Category: Pets & Animals

Snaking Past The Parents

, | Detroit, MI, USA | Children, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My nine-year-old nephew is fascinated by insects and reptiles, and proudly signs himself  Nephew THE ENTOMOLOGIST on emails. My sister and her husband have had to be very firm with him about the creepy-crawlies that he tries to bring in the house. One day she receives a call on her cell.)

Caller: “Hi, I’m with [Reptile Supply House] and I need to schedule a delivery.”

Sister: “A delivery of…?”

Caller: “You ordered a corn snake. We need to make sure that there’s someone at home to accept a live delivery.”

(Turned out, my nephew figured out how to set up a PayPal account and used his Christmas money to order the snake. Unfortunately for him, he had no phone and used my sister’s number for the transaction. When my sister contacted PayPal to shut down his account, she said the lady on the customer service line laughed so hard at the story she had to put a supervisor on the phone to finish the cancellation.)

The Cat Has The Last Meow

| VA, USA | Pets & Animals, Spouses & Partners

(My husband and I have recently had to sleep in different rooms due to his back issues. One of our cats is 18 years old, very small, and prissy. She hates to be touched other than being pet. We’re staying up later than normal and watching TV in my bed. My husband gets up to go to the bathroom and the cat jumps in his spot and quickly gets comfy. When this happens he can usually make her move by bouncing the bed near her.)

Husband: *starts bouncing the bed* “Come on, get out of here. That’s my spot.”

(The cat gets an annoyed expression on her face but doesn’t move.)

Husband: *seeing as moving the bed didn’t work he takes a pillow and slowly drags it over her* “I mean, really, get up.”

Cat: *hunkers down and refuses to move*

Husband: *starts to push her to make her move* “Why is she being so stubborn?”

Me: “That’s her spot. She always sleeps right there at night. She’s trying to tell you it’s way past our bedtime!”

(We both laughed and I ended up having to pick her up to make her move. I guess she is getting cranky in her old age.)

Those Cats Have HISS-tory

| SC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(We have one extremely spoiled house cat and a family of yard cats. The friendliest of the yard cats would really be happier as a house cat, so we’ve been trying to bring him inside once or twice a day to get the current house cat used to him. We’ve also been jokingly trying to talk her into accepting him, which works about equally well.)

StepDad: “[House Cat], if [Yard Cat] came inside more, you could team up against the vacuum cleaner!”

(She is unimpressed with this idea. Later, the house cat is sitting in my favorite chair.)

Me: “[House Cat], if [Yard Cat] were inside, I’d feel sorry for you and wouldn’t move you.”

(She considers this, then hops out of my chair. Apparently it’s not worth it. Later…)

Mom: “Maybe someday they’ll be good friends.”

StepDad: “[House Cat] and [Yard Cat], sitting in a tree…”

Me: “H-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

(We’ve been at this for a month, and progressed to the point where she’ll stare at him for a second and not hiss before running away. Wish us luck.)

Pray She Doesn’t See A ‘Spider-Bird’

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Pets & Animals

(Lately my little niece has taken to calling animals by what they’re shaped like. She was playing outside one day before running in and saying this…)

Niece: “Auntie! Auntie! I just saw a helicopter-fly!”

(Needless to say, everyone burst out laughing. She still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that dragonflies have been around longer than helicopters.)

Your Facts Vary Wildly

| Mexico | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(For years, whenever the topic of our dog, a Chihuahua mix, came up my dad would tell people that Chihuahuas lived wild in the deserts of northern Mexico, hunting snakes and rats. For the longest time we believed him and didn’t know better, until my sister and I got really into zoology.)

Dad: “They have them wild in the deserts of Mexico, you know!”

Sister: “No, they don’t, Dad. Nothing as noisy as a Chihuahua could ever survive in the wild, that’s practically announcing to every predator ‘here I am, come eat me!’”

Dad: “Oh.”

(He stopped telling people that wild Chihuahuas were a thing after that. During a separate conversation regarding the origins of dogs.)

Me: “Well, Chihuahuas came from wolves, too.”

Dad: “What? Really? They’re not descended from, like, weasels or something?”

Me: “No, Dad. If they were weasels, there would be no such thing as a Chihuahua mix, as they would not be compatible with dogs.”

Dad: “Oh.”

(My dad and his family had kept no less than three Chihuahuas before we were born. When my mom started saying she wanted one, my dad would tell her that they only live three years tops. I got very confused, because I knew a lot about dogs and knew that the smaller ones tended to live longer, and could make it to fifteen.)

Me: “I don’t understand why Dad says that.”

Mom: “Maybe it’s because his family only fed their Chihuahuas table scraps.”

Me: “Those poor dogs!”

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