Category: Siblings

A Tender Relationship

| Junction City, KS, USA | Siblings, Top

(My fiancée and I have started courting long distance. She makes the trip to come see me while I am living 1,000 miles away from her home. Fearful that I might be some kind of axe-wielding psychopath, she is instructed to call home every day. She calls home and gets her brother.)

Fiancée: “I’m okay. He’s as great as he was when we met online.”

Me: *calling out so I can be heard through her phone* “Unfortunately, she’s proving to be axe-proof!”

Fiancée: *laughing* “I’m gonna kill him. He says I’m ‘axe-proof.’ Wait, what? Oh, nice!”

Me: “What? What happened?”

Fiancée: “My brother says you need to soak me in warm water for about an hour to soften me up.”

Childbirth Is Not To Be Sniffed At

| Orlando, FL, USA | Siblings

(My brother has the sniffles all day, because his sinuses are acting up.)

Brother: “Don’t get allergies.”

Me: “Too late for that. I’ve already got some.”

Brother: “Then don’t get pregnant. It sucks.”

Me: “You would know?”

Brother: “Yep, it’s like PMS times 1000.”

Literacy Skills In The Dark Ages

| San Diego, CA, USA | Siblings

Me: *to my sister* “Ugh, I don’t want to study for medieval literature.”

My sister: “What’s medieval literature?”

Me: “Literature from the medieval era?”

My sister: “Oh. They had literature back then?”

Me: “They had literature way before then.”

My sister: “Oh. What’s literature?”

Sharing Wits With The Witnesses

| Las Vegas, NV, USA | Siblings, Top

(Note: My brother is a philosophy major, and makes a hobby of logically disputing various religious beliefs. While at home, our doorbell rings.)

Brother: “I’ll get it.”

Me: “Don’t, it’s Jehovah’s Witnesses. We’re ignoring them.”

Brother: “Oh!”

(He enthusiastically heads for the door.)

Me: “No, you cannot play with them.”

Brother: “Aw, you’re no fun!”

Sibling Rivalry Is Relative

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Siblings

(I am male and three years younger than my older sister, though both of us are in our 30s. We are shopping for a gift to purchase for our parents for Christmas.)

Cashier: “Are you two related?”

Sister: “Yes, we are. He is my brother.”

Cashier: “Oh!” *points to me* “You must be the older one!”

Sister: “Ha! She said you look old!”

Cashier: “Oh, no! I didn’t mean that.

Me: *to my sister* Don’t worry, she just meant that you act too immature for people to think you are 36.”

Cashier: “No, wait! I didn’t mean that either!”

Sister: “It’s okay, you can admit it. He looks really old for 33.”

Cashier: “But, I…I’m sorry.”

Me: “No need to be sorry, we all know my sister is really immature.”

Cashier: “I swear, I didn’t mean that!”

Sister: “It’s okay, really. He looks horrible for his age.”

(The cashier realizes we have been having fun with her and smiles.)

Cashier: “Okay, I understand. I’m glad I’m an only child. This was really confusing!”

Sister: “Want my brother? He’s only slightly used!”

Me: “Or, you could take my sister. She should be house-trained by now.”

Cashier: *giggles* “I’ll just hand you your receipt instead.”

Sister: *takes receipt* “Have a nice day! Let me know if you change your mind on a slightly used 33 year-old male! Only one previous owner!”

Me: “Or a semi-house trained female! I have her papers!”