Category: Pets & Animals


Always Knew That Cats Were Jerks

| Pets & Animals

Friend: “My grandma tripped over her cat and broke her leg.”

Me: “Oh, my god, that’s terrible!”

Friend: “And she said, ‘And the cat didn’t help at all! She just stood there going “Meow! Meow!”’”


The Nurturing Type

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(We adopted our dog five years ago when she was about eight months old. When we brought her home she was quite shy, but she has since matured into a much more confident dog with some rather amusing quirks.)

Me: “[Dog], you’re such a weirdo. How is it that out of all the dogs at the shelter we brought home the weird one?”

Brother: “I think [Dog] is a case of nurture over nature.”

Me: “Knowing our family, you’re absolutely right.”



| PA, USA | Pets & Animals, Sons & Daughters

(Early one morning, my daughter walks downstairs with what looks like a sealed plastic cup, like the ones you would buy a Betta in, in her hands.)

Daughter: “Mom, I want to show you something cool!”

Me: “What is it, sweetie?”

Daughter: “This is a German cockroach. His name is Heinrich. I found him when he ran across my bedroom wall last night!”

Me: “…”

(She held up the cup and sure enough, it was a German cockroach. That was also the day we discovered that my daughter wants to be an entomologist, which also explained why she called the pest control man a mass murderer when he came to spray the house the next week.)


A Meal You Can Woof Down

| Prague, Czech Republic | Grandchildren, Pets & Animals

(My eight-year-old granddaughter is great animal lover and also smart for her age. One evening she plays with her pets: one dog and one cat.)

Granddaughter: *matter-of-factly* “You know, you two, you should be really glad you live here! If you lived in China, you’d be EATEN!”


Death By Chocolate

| Waverly, IN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My sister’s first grade teacher has just gotten married and is on her honeymoon. The class has two pet gerbils: Vanilla and Chocolate. My family volunteer to care for the gerbils at the end of the school day so the substitute won’t have to. Third grade me thought the gerbils would love to scurry about the room, but they were quite difficult to catch.)

Me: “[Sister]! Catch it!”

Sister: “I can’t! He’s too fast!”

Mom: “Hurry up. Your father is waiting for us at home.”

Me: “I got it!”

(I had chased Chocolate down and was about to catch him. Suddenly I tripped on a desk leg, fell forward, heard a terrible crunching noise, and felt poor Chocolate squirming under my knee.)

Me: *bawling* “I got him! Mom! He’s dying!”

(My mom then scooped up the crushed gerbil and took it to the teacher I had for first grade.)

Teacher: “It’s okay honey. You didn’t mean to.”

(My mom and the teacher hugged me as the gerbil died in our hands. I cried the entire way home. When we got home my mom told my dad what had happened. He came over to me to offer his comfort.)

Dad: “[Mom]! Hurry! If we get to the school in time, we can get the body and mount my little hunter’s first kill!”

(I began bawling again. I can’t help but wonder what it was like for my sister to go to school the next day knowing that the other kids in her class would know that it was her big sister who had killed their pet.)

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