Category: In-Laws

The Shouting Makes Him Enfilade

| Detroit, MI, USA | Children, In-Laws, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

(I am a retired Marine, and I have never lost the habit of using military terminology. My five-year-old nephew has taken his bath and is on the family room sofa, lying pressed up against the cushions so that he can’t be seen from the kitchen.)

Brother-In-Law: “Where’s [Nephew]?”

Me: “He’s in defilade.”

Nephew: *yelling* “No, I’m not! I’m in my underwear!”

Wish The Fact Had Remained Unknown

| CA, USA | In-Laws, Siblings

(I come from out of state to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law’s college graduation. An old friend whom I haven’t seen or heard from in years also comes. He brought his son with him! We talk for a bit, but then I suddenly have a disconnect in my brain. I just can’t believe that Friend, who I last saw as a teenager, now has a baby. Friend is standing some distance away talking with my brother, and the area is a bit noisy. I take advantage of the situation and discreetly lean towards my sister-in-law.)

Me: *whispering* “Is that REALLY [Friend]?”

Sister-In-Law: *very loudly* “Yes! That’s [Friend]!”

Friend: *having overheard and obviously hurt* “Oh… you didn’t know who I was?”

(Thanks a lot for that, Sister-In-Law…)

Getting A Raw Deal Over This

| USA | In-Laws

(I’m six months pregnant and slept horribly the night before, resulting in a serious case of baby brain. My husband and I are currently renting the upstairs apartment in his mother’s house, and while we’re entirely self sufficient there’s an open door policy to raid the main kitchen whenever need. My husband is cooking up a feast for breakfast when we realize we forgot to pick up bread. I drag myself downstairs and see my mother-in-law sitting at the table.)

Me: “Morning. I was just looking for the raw toast.”

Mother-In-Law: *laughing hysterically* “Check the counter.”

(I grab enough to get us through while realizing AFTER looking at the bag that raw toast is more commonly known as “bread.” We have a good chuckle and I drag myself back upstairs where I tell my husband all about this. Fast forward ten minutes. Breakfast is ready and we sit down to eat. I’ve had a bit of a “fight” with the toaster oven… The top of the toast is browned nicely, but the bottom is still bread-like. Not wanting to burn the toast I take the pieces out and butter them anyway. My husband picks his up, frowns, and…)

Husband: “Sweetheart, you know the toast is still raw right?”

(Later we went grocery shopping and “raw toast” was on the list. I have a feeling I’ll never live this down.)

The Ladies Helped Partly

| GA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(My husband and I are at his parents’ house. He and his dad have fixed a pressure washer, and are trying to put it back together. We’ve watching them struggle with a particular part for almost an hour, getting frustrated to the point of cussing, and involving screwdrivers and pliers in an attempt to get it to fit.)

Mother-In-Law: “Do you mind if we look at it? A fresh pair of eyes might help.”

(We pick up the part they were trying to put back in, spend about 15 seconds looking at it, turn it around, and slide it right in.)

Me: “What would they do without us?”

Money Makes The World Go Round Behind Your Back

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(My wife’s grandfather died suddenly. He wasn’t a wealthy man but had some savings. The subject of inheritance comes up.)

Sister-In-Law: “He mentioned to [Grandmother] that he saved a little bit of money for the both of us.”

Wife: “Oh, okay. Well, that would help.”

Sister-In-Law: “Yeah, us too. But I don’t think it should be split equally.”

Wife: “What do you mean?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we are struggling more than you, and we just moved house.”

Wife: “Wait, you want more?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, yeah! [My Name] makes a lot of money.”

Me: “What has that got to do with anything?”

Sister-In-Law: “I’m just saying we could do with the money more than you.”

Me: “Unless you have forgotten, we have two kids. And a much bigger mortgage.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, yeah, but—”

Me: “It’s funny how you are struggling but can have a five-star holiday every year, still have a season ticket, and go out to eat every month. We don’t and you are the ones that are struggling. Besides, you both work; [Wife] can’t at the moment. You two are taking just as much as us home every month.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, [Husband] really needs a new car.”

Me: “Me, too; besides, it’s not your decision.”

(We found out that she went behind our back and told her grandmother she needed the money more than us — just weeks after she lost her husband. In the end, neither of us got anything (which we were fine with, as the money was never ours) and she spent it on a memorial.)

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