Category: Grandparents

The Great And Grand Debate

| Germany | Grandparents

(Due to three generations of women having children quite early in their lives, I have the luxury to not only have met my great-grandparents, but to actually remember my great-grandmother as she lived until I was halfway through my teenage years. I am in my great-grandmother’s kitchen, eating cake with my sister and two cousins, the complete set of her great-grandchildren. I am the youngest, about ten, while my oldest cousin is almost fifteen. My mother’s cousin enters.)

Cousin: “Grandma, can I borrow some juice? I ran out.”

(He gets his juice and leaves. My great-grandmother turns to face us with a thoughtful expression.)

Great-Grandmother: “Well, I do not like it when he calls me grandma. It makes me feel old.”

(Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that was my great-grandmother. Complaining to her teen great-grandchildren how being called grandma made her feel old.)

Granddad’s Not Role-Playing Anymore

| UK | Grandparents

(I’ve just joined an RPG named Pathfinder. I am at my grandparents’ home. Since they have a printer, I print off a character sheet and leave it on the side to look through since Nan calls me to help with cleaning. When I finish I come down to my granddad sitting at the dining room table, my character sheet in front of him. This sheet is a basic character sheet with stats such as strength, constitution, wisdom, and charisma, plus skills such as animal handling and healing. Very clearly not a form to join something. My granddad calls me over to the table and I sit down in confusion as he rests a hand on the paper.)

Granddad: “This… is dangerous.”

Me: “What? No, it’s a role playing game.”

Granddad: “No, it’s a cult out to separate you from everyone you know and love.”

(This goes on for a while, him insisting the Games Master is a cult leader out to brainwash me and the ‘campaign’ being an evil lie to convert me. I have absolutely no idea what he is talking about since he is still insisting fighting dragons will send my soul to Hell. I am finally freed (my sheet binned after being shredded) and I go home heartbroken. The next time I visit I have the core rulebook on me, a heavy hardback book of over 500 pages, and I call granddad over to the table, book in front of me. He flips, and starts ranting until I say:)

Me: “Look, read the first chapter and if there’s something that will sell my soul to Satan, I’ll burn it myself.”

(The first chapter was an introduction to role-playing and discussed basic dice rolls and attacks. Clearly nothing about forsaking my humanity to the forces of evil. Nowadays, whenever he hears me talking about my latest campaign he mopes and tells me to shut up. He’s still interested in my bestiaries, though, and asks about all the different monsters, so I think he’s slightly interested.)

Grandma Is Cooking Up A Storm

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandparents

(I’m 27 and from Switzerland. I am visiting my grandma in Australia for the first time in 14 years. I see all sorts of wonderful foods I’ve never seen before, and one day I get myself a couple things for lunch. I’m zapping them in the microwave when I hear my furious grandma talking to my mum in the background.)

Grandma: “She got herself lunch?! Well, okay then, if she doesn’t want to be part of this family anymore!”

(And that’s how I got to spend a month with her, not allowed to eat anything she hadn’t cooked herself…)

Toying With The Lesson

| USA | Grandparents

(My grandmother is visiting my parents for a few weeks. There is a small cart in which my mom keeps a selection of small toys in for my kids to play with. I have to use it briefly when I go over there one day so I just dump the toys on the couch. When I am done I barely have a chance to start putting them away before my grandmother tells my two-year-old to clean up the mess.)

Grandma: “Put the toys away.”

(My daughter starts happily putting stuff in, and I just start cleaning up my mess along with her.)

Me: “Thank you for helping Mommy.”

(I dump a larger group of toys in.)

Grandma: “[My Name], I told her to put the toys away.”

Me: “But I’m the one that made the mess.”

Grandma: “I’m trying to teach her something.”

Me: “But, I made the mess.”

Grandma: “Well, she doesn’t know that. It won’t make a difference to her.”

(Luckily, we finished quickly, so further discussion was moot, anyway.)

This Gay Gets The Wrong Type Of ‘D’

| UK | Grandparents, LGTBQ

(I have taken my grandmother to the hairdressers and she is making chitchat with the hairdresser.)

Hairdresser: “So did you hear about [Name]? He’s come out as gay. He’s got a boyfriend and everything. He’s been keeping it all secret for years.”

Grandmother: “[My Name] was like that. Weren’t you, [My Name]?”

Hairdresser: “You’re gay, [My Name]? I never would have guessed!”

Me: “I’m not gay. I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

Grandmother: “Well, whatever that other thing you’ve got is.”

Me: “Diabetes?”

Grandmother: *scoffs* “Diabetes. There’s no such thing!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, that’s why I inject myself four times a day…”

(She went quiet for the rest of her haircut. My mum later told me she was trying to arrange an intervention because of my “drug habit.” I’ve had diabetes for most of my life, so I can’t understand why she doesn’t believe in it. She still thinks I’m gay, though, and now also a drug addict.)

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