Category: Top

Birds And Bees On Aisle Four

| Pickering, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Top

(I’m three years old and my mother is obviously pregnant with my younger brother. We walk into the store to do our shopping when I decide to ask a question in a rather loud voice.)

Me: “Mommy, how are babies made?”

(The entire store freezes and goes silent. My mother scrambles to come up with an answer that won’t have her explaining the birds and the bees in the middle of a public place.)

Mom: “Oh, [My Name], don’t be silly. Babies aren’t made; they’re born!”

(I’m content with that answer and the whole store breathes a collective sigh of relief.)

Customer: “Good answer.”

Refusing To Open The Door Of Reason

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Top

(It is my neighbour’s 18th birthday, in the early afternoon. The doorbell has just rung. My dad looks out the window.)

Dad: “I’m not answering it. It’s a young girl. Probably trying to sell me some crap.”

(Later that evening, a party starts next door and continues into the early hours of the morning, with loud music and screaming.)

Dad: “That’s completely unacceptable. They didn’t even inform us. We have young kids here! I’m going to go and talk to them.”

(My dad goes next door, and relays the following conversation to us when he comes back.)

Dad: “I’d just like to let you know that I’m really angry about the party last night. It was incredibly loud and disruptive, particularly given you know lots of families live in this street.”

Neighbour’s Father: “I’m so sorry. I told her to go around and inform every person in the street that she would be hosting a party last night. She’ll be getting a talking to.”

(After my dad tells that story, we return to our normal conversation.)

Dad: “So apparently she just didn’t have the courtesy to come over and talk to us.”

Mum: “Didn’t a young girl come to the door yesterday and you refused to open it?”

Dad: “…Yes. Yes, she did. I’ll just go and apologise, shall I?”

His Gullibility Is Looking Up

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Siblings, Top

(I’m eight and my brother is five. We’re watching TV together.)

Me: “Hey, bro. It says ‘gullible’ on the ceiling.”

Brother: “Oh, okay.”

(Three-second pause.)

Me: “Aren’t you going to look up?”

Brother: “No, I believe you.”

(I should’ve known… a really gullible person wouldn’t fall for that.)

Can’t Dissuade From Being Paid

| IN, USA | Siblings, Top

(My brother is six years older than me, and always asks to borrow money. I answer my phone:)

Brother: “Hey, [My Name], I’m in a really tight spot right now. Can I borrow, like, $20 until I get paid?”

Me: *getting tired loaning him money* “Sorry, I don’t really have any money to loan right now…”

Brother: “Well, I really need it. I’ve overdrawn my account.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any money to loan.”

Brother: “Oh… okay.”

(I think that’s the end of it until I get a call in couple hours later.)

Brother: “Hey, [My Name], I talked to mom. She said she owed you money for paying her car payment last week, so I’m going to go get that from her then pay you back when I get paid.”

Me: “WHAT? I need that money to pay MY car payment!”

Brother: “Oh, well, I’m already on my way to mom’s; I’ll pay you back when I get paid.” *click*

(I called my mom and told her not to give it to him because I needed it. She told me to stop being selfish and gave him my money… He never paid me back!)

Turning A Chore Into A Chore

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Top

(One lazy Saturday, I decide to tackle some chores. I head downstairs that morning and work on the mountain of dishes. I take a break in the living room, and my mom appears.)

Mom: “Who did the dishes?”

Me: *smiling* “I did.”

Mom: “Oh… It’s nice that you did them, but you left two pots. How come you never finish a chore?”

Me: *not smiling anymore* “…Er, I AM going to finish, but pots are harder to clean, and someone burned something, so I was soaking them to do later.”

Mom: *offended* “Well! I’m sooo sorry that I burned my oatmeal this morning! I guess you’re punishing me for that even though I cook for you!”

(Despite my protests, she started washing the pots right then and there, complaining how I should just listen and do as she says without talking back. I leave the room in an angry huff, but I cool down later in the afternoon and decide to vacuum the downstairs. This time, my dad appears.)

Dad: *looking at me in disapproval* “Uh…”

Me: *turning off the vacuum* “What’s the problem?”

Dad: “Can’t you do something else like put stuff away? There’s clutter all over the counters.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Are you serious?!”

(I then received a lecture for not helping out around the house in the “right” way. Meanwhile, my brother spent the whole day playing video games upstairs. If only I had decided to do nothing that day like him.)

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