Category: Parents & Guardians

Knows Absolutely Airforce Zero

| Skogn, Norway | Parents & Guardians

(We are about to watch the movie ‘Air Force One’ and the narrator on the TV channel introduces it. My mom manages to say this gem:)

Mom: “Oh, I think I’ve seen Air Force One before. Is this Air Force Two?”

Me: “Uhm… no, there is only one movie called Air Force One. There is no Air Force Two.”

Mom: “Oh, well, I don’t know about these things… Then I have seen it before.”

(We watched the movie anyway.)

Skirting Around The Gender Issue

| Houston TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I am three years old and at the mall with my mom. At one point we both have to go to use the restroom. I am a boy but due to my age my mother takes me into the women’s room with her.)

Me: “We’re in the wrong room.”

Mom: “You’re not old enough to go by yourself so you have to use the same restroom as me.”

Me: “You’re in the wrong room, too.”

Mom: “No, we’re in the right restroom.”

Me: “You’re wearing pants but this is the skirt room.”

(My mom laughed and explained that the signs on the doors meant “men” and “women” and not “pants” and “skirts” like I thought. We still laugh about it to this day.)

Literally Losing Your Identity

| Miami, FL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Popular

(A student has been told to come to the office. Afraid she is being accused of something, she calls her mother to come with her.)

Mom: “I want to know why my daughter was told to come to the office. She has done nothing wrong and I am here so you can’t blame her for something she didn’t do.”

Counselor: “I just wanted to give her this folder she left in a classroom last night. It has her birth certificate, her social security card, and her driver’s license. Leaving it in an open classroom gives someone a perfect chance to steal her identity.”

Mom: *to girl* “Wait until I get you home. You were right; you are in trouble.”

Don’t Take His Spot

| Williamsburg, VA, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mom hasn’t gone to see a movie in the movie theater in almost 10 years, but decides she wants to see the new Star Wars on the big screen. As we go in to find seats we have this conversation.)

Me: *looking around for a good seat*

Mom: “There’s three seats open right here.” *points to the very front row*

Me: “No, those are terrible seats. We want those ones over that way.” *starts walking over to the other side and up the stairs*

Mom: “I don’t see what’s wrong with those seats…”

Me: “Hmm… this row. You go first, Mom. That way you are closest to the exact middle.”

Mom: *staring at me oddly* “All right…”

(We take our seats and as we get situated I check the height and move my head up and down.)

Me: “We’re pretty much perfect… Probably would be better a row up though. You are almost dead center of the screen and at just the right height that you don’t have to crane your head up or look down at the screen—”

Mom: “You better not start making ‘heee!’ sounds!”

Me: *bewildered* “What…?”

Mom: “You sound like Sheldon Cooper trying to find the perfect seat in the movies!”

(We both burst out laughing at how absurd that would be. She thoroughly enjoyed the movie!)

The Art Of Conversing Without Conversing

| Australia | Parents & Guardians

(My father sends me a text message with a question. The following is the rest of the conversation:)

Me: “Yes.”

Dad: “Your mother would like me to thank you for your verbose reply.”

Me: “K.”

An Attention Disorder

| VT, USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

(My family has two cats and a dog, and it’s time to feed them.)

Mom: “The animals need attention.”

Me: *to [Dog]* “Hi, [Dog]. How was your day?”

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