Category: Grandparents

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Grandma Is The O.G.

| OH, USA | Grandparents

(This is a story my coworker relayed to me.)

Coworker: “It was so lovely this weekend; I wanted to take my granddaughter out, so I called her and asked. The conversation went like this:”

Coworker: “Hi, honey, do you want to go out with G?” *her nickname as a grandma*

Teenager: “Sure! Hey, mom, can I hang out with G today?”

Mom: *in the background although audible over the phone* “Go where?”

Teenager: *into the phone* “Go where?”

Coworker: *indignantly, sarcastically* “With G.”

Teenager: *to her mom* “With ‘G.'”

Mom: “Fine…”

Coworker: *breaking her narrative, to me as the listener* “What does she THINK I was going to do to my granddaughter? Who does she think I am? I can’t believe she questioned me like that!”

Me: *thinking* “Because it is totally rude and unnatural for a mother to want to know where her daughter is going to be…”

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Time For A Big Fat Apology

| USA | Grandparents

(Mom and I have just gotten to my grandparents’ house to check on them because my grandmother has forgotten to pay her phone bill again, and there’s a small concern about my grandfather, whom I’m still fond of. I’m not my grandmother’s biggest fan recently, and generally try to avoid coming over. Mom is off to the side paying their phone bill over her cellphone.)

Grandmother: *looks hard at me for a moment* “[My Name], you’re putting on weight!”

Me: *knowing I’m slightly overweight, and this isn’t her first comment like this, mostly about my thighs* “Thanks, Gramma.”

Grandmother: *smiling* “It’s a compliment, of a sort. I want you to lose it.”

(A few minutes later.)

Grandmother: “I love you.”

(Because telling me I’m fat and need to lose weight is the way to show it.)

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You Won’t Like Him When He’s Angry

| Northampton, PA, USA | Grandparents

(My grandmother has a beautiful white Persian cat named Bruce. I’m dying something green in the kitchen sink when Bruce tries to walk along the back and accidentally falls in. My grandmother comes home from work later to find that her cat is now stained with bright green blotches.)

Grandmother: “[My Name], why is Bruce green?”

Me: “Uh… someone made him angry?”

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Graduated From Singleton College

| Menominee, MI, USA | Grandparents

(All through college my grandma told me that I couldn’t get married until after I graduated from college. Shortly after my graduation she took me to one of her club meetings.)

Grandma: “This is my granddaughter, [My Name]. I always told her not to even think about getting married until after she finished her education.”

Me: “Yes, she did.”

Grandma: “She just graduated from college.”

(The ladies applaud and grandma turns to me.)

Grandma: “Start thinking!”

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All Manner(less) Of Callers

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Grandparents

(After reading a Not Always Working post about getting rid of telemarketers, my friend and I can’t wait to try it out. We use it the first few times and it goes well. The next time my friend answers the phone though, this happens.)

Friend: “Thank you for calling Dirty Dan’s house of hookers. You’ve got the dough; we’ve got the blow. Can I help you?”

(Listens and his face goes white.)

Friend: “Oh, hi, Grandma. How are you?”

(Listens again.)

Friend: “No, there’s nothing weird going on here. We were just having a little fun, you know?”

(Listens again.)

Friend: “Oh, yes, my parents taught me phone manners. It’s just non-manners day in this house.”

(Listens again.)

Friend: “Uh, yeah, I understand. Can I let you talk to mom?”

(That was the last time we used that greeting.)

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