Category: Siblings

Driving To Conclusions

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

Dad: “I got a coupon for lube.”

Brother: “Uh, dad… do you really have to talk about that here?”

Dad: “[Brother], I meant lube, like, for a car.”

Brother: “Oh!”

Dad Is The Big Wheel

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(This happens at the dinner table as we are all discussing my baby sister’s G1 exam coming up next week. The discussion naturally turns to cars and since our father is a retired mechanic he likes to make sure our cars are in top condition.)

Dad: “[Brother], have you rotated the tires yet?”

Brother: “Don’t they do that while I drive?”

You Have Something To Hide, Make No Bones About It

| CT, USA | Cousins, Siblings

(Some family members are discussing mementos of our deceased pets.)

Mom: “I have some of my horse’s baby teeth and a piece of his mane in my jewelry box.”

Cousin: “I keep a few of my cat’s whiskers and her cremation remains in my closet.”

Me: “I have braids from two of my favorite goats’ beards in my bedside table.”

Brother: “You all are weird…”

Cousin: “Admit it, you have some skeletons in your closet.”

Brother: “At least they aren’t literal skeletons like yours!”

Screw This Analogy

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Siblings

(It’s close to midnight the night before my brother and I donate plasma. The appointment site went down earlier in the week, and I’d been putting off trying to get an appointment, figuring that I can still get my preferred time slot so long as the site’s up a few hours beforehand. Our household’s tools are disorganized, and it’s not uncommon for us to find dozens of wrong tools while searching for the correct tool.)

Brother: “My appointment’s at 2:10.”

Me: “Oh, is the site back up? Guess I’ll set mine up, then.”

Brother: “I’ve had it all day. Why do you always wait ’til the last minute?”

Me: “Well, in this case, there was no downside to doing so. And if I had tried earlier, it might have been an exercise in futility.”

(I consider for a moment, because it strikes me:)

Me: “Sometimes procrastination is actually a valid tactic. Huh. My problem is that I use it for everything. You know, when all you have is a hammer, everything begins to look like a nail.”

Brother: “What do you mean, everything looks like a nail?”

Me: “When you only have one way of dealing with problems, and you never learn any other ways, you always try to approach the problems that one way.”

Brother: “Every time I hold a hammer, everything looks like a screw.”

The Gay Agenda: Monday – Brunch, Tuesday – Golden Girls…

| UT, USA | LGTBQ, Siblings

(My sister and I have both started college. Our high school was very religious, so going to college is a bit of a shell shock for the both of us, but we’ve managed to adapt and have found clubs we like. I join a sorority and an art club while my sister becomes active in LGBT issues, despite the fact that she’s heterosexual.)

Me: “The only thing I don’t like about Greek life is during recruitment when we all have to be super girly and be like ‘EEE! Rush us!’ Gets annoying.”

Sister: “Ya, you’ve never been the girly type. Oh! Did I tell you that I was elected as secretary for [LGBT support club]?”

Me: “Nice! I’m assuming you haven’t told our parents the good news?”

(While my mother and I are happy that my sister has found something she’s passionate about, our dad is kinda weird about it. He’s not the kind that despises or hates homosexuals; he’s just generally uninterested because it doesn’t affect him, but he does believe that there is a ‘gay agenda.’ Our family has since then just avoided the topic.)

Sister: “I feel like if I tell them, then they’re just gonna assume that I’m a lesbian.”

Me: “Well, you’ve found something you’re passionate about. No shame in that.”

Sister: “Ugh, I just hate hearing him talk about the ‘gay agenda.’ It’s so– OH, MY GOD!”

Me: “What?!”

Sister: “Now that I’m secretary, I’m gonna start every meeting with ‘Today on the gay agenda…'”