Category: Aunts & Uncles

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Fail To Answer

| CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I am 40 years old, unmarried, no kids. I am playing with my 5-year-old nephew while my 70-year-old mother looks on.)

Nephew: “Auntie [My Name], are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Nephew: “Why not?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Because I am a failure as a woman.”

Mom: *taking me seriously* “[My Name], don’t say that!”

Nephew: “Haha, you fail!”

(Kids crack me up.)

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Urine The Woods

| ON, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins

(My aunt and my four-year-old cousin are walking in the woods one day when it starts to rain lightly.)

Aunt: “Oh! Look, [Cousin]! We’re going to get some rain now!”

Cousin: “Or the squirrels are all peeing.”

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Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Dusty

| NJ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, LGTBQ

(My husband’s uncle and his male partner were together for 35 years until his partner died of a heart attack. He was devastated, and it took him a long time before he was even close to his formerly funny, irreverent self. We were visiting about a year after his partner died. Uncle was always a notoriously bad housekeeper.)

Uncle: “Sorry about the mess.”

Me: “It’s not that bad.”

Uncle: “You should have been here yesterday. I moved [Partner]’s ashes around five times. Then I finally had to say ‘Sorry, dear, but you’re going to have to go back in the closet!'”

(We all had a very cathartic laugh, and I am sure our other uncle would have joined in.)

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Twixie Is Tricksy

| AZ, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Pets & Animals

(We have a family cat, and my little sister has a pet gerbil, which is kept in her bedroom. We go on a three-week vacation one summer, with our aunt and cousins taking care of the animals for us. It’s a 12-hour drive home, and we didn’t make many stops. My sister runs straight to the bathroom as soon as we get home. A minute later we hear her:)

Sister: “Why is Twixie in the bathroom?”

(Twixie, the gerbil, was running around the bathroom baseboards. Confused, we all follow her to her room, where she finds a card in the gerbil’s cage.)

Card: “Dear [Sister], the gerbil got away when we were playing with her, and the cat ate her. We’re SO SORRY! Here’s a [Popular Pet Store] gift card to replace her. Signed, [Aunt].”

Me: “So they lost the gerbil and just assumed that the cat ate her? How hard did they look?”

Dad: “And when did this happen? How long has your gerbil been hiding in the bathroom? How long has [Aunt] been guiltily waiting for us to find her card?”

Sister: *angry* “They’re lucky I found her before I found the card! That would have been awful! I’m totally keeping this gift card.”

Me: “Can you imagine finding her AFTER, though? That would have been a happy surprise!”

(And it was a happy surprise for my aunt and cousins when we called them, as you can imagine!)

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Pokémon Go Around

| UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Pokemon

(My aunt told me about teaching my 11-year-old cousin about walking outside alone at night. There are several narrow lanes near their home.)

Aunt: “Don’t go in the lanes if someone standing in there. Wait until they walk through or just take the streets with big lights instead.”

Uncle: “Yep. Not even if it’s an old lady.”

Aunt: “Even better if you avoid those lanes completely.”

Cousin: “But what if they look nice?”

Aunt: “Doesn’t matter. No one should be loitering in those lanes at night.”

Uncle: “So let anyone who is there walk through first.”

Cousin: “But what if someone is just there playing Pokémon Go?”

Aunt: *rolls eyes* “Still avoid. Okay?”

Cousin: “Okay.”

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