Category: Holidays

Your Opinions Are Trans-Parent

| Seattle, WA, USA | Holidays, LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians

(I am a young woman and home for the holidays. My girlfriend is a source of tension, as my mom is religious and my girlfriend is trans.)

Me: “I will definitely be here for Christmas, but I might spent a day with [Girlfriend].”

Mom: “That’s fine. She’s welcome here, you know.”

Me: “I know, but she doesn’t feel welcome.”

Mom: “Well, I don’t understand why. Oh, by the way, there’s someone new to the area I want to warn you about.”

Me: “Do tell.”

Mom: “There’s this man who wears women’s clothes who hangs out in the library. It wears a really cheap wig, so you can probably spot it. Now, I don’t dislike him for that, but that is how you can identify it.”

(A few minutes later we walk by a woman with a strong jaw.)

Mom: “That was him. Watch out for that guy!”

(Now, why would my girlfriend feel unwelcome, do you think?)

Gift Card Now, Entitled Brat Later

| CT, USA | Children, Holidays

(Walking back to my car after picking up a few things the day after Christmas, I overhearing the following.)

Mom: “No, if we stayed any longer you would have ended up in the toy aisle and you don’t need any more toys after yesterday.”

Bratty Girl: “BUT MOOOOM! I don’t wanna go back home. I have nothing to do there.”

Mom: “Okay, let’s go back inside and pick out gift cards.”

Me: *face-palm*

Doctor Who Is Also A Gynaecologist

| WI, USA | Grandparents, Holidays

(This happened during Christmas with my mother’s side of the family. Every year we each get a name for the person we’re supposed to get a gift for. This year my grandmother has my name. I open my present to find a Sonic Screwdriver and the “Day of the Doctor” special. I’m a big Doctor Who fan.)

Me: *playing around with the Sonic Screwdriver and totally geeking out*

Grandmother: *not realizing what she’s saying* “Now, don’t take that to bed with you and play with it all night long.”

(Everyone else in the room cracks up.)

Me: *turning beet red*

Grandma: *confused as to why everyone’s laughing*

Mom: *trying not to laugh* “Yeah, our bedroom is right next to yours. We might hear you.”

Me: *turns even redder*

(To this day, my grandmother still doesn’t get why what she said that was so funny.)

Maybe You’re In The Appendices?

| Broomfield, CO, USA | Children, Holidays, Parents & Guardians

(My friends are out to dinner when they get a phone call from their first grader, who is sobbing.)

Child: “Mommy! Come home! Come home!”

(Quickly they pay their bill and rush home.)

Friend: *to Sitter* “What happened?”

Sitter: “I don’t know! She wouldn’t tell me!”

Child: “Mommy, I’m afraid I’m on Santa’s naughty list!”

Friend: “Honey, we all are. That’s called sin. But if you love Jesus, you’re in God’s Book of Life!”

Child: *sniffling* “Is that real?”

Friend: “Yep!” *shows her in Bible*

Child: *beaming* “That’s wonderful! Oh, Mommy… which chapter am I in?”

The Peppermint Bark Is Worse Than The T-Rex Bite

| Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents, Holidays

(I am watching ‘Jurassic Park’ when my grandmother walks into the room. Because she can’t tolerate violence at all, I pause it while she’s talking to me. Before leaving, she notices my bag of chocolate and tries to mooch some off of me.)

Grandmother: “Ooh, what do you have here?”

Me: “It’s a Christmas gift. Please don’t touch it.”

Grandmother: “It looks like dark chocolate. Kit Kats…”

Me: “You have your own chocolate. You don’t need to eat mine.”

Grandmother: “Ooh, that looks like peppermint bark!”

Me: *placing my hand on the remote* “I’m un-pausing my movie whether you leave or not.”

(She looks up, realizes I’m at the part with the T-Rex, and turns around.)

Grandmother: “Okay, I’m gone!”

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