Save The Date To Get Tested

| OH, USA | Cousins

(I have just received in the mail a ‘Save The Date’ for my cousin’s wedding. I decide to text him to thank him for having invited me and to confirm that I had received it.)

Me: “Got your STD today. Thanks!”

Cousin: “Huh?”

Me: “You are aware [His Fiancée] is planning your wedding, right?”

Cousin: “Okay… I just lost all my contacts… Don’t know who this is… All I saw was STD from me. Who is this?”

Me: “Oh, whoops! ‘Save The Date.’ This is [My Name], your cousin.”

Cousin: “That was my best laugh in a long time… Thanks!”

Muggling Through The Trivia

| Chicago, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

(I just started college and I’m in class when I get a text from my dad. Since my grandparents are old and sick, I check it immediately in case there’s something wrong.)

Dad: “What are the ‘wispy creatures’ called in Harry Potter?”

(I facepalm and then I tell him. A few minutes later…)

Me: “Why did you need to know?”

Dad: “Oh, it’s just useless trivia.”

Me: “In regards to Harry Potter, there is no such thing as useless trivia.”

Needs To Employ A Better Morning Routine

| Portland, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

(My mother is texting me the morning after I was hired for my first job. I’m very into literary roleplaying as a hobby.)

Mom: “How are you, working girl?”

Me: “Waking up.”

Mom: “Did you wake up, realize you’re officially employed, and then smile?”

Me: “No, I woke up, grumped about a role-play, and then fell back asleep for 15 minutes on my floor.”

Mom: “Well. That’s one way to do it, I suppose.”

Worked Her Socks Off

| USA | Parents & Guardians

(I’m at my friend’s house when I receive a text message from my mother.)

Mom: “We were just thinking of you and what an overachiever you were. We just heard on TV that the average number of lost socks a year is seven per person. Clearly, given the number of sock orphans we found when you left, you are in a league of your own.”

Me: “I always knew I was!”

Mom: “Always special.”

Me: “Aw, my mommy says I’m special!”

A Very Late Engagement

| London, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

(My fiancé and I are breaking the news of our engagement to our families. We have just got off the phone with his parents when he receives a text from his mum.)

Fiancé’s Mum: *via text* “Great news. Your brother has just got engaged. Mum.”

Me: *to my fiancé* “Uh, looks like that was meant for your sister.”

Fiancé: *texting back* “Well, I didn’t know I had a brother, so that’s bigger news to me than his engagement.”

OMG-YN

| LA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

(I’ve just started dating a guy, and I’m looking forward to becoming sexually active for the first time ever. I decide I need to find an OB-GYN.)

Mom: “Hey, I know you’re looking for a doctor. A coworker recommended this lady.”

(She sends me a link to a website with a doctor’s profile. The woman’s name rings a bell, so I type her into Facebook to see if I know her. Then I pick up the phone and call my mom.)

Me: “Hey. So, you know that doctor you sent me?”

Mom: “Yeah?”

Me: “That’s [Boyfriend]’s sister.”

Mom: “You’re kidding.”

Me: “So, I’m NOT GOING TO DO THAT! OH, MY GOD.”

Mom: *cracking up* “You could make your vagina a family affair!”

(Thank god for Facebook. Before that point I only vaguely knew my boyfriend’s sister was a doctor. I can only imagine getting introduced to his family…)


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