Category: Siblings

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Holy Milk

| Fife, Scotland, UK | Siblings

(This story takes place shortly after the veneration of Mother Theresa. My family and I are watching a news report about the ceremony that took place earlier. My brother is 22.)

Brother: “The Vatican? That’s where they put all the dead people in the walls, right?”

Me: “Catacombs… The word you’re looking for is catacombs.”

(A couple of minutes pass.)

Brother: “Oh, that’s who Mother Theresa was? I always thought she was some kind of milk maid or something.”

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I Only Have To Confess That I Have Nothing To Confess

| USA | Siblings

Sister: “Do you want to go with me to church today?”

Me: “Sure.”

Sister: “I’ve got SO many things to confess.”

Me: *chuckle* “Oh, really?”

Sister: “Yeah, last night I went to a party… and well, things got out of hand… Have you ever confessed?”

Me: “No.”

Sister: “Why don’t you? It’s good for your soul.”

Me: “I don’t have anything to confess to.”

Sister: “Of course you have! No one is perfect. Except Jesus. And God.”

(We continue talking about it on the way. She seemed baffled that I really didn’t have anything to confess! Soon after that, she was telling everyone that I think I’m perfect like God or Jesus.)

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Made The Flight Bear-able

| England, UK | Cousins, Siblings

(We are on a large family holiday. All of us are adults now with kids of our own. It’s a long flight so i take out the colouring books and crayons we brought.)

Eldest Sister: “Can we borrow some of them?”

Me: *slightly annoyed at the lack of preparation* ” Sure.”

(An hour in, our daughter is getting bored again. I take out some story books and snacks.)

Other Sister: “[Child] is bored; could we borrow one?”

Me: “Fine.”

(After a long flight we have a great holiday and reluctantly join the plane home. As none of the “borrowed” items came back and with limited shops we make do.)

Eldest Sister: “You don’t mind if we borrow some again?”

Me: “What happened to the last lot?”

Eldest Sister: *shrugs*

Other Sister: “Me, too!”

(Frustrated and annoyed how two grown women fail to prepare for their own children, but not wanting to ruin the holiday, we do our best to entertain our three-year-old with a few crayons and single colouring book. Quickly enough she is bored and I have nothing left to entertain her.)

Me: *to my wife* “You know what?! Sod it. We are on holiday. Pass me the menu.”

Me: *to the flight attendant* Can we have two drinks, a kids selection pack, and—” *silently pointing* “—one of those, please.”

Stewardess: *all smiles* “Of course, sir.”

(Our daughter might have been upset to leave, but when the pilot teddy bear came down the aisle she forgot all about it. My sisters, however, had to deal with the begging and pleading from their kids, but of course they failed to leave any money aside to prepare for the flight home. Two years later, she still has the bear, in a place of pride in her room.)

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Do You ‘Like’ Your Marriage?

| England, UK | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

(My wife and I are sitting down to watch a movie. As she is setting up the DVD player, I’m playing with my phone.)

Me: “Ugh.”

Wife: “What’s up?”

Me: “Oh, your sister and her Facebook posts.”

Wife: “I know! What is it now?”

Me: “Oh, another sloppy romantic husband and wife comment. They don’t even spend time with each other but online…”

Wife: “Online they are the perfect couple. Did you know last week he refused to pick her up in the rain?”

Me: “Really?”

Wife: “Because the football was on; it took her an hour to get home!”

Me: “Oh, hang on. This is perfect.” *I dart off and return*

Me: “They are over the road at the pub. I can just see them from the upstairs window. They are both staring at their phones not even talking to each other.”

(Of course, whenever the conversation turned to them, life was perfect despite the obvious issues. Years later after much more strife they eventually went to couples counselling, in secret of course.)

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An Opposable Opinion

| England, UK | Siblings

(My cat is notorious for escaping when he wants out at night time. If we forget to close all the windows, even the upper floors, before going to bed he’ll find his way out and will be howling to be let back in come morning. I’m discussing this with my sister.)

Me: “He’s like a little Houdini! I realised he’s been escaping through the bathroom window now so we have to watch out for that as well.”

Sister: “Yeah, okay, I’ll check that window, too. Man, imagine how bad he’d be if he had disposable thumbs!”

Me: “Disposable…?”

Sister: “Yeah! You know, like…” *wiggles her thumbs by way of explanation*

Me: *bursts out laughing* “[Sister], I think you mean opposable!”

Sister: “Wait, what’s that?”

Me: “Means you can move your thumbs around opposite your fingers.” *I return the thumb wiggle of explanation*

Sister: “OH!” *dissolves into laughter as well* “That makes so much more sense than what I thought!”

(It’s now a regular joke that my cat does indeed have disposable thumbs to use to open things and discard so we’d never suspect him.)

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