Category: Sons & Daughters


Kids Don’t Mess Around

| USA | Sons & Daughters

(My kids and I live with my elderly mom to help keep an eye on things, give her a ride to doctor’s appts, cook, clean, and generally make sure she doesn’t set the house on fire. With her failing eyesight, it can be hard for her to notice when she makes a mess and I end up most times cleaning up after her instead of making a fuss at her about it. This day, I’m the one that made a mess, sending coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor. My eleven-year-old daughter witnesses the accident.)

Daughter: “You made a mess, mom!”

Me: “Yes, I did. But at least I clean up after myself.”

Daughter: “Not like Grandma!”

(Oops! Guess I better watch what I’m mumbling about when I’m cleaning up after my mom. I’m just thankful my mom wasn’t anywhere around to hear that golden kid moment!)


Time To Essay The Situation

| Staten Island, NY, USA | Children, Popular, Sons & Daughters

(I am picking my two sons from school, aged six and eight. My eight-year-old comes out strutting like a peacock. I have to know what’s up with all the annoying swagger.)

Eight-Year-Old: *proudly* “I just said ‘NO’ to two girls without hurting their feelings.”

Me: “You said ‘NO’ to what?!”

Eight-Year-Old: “One girl said she should be my girlfriend; another girl said she should be my girlfriend. They argued, so I said, ‘Write me a 300-word essay why you should be my girlfriend. Best essay wins.’”

Me: “You could’ve just said, ‘No, thanks. I’m only eight. Ask me again when I’m thirty!’”

Eight-Year-Old: “Can’t say that. I have manners now.”

(I think, “since when did this punk acquire good manners?”)

Me: “What if one girl writes a great essay? Or both of them?”

Eight-Year-Old: “They’re only eight. They can’t even write a fifty-word essay. See what I mean?”

Me: “No, I’m not seeing anything.”

Eight-Year-Old: “I didn’t actually reject them. Can’t write the essay, can’t be my girlfriend. They hate themselves because they can’t write the essay, but they don’t hate me.”

Me: “Why do you care if they hate you?”

Eight-Year-Old: “Because angry girls are crazy and scary.”

Six-Year-Old: *breaking his silence* “You should see yourself when you’re angry, Momzilla!”

Me: “What planet are you guys from?”

Eight-Year-Old: “From Planet Uterus!”

Six-Year-Old: “We came out of your own loins!”

Me: “Oh. My. God.”


Referring To A Different Kind Of Ride

| TX, USA | Popular, Sons & Daughters

(One of the slides at the park involves lying stomach-down or crouching on your knees on a mat. An older woman with her daughter are next in line.)

Woman: *to the lifeguard on duty* “Will I be okay on this ride? I have trouble getting on my knees.”

Daughter: “That’s not what Dad says.”

(The lifeguard could barely answer, he was laughing so hard!)

Page 1/44412345...Last