Category: Sons & Daughters

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Doesn’t Give A Crap Where He Goes

| Orem, UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’m sitting in my chair when I catch a whiff of something and turn to see my toddler son holding onto the coffee table and grunting.)

Me: “Son, are you pooping… right now?”

Son: “Yeah!” *grunts again* “Nope! All gone!”

Me: *sighs* “Thank you, son.”

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Sharing Is IKEA-ing

| NY, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My mom, six-year-old brother, and I are on the way to buy furniture.)

Brother: “Where are we going?”

Mom: “IKEA.”

Brother: “Where are we going??”

Mom: “IKEA…”

Brother: “Where are we going?!”

Mom: “Son… IKEA.”

Brother: “No… you don’t care.”

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An Upstanding Lesson

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My mom thought it was a good idea to take me to a mother/daughter sex ed. class given at the children’s hospital. I came home to say:)

Me: *yells to dad* “Dad! I know all about your erections!”

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He’s Two Sips Away From Feeling Mercurial

| USA | Sons & Daughters

(My son is 17 years old and has gotten in to alcoholic drinks despite never have drank anything besides a sip here and there. I order a girly drink that comes with a shooter, and he is very adamant on drinking it. I figure it’s probably okay to give it to him; he’s a hefty kid and it probably doesn’t have anything greater than 30 proof, so I give it to him.)

Son: “Mmm, tastes like watermelon! I couldn’t taste the alcohol at all!”

(A little later he’s smiling a bit more than usual.)

Me: “How are you feeling?”

Son: “I feel whimsical!”

Me: *laughing* “Oh, god, he’s buzzed!”

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When Your Kin Wants Skin

| USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I am reading emails on my iPad while my four-year-old daughter plays in front of me. She suddenly stops and stares at me quizzically for a moment, before saying:)

Daughter: “Mommy, when you die, can I have your skin?”

Me: “Uh…”

(Thankfully, it turned out she was referring to my iPad cover, which was a bright shade of purple, her favorite! Still worried that she’s thinking of my death, though!)

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