Category: Grandparents

Some People Should Be Locked Out Of The Internet

| Romania | Grandparents

(My grandmother has some trouble with computers. We are visiting her and she asks for help.)

Grandmother: “They locked my Internet!”

Me: “It doesn’t work?”

Grandmother: “There’s a lock in that code bar!”

(She was on Google and saw the ‘secure connection’ icon, which is a lock.)

Switch To Yahoo! Or Else

| Romania | Grandparents

(We are visiting my grandmother who has problems with her Internet.)

Grandmother: “The Internet sent me an ultimatum!”

Me: “How?”

Grandmother: “This email! It has a giant ‘ULTIMATUM’!”

(Yahoo! sent her a message asking her to upgrade to the new Yahoo! mail and the message contained the word ‘ULTIMATE’ in big fonts.)

Man’s Best Friend Is Grandma’s Worst Enemy

| Cincinnati, OH, USA | Grandparents, Siblings

(My grandparents are watching me and my sisters for a week while my parents are out of town. My grandma is not a big fan of dogs, and we happen to have one. My friend, who coincidentally shares the same name as my dog, comes over to my house.)

Me: “[Friend], do you want a cookie?”

Grandma: “No! Don’t give her a cookie! She doesn’t deserve one!”

(My friend and I are both very confused and taken aback by the fact that my grandma refuses to let my friend have a cookie. My sister is walking down the stairs, and after hearing the exchange, she figures out what happened.)

Sister: “Grandma, her friend and the dog are both named [Friend/Dog].”

Grandma: “Oh, I thought you were talking about the dog! [Friend] the human can have a cookie.”

(The cookies are chocolate chip.)

Sister: “[Dog] the dog couldn’t have had one anyway. Chocolate can severely harm dogs.”

Grandma: “Really? Then give the dog the whole plate!”

Flights Of Fancy

| Maui, HI, USA | Children, Grandparents, Popular

(My grandma recently retired. She has a lot of travel rewards to claim and decides to take my family to Hawaii. As we are getting off the first of our three planes, we meet a couple also going to Hawaii on our same flights for their honeymoon. We’re on the third plane and most of our seats are separated due to last-minute seating changes, resulting in the awkward one seat in a three person row. Luckily, the other two seats in the row are occupied by our new couple friends. My nine-year-old sister is sitting next to them and is extremely tired after twelve hours of traveling, and ends up falling asleep on the wife’s shoulder. My mom sees this.)

Mom: “I’m so sorry about her.”

Newlywed Wife: “It’s fine! We want one just like her someday!”

Grandma: *laughs* “No, you don’t.”

Got Your Ticket Punched A Few Too Many Times

| CA, USA | Grandparents

(The U.S. has a record-breaking lottery jackpot. I come home late and my beloved Asian grandma comes out to see me.)

Grandma: “Hey, [My Name], can you do me a favor? I bought tickets. Can you see if I won anything?”

Me: “Okay, let me see.”

(She hands me six lottery tickets. When I look at them I notice something very odd.)

Me: “Grandma… why do all six tickets have the same numbers?”

Grandma: “Oh, this way if the numbers are good we can split it around the family. One ticket if your aunt, another for your mom, another for your uncle.”

Me: “Why didn’t you just buy six tickets of all different numbers? If we win, you can decide how to split the money.”

Grandma: “No, that won’t work. See, each ticket is for each side of your family and this way we can split it easier.”

(I spent the next five minutes convincing her how she basically just added an extra 20 dollars to the jackpot.)

Sweet Dispossession

| Germany | Grandparents, Popular

(I am visiting my grandmother and we are talking about current events. Refugees are a pretty big deal at the moment.)

Grandma: “There are so many refugees coming to our country at the moment! What are they thinking? This is our country; they shouldn’t come here and live off our money.”

Me: *completely baffled* “They are coming here so they don’t get killed. I think we should be proud of the fact that so many people see our country as a safe haven.”

Grandma: “Still, they have no right! We don’t even have enough space for them! Those people should stay where they come from!”

Me: “Are you serious?! Grandma, YOU are a refugee!”

(She actually is. During World War Two, her family was forced to leave by soldiers breaking in their house, giving them ten minutes to pack and threatening them to shoot them if they weren’t out of the house and on their way out of the country in the given time. She lived in one of the areas that used to belong to Germany, but now is part of Poland.)

Grandma: “That’s a huge difference! I’m a dispossessed!!”

Me: “Grandma!! If a bomb is dropped on your house, THEN I AM VERY SURE THAT COUNTS AS EXTREMELY DISPOSSESSED!”

(The argument went on for a while, with me showing her news, pictures, and videos from the countries the refugees are fleeing from. She changed her opinion after that.)

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