Category: Grandchildren

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Renting ‘Final Destination’

| Denver, CO, USA | Grandchildren

(Heard this on the way out of the supermarket.)

Little Girl: *at a video rental kiosk* “Grandpa! You’re going to die if you don’t hurry up!”

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Making Middle Earth Great Again

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(Strung between two roadside poles was a reddish-orange banner for a racist, misogynist candidate I despise. Just as I notice it, my grandson says:)

Grandson: “Is that the Eye of Sauron?”

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Having A Ball With It

| OH, USA | Grandchildren

(My husband and I like to take our grandsons to a local pizza place which has a few arcade games. One machine always gives a player a small rubber ball at the end. They head home with at least four balls. Neither boy knows the other meaning of “balls,” so they innocently say things the rest of us have trouble not reacting to:)

Grandson #1: *still at the machine* “Grandma! We’re filling our pants with balls!”

Grandson #2: *after being told to take the balls out of their pockets for the ride home* “Nah… we like squishing our balls.”

Grandson #1: *coming back from the claw machine* “Look! I’ve got big balls now!”

Grandson #2: *after getting in trouble* “Papa took away my balls.”

Grandson #1: *in the car* “My balls dropped. [Brother] picked them up and is hiding them between his legs.”

Grandson #2: *after a particularly large haul* “I’m going to give Daddy some of these because he needs balls.”

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A Very Interesting Exchange

| Fayetteville, AR, USA | Grandchildren, Grandparents, Popular

(I am at the register closest to the door, which is the only place to do returns and exchanges, and usually get a lot of questions from customers as they come in. A young girl walks up, looking slightly embarrassed.)

Me: “What can I do for you?”

Girl: “Ummmm…” *embarrassed laugh*

Me: “It’s okay, ask whatever you want… I won’t laugh, I promise.”

Girl: “Is this where you go to exchange granddaughters?”

Me: “Hmm, how old is said granddaughter?”

Girl: “15.”

Me: “Is she willing to work?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Me: “What are we exchanging her for?”

Girl: *bursts out laughing* “I don’t know. I’ll have to ask my grandpa.” *walks away*

(Totally made my day.)

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Hooked On Church

| UT, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents, Popular

(I’m around four or five years old. My mom is not a giant fan of religion due to how hypocritical it could be, and especially hates it when my grandmother nags her about it. She’s also irritated that my grandmother will drag me to church without her permission and I’ve also told her multiple times how much I hate going. Finally, she decides to stop fighting with my grandmother about it, coming up with an even better idea. Because she knows how grown-ups tend to talk to children, she teaches me what to say when asked certain questions. This happens the next time I go to church and talk with several adults throughout the day.)

Friend: “So, sweetie, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Me: *pretending to think* “Umm… When I grow up… I wanna be a hooker!”

(My grandma nearly has a heart attack upon hearing about this and later yells at my mom.)

Grandma: “Do you know what your daughter has been saying today!?”

Mom: *smiles proudly* “I told you to stop taking her to church.”

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