Category: Pets & Animals

Those Cats Have HISS-tory

| SC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(We have one extremely spoiled house cat and a family of yard cats. The friendliest of the yard cats would really be happier as a house cat, so we’ve been trying to bring him inside once or twice a day to get the current house cat used to him. We’ve also been jokingly trying to talk her into accepting him, which works about equally well.)

StepDad: “[House Cat], if [Yard Cat] came inside more, you could team up against the vacuum cleaner!”

(She is unimpressed with this idea. Later, the house cat is sitting in my favorite chair.)

Me: “[House Cat], if [Yard Cat] were inside, I’d feel sorry for you and wouldn’t move you.”

(She considers this, then hops out of my chair. Apparently it’s not worth it. Later…)

Mom: “Maybe someday they’ll be good friends.”

StepDad: “[House Cat] and [Yard Cat], sitting in a tree…”

Me: “H-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

(We’ve been at this for a month, and progressed to the point where she’ll stare at him for a second and not hiss before running away. Wish us luck.)

Pray She Doesn’t See A ‘Spider-Bird’

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Pets & Animals

(Lately my little niece has taken to calling animals by what they’re shaped like. She was playing outside one day before running in and saying this…)

Niece: “Auntie! Auntie! I just saw a helicopter-fly!”

(Needless to say, everyone burst out laughing. She still hasn’t gotten used to the fact that dragonflies have been around longer than helicopters.)

Your Facts Vary Wildly

| Mexico | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(For years, whenever the topic of our dog, a Chihuahua mix, came up my dad would tell people that Chihuahuas lived wild in the deserts of northern Mexico, hunting snakes and rats. For the longest time we believed him and didn’t know better, until my sister and I got really into zoology.)

Dad: “They have them wild in the deserts of Mexico, you know!”

Sister: “No, they don’t, Dad. Nothing as noisy as a Chihuahua could ever survive in the wild, that’s practically announcing to every predator ‘here I am, come eat me!’”

Dad: “Oh.”

(He stopped telling people that wild Chihuahuas were a thing after that. During a separate conversation regarding the origins of dogs.)

Me: “Well, Chihuahuas came from wolves, too.”

Dad: “What? Really? They’re not descended from, like, weasels or something?”

Me: “No, Dad. If they were weasels, there would be no such thing as a Chihuahua mix, as they would not be compatible with dogs.”

Dad: “Oh.”

(My dad and his family had kept no less than three Chihuahuas before we were born. When my mom started saying she wanted one, my dad would tell her that they only live three years tops. I got very confused, because I knew a lot about dogs and knew that the smaller ones tended to live longer, and could make it to fifteen.)

Me: “I don’t understand why Dad says that.”

Mom: “Maybe it’s because his family only fed their Chihuahuas table scraps.”

Me: “Those poor dogs!”

There Better Bee An Explanation

| TX, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(In the middle of the night, someone starts pounding on my bedroom door.)

Me: *groggy* “Wh-what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

Brother: *calling through the door* “[My Name]? Don’t go into the bathroom, okay?”

Me: *looking at my alarm clock* “It’s two am!”

Brother: “Yeah, I know. Just don’t go into the bathroom.”

Me: “Why? Did the toilet overflow or something?”

Brother: “No, there’s bees in there.”

Me: “A bee? What, did you leave the window open?”

Brother: “No, bees. Plural. About 40.”

Me: *now fully awake* “How the h*** are there 40 bees in our bathroom?!”

Brother: “I ordered them in the mail. And then, when I opened the box, they all flew out.”

Me: “What exactly did you think would happen?! And WHY did you order bees?”

Brother: “Just don’t go in there. I gotta go tell mom and dad, now.”

(As it happens, my mother is violently allergic to bees, so in the middle of the night, my dad dragged a ladder up against the house and opened the window from the outside to let them all out before any could escape the bathroom. We never got an explanation from my brother.)

Can’t Blame That One On The Dog

| MD, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(We recently got our first family dog and, despite initial resistance from my mom, he sleeps in between my mom and dad. My dad told me this story one day.)

Dog: *starts shifting in the bed, moving his head towards the pillows*

Mom: “What’s wrong, buddy?”

Dad: “He’s just getting comfortable. He’s fine.”

Dog: *continues shifting and ends up staring directly at my mom*

Mom: “I’m sorry, okay?”

(Yep, turned out mom ripped one right in the dog’s face and thought she could get away with it.)

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