Category: Aunts & Uncles

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Done With The Family Niceties

| KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Popular

(We are at my boyfriend’s family reunion down in Kentucky and his family is doing a volleyball tournament in 95 degree heat. I have on sunglasses, a tank top, and shorts with my hair up. I am talking to one of my boyfriend’s cousins to the side of the court, waiting for our team to play again, when his aunt walks over. Note: we’ve been dating for three years at this point and I know his family fairly well.)

Aunt: “Well, hello, [Cousin], who is your friend you brought?”

Me: “It’s me, [My Name]. [Boyfriend]’s girlfriend.”

Aunt: “Oh, dear, I am so sorry. It’s just normally you look nice.” *walks away*

Me: *shocked silence*

Cousin: “Yeah, welcome to the family.”

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Making A Oat-Meal Out Of It

| KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Popular

(I have only been married a few months when I take some homemade cookies to a family dinner with my extended in-laws. One of my husband’s aunts really loves them and asks for the recipe. My husband warns me not to as she can’t cook worth a darn and seems unable to follow even a simple recipe. I don’t listen and give her the recipe. It is easy and the ingredients are as basic as you can get: sugar, butter, cocoa powder, oatmeal. What do they say about no good deed ever going unpunished? A few weeks later Auntie calls me.)

Auntie: “Hi, I wanted to make those cookies. Can I use diet margarine instead of butter?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t think so. It usually has a lot more water and air than butter and usually doesn’t work as well.”

Auntie: “Oh, okay. I don’t have any cocoa powder. Can I use Nestle Quik instead?”

Me: “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

Auntie: “Do you know if I can use Sweet-and-Low in place of sugar? I don’t want to buy sugar.”

Me: “I wouldn’t know how. I just use sugar.”

Auntie: “Oh. Well, I don’t have any regular oatmeal. How many packs of instant oatmeal will it take?”

Me: “I don’t know. I usually just use the regular stuff in the box.” *she wants to use packs of instant in place of three cups of the regular stuff?*

Auntie: “I don’t have any vanilla either. Can I just skip it altogether?”

Me: “I don’t know. I always use it.”

Auntie: “Well, how am I supposed to make these cookies if you won’t help me?”

Me: “Um, follow the recipe?”

Auntie: “I don’t want to buy all that stuff. What would I do with it?”

(She went on for a good five minutes, angry with me for refusing to help her make these cookies, before she finally slammed the phone down. Out of the seven ingredients she wanted to change out four with ingredients that wouldn’t work, and got mad when I wouldn’t tell her they would work. Sadly, I had a similar experience with my mother-in-law, too, over a recipe she asked for because she loved it, then wanted to change it completely, and got mad because I couldn’t tell her the changes would work. Finally, I just started telling my in-laws the recipes were old family secrets. The secret, of course, is not to substitute cheap crappy ingredients and expect good results.)

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Sentenced To Happy Ever After

| Austria | Aunts & Uncles, Popular

(My sister and husband just got married. I’m the maid of honor and easily moved by romantic stuff, so when congratulating them I begin to cry a lot. While hugging my mom, my uncle tries to console me.)

Uncle: “Why are you crying? It’s their execution, not yours!”

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