Category: Grandparents

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A Stirring Story

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Grandparents, Siblings

(My sister and I are in our mid-twenties. My grandmother is 87 and has been ordering frozen meal delivery for about a year now. She can still drive and likes to go out for dinner, so she’s just been ordering lunches. Still, she doesn’t always eat them and has a huge stack in her freezer.)

Grandma: *to my sister* “Can you go microwave me a meal?”

Sister: “Sure. It looks like there’s spaghetti, salmon, and lasagna.”

Grandma: “Oh, I don’t like fish. How about lasagna.”

(My sister gets the lasagna out of the freezer and neither of us can find microwave instructions on the package.)

Sister: “How do you cook this?”

Grandma: “Oh, I put it in for about five minutes, stir it up, then do another two or so.”

(My sister goes to the kitchen, after a few minutes the microwave beeps and there is a brief pause before…)

Sister: “How do I stir lasagna?”

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Doctor Who Is Also A Gynaecologist

| WI, USA | Grandparents, Holidays

(This happened during Christmas with my mother’s side of the family. Every year we each get a name for the person we’re supposed to get a gift for. This year my grandmother has my name. I open my present to find a Sonic Screwdriver and the “Day of the Doctor” special. I’m a big Doctor Who fan.)

Me: *playing around with the Sonic Screwdriver and totally geeking out*

Grandmother: *not realizing what she’s saying* “Now, don’t take that to bed with you and play with it all night long.”

(Everyone else in the room cracks up.)

Me: *turning beet red*

Grandma: *confused as to why everyone’s laughing*

Mom: *trying not to laugh* “Yeah, our bedroom is right next to yours. We might hear you.”

Me: *turns even redder*

(To this day, my grandmother still doesn’t get why what she said that was so funny.)

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The Peppermint Bark Is Worse Than The T-Rex Bite

| Allentown, PA, USA | Grandparents, Holidays

(I am watching ‘Jurassic Park’ when my grandmother walks into the room. Because she can’t tolerate violence at all, I pause it while she’s talking to me. Before leaving, she notices my bag of chocolate and tries to mooch some off of me.)

Grandmother: “Ooh, what do you have here?”

Me: “It’s a Christmas gift. Please don’t touch it.”

Grandmother: “It looks like dark chocolate. Kit Kats…”

Me: “You have your own chocolate. You don’t need to eat mine.”

Grandmother: “Ooh, that looks like peppermint bark!”

Me: *placing my hand on the remote* “I’m un-pausing my movie whether you leave or not.”

(She looks up, realizes I’m at the part with the T-Rex, and turns around.)

Grandmother: “Okay, I’m gone!”

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Tram-Poo-line

| USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents, Holidays

(My family goes to my grandmother’s house to open even more Christmas presents. My grandparents have gotten us a trampoline. They are trying to get us to think that Santa has made a last minute delivery outside, so that way we can go outside and see our new trampoline.)

Grandma: “Hey, kids! I hear something!”

Me: “What is it?!”

Grandma: “Shhh! Listen!”

(Silence.)

Brother: “Sorry, I pooted…”

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The Grandparents Are A Complete Snore

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(On the car ride down to my aunt’s, my mom explains the sleeping situations..)

Mom: “So [Grandpa] will be sleeping in [Aunt]’s room. [Grandma] will be sleeping in [Older Cousin]’s room.”

Me: “Don’t grandma and grandpa sleep in [Aunt]’s room?”

Mom: “They don’t anymore.”

Me: *worried they had a bad fight or it was something with my grandpa’s health* “Why not?”

Mom: “They snore.”

Me: “They snore so loudly they wake each other up?”

Mom: “Yup!”

(That’s my grandparents for you!)

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