Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

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Stop The Hangry

| Seattle, WA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Popular

(My dad works from home and so tends to work long hours and often forgets to eat all day until my mother and I get home and cook, something that makes him extremely unpleasant to be anywhere near because he gets angry as all get out at anyone who happens to be in the house. He refuses to believe that he’s being at all unreasonable, though, even after the fact. It’s spring break and my teenage brother has been home with us for a few days. My mother and I start to notice my dad not being crabby at all when we get home and it’s one night at the end of the week when we find out why. Let it be noted that my brother is a very sweet and considerate teenager and is known for never cursing or using foul language, even though the rest of our family has awful language.)

Dad: *talking about how my brother has been making breakfast and lunch all week* “It’s very nice to have someone home who cooks for everyone when they cook for themselves. [Brother] really is considerate like that.”

(My mother and I keep odd hours so we rarely cook meals for anyone besides ourselves outside of making dinner every night. This annoys my father.)

Brother: *wandering through the kitchen and hearing his name* “What?”

Dad: “Oh I was just telling your mother and sister about how nice it is that you make food for everyone during the day.”

Brother: *blinks at our dad for a moment and deadpans* “Oh. No, I cook for you for entirely selfish reasons. You’re a f****** a**-hole when you don’t eat all day.” *takes a soda out of the fridge and wanders away*

(There was stunned silence from my father while my mother and I dissolved into hysterical snorting laughter.)

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Unhealthy Debate

| PA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

(We tend to be a family that enjoys a healthy debate. After one of them, Mom notices the time.)

Mom: “Wow! Look at the time! I’ve got to start doing stuff soon. But this has been nice!”

Brother: “Weren’t we just talking about rape in Ubers?”

Mom: “Well, yeah, but I do like hanging out and talking with you.”

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Can We Say ‘Titicaca’ In This Title?

| Easton, PA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Popular, Siblings

(My brother’s girlfriend has come over to visit.)

Me: “[Brother], the UPS guy just dropped off your package!”

Girlfriend: “What did you order?”

Brother: “I really wanted to watch Animaniacs the other day, so I ordered a few DVDs.”

Girlfriend: “Oh! Animaniacs! I used to love that show when I was a kid! I haven’t seen it in years, though.”

Brother: “Want to go watch it with me?”

Girlfriend: “Sure!”

(Maybe about 90 minutes later she comes downstairs for a snack. She has this shocked look on her face and she can’t stop giggling at something.)

Me: “What’s wrong? Don’t like it?”

Girlfriend: “No, it’s just as amazing as I remember. It’s just that now that I’m older, I’ve finally figured out why my dad was always laughing at jokes I didn’t really get…”

Brother: *shouting from upstairs* “And we didn’t even get to the Lake Titicaca song yet!”

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