Category: Aunts & Uncles

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A Related Issue

| Okanagan Falls, BC, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Cousins

(We’re at a massive family reunion and taking a huge picture of everyone. My cousin has brought her boyfriend of a year or so.)

Cousin: “Can [Boyfriend] be in the picture?”

Aunt: “No. Family only.”

(My cousin lets this go. The next major family event is about three years later, and there’s another big family picture.)

Cousin: “C’mon, [Boyfriend], picture time!”

Aunt: “NO! It’s a FAMILY picture!”

Cousin: “But [My Brother’s Fiancée] is allowed in.”

Aunt: “They’re getting married; that makes her related. What if you and [Boyfriend] break up? I don’t want to look at pictures years later of someone you dumped!”

(Four years after that, at yet another family gathering, Cousin is pregnant, and Aunt is preparing for yet another family picture:)

Aunt: “[Boyfriend], you can take this one.”

Cousin: “Mom…”

Aunt: “The picture is only for people who are related to us.”

Cousin: “[My Brother] got divorced last year; you’ve already got pictures with people you’re not related to! [Boyfriend] and I have been together EIGHT YEARS. I am pregnant with his child! Your grandchild! How much more do you want?”

Aunt: “He’s NOT FAMILY!”

Cousin: “He is MY family! And if he’s not in it, I’m not in it!”

(Later, after the picture is taken — with the boyfriend:)

Me: “Wow, [Cousin], that took some serious chutzpah.”

Cousin: “It’s the hormones. I’m cranky, pregnant, and unstoppable.”

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Time To Face The Mess

| NC, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

(My aunt and cousin are visiting and my mom and I have a girls’ day out with them. Towards the end of the day, we stop at a coffee shop for a snack. I order a milk and an almond-butter-chocolate-chip muffin, which I begin to eat by breaking off pieces and popping them in my mouth. I quickly realize two things: 1) the muffin is delicious and 2) I’m going to be a mess by the end of it. I turn to my mom, who, due to certain allergies, can’t have chocolate while my aunt and cousin both enjoy it.)

Me: “Looks like I’ll have a bit of a clean up after I’m done with this.”

Mom: “[My Name]! It’s all over your face!”

Aunt: “That just means she’s enjoying it.”

(My cousin and I started giggling while my mom shakes her head with a slight smile.)

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Not Cool Daddy Cool

| Springfield, TN, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Popular

(I was an evil child when I was younger. I am around five years old and my uncle wants to be nice and takes me to Chuckie Cheese. However, as we’re standing in line, I am excited and spinning around, simply moving nonstop. I bump into a MASSIVE, extremely muscular man, who calmly turns a bit to look at who touched him.)

Me: *blood goes cold as I stare for half a second* “My daddy spanks me really hard!”

(For some reason I thought this will intimidate the large man, but instead the man looks up at my uncle with a death glare.)

Uncle: *put his hands up a bit with open palms* “I AIN’T HIS DADDY!”

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Done With The Family Niceties

| KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Popular

(We are at my boyfriend’s family reunion down in Kentucky and his family is doing a volleyball tournament in 95 degree heat. I have on sunglasses, a tank top, and shorts with my hair up. I am talking to one of my boyfriend’s cousins to the side of the court, waiting for our team to play again, when his aunt walks over. Note: we’ve been dating for three years at this point and I know his family fairly well.)

Aunt: “Well, hello, [Cousin], who is your friend you brought?”

Me: “It’s me, [My Name]. [Boyfriend]’s girlfriend.”

Aunt: “Oh, dear, I am so sorry. It’s just normally you look nice.” *walks away*

Me: *shocked silence*

Cousin: “Yeah, welcome to the family.”

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Making A Oat-Meal Out Of It

| KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Popular

(I have only been married a few months when I take some homemade cookies to a family dinner with my extended in-laws. One of my husband’s aunts really loves them and asks for the recipe. My husband warns me not to as she can’t cook worth a darn and seems unable to follow even a simple recipe. I don’t listen and give her the recipe. It is easy and the ingredients are as basic as you can get: sugar, butter, cocoa powder, oatmeal. What do they say about no good deed ever going unpunished? A few weeks later Auntie calls me.)

Auntie: “Hi, I wanted to make those cookies. Can I use diet margarine instead of butter?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t think so. It usually has a lot more water and air than butter and usually doesn’t work as well.”

Auntie: “Oh, okay. I don’t have any cocoa powder. Can I use Nestle Quik instead?”

Me: “I don’t know. I’ve never tried.”

Auntie: “Do you know if I can use Sweet-and-Low in place of sugar? I don’t want to buy sugar.”

Me: “I wouldn’t know how. I just use sugar.”

Auntie: “Oh. Well, I don’t have any regular oatmeal. How many packs of instant oatmeal will it take?”

Me: “I don’t know. I usually just use the regular stuff in the box.” *she wants to use packs of instant in place of three cups of the regular stuff?*

Auntie: “I don’t have any vanilla either. Can I just skip it altogether?”

Me: “I don’t know. I always use it.”

Auntie: “Well, how am I supposed to make these cookies if you won’t help me?”

Me: “Um, follow the recipe?”

Auntie: “I don’t want to buy all that stuff. What would I do with it?”

(She went on for a good five minutes, angry with me for refusing to help her make these cookies, before she finally slammed the phone down. Out of the seven ingredients she wanted to change out four with ingredients that wouldn’t work, and got mad when I wouldn’t tell her they would work. Sadly, I had a similar experience with my mother-in-law, too, over a recipe she asked for because she loved it, then wanted to change it completely, and got mad because I couldn’t tell her the changes would work. Finally, I just started telling my in-laws the recipes were old family secrets. The secret, of course, is not to substitute cheap crappy ingredients and expect good results.)

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