Category: Top

Never Too Old To Fight For What’s Right

| NH, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, LGTBQ, Top

(I don’t have a grandfather of my own as they both passed away before I was born. My cousin’s grandfather has come on vacation with us. They call him papaw. I’ve never really called him anything because I’m not sure what to call him as he’s not my grandfather and I’m not exactly sure how he feels about me. I’ve recently come out as gay and have brought my girlfriend with us on the trip. We’re listening to the radio and there’s some controversial story about gay rights being debated about.)

Papaw: “D*** all these gays! This crap is annoying!”

Uncle: “Dad!”

Papaw: “What? This gay rights crap is getting old. I’ll never see anything settled in my lifetime so why should I have to hear about it everywhere I go? I’m sick of it!”

Me: “Um, my girlfriend and I are sitting right here.”

Papaw: “You don’t count.”

Me: “Why not?”

Papaw: “Because you’re my granddaughter and I’ll always fight for or beside you no matter what we’re fighting for.”

(He’s since passed away but I couldn’t have asked for a better grandfather.)

Mothering You About You Mothering

| Surrey, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Top

(My mother is very conservative and believes that premarital sex is wrong. I’m 13 years old.)

Mother: “What’s the matter with you?”

Me: “I don’t feel too well. I was sick earlier and…”

Mother: “Oh, my God, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

Me: “What? No! Are you expecting a virgin birth or what?”

(Fast forward to when I’m 16 or so…)

Me: “Do I have a temperature? I’m feeling really nauseous.”

Mother: “Oh, no! You’re not pregnant, are you?”

Me: “Mother, [Brother #1] and [Brother #2] had the exact same symptoms last week and I don’t hear you asking them if they’re pregnant.”

(This happens with increasingly annoying regularity, until I’m in my 30s and have been with the same guy for several years. We’re living together and I’m visiting my parents for the weekend.)

Mother: “What’s the matter with you? You normally love my [special dish she cooks for me].”

Me: “Yeah, I’m really sorry. It’s lovely but I’m feeling a bit under the weather and don’t want to rush it and make myself sick.”

Mother: “Have you been feeling sick a lot? In the …morning?”

Me: “Uh, are you asking if I’m pregnant AGAIN?”

Mother: “Well, I’m your mother. I worry about these things.”

Me: “For the love of… no, I’m not, but let me ask YOU a question. If you really were about to become a grandmother, is that how you’d want to find out? Or wouldn’t you prefer to let me announce the news and give you a nice surprise?”

(She never asked again!)

Straightening Out Their Musical History

| MA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians, Top

(I am attending my great-uncle’s funeral at a Catholic Church.  While the rest of the family is at least nominally Catholic (though not into some of the hard-line doctrine), I renounced it years ago and am atheist, so I do not take Communion.  While everyone is lining up, a singer starts Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria.’)

Me: *snicker*

Mom: *cuffs me on the back of the head* “Stop it!  This is a funeral!”

Me: “Yeah, but Mom, this is a Catholic Church and she’s singing Schubert.”

Mom: “So?”

Me: “So Schubert was gay. Bet they don’t know that.”

Mom, Sister, and Aunt: *snicker*

Dad: “Whatever you do, don’t tell your great-aunt!”