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  • Stop Trying Our Patience
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  • May's Theme Of The Month: Movie Mayhem!

    Text Is Better Without The Context

    | AL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (A brief email from my mother:)

    Mom: “Had a little adventure this morning. Helped two men pick up a 10 lb snapping turtle with an Ikea bag that was in my trunk, then delivered him to Mallard Lake and carried him to the lake and set him free.”

    (That sort particularly atypical.)

    Needs A New Emoticon

    | Portland, OR, USA | Cousins

    (It’s late at night when I’m about to fall asleep and my cousin just sent me a text. Trying not to sound annoyed with him I’ve decided to try and be casual.)

    Cousin: “Hey, cousin!”

    Me: “Hey :P”

    Cousin: *cuts out your tongue*

    Me: “WTF?”

    Cousin: “That’s what you get for sticking your tongue out at people!”

    Me: “Or, you can just not cut out people’s tongues like a psychopath?!”

    Haven’t Exactly Been Dye-ing To Tell You

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I have travelled to an anime convention and gone all-out cosplay. It’s been a work in progress for a good eight months, and every member of my family has been involved with different aspects of the costume. I text my father a picture of me in full cosplay.)

    Dad: “Looks great. Who’s that?”

    Me: “Ha ha.”

    Dad: “Is that one of your friends?”

    Me: “Seriously? You helped MAKE this costume!”

    Dad: “Oh! You look good. The purple hair threw me. I didn’t recognize you with that wig!”

    Me: “Is this a bad time to tell you that I dyed my hair?”

    Save The Date To Get Tested

    | OH, USA | Cousins

    (I have just received in the mail a ‘Save The Date’ for my cousin’s wedding. I decide to text him to thank him for having invited me and to confirm that I had received it.)

    Me: “Got your STD today. Thanks!”

    Cousin: “Huh?”

    Me: “You are aware [His Fiancée] is planning your wedding, right?”

    Cousin: “Okay… I just lost all my contacts… Don’t know who this is… All I saw was STD from me. Who is this?”

    Me: “Oh, whoops! ‘Save The Date.’ This is [My Name], your cousin.”

    Cousin: “That was my best laugh in a long time… Thanks!”

    Muggling Through The Trivia

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I just started college and I’m in class when I get a text from my dad. Since my grandparents are old and sick, I check it immediately in case there’s something wrong.)

    Dad: “What are the ‘wispy creatures’ called in Harry Potter?”

    (I facepalm and then I tell him. A few minutes later…)

    Me: “Why did you need to know?”

    Dad: “Oh, it’s just useless trivia.”

    Me: “In regards to Harry Potter, there is no such thing as useless trivia.”

    Needs To Employ A Better Morning Routine

    | Portland, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is texting me the morning after I was hired for my first job. I’m very into literary roleplaying as a hobby.)

    Mom: “How are you, working girl?”

    Me: “Waking up.”

    Mom: “Did you wake up, realize you’re officially employed, and then smile?”

    Me: “No, I woke up, grumped about a role-play, and then fell back asleep for 15 minutes on my floor.”

    Mom: “Well. That’s one way to do it, I suppose.”


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