Losing Your Religion Over It

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Children, Hall of Fame, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Theme Of The Month, Top

(I am in my local Pakistani owned corner shop, shortly before Christmas. The owner’s two young children are playing around the shelves in the shop.)

Owner: *to his kids* “Hey, you two. If you don’t start behaving, I’ll phone Santa and remind him we are Muslim.”

In A Vicious Motor Cycle

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Hall of Fame, Siblings

(My little brother has ridden motorcycles for as long as I can remember. He’s always VERY safety conscious, and makes sure his bike is in proper condition: helmet not cracked, gloves in good condition, and so on. One day he’s running late for work and grabs his helmet, gloves, and keys, then heads for the door.)

Brother: *walking back in* “I forgot my pack!”

(He drops his keys and gloves on the coffee table, goes to his room to get his pack, and then heads out the door again.)

Brother: *walking back in again* “GAH! My keys and gloves!”

(He retrieves his keys and gloves and heads out the door a third time, only to walk back in AGAIN, howling like a wounded dog.)

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Brother: “This.”

(He holds up his feet to show that, instead of riding boots, he’s wearing his bedroom slippers, complete with little frogs embroidered on them.)

Me: *laughing uproariously*

(He goes back to the bedroom once more to get proper footwear. He methodically checks his pack to make sure he has everything he needs. He checks his gloves and keys, even going so far as to verify that the motorcycle’s ignition key is on the ring. He checks his helmet carefully for cracks, and slips it on his head.)

Brother: “F*** it. I’m late.” *heads out the door*

(Forty-five minutes later, he’s back. He doesn’t even bother to take off his gear, falls face first onto the couch, and whimpers softly into the cushions.)

Me: “Okay, what’s wrong THIS time?”

Brother: “It’s Sunday. I don’t work today.”

Some Relatives You Never See Anymore

| TX, USA | Hall of Fame

(My boyfriend and I watch my eight-year-old sister in the park. She refers to him as ‘ninja brother’ since he’s is incredibly good at moving fast and quietly.)

Sister: “Oh, no… [Bully] is here. He likes to pick on the little kids.”

(I look to where she’s looking and see an early-teen picking on everyone he can. He makes his way towards us.)

Bully: “Hey b****! What’s a sl** like you doing here with a kid like that?”

Me: “I don’t know who you’re talking to, but you should watch your mouth. Kids are here.”

Sister: “Yeah! Go away or ninja brother will beat you up!” *points to bench*

(We all look but my boyfriend has disappeared.)

Bully: “HAHA! Who?!? Ninja brother? You have an imaginary friend, you little brat?!”

Boyfriend: *grabs his arm from behind* “She said ninja brother, you little brat.”

Bully: *frantically breaks free* WHAT THE H***!? WHERE’D YOU COME FROM!?”

(What follows now is my boyfriend making incredible use of his agility.)

Boyfriend: “Haha! First… look at the kid.” *the bully begins doing what he says* “Now, back to me. Now, back to the kid. Now, back to me. Where’d I go? I’m still behind you. I’m gonna kick you’re a**!”

(My sister and I are laughing so hard at how calm he’s acting.)

Boyfriend: “Now, look to the ground, and back to me. What’s on your head? Nothing. I have your hat! Now, back to the ground. Now, back to me. Where’d I go again? Up in the air? Back to the kid. She has your hat. Now, back to me. I’m in a tree.”

(Indeed he is sitting in a tree. Upon seeing this, and everything else that’s happened to him, the bully runs away. My boyfriend hops down and comes back our way.)

Sister: “Yay, ninja brother!”

(We all start laughing until my sister stops suddenly.)

Sister: “WAIT!” *grabs her head* “WHEN DID I GET HIS HAT?!”

A Grand Introduction

| FL, USA | Children, Grandparents, Hall of Fame

(My parents and I are picking up my half-brother from his grandparents in Florida. I’ve never had grandfathers as they both passed away before I was born. My half-brother’s grandfather is a gigantic man with a serious face, and sometimes intimidates even my mother. I have social anxiety and am four years old.)

Me: *staring up at my half-brother’s grandfather*

Grandfather: *stares down at me*

Mom: “Oh, don’t do that. You’ll scare her!”

Grandfather: “She doesn’t look very scared to me…”

Me: *looks around at everyone* “Why does big brother get to have a grandfather?! I don’t have a grandfather!” *walks up to my half-brother’s grandfather* “Will you be my grandfather?”

Grandfather: *slowly smiles* “Yes. Yes, I will.”

(And that’s how I finally got a grandfather.)

This One Is Going To Be A Lawyer

| London, England, UK | Children, Hall of Fame, Siblings, Top

(My dad, little sister and I are walking down the street. I am 12 and she has just turned two, and has started to speak in single words.)

Sister: *reaching up arms towards Dad* “Carry!”

Dad: “Daddy’s arms are tired, honey. We’re very nearly home. Can you just walk the rest of the way?”

(My sister scowls for a moment, then her face clears.)

Sister: *reaching arms up again* “Hug!”

(My Dad of course obliges, picking her up for a hug.)

Sister: “Walk.”

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