Category: Grandparents

Be Glad You’re Not In His Shoes

| WI, USA | Grandparents

(I am sailing with my grandparents, parents, and little brother. It is very windy, and the boat is going all over the place. My grandfather is wearing sandals, and his foot slips over the side.)

Mom: “Are you okay?”

Grandfather: “Yes, I am, but I lost my shoe…”

(He abruptly looks really angry, and takes off his remaining shoe.)

Grandfather: “What am I supposed to do with one shoe? HERE, TAKE THE OTHER ONE, TOO!”

(He flung the other shoe deep into the lake.)

Spilling The ‘How We Met’ Story

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Grandparents, Nephews & Nieces

(My mother tells the story of the first time she visited my father’s house when they were dating. It was the late 1950s, and his family’s house was almost a mansion compared to the working-class row-home she lived in. She came over for dinner with him, his mother and father (my grandparents), and his two nieces who were between four and five years old. The place-settings were china and matching silverware. My mother and father had iced tea to drink, and my grandmother poured milk for the two girls. Only a few minutes into the meal, one of the nieces knocked over her glass of milk. My grandmother removed the girl’s plate and cleaned the milk with a towel, then poured more milk.)

Grandmother: *to my niece* “Be careful now.”

(Only a minute or two later, the other niece spilled her milk. My grandmother cleaned up the mess again. My grandfather glared at the two girls.)

Grandmother: *sternly* “The next one who spills something will eat in the kitchen. Is that understood?”

Nieces: “Yes.”

(A few minutes after that, my mother picked up her glass of iced tea, but it slipped out of her hand because of the condensation. Her iced tea spilled all over the table. She was so embarrassed, she wanted the floor to open up and swallow her for such a first impression! My grandmother now had to take all the dishes off the table and remove the soaked tablecloth. My mother helped clean up and re-set the table.)

Mother: *afterward, sheepishly* “Should I go to the kitchen and finish my dinner?”

Grandmother: *after giving her a look* “You can stay here.”

(My parents have been married almost 58 years now.)

No Emerging Emergency

| VA, USA | Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(I have always been a very literal person, sometimes to a fault. At the beginning of my Freshman year in college, my grandfather gave me an envelope labeled “for emergencies only.” Because I did not have any emergencies that year, I never opened it. This story takes place when my parents and I are clearing out my dorm room at the end of the year.)

Mom: “[My Name], I just found the card your grandfather gave you! Why didn’t you open it?”

Me: “Well, I didn’t have any emergencies this year, so there was no point. I’m keeping it in case something happens next year.”

Mom: “I really think you should open the card.”

Me: “But I haven’t had any emergencies!”

Mom: “[My Name], open the card.”

(I open the envelope and find a card containing 20 dollars and a note that reads “Are you SURE pizza is an emergency? Really? Well, okay, enjoy!” Apparently my grandfather gave the same card with money to my mom, both my aunts, and my older sister during their Freshman years, and I was the only person who thought it was meant for an actual emergency!)

A Stirring Story

| Niagara Falls, ON, Canada | Grandparents, Siblings

(My sister and I are in our mid-twenties. My grandmother is 87 and has been ordering frozen meal delivery for about a year now. She can still drive and likes to go out for dinner, so she’s just been ordering lunches. Still, she doesn’t always eat them and has a huge stack in her freezer.)

Grandma: *to my sister* “Can you go microwave me a meal?”

Sister: “Sure. It looks like there’s spaghetti, salmon, and lasagna.”

Grandma: “Oh, I don’t like fish. How about lasagna.”

(My sister gets the lasagna out of the freezer and neither of us can find microwave instructions on the package.)

Sister: “How do you cook this?”

Grandma: “Oh, I put it in for about five minutes, stir it up, then do another two or so.”

(My sister goes to the kitchen, after a few minutes the microwave beeps and there is a brief pause before…)

Sister: “How do I stir lasagna?”

Doctor Who Is Also A Gynaecologist

| WI, USA | Grandparents, Holidays

(This happened during Christmas with my mother’s side of the family. Every year we each get a name for the person we’re supposed to get a gift for. This year my grandmother has my name. I open my present to find a Sonic Screwdriver and the “Day of the Doctor” special. I’m a big Doctor Who fan.)

Me: *playing around with the Sonic Screwdriver and totally geeking out*

Grandmother: *not realizing what she’s saying* “Now, don’t take that to bed with you and play with it all night long.”

(Everyone else in the room cracks up.)

Me: *turning beet red*

Grandma: *confused as to why everyone’s laughing*

Mom: *trying not to laugh* “Yeah, our bedroom is right next to yours. We might hear you.”

Me: *turns even redder*

(To this day, my grandmother still doesn’t get why what she said that was so funny.)

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