Category: Siblings

That’s Not Cervixable

| USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My sister and I are discussing my pregnancy and impending delivery in the next week or two.)

Sister: “So how dilated are you now?”

Me: “Well, the OB said I was 4 or 5 cm at my last visit, but that several days ago now.”

Sister: “You haven’t checked since then?”

Me: “No… not really sure I can do that on my own?”

Sister: “Can’t you just hold up a tape measure down there and see?”

Me: “Um… You know we’re talking about how dilated my cervix is, right?” *I give a concise but semi-graphic explanation of how the OB checks your cervix*

Sister: “Hmm… yeah that would be hard to do by yourself. Better get [Husband] to help you!”

(Later, when I relay the story to my husband.)

Husband: “I mean… you probably could use a tape measure. It would just be kind of uncomfortable.”

Me: “How? Even if you could get it in place, you couldn’t read it!”

Husband: “You could just use a speculum!”

Me: “Yeah, no, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that.”

(The sad part is they both work in healthcare…)

What The Buck?

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(My brother is eight and we both love playing computer games. Our dad buys a bunch of them in a yard sale, so we are thrilled. The cover has cutesy looking animals and so we pop in one.)

Me: “Hmm, it’s a hunting game. How exciting!”

Brother: “I’ll shoot that deer!”

(To my shock, there is a lot of realistic looking gore and the cute deer explode into lots of chunks! An angry looking buck pops up, smoking a cigar, and starts swearing at us.)

Buck: “That was my girlfriend you just killed, motherf*****s! F*** you! I’m gonna get ya!”

(Then he starts shooting at us. I’m between laughs and shock, and my brother is just in shock.)

Brother: “…”

Me: “Um… I don’t think this is for kids…”

(Awkward. After that, the games mysteriously disappeared. I guess Dad found out and threw them away! Now, ten years later, we look back and we still go WTF about that strange game.)

Forgetting Their Phones Ad Museum

| Norway | Siblings

(I’m visiting my parents for the summer, and while sitting in my bed reading, I get a message from my sister-in-law. While she is traveling for work, my brother is in London with an old friend of his.)

Sister-In-Law: “Hey, [My Name], do you have the number for [Friend my brother is traveling with]?”

Me: “No, but I can look it up for you. Why do you need it?”

Sister-In-Law: “[Brother] left his phone in a museum.”

(She describes how she called my brother, only to have a museum worker pick up and explain the situation. I pull up the friend’s number, but as SIL is about to board a plane, I end up making the call.)

Me: “Hey, [Friend], it’s [My Name]. Do you have my brother nearby? I’d like to speak to him.”

Friend: *slightly confused* “Yeah, just a sec.” *in the background* “Hey, [Brother], it’s your sister.”

Brother: “Hello?”

Me: “I just received an amusing message. Would you like to know where your phone is?”

Brother: “What?” *I hear some ruffling in the background* “Wait, where’s my phone? I lost my phone?”

Me: “Been to any good museums lately? Maybe worth a second visit?”

(I repeat what Sister-In-Law told me, and he thanks me before hanging up. I update Sister-In-Law on the situation before going downstairs to tell the story to my parents.)

Dad: “That boy is so forgetful sometimes…”

Me: “At least he didn’t leave it on a bus his first day of vacation in Egypt during the start of the revolution and not make contact with us for three days, like [Other Brother] did.”

Sandwiched Between Your Wife And Her Brother

| UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(I have only been at this job a couple of weeks. I have just served a customer who asked for a plain chicken sandwich.)

Customer: “Excuse me, there’s no sauce!”

Me: *looking at receipt* “You asked for a plain sandwich.”

Customer: “Yes, which comes with sauce!”

Me: *not convinced but just going along with it* “Oh? I’m sorry. I’ll be more than happy to add—”

Customer: “Make me a new sandwich, and this time, MAKE IT RIGHT!”

(I proceed to remake his sandwich, while he is holding the original.)

Me: “Which sauce would you like, sir?”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “[My Name].”

Customer: “Well, [My Name].” *while using air quotes* “Could you get the owner, please?”

Me: “Sure. Is there a particular reason why you want them?”

Customer: “JUST GET HIM!”

(I call the owner down. The owner doesn’t even acknowledge me on seeing the customer.)

Owner: “Ah, [Customer]. What appears to be the problem?”

Customer: “This—”

Owner: “A sandwich?”

Customer: “Yes; this—”

Owner: “Sauce? You know you have ask, remember?”

Customer: “Yes, well—”

Owner: “Were you wanting two?”

Customer: “No…”

Owner: “I assume you want [Specialty Sauce]?”

(The owner finishes the customer’s sandwich and takes the old one. Once the customer leaves he turns to me.)

Owner: “Here. On the house. In the future, if you see him just call me immediately.”

Me: “Does he do that a lot?”

Owner: “Every time he sees someone new in the window. I offered him a job against my better judgement, and he refused to comply with anyone’s orders. He’s been ever so spiteful since letting him go. I’ll be getting a call from his wife next.”

Me: “You know him personally?”

Owner: “Why else do you think I hired him? He’s my brother-in-law!”

Getting A Foothold Over This Disease

| UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

(I was diagnosed with diabetes as a child. It has been more or less perfectly managed, but my family has all been aware of the potential risks in the future. Fast forward to when I’m seventeen and my mum has just recently done what she calls the ‘sock run,’ where she throws out all our old, worn down socks. She forces me to take my socks off because of a hole on the front, so I’m currently walking around barefoot. I walk by my sister’s room.)

Sister: *sounding panicked* “[My Name]! What’s that?”

Me: “What?”

Sister: *pointing at my foot* “THAT! Oh, no, it’s happening.” *tearing up* “Mum, it’s happened!”

Me: “No, it’s…”

(My sister then starts weeping over my feet, so loud it alerts the rest of the house. My mum runs up.)

Mum: “[Sister], [My Name], what the h*** is going on?”

Sister: “Mum, it’s happened. [My Name] is losing his feet.”

(I glare at her as she starts wailing while my mum walks away laughing her head off.)

Me: “[Sister]! Calm down. It’s just fluff!”

(I bend down and pick it off my foot.)

Me: “See?”

Sister: *deer in the headlights moment* “Oh! Okay… *turns and slams her door in my face*