Category: Parents & Guardians

You’re Drool-Hardy

| Singapore | Parents & Guardians

Mom: *to me* “You drooled a lot as a baby.”

Me: “Nooo, please stop. Pleeease.”

Mom: “Even though you smelled completely of drool, we still loved you anyway.”

Dad: “But not anymore.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Dad: “I meant the drool part.”

The Breast Flavor Of All

| CO, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My husband and I and a group of our friends are at a popular fast food place. My husband is talking to the toddler son of a one of our friends. The son is happily eating an ice cream cone and looks adorable. Our friend recently had another son who is a week old.)

Husband: “Do you like ice cream, [Friend’s Son]?”

Friend’s Son: *nods*

Husband: “Does your brother like ice cream?”

Friend’s Son: “No.”

Husband: “What does your brother like?”

Friend’s Son: “He likes Mommy’s milk.”

Not Your Average Mother

| CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(Our science teacher often posts a class average whenever we have a test. My mother is known for being incredibly stubborn, sometimes obsessed with what she says is right. We have just had a test that most people bombed.)

Mother: “[My Name], why do you have a 50% on this test?”

Me: “What? Oh! That’s not me; that’s the class average.” *gestures to my score, which is a 100%* “This is mine.”

Mother: “Is it? It says that the class average is 50%, though.”

Me: “Yeah, but that’s the whole CLASS. They failed, but I didn’t.”

Mother: “No, no. You got 50% on the test. Explain yourself.”

Me: *face-palming* “Mom, that’s the class AVERAGE. Just because the rest of my class got 50% doesn’t mean I failed the test, Mom.”

Mother: *disbelieving* “Well, we’ll call your dad and see what he has to say about this.”

Me: “Really, Mom? You are really going to call Dad at work just so he can tell you that my score was 100% when the class average is a 50%?”

Mother: “Yes, you’re being very belligerent.” *proceeds to call Dad and put it on speaker with a smug face*

Dad: “Honey, what do you need?”

Mother: “Well, [My Name], explain yourself.”

Me: *sigh* “I got 100% on my test, even though the class average was 50%.”

Dad: “Really? Honey, that’s great! That means that he did better than the rest of the class.”

Mother: “Then why is the class average 50%? You know what? I’ll talk with his teacher tomorrow.”

Me: *face-palm*

(Unsurprisingly, the next day, my teacher had to get rid of her by saying that he’ll “change” my score to 100%. However, just because my mother was so incredibly stubborn and ignorant, I moved out the first opportunity I had. My dad still tries to convince her that I passed that test.)

A Light Scare

| The Netherlands | Parents & Guardians

(I’ve just arrived back home from a three-week holiday. During this holiday my mother apparently decided to clean some parts of my room, including the window. I normally keep the curtain on it down, but she pulled it up to have some light in the room; she likes natural light and I don’t.)

Mum: “As I was cleaning your window, all of a sudden I hear this mysterious ticking noise. I searched and searched and searched and finally discovered the source. It was the nodding cats. They scared me to bits!”

(I have some solar powered nodding lucky cats on my bookshelf. Normally they never nod as I don’t have natural light in my room, but because of the open curtains they started to nod. And they make a small clicking noise when they do.)

Play Time Is Over

| PA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am walking around my department, finishing my tasks, and overhear part of a conversation between two middle-aged women in the toy department:)

Woman: “And everything’s educational these days. Kids can’t just play.”

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