Category: Parents & Guardians

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Birth And Death

| Prince George, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

(My mom is pregnant, and overdue, with my younger brother, and is at the doctor’s for a checkup. She’s a little worried because she had quick labours with both my sister and me and had severe complications early in the pregnancy. With both of us girls she was scheduled to be induced if she was too overdue, but it didn’t come to that. Due to retirement, she has a different doctor now.)

Mom: “If I don’t go into labour soon, when will we induce?”

Doctor: *airily* “Oh, no! We don’t induce unless a life is in danger.”

(Mom looks at Dad, who looks back at her. Both are thinking the same thing.)

Mom: “So, are you going to kill the doctor, or am I?”

Doctor: *shocked* “What?”

Dad: “Hey, you just said a life. You never said whose!”

(No one was injured, and my brother was safely delivered naturally a few days later. On the plus side, though, the doctor got a nice lesson on deciding treatment *with* the patient instead of dictating to them, and wasn’t so high-handed with them after that!)

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Inside-Out Cat

| Renton, WA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(I am a volunteer cat caretaker at a local animal shelter. Essentially I clean up, groom, and feed all rescued kitties and try to talk folk into adopting them. On this day a man and daughter are coo-ing over one of our recently arrived kittens that I’ve let out into the play area.)

Daughter: “Ooooh, daddy this one is so precious! And look, she loves me!” *the kitten is indeed licking her hand, purring, and rubbing its face against her* “Are you sure we can’t get another cat?”

Dad: “No, dear, not after what happened with the last one. I don’t want to have to replace the microwave again!”

(The daughter looked pouty and left with her father. I immediately put the kitten safely back in its cage and try not to shudder at the possible connotations of what was just said.)

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Literally Scream For Ice Cream

| CA, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I am working in an ice cream shop. A woman and her young son, about seven or so, walk in. The kid is immediately drawn to the ‘kid’s zone,’ a section with the brightest possible flavors. The kid orders the bright purple and green flavor, with a red raspberry swirl. Mom gets a vanilla scoop, and I ring up their order. The kid notices something wrong with his ice cream.)

Son: “I want sprinkles!”

Mother: “No, sweetie, we’re not getting sprinkles today.”

Son: “I want sprinkles!”

Mother: “No, no sprinkles today.”

Son: “I WANT SPRINKLES!”

(There follows an epic, screaming meltdown of the highest quality. The kid throws an absolute tantrum, kicking and pounding the table, howling at the unfairness of a universe that has failed to provide him with the sprinkles he clearly needs to continue existing.)

Mother: “Now, honey… if you don’t stop that soon, when we get home you’re getting a time-out.”

(I rolled my eyes, knowing full well that this would not have any effect. There was no way the kid will associate future punishment with current misdeeds, not at his age. Sure enough the screaming continued for another five minutes. Howling, hooting, jumping up and down. Mom caved. She bought ANOTHER scoop of ice cream, WITH sprinkles, which the child devoured without any sign of remorse or gratitude. I know that sometimes it can be hard dealing with a tantrum, and that some days are just exhausting, but I greatly fear that this lack of effective parenting will lead to that child becoming a monster.)

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A Sudden ‘Change’ In Behavior

| London, England | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My mum goes out to get her nails done and when she gets there, there is a queue with a mother and her four-year-old daughter.)

Mother: “[Daughter], why don’t you go and get a drink from next door?”

(This makes sense as it’s quite a hot day.)

Daughter: “Okay.”

(The mother then gives her daughter a pound and sends her on her way. The daughter comes back and madness ensues.)

Mother: “Ooh, what did you get?”

Daughter: “A [drink]!”

Mother: “Okay, where’s the change?”

Daughter: *looks confused*

Mother: “Did you pick up the change? YOU ALWAYS PICK UP THE CHANGE!”

Daughter: “I just chose my drink and paid the man.”

Mother: “THAT NEVER COSTS ONE POUND! THERE MUST HAVE BEEN CHANGE!”

(She then proceeds to grab the child’s shoulder and shake it.)

Mother: “WHERE’S MY CHANGE!?”

Daughter: *silence*

Mother: “It’s ridiculous! Watch my bag.”

(The mother leaves the daughter in the shop, on her own, with a bag, whilst she goes next door to retrieve the change. She returns with fifty pence, bends down to eye level with her daughter and says through gritted teeth.)

Mother: “When you go shopping you have to pay and wait for the change. If you don’t, you won’t be able to do it again!”

(The four-year-old girl proceeded to sit down on the sofa and finished her drink as though nothing ever happened. If her mother reacted like that over 50p then I fear for the daughter’s well-being.)

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You Can’t Live In A Bubble

, | MO, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are going to a sporting event where a bubble machine is present, and some of them float into the parking lot. This happens when we see a large one. Note: there is a pair of girls who I can only assume were sisters.)

Dad: “Look at that bubble”

Girl: *runs across and pops large bubble*

Dad: “Look at that ex-bubble.”

Me: *to girl, in high pitched voice* “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?”

Girl: *failing to hold back laughter* “I couldn’t help it.”

Me: “What did that poor, innocent bubble ever do to you?”

Dad: “It was a large bubble, just asking to be popped.”

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