Category: Children

Elephants Mate With The Other Trunk

| The Netherlands | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’ve said and done a lot of weird stuff as a kid, and my family loves reminding me of all of it. Their favorite is how I learned about “the birds and the bees.” I was seven and watching television, while my mom and aunt were chatting in the kitchen. I absolutely loved animals and always wanted to know stuff about them, so my parents thought it’d be a good idea to let me watch Animal Planet and learn more about animals. Guess they didn’t think it through.)

Me: *from living room* “Mom?”

Mom: *comes into living room* “Yes?”

Me: “Do humans mate, too?”

Mom: *flabbergasted* “W-what?”

Me: *points to television* “Do humans mate, too?”

(My mom looks at the television, sees the documentary about elephants and hears the narrator talking about mating season and mating habits, and turns red.)

Mom: *after internal struggle* “Yes, they do.”

Me: “Okay.” *goes back to watching TV*

(Soon after that, my parents gave me a book about “that,” written for kids. My aunt still loves to tell people this story.)

Gives Very Brief Readings

| Guelph, ON, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

(When I was six years old, I had just started getting interested in cars. I had read a children’s book which told the names of several car parts. My mother is driving me home from school when I decide to show off.)

Me: “I know what that thing is!”

Mom: “What is it?”

Me: “It’s the gear shift.”

Mom: “That’s right!” *she starts pointing to other things in the car for me to name* “What’s this?”

Me: “That’s the glove compartment.”

Mom: *she points to the speedometer* “Okay, here’s a harder one. What is this?”

Me: “That’s the speedo meter!”

(My mother burst out laughing and corrected my pronunciation. I didn’t find out why this was funny until much later.)

Their Second Child Was Called ‘Desk’

| Scotland, UK | Children, Parents & Guardians

(A few minutes after I was born, my parents start discussing baby names (ie: checking if they still like the one they picked out). My mum was sedated during labor and was a little… strange.)

Dad: “So it’s agreed. We’re calling him [My Name].”

Mum: “Actually, I don’t think it suits him.” *looks around the room* “We should call him Window!”

Dad: “Uh… maybe you need some more time to…”

Mum: “No! His name is Window. It’s perfect!”

(Luckily, my mum wasn’t allowed anywhere near the birth certificate for some time. They ended up using the name they had chosen originally.)

That Squashes That Nickname

| Lufkin, TX, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(While waiting for my chance to see the doctor, a mother comes in with her newborn and three-year-old son. He has been eager to see his little sister and keeps singing to her while she sleeps in her stroller. Finally, she wakes up, and he instantly climbs up beside his mom to see her.)

Brother: “Hi, baby! Hi, Haley! Hi, baby!”

Mom: *kissing baby* “Hi, Pumpkin.”

Brother: “Momma, she’s not a pumpkin. She’s Haley.”

Unable To Tackle The Subject

| Australia | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I’m about seven, and I play soccer outside of school.)

Me: “I don’t want to play soccer anymore. I always get tackled and I don’t like it.”

Dad: “Well, what do you want to play?”

Me: “Rugby.”

(I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. Dad explained I’d be tackled a lot more if I played rugby, so I didn’t end up doing that. But he did let me quit soccer.)