Category: Top

Girl Power

| Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Top

(I’m playing a game with my three-year-old daughter by waving a “magic wand” and turning her into various things. This game has been going on for about a minute and she’s gotten into the routine.)

Me: *poof* “You’re a rabbit.”

Daughter: “I don’t want to be a rabbit.”

Me: *poof* “You’re a zebra.”

Daughter: “I don’t want to be a zebra.”

Me: *poof* “You’re a cat.”

Daughter: “I don’t want to be a cat.”

Me: *poof* “You’re a girl.”

Daughter: “I don’t want to be a— HOORAY! I’m a girl!”

My Family And Other Animals, Part 5

| Germany | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Theme Of The Month, Top

(My five-year-old nephew has to give a presentation in kindergarten on his family. He wanted to do it all by himself but his mother convinced him to try it out on us.)

Nephew: “My name is [Name]. I am five years old. My mom and dad are called [Mom] and [Dad]. We have a cat named [Cat].”

(He continues to list the whole family with grandparents and all his cousins, their parents, and pets. We sit on the couch and smile encouragingly.)

Nephew: “Then there’s my cousin [Cousin]. He has two little sisters and will have a little brother this year. They don’t have a pet. But my mom says with that many children your house is a zoo anyway, so I guess they don’t need any.)

(Needless to say my sister got very pale while I lost it completely.)

My Family And Other Animals, Part 4
My Family And Other Animals, Part 3
My Family And Other Animals, Part 2
My Family And Other Animals

Looking At It From A Different Angel

| OH, USA | Children, Teenagers, Top

(My 13-year-old daughter and I are looking at a website that has a picture of an angel statue that is face-palming with a caption: ‘This is what my guardian angel probably looks like.’ My daughter turns to me, looking very serious.)

Daughter: “I wonder if when you’re having sex your guardian angel turns to the other guardian angel in the room and says stuff like, ‘so, how was your day?'”

A Computer Crash (And Burn)

| Washington, DC, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month, Top

Four-Year-Old Son: “Mama, I’m going to be the mama and you can be the baby.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Mama, will you make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

Four-Year-Old Son: “No. I’m going to sit in my chair and look at my computer.”

Me: “Ouch. Burn.”

A Banana Republic Solution

| PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Top

(For over twenty years my grandparents have had a gorgeous chandelier with a stained glass fruit pattern. My grandmother loves to tell the story about the time it was first brought home and hung up. My uncle was living with them after coming back home from the Army. He was, and still is, notorious for being a huge smart-aleck.)

Uncle: “What’s wrong, Dad? Mom heard you screaming in here for about twenty minutes. Do you need help hanging up the chandelier?”

Grandfather: “The d*** thing is crooked! Every time I straighten it, it keeps going crooked again!”

Uncle: “Mm-hmm… I think I can easily fix this problem for you.”

(He walks over to the kitchen counter and grabs a banana. He then proceeded to tape it to one side of the chandelier so that it is quite noticeably hanging down off of the side. The weight of the banana turns out to be exactly as much as it needs to balance the chandelier perfectly.)

Uncle: “Just change the banana every three days and you’re good to go!”

Holy Man-child Batman!

| Long Island, NY, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Top

(I’m an avid comic book fan, in my early forties. I’m in a large chain bookstore browsing the graphic novel section. Sitting on the floor nearby is a boy about 13 or 14 years old, reading a Batman book. His mother, a woman around my age, approaches.)

Mother: *to son* “We’re almost ready to go. Did you find a book you want?”

Son: “I don’t know. Just a few more minutes.”

(As the mother turns around, she sees me standing a few feet away… reading a Batman book. She stares at me for a few seconds.)

Mother: *to me* “So what you’re telling me is, he’s not going to grow out of this?”

Me: *grinning* “Probably not.”

(The mother walks away, shaking her head.)