Category: Pets & Animals


The Sound Of The Trumpet Spider

| WV, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(My mother is afraid of spiders, so when one came rappelling down in front of her laptop, she said she was going to kill it unless someone took it outside. I volunteered. When I came back in, the instant I latched the door one of our computers made a “quest completed” sort of noise.)

Me: “Did I just unlock an achievement by taking a spider outside?”


Insuring No Insulin

| Madison, WI, USA | Non-Dialogue, Pets & Animals

When I first started working, my boss had a four-year-old son. Fast forward 20 years, and her son is now working for the same company, although still living with her.

They have a couple of cats, one of whom is diabetic and requires daily shots of Insulin. She would prepare the shots, and whoever got home first in the evening would inject the Insulin. The other would know the job was done by the absence of a filled syringe on the counter.

One day, she decided to clean behind the various canisters on the cupboard. She found a hidden stash of filled syringes. Apparently, the cat had figured out that the absence of a syringe meant no shot, so she was hiding them.


High-Flying Low-Blows

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Cousins, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(A cousin of ours has recently had a baby, and has been posting a lot of pictures about the baby. My sister and I don’t like children. I am also currently unemployed)

Sister: “Can [Cousin] stop posting pictures about her baby? It’s seriously getting annoying. It’s all she does these days.”

Mum: “I know, but that’s what her life is now.”

Me: “My life is all about [Dog] right now, but you don’t see me posting pictures of him all day.”

Mum: “Yes, but [Cousin] was a high-flying professional before she had the baby, so it’s a bit of a come-down for her…”

(At this point my dad and sister lose it, and Mum goes bright red.)

Mum: “No… I mean…”

Me: *sarcastic* “I get that I’m nothing at the moment, but I thought you at least supported me.”


Not Kitten Around With Trash-Day

| OH, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(We have just gotten ourselves a kitten after losing my cat. When my previous cat was a kitten, she would hop into the trashcan, so as a joke, my mom puts the new kitten into the trashcan. It’s the night before trash-day, and my brother takes out the trash.)

Mom: “[Brother]! You forgot the trashcan in my room!”

Brother: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “Yes, you did. Come get it.”

Brother: *comes over and steps on the pedal to open the trashcan, finding the kitten*

Mom: “What do you say to that?”

Brother: *lifts kitten out of the trash* “One man’s trash is another man’s— ow ow, claws!”


You Can’t Argue That Logic

| Pendleton, SC, USA | Pets & Animals, Siblings

(I’m telling my brother about how I picked up one of our new kittens and it grabbed onto my shirt and wouldn’t let go. It ended up clinging to my shoulder, and my brother is comparing it to a pirate’s parrot.)

Brother: “But could you get it to say anything that a parrot would say?”

Me: “Well, I could teach a parrot to meow.”

Brother: “That’s… kind of the OPPOSITE of what I said.”

Me: “But then, the kitten would be saying something the parrot would say.”

Brother: “…Dammit.”

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