Category: Sons & Daughters

She’s A Pearl Before Swine

| Czech Republic | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I should mention, that my dad is a former biology teacher turned park ranger, simply out of love for the nature. My 11-year-old daughter, while in no way fat, is a strong, chubby child. One afternoon, when dad is visiting, my daughter comes from school. I notice she is very sad.)

Me: “What´s up, muffin? Was [very mean classmate] picking at you again?”

Daughter: “Well… she said I look like wild swine!”

Dad: *absentmindedly, buried in the newspaper* “Yeah, sounds about right.”

Me And Daughter: *shocked* “DAD!”

Dad: *unperturbed, turning a page* “Strong, courageous, and intelligent animal, who routinely stands up to hungry wolf-pack, and who, when grows up, becomes the most caring mom in the whole forest? Yeah, I´d say it sounds about right.”

Best To Keep An Eye On That One

| Switzerland | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’ve just unpacked a fish for our supper. My five-year-old son is very curious about it.)

Son: “I wanna touch the fish”

(He touches it, then decides he wants to touch the eye.)

Son: “I wanna see how the eye is.”

(He whips out the eyeball in a few seconds, leaving me with a blind fish. I feel quite weird, when he adds:)

Son: “It’s okay; he’s dead anyway”

(He leaves the eyeball on the trashcan and goes away.)

Me: “Hey, at least put the eye in the trash, please!”

(Let’s hope it’s the start of a scientific career!)

Should Have Given That Food Some Thought

UT, USA | Sons & Daughters

(I’m grocery shopping with my two-year-old son. I’m buying more food than I usually would because of an upcoming family party, and to restock our emergency food supply. My son is sitting in the shopping cart, eating fruit snacks. It’s important to know that he’ll agree with people sometimes even if he doesn’t know what they’re talking about.)

Me: *jokingly* “[Son], you need to stop eating so much food.”

Son: *looking concerned* “Yeah.”

The Meat And Potatoes Of Good Parenting

| Waverly, OH, USA | Sons & Daughters

(While shopping, I overhear a three-year-old girl telling her mother:)

Daughter: “I love you more than [Random Name].”

(I hear this over and over, but then it changes:)

Daughter: “I love you more than… MEAT!”

Speaking Fluent Muffled Muffin

| Platteville, WI, USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

(We have just given our toddler mini muffins for the first time, so he doesn’t know what they’re called yet. A few minutes later, he comes up to me.)

Son: “Want one—” *deep throat sound*

Me: “What do you want?”

Son: *makes the same deep throaty sound*

(After a few seconds, it clicks.)

Me: *to my fiancé* “Oh, my gosh, he’s making the sound you would make if you tried to talk with a thick food in your mouth! That’s what he’s decided to call muffins.”

Fiancé: “Well, you obviously understood him, so it works.”

A Colourful View Of History

| Cornwall, England, UK | Sons & Daughters

(I’m sitting with my eight-year-old daughter while I update the story I’m writing. She is doing her own thing, but watching me at the same time.)

Daughter: “Mum, how come you’re a fast typer?”

Me: “I don’t know, [Daughter]. I just taught myself, was something I picked up easy. I didn’t really use a computer properly till I was about 14.”

Daughter: “Woah… really? That’s not fair.”

Me: “They just didn’t have them about as much when I was your age. Not like they have them today.”

Daughter: “So did they have colour TV when you were a kid, too?”

Me: “…Yes. Yes, they did.”

(I’m 31!)

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