Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

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They Growl Up So Fast

| Long Island, NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children

(I am about seven months pregnant. My boyfriend and I are in bed, watching TV. He is resting his head on my belly.)

Me: *burps silently*

(Boyfriend looks at my belly with a horrified expression.)

Boyfriend: “I think the baby just growled at me!”

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Not The Only One To Mess Up

| Hungary | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

(It is the first time my sister’s boyfriend spends a whole day with us – a family with four daughters, all raised to be independent, and a father who routinely takes part in housework. We are currently training our new puppy to not to pee while in the house, but as she is small, accidents happen. We are having lunch when the puppy gets too excited and pees herself. As my father is the closest to the mop, he grabs it, cleans up the mess, and sits back without a sound. The new boyfriend literally drops his spoon.)

Boyfriend: “What the h***? There are five women around you. Why were you jumping to do that immediately? It is their job!”

Everyone Else: *glare*

(Thankfully, he didn’t last long after that…)

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Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 3

| IL, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians, Pokemon, Spouses & Partners

(My boyfriend and I are at his parents’ house when this happens. Both of us are in our mid-20s and are avid Pokémon Go players. Also staying at his parents’ house are some friends of theirs. As we are headed out to play some PoGo, the wife of his parents’ friend stops us, demanding to know what Pokémon ‘is.’)

Wife: “OKAY! WHAT is a Pokémon?”

Boyfriend: *taking out his phone to show her* “Well, it was originally released in the late 90s as a game that you could play on a Gameboy. You remember me being around and playing that when I was a kid, right? Well, it’s now a phone app that you can play in real time and place through geocached data that is coordinated with online maps and GPS location.”

Wife: *impatiently* “Okay but what is Pokémon?! Everyone is talking about Pokémon!”

Boyfriend: *too patiently* “Well, here, let me show you.” *opens app* “Pokémon are little creatures that you capture and collect.”

Wife: *points to Squirtle* “Is that him? Is that Pokémon?”

Boyfriend: *still patiently* “He is a Pokémon. That’s Squirtle; here’s another Pokémon but it’s called Pikachu. There’s a lot of them, 151 to be exact.”

Wife: “That’s a lot! So it’s not Pokémon; it’s Pokémons.”

(By this point my boyfriend’s mom and I were laughing too hard and the woman thankfully lost her focus as she has a very short attention span.)

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 2
Here We Pokémon Go Again

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A Related Issue

| Okanagan Falls, BC, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Cousins

(We’re at a massive family reunion and taking a huge picture of everyone. My cousin has brought her boyfriend of a year or so.)

Cousin: “Can [Boyfriend] be in the picture?”

Aunt: “No. Family only.”

(My cousin lets this go. The next major family event is about three years later, and there’s another big family picture.)

Cousin: “C’mon, [Boyfriend], picture time!”

Aunt: “NO! It’s a FAMILY picture!”

Cousin: “But [My Brother’s Fiancée] is allowed in.”

Aunt: “They’re getting married; that makes her related. What if you and [Boyfriend] break up? I don’t want to look at pictures years later of someone you dumped!”

(Four years after that, at yet another family gathering, Cousin is pregnant, and Aunt is preparing for yet another family picture:)

Aunt: “[Boyfriend], you can take this one.”

Cousin: “Mom…”

Aunt: “The picture is only for people who are related to us.”

Cousin: “[My Brother] got divorced last year; you’ve already got pictures with people you’re not related to! [Boyfriend] and I have been together EIGHT YEARS. I am pregnant with his child! Your grandchild! How much more do you want?”

Aunt: “He’s NOT FAMILY!”

Cousin: “He is MY family! And if he’s not in it, I’m not in it!”

(Later, after the picture is taken — with the boyfriend:)

Me: “Wow, [Cousin], that took some serious chutzpah.”

Cousin: “It’s the hormones. I’m cranky, pregnant, and unstoppable.”

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Defy The Cacti

| AL, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

(This takes place between my boyfriend and his mom. He is telling me what happened.)

Mom: “Part of my orchid is wilted! It’s the part next to your cactus.”

Boyfriend: “Okay?”

Mom: “That’s so weird; I’m so good about watering it. I think your slimy cactus molested my orchid. It should be a registered plant offender.”

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