Category: Children

They Growl Up So Fast

| Long Island, NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children

(I am about seven months pregnant. My boyfriend and I are in bed, watching TV. He is resting his head on my belly.)

Me: *burps silently*

(Boyfriend looks at my belly with a horrified expression.)

Boyfriend: “I think the baby just growled at me!”

A Very Healthy Scent

| ON, Canada | Children, Cousins

(My extended family are having dinner at a restaurant. While we are eating, my four-year-old cousin goes up to my mom to cuddle with her. She is known for her brutally honest “compliments,” while my mom loves to wear perfume.)

Cousin: *to my mom* “You smell like flowers.”

Mom: “Aww, thank yo—”

Cousin: *very seriously* “Cauliflowers.”

This Is The Story You’ve Been Looking For

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I’m sitting next to a small family in a workshop. There’s a little girl that keeps asking her dad to tell her stories. He obliges, telling stories that become increasingly more and more far-fetched, and he is clearly struggling to think of new ideas. Eventually he comes up with this gem:)

Father: “Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a princess.”

Daughter: “What was her name?”

Father: “Leia. And she had a twin brother named Luke. And they had two bots named R2D2 and C3PO.”

Daughter: *jumping up and down* “R2D2! R2D2!”

Gift Card Now, Entitled Brat Later

| CT, USA | Children, Holidays

(Walking back to my car after picking up a few things the day after Christmas, I overhearing the following.)

Mom: “No, if we stayed any longer you would have ended up in the toy aisle and you don’t need any more toys after yesterday.”

Bratty Girl: “BUT MOOOOM! I don’t wanna go back home. I have nothing to do there.”

Mom: “Okay, let’s go back inside and pick out gift cards.”

Me: *face-palm*

Maybe You’re In The Appendices?

| Broomfield, CO, USA | Children, Holidays, Parents & Guardians

(My friends are out to dinner when they get a phone call from their first grader, who is sobbing.)

Child: “Mommy! Come home! Come home!”

(Quickly they pay their bill and rush home.)

Friend: *to Sitter* “What happened?”

Sitter: “I don’t know! She wouldn’t tell me!”

Child: “Mommy, I’m afraid I’m on Santa’s naughty list!”

Friend: “Honey, we all are. That’s called sin. But if you love Jesus, you’re in God’s Book of Life!”

Child: *sniffling* “Is that real?”

Friend: “Yep!” *shows her in Bible*

Child: *beaming* “That’s wonderful! Oh, Mommy… which chapter am I in?”