Category: Boyfriends & Girlfriends

The New Boyfriend Went Bust

| IN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(I’m a 12-year-old girl. My aunt and her now ex-boyfriend stop by.)

Aunt: *hugs me and whispers* “You’ve got bigger tits than I do!”

(A few minutes later my mom, my aunt, her boyfriend, and I are all in the living room. I’m playing on my tablet when suddenly:)

Aunt’s Boyfriend: *to me* “So, what does your father think of your new boobs?”

I Get Nowhere

| Austria | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Nephews & Nieces

Sister: “So, [My Boyfriend], what do you earn at your new job?”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “MAMA!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *drops something*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *slips and falls*

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: “There’s a ghost!” *runs out of the room*

Me: “Quick, while he’s out of the room!”

Boyfriend: “I get—”

Nephew: *running through the door* “Hooo-hooo!”

A Subtle Rebuttal

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(My boyfriend and I are in our early- to mid-20s and I’m taking him to meet my grandparents after we’ve been dating for about a year and a half. After being at their home for about an hour and a half, my aunt, who is notoriously dramatic and a bit unstable, emerges from their basement noisily but without acknowledging our presence. She eventually joins the conversation.)

Aunt: *points to potted plant* “Do you know what this is?”

Boyfriend: “Uh…a flower?”

Aunt: *condescendingly* “It’s an amaryllis.” *to me* “What are you doing with a man who doesn’t know what an amaryllis is?”

Me: “Well, he’s got me for flower identification. I think he’ll be okay.”

Aunt: *grabs my left hand* “Oh, okay. Just checking.” *we’re not engaged, no ring on my ring finger* “When is that happening?”

Me: *taken aback* “Well, to be honest, [Aunt], we haven’t actually talked about it yet. But thank you for asking so politely and subtly.”

(She showed zero remorse in the moment but called me three times later that day, sent my mom a card, and sent me a letter a few weeks later asking me for “forgiveness” and saying she hoped I wasn’t embarrassed. My boyfriend and I had a good laugh about it, but the gall of some people.)

Responding With Comic Timing

| TN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(I am working on a comic and am currently writing out the main plot line and dialogue. I have hit a block and am starting to get frustrated. My boyfriend is sitting at the desk flipping through an auto repair book.)

Me: “Ugh!”

Boyfriend: “What’s the matter?”

Me: “I can’t come up with any good names for these characters. Can you think of a typical douchebag name and a typical b**** name?”

Boyfriend: “Who are they for?”

Me: “[Main character]’s snooty aunt and uncle.”

Boyfriend: *without thinking* “[Male name], [Female name].”

Me: “Wow. That was quick.”

(I start to write the names down on the corner of my page.)

Me: “Wait… aren’t those your aunt’s and uncle’s names?”

Boyfriend: *without looking up* “Yup.”

(I did end up using those names.)

They Growl Up So Fast

| Long Island, NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children

(I am about seven months pregnant. My boyfriend and I are in bed, watching TV. He is resting his head on my belly.)

Me: *burps silently*

(Boyfriend looks at my belly with a horrified expression.)

Boyfriend: “I think the baby just growled at me!”

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