Category: Children

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OOOOOHDIPUS

| USA | Children, Spouses & Partners

(My husband is getting ready to leave for an outing with friends. I’ve just told our toddler that we are going to watch movies all night with daddy gone. My husband and I steal into the hallway for a quick make out session before he leaves.)

Toddler: *running into the hallway and pulling on our legs* “MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!”

Me: “Our son is jealous that you have my attention.”

Husband: “Good. Let him be jealous.”

(Just as he goes in for another kiss:)

Toddler: *very angrily* “OOOH!”

(We both cracked up, the moment completely gone.)

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What Books Has She Been Reading?

| Cleveland, OH, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(A little girl, about five or six, has just gotten her first library card.)

Mother: “How does it feel to have your own library card?”

Daughter: *with a happy sigh* “I feel like a new woman!”

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Fail To Answer

| CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I am 40 years old, unmarried, no kids. I am playing with my 5-year-old nephew while my 70-year-old mother looks on.)

Nephew: “Auntie [My Name], are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Nephew: “Why not?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Because I am a failure as a woman.”

Mom: *taking me seriously* “[My Name], don’t say that!”

Nephew: “Haha, you fail!”

(Kids crack me up.)

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Living In An Animal House

| IL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(My husband, my two daughters, and I, are eating dinner one night. Our oldest is two and very sweet.)

Two-Year-Old: *suddenly, with no provocation* “Mommy, you’re boootiful!”

Me: “Oh, how sweet! Thank you!”

Two-Year-Old: *looks at my husband, thinking* “Daddy, you’re… you’re like a horse!”

Husband: *laughing* “What does that mean? A horse?!”

Two-Year-Old: “Yeah! And… and mommy’s like a giraffe.”

Husband: “So do I have a long nose then?”

Two-Year-Old: “Yeah! And mommy has a long neck — like ME!”

Me: “So what is your sister like?”

Two-Year-Old: *looking at all of us, thinking* “Daddy’s like a horse, Mommy’s like a giraffe… and Sissy’s like a… a hippo!”

Husband: “And what are you?”

Two-Year-Old: “I’m like a… I’m like a monkey!”

Me: “Well, that much is true!”

(I have no idea where she got all of that from, but it was hilarious!)

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Took That Photo Opportunity

| Lehi, UT, USA | Children, Non-Dialogue, Sons & Daughters

My entire family has come from various parts of the county to a family reunion during the holidays. On a Saturday, we headed to a local museum and outdoor park for the day.

About midday, my niece, age six, is playing with our various children while the adults sit and talk. A few minutes later, she proudly comes to us and says that she has gotten the family reunion photo done.

We are confused and try to understand what is going on. We press her for more information, as we are worried that some stranger was taking photos of random six-year-old girls.

However, it turns out that, when she was out of our direct view, another family had been taking a professional family reunion photo and had accidentally included her in it, thinking she was a member of their families.

I have always imagined, somewhere in America, there is a set of grandparents and siblings trying to figure out which of their families this random, not actually related, six-year-old belongs to.