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    My Family And Other (Extinct) Animals, Part 3

    | Culpeper, VA, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (My wife is texting with her sister about a homeschool trip to see some newly discovered dinosaur tracks nearby…)

    Wife: “We have to leave early Friday. We’re going to see some newly discovered dinosaur tracks in Culpeper.”

    Sister: “For a school project?”

    Wife: “Yes.”

    Sister: “Really? I thought they were extinct.”

    Wife: “…”

    Sister: “That’s creepy. I’d be scared.”

    My Family And Other (Extinct) Animals, Part 2
    My Family And Other (Extinct) Animals
    My Family And Other Animals

    I’m Singeing In The Rain

    | IL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am away at college and this is over texting with my mother. The weather was predicted to be above 60 for the next few days, which is unusual for IL.)

    Mom: “Did you buy an umbrella today?”

    Me: “No, I didn’t buy an umbrella today.”

    Mom: “Oh well. At least it’s warm out if you get soaked tomorrow.”

    Blood Is Thicker Than Insults

    | IL, USA | Siblings

    (I recently found out that I have the same blood type as my older brother, so I decide to give him a hard time about it. This takes place over text.)

    Me: “Apparently we have the same blood type. So let me know if you ever need a kidney or anything.”

    Brother: “Forget the kidney. I’ll just harvest your organs and sell them on the black market.”

    Me: “Oh, jeez, lol.”

    Brother: “Of course, I’ll have to market them as pediatric sizes since you’re so short.”

    Me: “Oh, haha. Very funny.”

    The Text Was Just The Tip Of The Ice

    | Dubuque, IA, USA | Siblings

    (As I’m leaving my sister’s apartment at night, I slip on some black ice and hurt my knee. While my mom drives me home, I realize I should probably let her know about it so she doesn’t get hurt.)

    Me: “Be careful; bottom of your stairs is black ice.”

    Sister: “Okay.”

    (Once we get home, I finally get a good look at my knee, then send her a picture to emphasize she should be careful.)

    Sister: “What did you do?!”


    Text Is Better Without The Context

    | AL, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (A brief email from my mother:)

    Mom: “Had a little adventure this morning. Helped two men pick up a 10 lb snapping turtle with an Ikea bag that was in my trunk, then delivered him to Mallard Lake and carried him to the lake and set him free.”

    (That sort particularly atypical.)

    Needs A New Emoticon

    | Portland, OR, USA | Cousins

    (It’s late at night when I’m about to fall asleep and my cousin just sent me a text. Trying not to sound annoyed with him I’ve decided to try and be casual.)

    Cousin: “Hey, cousin!”

    Me: “Hey :P”

    Cousin: *cuts out your tongue*

    Me: “WTF?”

    Cousin: “That’s what you get for sticking your tongue out at people!”

    Me: “Or, you can just not cut out people’s tongues like a psychopath?!”

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