Category: Top

Poking A Hole In Politeness

| Chepstow, Wales, UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Top

(I am about five years old, and visiting an abbey with my family, including my sister who is about six. There are lots of deep holes in the ground. I see my mum and gran talking and try to jump one of the holes… and fail. Apparently, this is what happens next: My sister wanders over to my mum and gran and waits politely for them to stop talking.)

Mum: “What is it, [Sister]? Go play with [My Name].”

Sister: *in a bored tone of voice* “Can’t. [My Name] fell down the hole.”

Mum: “What?!”

Sister: “She fell down the hole. Over there.”

Mum: “What? When?”

Sister: “A few minutes ago.”

Mum: *panicking* “Why didn’t you tell us?”

Sister: “You and Gran were talking. It’s rude to interrupt.”

(My family has never let me live down falling down the hole. My sister’s only reaction to her delayed response in the story was to say ‘well, it wasn’t as though you were going anywhere.'”)

Residual Sibling Rivalry

| NJ, USA | Siblings, Top

(I am about nine years old, and have just learned about the birds and the bees. My sister is about seven, and naturally, I tell her everything I know.)

Sister: “Ew. Did Mom and Dad do that?!”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Sister: “Ew! But there’s two of us, and that must mean they’ve done that at least twice! Gross!”

Me: “Silly [Sister], grown ups only do it once, on their honeymoon. Duh!”

Sister: “But then…”

Me: *exasperated sigh* “They do it once, and have a baby. The second baby comes from whatever is left inside the mommy after the first baby comes out. You’re the residue.”

Sister: “Oh…”

(She believed it for years!)

Experience Is The Mother Of Wisdom

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners, Top

(My mother was the youngest child and never babysat. My father grew up constantly helping out with his nieces and nephews. I’ve just been born and am home from the hospital, when Dad finds Mom staring at me on the changing table.)

Dad: “Hi.”

Mom: “Hi.”

Dad: “How is she?”

Mom: “Um. Okay. Kind of…”

Dad: “You don’t know what you’re doing, do you?”

Mom: “… No.”

Dad: *sighs and starts to remove soiled diaper* “Watch closely…”