Category: Siblings

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War On Christmas

| NY, USA | Holidays, Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(It’s about seven am, a few weeks before Christmas. My sister, who normally doesn’t wake up until nine, has been called into her retail job early. She’s still a little tired and very annoyed.)

Sister: “I hate Christmas so much. I want to shoot whoever invented the idea.”

Dad: “Well, they crucified him…”

Sister: “Even better!”

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Poops Of Christmas Past

| Shoreline, WA, USA | Holidays, Siblings

(It is Christmas morning. I am the youngest and I have two older sisters. It’s about nine am and we are all excited. At this time I’m five, my one sister is seven, and my oldest sister is eleven.)

Me: “Guys… Wake up! It’s Christmas!”

Older Sister: “I heard the reindeer on our roof!”

Me: “I heard Santa’s sleigh bells, too!”

Oldest Sister: “No, [My Name], that was me flushing the toilet.”

(I’m never letting her live that down.)

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Hair-Raising Comeback

| USA | Siblings

(I am a 12-year-old girl, and my older sister is 15. We are Hispanic. I have very curly hair, and my mother’s is just like it. Everyday, my mom brushes her hair out into a long frizzy mess around her shoulders, and insists on me doing it as well. She also insists on not ever using styling products for either of us. Consequently, I have to wear my hair in an afro everyday. I get bullied at school for it, but my older sister bullies me worse.)

Sister: “Ha! Afro Puff! Afro! Ha! You [racist slur]!”

(Mom hears her but says nothing.)

Me: *to sister* “Afro-dite you mean.”

Sister: “…?”

(My mom gave me a nod of approval. My older sister never bothered me again.)

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Pokémon: Pun & Moon

| Springfield, MO, USA | Pokemon, Punny, Siblings

(A few months ago my brother got the all clear to play Pokémon for the first time in years. He recently bred 30 4-5 IV (whatever that means) Beldums and sent them out via wonder-trade.)

Brother: *to himself* “Abra… Abra… There’s another abra…”

(Somehow, almost every Beldum got him an Abra.)

Brother: “I swear to god I’m gonna lose it. I don’t even need this many Abras! Let alone 20-something crappy IV Abras!”

Me: “Sounds like you’re dealing with quite the—”

Brother: “[My Name], I swear if you say that I’m going to—”

Me: “Abrakatastrophe.”

Brother: “…”

(He left the room, came back carrying a pillow, and hit me in the face with it.)

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Man-Pee!

| PA, USA | Siblings

(My brother takes me to a fourth of July cookout at a house near the woods. Eventually, one guy, who is obviously very drunk, comes out of the house, announces to all and sundry that he has to pee, and wanders off into the trees. I turn to my brother.)

Me: “Wait, he’s IN the house, and decides he needs the bathroom, so he LEAVES the house and walks into the woods?”

Brother: *shrugs* “It’s a guy thing.”