Category: Children

Pretty Sure They’re Nana’s Favorite

| Sweden | Children, Siblings

(I come from a large family: I have four brothers and one sister. Our parents have always been relaxed and natural about sex and nudity and believed in teaching us the correct facts and words about our bodies. I’m 20, and my sister is four. Being the baby of a family with lots of boys, she has already seen her fair share of naked guys of differing ages; no big deal to us. We’re at the grocery store with our mother. Due to the age gap I am often mistaken for my sister’s mother if people see just the two of us together.)

Sister: “What do we get next?”

Me: “We’re off to the candy aisle to get some goodies for Nana.”

Sister: “I know what candy she wants!”

(She runs to the candy aisle, and I go with her, leaving our mother behind. By the pralines, a very posh middle aged lady is standing, carefully examining each box of chocolate, and loudly stating why it’s not good enough. She is very dressed up, lots of perfume and jewelry and quite obviously considers herself too good to be shopping at a bargain store like this one. She keeps snarling and scoffing while my sis searches the shelves for Nana’s favourite candy: chocolate covered marshmallow bananas.)

Sister: *searching* “No, not this one… Not this … Oooh, there it is! This is what Nana likes!”

(She picks up a box; they’re remarkably big for this kind of candy, with a very uneven coat of chocolate.)

Sister: *very loud* “Well, these sure look like penises!”

(A posh lady standing nearby gasps loudly, and puts her hand over her heart in a gesture of great shock and offense.)

Posh Lady: “Well, how are you going to punish this child for being so vulgar in public?”

Me: *takes a look at the box, then firmly locking eyes with the lady* “Yes, [Sister], they definitely do look like penises!”

(As the posh lady scurries away, I make sure to make one last loud remark while she can still hear us.)

Me: “Come on sis, let’s go show Mum the penises we are buying for Nana!”

(To be fair, they truly did look like penises!)

‘GO’ To Bed

| UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

(We’re getting our toddler ready for bed, which involves prayers, hugs and kisses, and then a song or two. I’m usually the one who sings him a song and tucks him in to end. My husband left the room and closed the door behind him, like he always does.)

Toddler: *reaching for the door immediately after it closed* “Papa!”

Me: *opening the door* “I think he’s asking for you tonight.”

(My husband came back in the room and I asked our son if he wanted to go to daddy instead. He dove out of my arms into my husband’s, looked me in the eye, pointed at the door, and said “GO!”)

Tantrum For Two

| Toronto ON, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians

(When I was five years old, I was a bit of a brat. Whenever my parents took me shopping, I would throw a fit if I saw something I wanted. They have tried scolding me, putting me in time-out, grounding me, etc. but nothing worked. Then one day that all changed….)

Me: *seeing a toy I want* “Daddy, can I have this?”

Dad: “No, it’s expensive and you already have enough toys.”

Me: “But, I want it!”

Dad: “No, you can’t have it. We need to go home.”

Me: “I WAAAAANNNTT IT! AAAAAAAHHHHH!” *I start throwing things and rolling on the floor crying*

(My dad, who was acting unusually calm, suddenly does something I never expected.)

Dad: *red faced with obvious, but forced, tears running down his face* “I WANT TO GO HOME! I MISS MOMMY!”

Me: “Uh… what are you doing?”

Dad: *he reaches into the cart and throws all the non-breakable things he was going to buy (pillows, towels, etc.) on the floor* “AAAAAAAHHHHH! I WANT TO GO HOME!”

(I thought this was incredibly stupid and embarrassing and that he looked insane. I never had a public tantrum after that.)

It Is Not Classy To Discuss In Public

| USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

(I am female. I am just learning about puberty and what it entails. I have just started middle school and am introduced to having classes in blocks. I am also not very conscious about what I say. My mother and I are in a supermarket.)

Me: *very loudly* “Mom, am I going to have periods for the rest of my life?”

(My mom’s eyes go wide as she looks around for other people that might have heard, but there is no one.)

Mom: [My Name], don’t say that out loud; that’s a question you ask in private.”

Me: *confused* “Why?”

Mom: “That’s a private question.”

Me: “But I’ve been talking about it with my friends.”

Mom: “What?! What did they tell you?”

Me: “When they have classes.”

(My mom now looks confused:)

Mom: “Huh?”

Me: “Am I going to have class periods for the rest of my school years?”

Mom: *visibly relieved* “Oh, oh. That’s what you meant.”

The Playtime That Never Dies

| Austria | Children, Nephews & Nieces

Sister: “Be careful playing with your wooden sword!”

Nephew: “I’m not playing. I’m just making people dead.”