(I am at my grandma’s. My siblings, mother and I are running a business out of our home, and it’s not doing that well at the moment.)

Grandma: “I would send your mother cash, but I don’t seem to have any in the house. I don’t know why, really.”

Me: “I have quarters! It’s in my piggy bank at home so I don’t use it.”

Grandma: “You shouldn’t be walking around without money on you.”

(She goes into my grandfather’s office, then comes back out and before I can stop her, she tucks a $20 into my bra.)

Me: “Oh my god, why?!”

Grandma: “You should always have money on you.”

Me: “Okay, fine, but does it have to be literally on me?!”