(My mother and I are playing a puzzle-based adventure game on the computer. This game lets you “reset” a puzzle if you think you’ve made a mistake you can’t fix, or want to change your perspective. Usually, a multi-part puzzle will reset you back to the start of the most recent part. We’re nearing the end of the game, and have found ourselves up against a series of puzzles, one after the other, in rapid-fire. These have included a game of Minesweeper, solving arithmetic problems, and matching up pictures to times. We’ve been at it for around twenty minutes, and are on a puzzle which requires us to make a shape with wires.)
Me: “Okay, I think I worked out which shape is the right one. Let me try.”
(I take over, but can’t quite make the shape.)
Mum: “Oh! I think I’ve figured out how to make the shape. Just reset and I’ll try.”
Me: “Okay, I don’t get this one…”
(I hit reset. The game rewinds backwards to the FIRST puzzle in this sequence.)
Mum: “Oh, WHAT?!”
Me: “That’s it. I’m done. You want anything from the shop?”
Mum: “Maybe a knife!”
(When I get back, I find out that the puzzle we were on was the LAST puzzle in the sequence. Grrr!)
My dad is watching a college football bowl game. At the time I was a few rooms away.
Dad: Teeheeheehee, yessss!
Me: I hear you giggling like a child again, what happened now?
Dad: Oh, nothing, [Team] just scored before the half.
(My step-sister is asleep on the couch while I’m on the computer. Normally, I’m the sleep talker, and I’ve never heard her do it before)
Her: Go draw a dick
(A few minutes later)
Her: (Rubbing her nose) Pardon
(She didn’t remember what on earth she was dreaming about!)
I was walking through the mall with my mom and grandma and 9y/o brother. This occurred:
Brother (as loud as possible): MY MUM IS A DRUG DEALER!!!
Mom: [Brothers Name] That’s mean to say that. There could be police in here who could arrest me when I haven’t done anything wrong.
Brother: Well you give us drugs. Good drugs though.
The next thing we know is that we are carted out of the store and into a special room for questioning. Note that my mom isn’t a drug dealer nor have any person in my family or who I know of has taken drugs or come into contact with them.
(My husband and I are talking about a mutual friend.)
Me: [Friend] just had her baby the other night. The kid was nine pounds! She’s not a tiny lady, but I still feel bad for her.
Husband: Cool. I forgot they were even having another kid. I’m so glad I don’t have to live with her, because she’s grumpy. Like, super grumpy. Like, supercalifragilisticextralligrumpy.