Category: In-Laws


Needs To Reorient The Car

| Buffalo, NY, USA | In-Laws, LGTBQ, Siblings, Sons & Daughters

(My daughter has recently come out as a lesbian; most of our family is very supportive. She comes out to her aunt (my sister-in-law) as we’re parking in front of the local mall. My sister-in-law parks so badly that the car is at a 45 degree angle with the lines.)

Sister-In-Law: “Wow, I didn’t park very well, did I?”

Daughter: “It’s still straighter than I am.”


Made Your Bed, Now You Must Lie In it

| IN, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(My boyfriend and I go to different schools for college, so when we are home on winter break, we try to spend a lot of time together. We are both staying at our parents’ houses, but I am house-sitting for a friend who doesn’t mind if we stay there together. My phone rings while we are ‘relaxing’ on the guest bed; it is his mom.)

Me: “Hi, what’s up?”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you? Are you in bed or are you with my son?”

Me: *so close to answering “both” to his extremely religious mother* “Um, uh, he’s here. Did you need to talk to him?”

Mother-In-Law: “Nope, he just left his phone here and didn’t say where he was going! Tell him I’ll see him when he gets home.” *hangs up*

Boyfriend: “And the award for the most awkward conversation starter ever goes to my mother!” *pauses* “I would have answered ‘yes.'”


Never Sausage Obnoxiousness

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(My wife recently left her job, after the cost of childcare went up again, meaning we were actually losing money with her at work. Most of her family are pretty decent about it, but her sister and brother-in-law are either oblivious or just obnoxious. We have a small BBQ; we pay for the food but ask that guests contribute by bringing drinks. Everyone is enjoying themselves when my brother-in-law starts up.)

Brother-In-Law: “Do you have any [Soda #1]? I don’t drink [Soda #2].”

Me: “Sorry, I think it’s all gone.”

Brother-In-Law: “Oh, okay. I have some at home. We brought loads the other week.”

Me: “Oh, great.”

Brother-In-Law: “I think I have some sausages. I will check when I get there.”

(He disappears for ages, eventually returning with a single can of [Soda #2].)

Me: “That’s a shame; did you not have any sausages?”

Brother-In-Law: “Yeah, but I want them tonight.”

Me: “…”

(He sat there for the rest of the night playing on his phone using our WiFi. When he was thirsty he retreated to his car for another can from his private stash. That was, until the WiFi suddenly had ‘issues’ and turned off, then he suddenly remembered that he had to go home!)


No Longer A Private Matter

| USA | Children, In-Laws

(I’m hanging out with my daughter and son-in-law, watching TV. They have a dog and he is sitting with his legs wide open. My daughter notices.)

Daughter: “Put your d*** back in!”

Son-In-Law: *looks down* “It’s in!”

Daughter: “I’m talking to [Dog], dear.”


He’s Engaged With Something Else

| Lancaster, PA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(My then-girlfriend and I have been dating seriously for nearly a year and a half. Her parents moved across the country about the same time we got serious. She is visiting her parents who flew back and are staying at a resort; I join them over the weekend. The four of us are sitting around the pool until my girlfriend and her mother go upstairs. This leaves me alone with her father, a man of few words. We engage in some brief small talk, then I decide to pop “the question before the question.”)

Me: “So, do I have your permission to marry your daughter?”

Father: “Well, I don’t see why not; you’re both mature adults.” *without missing a beat* “So, who do you like in the [College Football] game today?”

Me: […]

(He never did like deep discussions, but still! He did keep it a secret from my future mother-in-law, however, until I popped the question to my now-wife.)

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