Category: Children

A Handy Comeback

| England, UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children

(I’m staying with my six-year-old and three-year-old cousins and their family, and the three-year-old is very fond of me. She often comments about how I do or don’t do things. We’re at the dinner table, and my six-year-old cousin is putting his hand down his pants.)

Aunt: “[Six-Year-Old], please take your hand out of your pants.”

(He does, and we go back to eating. Meanwhile, the three-year-old calmly finishes her mouthful, puts down her fork, and exclaims:)

Three-Year-Old: “[My Name] DOESN’T PUT HER HAND DOWN HER PANTS!”

His Attempts At Attention Are Laughable

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My mom and I are sitting in the living room watching the news. My younger brother is up front in the sitting room playing on his computer.)

Brother: “HYUK HYUK HYUK!” *closest imitation of this weird laugh he did*

Me: “What the h***, kid?”

Mom: “That’s his ‘It’s not really all that funny, but I want you to know I found it kind of funny’ laugh.”

Brother: *completely oblivious to our conversation* “HYUK HYUK HAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE HEE!”

Mom: “That’s a combination laugh. Part ‘I want attention!’, part ‘This really is funny.’”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

Brother: “Hehehe— oh, nooo— Hahahahahahaha!”

Mom: “Probably watching something like a classic ‘football to the groin’ video.”

At Least It Wasn’t Yellow

| Norway | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have just picked up my daughter from her daycare and we are driving home. She is three-and-a-half years old. It is winter and snowy.)

Daughter: “Do you know what I did today, mom?”

Me: “I don’t know. What did you do today?”

Daughter: “I ate some snow!”

Me: “Oh, yuck. Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Because the adults didn’t see me.”

Sharing Parenting Advice

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Children

(The supermarket I work at has small children’s trolleys that parents can give their kids to push around the store and put shopping in. To ensure that they are not stolen, we keep them locked together, and when a customer wants one, we unlock one for them. A customer walks up with her two children.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get one of the kid’s trolleys?”

Me: “Sure, not a problem.”

(I go over, and unlock one of the trolleys.)

Me: “Would you like two, so both your kids can have one?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s fine. They can share it.”

Me: *highly doubting this* “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

(Reluctantly, I hand the one trolley to the two kids, who IMMEDIATELY start fighting over it.)

Customer: *surprised* “Oh…”

Me: *not at all surprised* “I’ll get you another trolley, ma’am…”

The Other Parent Is ‘Hollywood’

| Portland, OR, USA | Children

(I am working at the register of an office supply store, and next to the register I am at is where we keep our travel-size care items. I am ringing up a woman and her young son and waiting on a price override when this exchange occurs.)

Little Boy: *grabs two bottles of mouthwash and a travel toothbrush and looks straight at me as he slams them on counter* “I NEED these. I have trouble sleeping at night…”

Me: *looking at the mother* “Where did that come from?”

Mother: “I don’t know. Probably some movie.”