Category: Pets & Animals

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These Deaths Keep On Snowballing

| Nazareth, PA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Popular

(It is Easter. The dinner conversation somehow comes to Snowball, my first cat, who died when I was 10.)

Me: “I still really miss that cat. I still have his toys stuffed into my sock drawer so my other cats can’t get to them.”

Mom: “Yeah, you really were upset when Snowball died. You didn’t seem nearly as upset when Cosmo died.”

Me: “That’s because Cosmo died of old age. I had some warning and wasn’t traumatized by his death.”

Mom: “I guess that makes sense. I know I didn’t expect a five year old cat to drop dead of an aneurysm either.”

(The room gets silent and everyone is staring at me. I guess they noticed something change in the way I was looking at my mom.)

Grandmother: “Uh, [Mom]? I don’t think you ever told her that.”

Me: “What do you mean, an aneurysm?”

Mom: “Oh, that’s right. I never told you because you were only 10. Snowball died of an aneurysm.”

Me: “And you didn’t tell me?!”

Mom: “Well, I didn’t want to traumatize you, so I just didn’t tell you.”

Me: “Mom, for the past 15 years I thought I murdered Snowball because I fed him part of my hot dog literally five minutes before he fell over and died, and you let me keep thinking that because you thought it was less traumatizing than knowing he had an aneurysm?!”

Mom: “Aneurysms are scary for kids!”

(As relieved as I was to find out that I didn’t in fact kill my cat by accident, I’m still angry that no one in my family thought once in the last 15 years to tell me it wasn’t my fault.)

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Might Take A Whale To Explain

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Popular

(My mom and I are watching the movie ‘Elf.’ In one scene, a cartoon narwhal shows up.)

Me: “I want to see one of those in real life one day.”

(My mom just stares at me like I’ve grown two heads.)

Me: “What?”

Mom: “Narwhals aren’t real.”

Me: “…What?”

(We just look at each other for what feels like ten minutes, trying to figure out who is messing with whom. Finally, I just Google a picture on my phone and show her.)

Me: “See? They only live in really cold water.”

Mom: *bewildered look* “I thought they were like unicorns.”

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A Dog Will Be Well-Behaved Then PUDDLES!

| USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Popular

(At the time, I am a 9-year-old girl. My mom has a huge untrained German Shepherd. Mom is grouchy about something unrelated. She tells me to take her dog out for a walk.)

Me: “But… that’s a really bad idea.”

Mom: “Just do it! If he poops then you’re cleaning it up! ”

(Not wanting to clean poop, I sigh and get the leash. Mom usually keeps her huge dog in a small closet, so it’s jumping around at the sight of the leash, not having exercised all day. We go outside, where it has recently rained and there are huge puddles everywhere. Suddenly, the dog makes a huge run for the puddles, pulling me like a kite. He splashes around in them, running back and forth. I’m soaked from head to toe. A neighbor sees me and helps me get him back in our house.)

Mom: *sees me* “What happened?! Why are you all muddy?!”

(I explained and she went silent. She didn’t make me do it anymore and took her dog to obedience classes.)

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