Category: Aunts & Uncles

Their Gay Appalling

| NM, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, LGTBQ

(I’m a waitress and my aunt and uncle come in with their great grandson, eight, and great granddaughter, six. Their grandson is my cousin [not the father of above children] and he’s around the same age as me. He’s also gay. His family jumps from being okay with it to being appalled by it. We make small talk and they order. I’m bringing out their food at this time.)

Me: “So how is [Gay Cousin]? I haven’t seen him and his boyfriend in awhile.”

Aunt: *stark white* “Fine.” *she says it fast and quick*

(I realize they’re in the appalled-by-it phase so I change the subject and leave the table. My aunt comes up to me as they’re cashing out.)

Aunt: “Look here. [Gay Cousin] is not gay. We don’t talk about it. He has his friend. I want you to go explain to [Young Niece and Nephew] that boys can’t be with boys. NOW!”

Me: *chuckles because I’m nervous and a little off-put* “They can, though. I’m just gonna tell them that sometimes, boys like boys and girls like girls. So maybe you’d prefer to tell them?”

(She looked like she wanted to kill me. At a loss for words, she turned away from me and walked out, telling her niece and nephew that I was going to Hell. She never talked to me again. Oh, well.)

Protecting Children From Themselves

| OK, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Sons & Daughters

(My uncle is a very large, hairy man — picture the stereotypical biker. He has two sons, and the mother had left a long time ago. His oldest has hit middle school, and he starts to act like a little s***. My uncle takes away privileges when the kid acts out. One day he gets called down to the school and is met by Child Protection Services (CPS) and a cop.)

School Official: “[Uncle], your son has said you’ve been beating him, and not letting him have food. Is this true?”

Uncle: “What? No!”

(He looks at his son and sees him smirking. He’s mad at his dad because he took his game system away. The CPS and cop explain how they will need to do an investigation, etc. My uncle looks at his son, looks at himself, and figures, why fight it?)

Uncle: “Take him.”

Everyone: “What!”

Uncle: “If my son really feels abused there is no way a single dad who looks like me can win. Take him.”

(At this point the cop started to smile and gave my uncle a wink. He agreed with my uncle and they took my cousin and placed him with social services for three days. By the end of it my cousin was crying and confessed to the cops he lied because his dad took his gaming system and his friends said he should ‘get back’ at his dad. He returned home and nothing more was said. Cousin straightened up from then on and went on to med school.)

A Handy Comeback

| England, UK | Aunts & Uncles, Children

(I’m staying with my six-year-old and three-year-old cousins and their family, and the three-year-old is very fond of me. She often comments about how I do or don’t do things. We’re at the dinner table, and my six-year-old cousin is putting his hand down his pants.)

Aunt: “[Six-Year-Old], please take your hand out of your pants.”

(He does, and we go back to eating. Meanwhile, the three-year-old calmly finishes her mouthful, puts down her fork, and exclaims:)

Three-Year-Old: “[My Name] DOESN’T PUT HER HAND DOWN HER PANTS!”

The New Boyfriend Went Bust

| IN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends

(I’m a 12-year-old girl. My aunt and her now ex-boyfriend stop by.)

Aunt: *hugs me and whispers* “You’ve got bigger tits than I do!”

(A few minutes later my mom, my aunt, her boyfriend, and I are all in the living room. I’m playing on my tablet when suddenly:)

Aunt’s Boyfriend: *to me* “So, what does your father think of your new boobs?”

Stuck On A Dry Cycle

| USA | Aunts & Uncles

(My dad is visiting my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Seattle, WA. I’m currently attending college in Pennsylvania.)

Uncle: *texts picture of my dad and himself standing on a ferry. It’s clearly raining* “Beautiful day for a ride on the ferry!”

Me: “Ha. It’s 65 degrees and sunny where I am.”

Uncle: “Yeah, but you don’t have a ferry, do you?”

Me: “I have a bike.”

Uncle: “Good luck getting across the water on that.”

(He has me there.)

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