Category: Siblings

His Attempts At Attention Are Laughable

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My mom and I are sitting in the living room watching the news. My younger brother is up front in the sitting room playing on his computer.)

Brother: “HYUK HYUK HYUK!” *closest imitation of this weird laugh he did*

Me: “What the h***, kid?”

Mom: “That’s his ‘It’s not really all that funny, but I want you to know I found it kind of funny’ laugh.”

Brother: *completely oblivious to our conversation* “HYUK HYUK HAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE HEE!”

Mom: “That’s a combination laugh. Part ‘I want attention!’, part ‘This really is funny.’”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

Brother: “Hehehe— oh, nooo— Hahahahahahaha!”

Mom: “Probably watching something like a classic ‘football to the groin’ video.”

Some Brothers Will Drive You To Drink

| England, UK | Siblings

Brother: “Can I see your ID, sir?”

Me: “For what?”

Brother: “The coffee you ordered has alcohol in it… sir.”

Me: “I asked for that to be kept out. Also, are you saying I look under 25?”

Brother: “I still have to ask, sir.”

(I give him my license which confirms my age is over 45.)

Brother: “That’s fine.” *leans into me and whispers* “Sorry. I have to be professional!”

Me: “Sure…”

Brother: *picking up my cup* “And your name, sir?”

Me: *exasperated* “Seriously? Ugh, fine. [My Name].”

(I sat down and waited for my coffee. Before it came, though, he ran over and begged me to smuggle a bottle of sauce home for him. So much for being professional!)

Your Sister Has A Mouth On Her

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Children, Siblings

(It’s the early 2000s, and I have finally convinced my mom to upgrade our family’s Internet connection from dial-up to DSL. It enables me to use voice chat features on some IM programs to talk with friends online. One day, I have the microphone out on the desk and I’m talking to a friend and playing games, when my little sister runs up out of nowhere.)

Four-Year-Old Sister: *loudly* “LOOK INSIDE MY MOUTH!” *puts mouth over the microphone*

Me: “What are you doing?! That’s not a camera!”

Four-Year-Old Sister: “Oh.”

More Into Stranger Things

| USA | Siblings

(My brother and I have different tastes in movies, but we go to the theater anyway.)

Brother: “I wanna watch Dr. Strange!”

Me: “I don’t wanna watch a movie about a strange doctor! Those are boring. Like Dr. Frankenstein.”

Brother: “No, it’s a superhero movie.”

Me: “Oh. Still. What’s his power, strangeness?”

Brother: “I don’t know. But I doubt it.”

(I finally agreed since he paid. The movie was actually okay for a movie about a strange doctor!)

A$$inine Comments

| Columbus, GA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

Me: “I always draw my brother as a donkey in comics, because he’s a dumba$$.”

Friend: “Ok.”

Me: “Of course, I’m a smart-a$$.”

Friend: “And you’re mom’s just an a$$?”

Me: “She’s an a$$hole.”

Friend: “And what about your dad?”

Me: *thinks a minute* “He’s oblivi-a$$.”