Category: Pets & Animals

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Too Quick With The Lick

| CT, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(My family’s dog is very curious. As such, she inspects things in the only ways a dog can: sniffing them and licking them. On this particular occasion, my brother has left a drink from a fast food restaurant on an end table while he goes to get something from the kitchen. As he’s coming back to the living room, the dog jumps up on a chair and starts sniffing the cup.)

Dog: *sniffs straw*

Brother: “Don’t lick that!”

Dog: *licks straw and runs off*

Brother: “Oh, f*** you!”

Me: *dies laughing*

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Hydration Therapy

| Dubuque, IA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals, Popular

(Very recently, the cat I’ve had for 16 years had to be put to sleep. I opted to have his ashes returned to me, and my mom found a container to serve as an urn. After work, I go to her house to pick up the container and ashes.)

Me: *picks it up* “Oh, wow, this is heavier than I thought it would be…”

Mom: “Well, of course. It’s a whole cat, minus the moisture!”

Me: *starts laughing helplessly* “Oh, god, I’m just imagining one of the other cats being that dehydrated…”

(We spent the next ten minutes crying and making jokes about him, and I left feeling a lot better about him being gone. Laughter cures all ills!)

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Out To Get Some Tail

| East Midlands, England, UK | Cousins, Pets & Animals, Popular

(After searching long and hard for a male gerbil to try and bond with my current gerbil I finally find one. It’s quite a journey and a rescue worker ends up dropping him off at my cousin’s home where I will be later that day. This conversation takes place later that day.)

Cousin: “So what’re you going to do with it?”

Me: “It’s going to be friends with the other gerbil I have.”

Cousin: “Will they have babies?”

Me: “No, they’re both boys. It’s fine.”

Cousin: “Well, it’d be all right, anyway. All you have to do is pull its tail off.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Cousin: “Yeah, it’s like with dogs. If you take their tails off they can’t have babies!”

(I’d like to say my cousin was a child, but no. She was 18 at the time.)

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