Category: Siblings

The Shouting Makes Him Enfilade

| Detroit, MI, USA | Children, In-Laws, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

(I am a retired Marine, and I have never lost the habit of using military terminology. My five-year-old nephew has taken his bath and is on the family room sofa, lying pressed up against the cushions so that he can’t be seen from the kitchen.)

Brother-In-Law: “Where’s [Nephew]?”

Me: “He’s in defilade.”

Nephew: *yelling* “No, I’m not! I’m in my underwear!”

Wish The Fact Had Remained Unknown

| CA, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

(I come from out of state to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law’s college graduation. An old friend whom I haven’t seen or heard from in years also comes. He brought his son with him! We talk for a bit, but then I suddenly have a disconnect in my brain. I just can’t believe that Friend, who I last saw as a teenager, now has a baby. Friend is standing some distance away talking with my brother, and the area is a bit noisy. I take advantage of the situation and discreetly lean towards my sister-in-law.)

Me: *whispering* “Is that REALLY [Friend]?”

Sister-In-Law: *very loudly* “Yes! That’s [Friend]!”

Friend: *having overheard and obviously hurt* “Oh… you didn’t know who I was?”

(Thanks a lot for that, Sister-In-Law…)

On Track For Entitlement

| FL, USA | Siblings

(This was in the early ‘80s when track-suits were the rage. My younger sister starts community college and needs one for gym.)

Sister: “I need a track suit for gym, but I’m broke.”

Me: “Don’t worry I’ll buy you one.”

Sister: “I can’t decide between these two track-suits. I guess I’ll pay for the second one myself.”

Me: “…”

A Bird On Your Phone Is Worth Two In The Bush

| USA | Siblings

(I have just moved in with my dad, my brother, and my dad’s new wife, whom I don’t know very well. We’re sitting down having breakfast when I hear a bird whistle very clearly. Our house is near some woods so I think it’s a wild bird.)

Me: “Huh, is that a bird? Birds are very common here.”

(No one says anything, just continue eating and looking through their phones. A few minutes pass and I hear it again.)

Me: “Wonder what kind of bird was that. I’m curious.”

Brother: *finally looks at me like I’m stupid* “That was [Dad’s Wife]’s phone! It has a new message!”

Me: “Oh! Well it sounded like a bird call.”

(I felt stupid.)

The Cats Don’t Care Either Way

| Tulalip, WA, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(After the cat wants out the third time within ten minutes:)

Me: “Cat, I am not a professional opener of doors for cats!”

Brother: “Apparently you are.”

Me: “Yeah… Wait, no! I don’t get paid! I am an amateur opener of doors for cats!”

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