”
Me: “Um… no thanks.”
(He gives me a confused look but nods and walks away.)
Me: (To my family) “Yeah I had no idea what a super salad was so I just said no thanks.”
*Cue laughter from my whole family*
Mom: “Honey I think he said ‘soup or salad.”
(We continued laughing at my mistake for the rest of the trip and they will occasionally bring it up to this day.)
(A couple comes into the store with a little boy who looks to be around two or three, and I get to overhear this exchange between the little boy and his mum)
Mum: *Sneaking up while boy is distracted* “Boo!”
Boy “No. Go. A. Way!”
Mum: *trying not to laugh* “Say please!”
Boy: *perfectly happy* “Please!”
(I laughed my butt off at that, he was so cute!)
(My mother, brother and I had just finished shopping when my mother’s friend messages her to ask if we could pick them up on our way home. Because my mom has to drive she hands me her phone without telling me what to do with it.)
Mom: *hands me phone*
Me: *starts putting phone in pocket since she didn’t tell me to use it*
Mom: Jesus Christ! I gave you the phone so you can read the messages from Naz! I’m not freaking psychic!
Me: All you did was give me the phone. You didn’t tell me what to do with it! I’m not freaking psychic!
Brother: *dying with laughter* You used it back on her! That was epic!
Mom: Okay. Point.
(My mom and I are in the car on the highway. She reaches up to pull down the sun visor, but some of the adhesive from the safety sticker gets on her hand.)
Mom: “Ugh. I wish I could just wash that stuff off. Any time the phone’s in my eyes I try to pull this down and get sticky stuff all over my hand.”
Mom: “Sun! I mean Sun!”
Mom: “I don’t even know where that came from, I wasn’t thinking about phones at all!”
(My family has just finished watching the musical “1776,” when my husband notices a familiar smell emanating from the baby’s backside.)
Husband: Uh-oh, I think someone needs a diaper change.
Me: (singing) “Someone oughta open up a window!”
Husband: Really? REALLY?