Category: In-Laws

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Forever Never

| England, UK | In-Laws, Siblings

(Unhappy with the area we live, we look for a more family friendly area. As it happens there are plenty of houses in the same area my father-in-law and sister-in-law live. We end up buying a great house three doors away from my wife’s sister. The first six months are great. Being so close, we visit each other regularly and our children get to spend time with their (childless) auntie. One day she comes out with this:)

Sister-In-Law: “We are looking to move.”

Wife: “Oh, why?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, we are looking for our forever home. Our flat only has two bedrooms and no garden. We want something that will last us.”

(Months go on, they find a buyer and agree on a sale, and we catch up with them.)

Me: “I see you sold; have you found a place?”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, there is a house in [Remote Place].”

Me: “Oh, okay. How will you get to work? I didn’t think you were going to learn to drive.”

Sister-In-Law: “It’s not that far. The same time, really.”

Me: “Okay, that sounds good. A forever home, what is it like?”

Sister-In-Law: “About the same size, but it does have a garden.”

Me: “There isn’t a school there… I know you’re not planning to have any kids, but parks and schools might be important one day.”

Sister-In-Law: *sounding unconvinced* “Well, we will see what happens when it happens.”

(They move, eventually, to their “forever home” that is no bigger than the flat they had, now miles away from family and friends, without any local amenities, schools, or even a decent shop. They had a child a year or so later then complained constantly that they had no money to move house.)

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The Faint Was No Feint

, | North Adams, MA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(I accompany my mother and stepfather out to see my sister sing, and then we all go out to treat her and her boyfriend to dinner. At the restaurant, mom abruptly faints and falls from her chair. Stepdad catches her… and she starts snoring. We all laugh awkwardly as he gently sits her on the floor and shakes her awake, but the laughter stops when she remains unresponsive, even with her eyes open. She eventually snaps out of it, but is disoriented and irritable for a minute. By this point we have called an ambulance, and she is carried out of the restaurant on a stretcher. After a long wait at the hospital we are told that she’s recovered and that there’s no reason to expect a repeat incident or how to avoid a repeat incident. She is discharged and we head back to our cars.)

Step-Dad: *to boyfriend* “Now you’ve got the BEST meeting-the-parents story EVER!”

Losing A Finger Is The Tip Of The Iceberg

| ON, Canada | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians, Popular, Siblings

(I’m at my parents for the summer, and my sister and her husband are visiting for the weekend. There are five adults and four of us have had oddly similar injuries. My eight-month-old niece is playing in a playpen and my mom is concerned that she’ll get her fingers caught in something.)

Mom: “Careful, you’ll lose your fingertip!”

Me: “Well, that’s nothing new in this family.”

Sister: “Raise your hand if you’ve lost a fingertip!”

(My sister, brother-in-law, father, and I all raise a hand. My mom facepalms.)

Brother-In-Law: *to sister* “How’d you do it?”

Sister: “Deli slicer!”

Brother-In-Law: “Me, too!” *they high-five* “What were you slicing?”

Sister: “Ham.”

Brother-In-Law: “Ah… tomatoes.”

Dad: “I was cutting my finger!”

(He was trimming hedges at work and mistook his finger for a branch. And then stuck his finger back on with a band-aid.)

Me: “I broke a glass sculpture.”

Dad: “Mine grew back!”

Brother-In-Law: “So did mine!”

Sister: “Mine, too!”

Me: “Mine didn’t. I’m still missing parts of my fingerprints.”

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Family Transcends Hate

| Chicago, IL, USA | In-Laws, LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians, Popular

(I recently came out to my wife as transgender after 15 years of marriage. It’s been a rough road, but we decide we’re going to stay together because we love each other. Before I begin transitioning, we need to tell my mother-in-law. She’s a sweet woman and adores me, but she’s in her 80s and a strong Catholic, so we’re not sure how she’ll react. My wife sits down with her and tells her about me. Her reaction is priceless.)

Mother-In-Law: “Does this mean I finally have a daughter-in-law?”

(I love that woman!)

Red Light Leader: It’s A Trap!

| Rockville, MD, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(I’m driving my mother-in-law to our nail appointment the day before her youngest son’s wedding.)

GPS: “Speed trap reported ahead.”

(The traffic in front of us slows and comes to a complete stop.)

Mother-In-Law: “Oh! Is this because of the speed trap?”

Me: *pointing ahead* “No, it’s because of that red light.”

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