Category: Grandparents

This Gay Gets The Wrong Type Of ‘D’

| UK | Grandparents, LGTBQ

(I have taken my grandmother to the hairdressers and she is making chitchat with the hairdresser.)

Hairdresser: “So did you hear about [Name]? He’s come out as gay. He’s got a boyfriend and everything. He’s been keeping it all secret for years.”

Grandmother: “[My Name] was like that. Weren’t you, [My Name]?”

Hairdresser: “You’re gay, [My Name]? I never would have guessed!”

Me: “I’m not gay. I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

Grandmother: “Well, whatever that other thing you’ve got is.”

Me: “Diabetes?”

Grandmother: *scoffs* “Diabetes. There’s no such thing!”

Me: *sarcastically* “Yeah, that’s why I inject myself four times a day…”

(She went quiet for the rest of her haircut. My mum later told me she was trying to arrange an intervention because of my “drug habit.” I’ve had diabetes for most of my life, so I can’t understand why she doesn’t believe in it. She still thinks I’m gay, though, and now also a drug addict.)

The Grandma Is Not Always Right

| Germany | Grandparents

(My mom told me about this story a while ago. When I was younger, I tended to do stuff my grandma didn’t approve of, mostly not wearing “enough” clothes. She said that’s why my brother and I were sick so often, despite us being sick maybe once every couple of years.)

Grandma: “Why doesn’t [My Name] come over anymore?”

Mom: “Well, because you keep nagging her.”

Grandma: “But I’m right!”

Mom: “Do you want to be right, or do you want your granddaughter?”

(Grandma stopped nagging that much, and I came to visit her more often after that. But mostly I just love knowing that my mom has, and will always have, my back, even against her own mother.)

Grandma Has You Covered… In Fried Chicken

| PA, USA | Grandparents

(We have just taken my grandmother out for lunch, where we all ate a large meal. We bring her home afterwards.)

Grandmother: “Are you hungry? I made some fried chicken earlier.”

Mom: “No, thanks, we’re all still pretty full from that lunch.”

Grandmother: “Take some with you. You can eat it as a snack on the way home.”

Me: “Grandmom, it’s a five-minute drive.”

Grandmother: “Well, just in case.”

(She wouldn’t let us leave without taking the “chicken snack” with us. The pieces added up to a whole chicken.)

That Wall Will Never Be Built

| UT, USA | Grandparents, In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(I’m at my in-laws’ house, celebrating my mother-in-law’s birthday. My husband’s grandma asks when the pictures were taken.)

Me: “They were taken before I was pregnant with [Daughter]. I think September 2015.”

Father-In-Law: “Yeah, but we just barely got them up on the walls.”

Grandma: “Looks like it’s time to take some new ones, because [Brother-in-Law], [Sister-in-Law], and [Daughter] have joined the family.”

Father-In-Law: *laughs* “It took us four years to get [My Name] on the wall, so you guys will be lucky to be up there sooner than that!”

Impossible To Refuse Grandma’s Refuse

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandparents

(My sister, dad, and I are at our grandparents’ house for lunch. We’re about to leave.)

Grandma: “Do you people want to take some of this home with you?”

Me: “No thanks, mama. You keep it for later.”

Grandma: “No, you take it! Your mum will want it.”

Me: “Okay. Thank you, mama.”

Grandma: “Now, how are you going to take this home? Do you need a tray?”

Dad: “No, mum, we’ll just carry it. Don’t worry.”

Grandma: *already in the kitchen looking for a tray* “Here, use this one. Oh, it doesn’t fit. Here, use this tray instead.”

Sister: “Mama, it’s okay. We’ll just carry it.”

Grandma: “Don’t be silly. Here it fits.”

Sister: “Okay. Thank you, mama.”

Grandma: “Do you want to cover it?”

Dad: “No, mum, we’re fine. This is enough.”

Grandma: *already in the kitchen* “Do you people want [plastic wrap] or foil?”

Me: “I don’t know. [Plastic wrap]?”

Sister: “[Plastic wrap]’s fine.”

Grandma: “No, I think foil’s better.” *gets the foil and wraps the tray*

Me & Sister: “Okay. Thank you, mama.”

(Moral of this story? It’s impossible to refuse food from your grandma.)

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