Category: Parents & Guardians


Your Language Takes A Mass Defect

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Parents & Guardians

(This takes place a few years after a trilogy ended and there has recently been trailers for a new instalment of the game. My brother and I are discussing it at home.)

Brother: “The trailer looks fun but it’s all pre-rendered stuff. I’ll wait for the gameplay videos before I get excited.”

Me: “Same. Some of the story stuff looks good but we both remember how the last one went.”

Brother: “You know, I saw all the backlash for that ending but it wasn’t too bad for what I played.”

Me: “That’s f****** bull-s***! You played after they gave free-lc to patch the ending because it was completely nonsensical and bloody ridiculous.”

(Five seconds after swearing I remember that mum is home from shopping watching TV in the next room.)

Me: “Sorry, mum, won’t do that again!”

Mum: “Congratulations, you’re cooking dinner for the next week! Including washing up!”

(At this point, Dad speaks up.)

Dad: “To be fair it really was f****** bull-s***.”


Your Opinions Are Trans-Parent

| Seattle, WA, USA | Holidays, LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

(I am a young woman and home for the holidays. My girlfriend is a source of tension, as my mom is religious and my girlfriend is trans.)

Me: “I will definitely be here for Christmas, but I might spent a day with [Girlfriend].”

Mom: “That’s fine. She’s welcome here, you know.”

Me: “I know, but she doesn’t feel welcome.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t understand why. Oh, by the way, there’s someone new to the area I want to warn you about.”

Me: “Do tell.”

Mom: “There’s this man who wears women’s clothes who hangs out in the library. It wears a really cheap wig, so you can probably spot it. Now, I don’t dislike him for that, but that is how you can identify it.”

(A few minutes later we walk by a woman with a strong jaw.)

Mom: “That was him. Watch out for that guy!”

(Now, why would my girlfriend feel unwelcome, do you think?)


Pizza Waits For No Man

| Sweden | Parents & Guardians

(My dad and I are driving down to the south of the country for Christmas. We’re both low and silent due to my mum having passed away recently. The mood is somber until the following conversation takes place. As we pass a tiny hamlet…)

Dad: “Here’s a busy place. It’s got both a gas station AND a pizzeria.”

Me: “Is there even a village in this country that doesn’t have a pizzeria?”

Dad: “Probably not. It’s the unmanned type.”

Me: *not thinking* “What, the pizzeria?”


An Underage Drinking Story To Make You Laugh

| Madison, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I have my wisdom teeth pulled when I am 17. As soon as they tell me they are using laughing gas I start breathing that in as fast as I can because, well, I am 17. After they take the mask off and wait for me to pass out I start talking to the doctor like a chipmunk on crack.)

Me: “Woo! Good stuff. I’m not really into drugs, I mean I’ve tried a bunch but the side effects never sit well with me so I just don’t do them. I have done whippits though. Awesome! Kind of like this. This is great but I’m more of a drinker. OH! About a month ago I went to a house party where the guy’s parents weren’t home and the cops got called. I walked out the back door and stood by a bush and just watched as these two cops chased around everyone else. They had no clue I was there because luckily I wear all black all the time. Hey, you are really cute for a dentist… How old…”

(And then I realize he is looking over my head at the door. I turn my head and see my mother standing there.)

Me: “How long has she been there? You could–” *whipping my head around back to the dentist* “–warn a girl! You are so not getting my number now.”

(I think I finally blacked out after that. When I woke up I had a mouth full of cotton and kept telling my mom I was excited to eat ice cream. Oddly enough, my mother has never asked me about the underage drinking story I was telling so I think I’m in the clear. It has been 15 years.)


Snatching Away Your Innocence

| UK | Parents & Guardians

(I am playing Harry Potter Trivial Pursuit with my parents, them rather reluctantly, as I am a massive fan.)

Me: “What does Hermione say after being caught by the snatchers?”

Dad: “Ow, my snatchers!”

(Cue a fit of hysterics from me and Mum.)

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