Category: Children


This Is The Story You’ve Been Looking For

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians

(I’m sitting next to a small family in a workshop. There’s a little girl that keeps asking her dad to tell her stories. He obliges, telling stories that become increasingly more and more far-fetched, and he is clearly struggling to think of new ideas. Eventually he comes up with this gem:)

Father: “Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there was a princess.”

Daughter: “What was her name?”

Father: “Leia. And she had a twin brother named Luke. And they had two bots named R2D2 and C3PO.”

Daughter: *jumping up and down* “R2D2! R2D2!”


Gift Card Now, Entitled Brat Later

| CT, USA | Children, Holidays

(Walking back to my car after picking up a few things the day after Christmas, I overhearing the following.)

Mom: “No, if we stayed any longer you would have ended up in the toy aisle and you don’t need any more toys after yesterday.”

Bratty Girl: “BUT MOOOOM! I don’t wanna go back home. I have nothing to do there.”

Mom: “Okay, let’s go back inside and pick out gift cards.”

Me: *face-palm*


Maybe You’re In The Appendices?

| Broomfield, CO, USA | Children, Holidays, Parents & Guardians

(My friends are out to dinner when they get a phone call from their first grader, who is sobbing.)

Child: “Mommy! Come home! Come home!”

(Quickly they pay their bill and rush home.)

Friend: *to Sitter* “What happened?”

Sitter: “I don’t know! She wouldn’t tell me!”

Child: “Mommy, I’m afraid I’m on Santa’s naughty list!”

Friend: “Honey, we all are. That’s called sin. But if you love Jesus, you’re in God’s Book of Life!”

Child: *sniffling* “Is that real?”

Friend: “Yep!” *shows her in Bible*

Child: *beaming* “That’s wonderful! Oh, Mommy… which chapter am I in?”

The Care Bear Dare

| LA, USA | Children

(My daughters have received bath finger-paint for Christmas. I give it to them in the tub for a while, and then head to the other room to sort laundry, telling them they are getting out when I get back. After a minute, I hear faint chanting coming from the bathroom.)

Daughters: “We care. We care. We care.”

(I go in the bathroom to see they have painted themselves red and blue from head to toe. They are standing in the tub holding hands and chanting.)

Daughters: “We care. We care. WE CARE. WE CARE.”

(I stare at them they keep chanting.)

Daughters: “WE CARE! WE CARE!”

(I turn around and walk out.)

Older Daughter: *to younger one* “I told you the Care Bears Stare always works. Now we get a longer bath.”


The Advent Of A New Christmas Tradition

| MI, USA | Children, Holidays

(A mother and small boy are looking at a Christmas display.)

Mother: “Look, an Advent calendar. Do you remember what we do with these?”

Boy: “Open them all at once and pretend we didn’t?”