Category: Pets & Animals

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Has A New Pet Hate

| CT, USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(When my older sister turned eight or nine, our aunt got her a hamster for her birthday. Within a week, there is an issue with the hamster, and our mom calls our aunt. Our cousin, who is notorious for not passing on phone messages, answers.)

Mom: *very quietly and seriously* “You will make sure your mother gets this message.”

Cousin: *scared* “Yeah?”

Mom: “The next time she wants to buy one of my kids a pet, she should make sure the fool thing isn’t PREGNANT.”

(Our aunt got the message, and we got eight hamsters.)

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Caught The Tail-End Of That Memory

| USA | Pets & Animals

(When I first got my cat a few years ago she accidentally put her tail in a lit candle and caught her tail and backside on fire. She was fine, however, and didn’t have any accidents involving fire until this.)

Mom:“Hey could you light that candle on the table?”

(As soon as I light the candle my cat runs over and sticks her face in it.)

Mom: *running over and picking up the cat* “You dumb-a**! Do you have no memory of catching on fire?”

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Wasn’t Egg-specting That

| WI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(I live out in a fairly rural area, and thus keep a variety of animals for basic needs (cows for milk, chickens for eggs, etc.) so don’t have to drive several miles to the store for groceries all the time. On this particular day my boyfriend’s parents are coming over for dinner and, as a surprise, say they’ll be doing the cooking. Since this means my boyfriend and I have time to head out on one of our monthly treks for feed and supplies, we leave them to the kitchen duties, and come home to a nicely laid table and the scents of something very delicious in the air.)

Me: “Wow, smells like you two outdid yourselves!”

Boyfriend’s Mom: “Yep! Dig in!” [Boyfriend’s Father] is just washing his hands and cleaning up from butchering.”

Me: “Butchering?”

(I get a better look at the table, and notice the centerpiece a huge, steaming plate of roast chickens.)

Me: “That’s… wait… Where did you get the chickens from?”

Boyfriend’s Mom: “From your pen. Good timing, too! Those babies were all nice and plump and perfect!”

Me: *now horrified* “My… my pen!? Those are my chickens?”

Boyfriend’s Mom: “What are you shouting for? What’s the problem?”

Boyfriend: “Mom, those chickens were for our egg supply!”

Me: “They had names!”

Boyfriend’s Mom: “You assign names to your meat?”

(Needless to say, dinner ended up being cancelled and my boyfriend’s parents weren’t allowed to visit for a long time. They still have trouble understanding that there are other reasons for keeping animals than just to eat them.)

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Cats Had To Be Involved Somehow

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(My dad is annoyed that my cat coughed up a hairball in the night and is complaining about it.)

Dad: “That cat is tearing our family apart. Cats are the cause of all world problems.”

Me: “So are you saying cats caused ISIS?”

Dad: “No, don’t be stupid. Other cats did.”

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I Guess That Counts As Potty Trained?

| USA | Children, Pets & Animals

(Years ago I dated the son of a very famous author. We go to their summer home and we’re having a lovely dinner. There is a 15-year gap between us and the youngest kid.)

Child: *around three* “I need to go potty!”

(He runs off and we all continue talking. The youngest son runs inside through a screen door, much to everyone’s surprise:)

Child: “I need the pooper scooper!”

Dad: “What?!”

Child: “I need the pooper scooper! I pooped like [Family Dog]; I need to clean it!”

(It slowly set in that the kid pooped on the lawn like the dog. I almost choked trying not to laugh. Famous mom and dad looked mortified. I still laugh about it. It was awesome then to see them embarrassed and it’s awesome now after potty-training my own kid eight years later. I still tease my ex-boyfriend that dogs teach his siblings more.)

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