Category: Children

His Attempts At Attention Are Laughable

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Children, Siblings

(My mom and I are sitting in the living room watching the news. My younger brother is up front in the sitting room playing on his computer.)

Brother: “HYUK HYUK HYUK!” *closest imitation of this weird laugh he did*

Me: “What the h***, kid?”

Mom: “That’s his ‘It’s not really all that funny, but I want you to know I found it kind of funny’ laugh.”

Brother: *completely oblivious to our conversation* “HYUK HYUK HAHAHAHAHA HEE HEE HEE!”

Mom: “That’s a combination laugh. Part ‘I want attention!’, part ‘This really is funny.’”

Me: “Okaaaay…”

Brother: “Hehehe— oh, nooo— Hahahahahahaha!”

Mom: “Probably watching something like a classic ‘football to the groin’ video.”

At Least It Wasn’t Yellow

| Norway | Children, Sons & Daughters

(I have just picked up my daughter from her daycare and we are driving home. She is three-and-a-half years old. It is winter and snowy.)

Daughter: “Do you know what I did today, mom?”

Me: “I don’t know. What did you do today?”

Daughter: “I ate some snow!”

Me: “Oh, yuck. Why did you do that?”

Daughter: “Because the adults didn’t see me.”

Sharing Parenting Advice

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Children

(The supermarket I work at has small children’s trolleys that parents can give their kids to push around the store and put shopping in. To ensure that they are not stolen, we keep them locked together, and when a customer wants one, we unlock one for them. A customer walks up with her two children.)

Customer: “Hi, can I get one of the kid’s trolleys?”

Me: “Sure, not a problem.”

(I go over, and unlock one of the trolleys.)

Me: “Would you like two, so both your kids can have one?”

Customer: “Oh, no, that’s fine. They can share it.”

Me: *highly doubting this* “Are you sure?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’ll be fine.”

(Reluctantly, I hand the one trolley to the two kids, who IMMEDIATELY start fighting over it.)

Customer: *surprised* “Oh…”

Me: *not at all surprised* “I’ll get you another trolley, ma’am…”

The Other Parent Is ‘Hollywood’

| Portland, OR, USA | Children

(I am working at the register of an office supply store, and next to the register I am at is where we keep our travel-size care items. I am ringing up a woman and her young son and waiting on a price override when this exchange occurs.)

Little Boy: *grabs two bottles of mouthwash and a travel toothbrush and looks straight at me as he slams them on counter* “I NEED these. I have trouble sleeping at night…”

Me: *looking at the mother* “Where did that come from?”

Mother: “I don’t know. Probably some movie.”

Inventing Non-Existent Daddy Issues

| Canada | Children, Nephews & Nieces

(My boyfriend and I are babysitting my three-year-old nephew, but this is not the first time my boyfriend has been around him.)

Nephew: “Is that your dad?”

Me: “No, that’s my boyfriend. That’s your uncle. That’s Uncle [Boyfriend].”

Nephew: “Oh. Uncle [Boyfriend]?”

Me: “Yes. He’s my boyfriend. Like your mom and dad.”

Nephew: “Oh.”

(A few months later I am at my brother’s house without Boyfriend.)

Nephew: “Where’s your dad?”

Me: *slightly confused* “Well he’s back at his— Wait a second. Who do you think my dad is?”

Nephew: “The guy from your house!”

(I show him a few pictures on my phone.)

Me: “Can you show me which one my dad is?”

(He points to Boyfriend.)

Me: “No, that’s not my dad. That’s Uncle [Boyfriend].”

Nephew: “Oh. Uncle [Boyfriend]?”

(A few months after that, we are visiting Boyfriend at work, and Boyfriend has to leave the area to get something.)

Nephew: “Where’d your dad go?”

Me: “No, that’s not— He went downstairs.”