Category: Aunts & Uncles

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Getting That Christmas Dar-Feeling

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Holidays, Parents & Guardians

(I am having Christmas dinner with my mom’s side of the family and talking with my uncle who, along with my dad, likes to tease me. My name is Jessy.)

Uncle: “What kind of tea are you drinking?”

Me: “Christmas Morning.”

Dad: “It’s Christmas Evening. That’s not allowed.”

Me: “Too late.”

Uncle: “Would you like it if a tea was named after you?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Uncle: “Good. Name that one. It’s not Christmas morning; so it’s nameless.”

Me: “So it’s Jessy tea?”

Uncle: “Or Jessy’s Delight or something.”

Dad: “DarJessy!”

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Christmas Lasts Until Dawn

| PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

(We’re opening some Christmas gifts that just arrived in the mail from our grandmother. I’m 25 and my youngest cousin is only seven.)

Mom: “What did you girls get?”

Me: “Uh… I got this…”

(I hold up ‘Splatoon.’ I don’t consider it a bad game, but I don’t own a Wii U and thus can’t play it, hence my disappointment.)

Mom: “Oh. Well, she tried, so call and thank her anyway, I guess.” *to cousin* “What did you get?”

Cousin: *excitedly* “I got Until Dawn!”

Aunt: “WHAT?!”

(We had to take it from my screaming cousin and called my grandmother. Thankfully she’s aware of video game ratings and age appropriateness. Unfortunately she mixed up our gifts and didn’t realize it because they both had a similar shape, which is how she accidentally gave a seven year old a graphic video game.)

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The Grandparents Are A Complete Snore

| USA | Aunts & Uncles, Grandparents, Parents & Guardians

(On the car ride down to my aunt’s, my mom explains the sleeping situations..)

Mom: “So [Grandpa] will be sleeping in [Aunt]’s room. [Grandma] will be sleeping in [Older Cousin]’s room.”

Me: “Don’t grandma and grandpa sleep in [Aunt]’s room?”

Mom: “They don’t anymore.”

Me: *worried they had a bad fight or it was something with my grandpa’s health* “Why not?”

Mom: “They snore.”

Me: “They snore so loudly they wake each other up?”

Mom: “Yup!”

(That’s my grandparents for you!)

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Uncle Teddy

| Surrey, England, UK | Aunts & Uncles

(My family has always had a very strained relationship with my uncle, mainly because he is quite rude and condescending. He frowns upon my family for making money and refuses to hold down a job himself, and spends his time preaching his ideals to us. The most annoying part is that each time we meet he will always talk down to me like I am a silly little boy and he seems determined to stamp the fun out whatever I enjoy. At this point, I am six years old and really into Thomas the Tank Engine. When we visit my grandma, I see my uncle sitting in the front room, holding a glass of whisky and giving me a mocking sneer.)

Uncle: “Oh, you’re here, are you?! What are doing with yourself these days? Anything productive or are you just wasting your time thinking about trains?”

Mum: “For goodness sake, don’t start!”

Uncle: “What? I’m trying to help the boy. He’s too old for all that Thomas nonsense! Besides, you shouldn’t be letting him watch that stupid TV.”

Mum: “Just leave it! I’ve had enough of your opinions!”

Uncle: “In my day we played real games like cricket, football, rugby…”

Aunt: “You never played any of those games! Be quiet.”

(My uncle glares at her and goes back to looking smug.)

Uncle: “Well, he needs to learn to be more productive; otherwise other kids will just make fun of him.”

Grandma: “I seem to remember a young boy who liked playing with his teddy!”

Uncle: “Mum, don’t interrupt; it’s rude…”

Grandma: “In fact he seemed quite overly attached to it. Took that bear everywhere and would throw a tantrum if I took it away!”

Aunt: “Oh, yeah! Didn’t you play with that till you were about twelve?”

Uncle: “Don’t know what you mean.”

Aunt: “Actually, you only stopped because you met that neighbourhood boy who thought everything was stupid!”

Uncle: “Be quiet!”

(With that, my uncle left the room and we didn’t see him for the rest of the visit. My uncle died just over a year ago. Unfortunately, even before then we never really were able to talk to each other properly.)

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Fail To Answer

| CA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Nephews & Nieces

(I am 40 years old, unmarried, no kids. I am playing with my 5-year-old nephew while my 70-year-old mother looks on.)

Nephew: “Auntie [My Name], are you married?”

Me: “No.”

Nephew: “Why not?”

Me: *sarcastically* “Because I am a failure as a woman.”

Mom: *taking me seriously* “[My Name], don’t say that!”

Nephew: “Haha, you fail!”

(Kids crack me up.)

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