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    Needs A New Emoticon

    | Portland, OR, USA | Cousins

    (It’s late at night when I’m about to fall asleep and my cousin just sent me a text. Trying not to sound annoyed with him I’ve decided to try and be casual.)

    Cousin: “Hey, cousin!”

    Me: “Hey :P”

    Cousin: *cuts out your tongue*

    Me: “WTF?”

    Cousin: “That’s what you get for sticking your tongue out at people!”

    Me: “Or, you can just not cut out people’s tongues like a psychopath?!”

    Haven’t Exactly Been Dye-ing To Tell You

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I have travelled to an anime convention and gone all-out cosplay. It’s been a work in progress for a good eight months, and every member of my family has been involved with different aspects of the costume. I text my father a picture of me in full cosplay.)

    Dad: “Looks great. Who’s that?”

    Me: “Ha ha.”

    Dad: “Is that one of your friends?”

    Me: “Seriously? You helped MAKE this costume!”

    Dad: “Oh! You look good. The purple hair threw me. I didn’t recognize you with that wig!”

    Me: “Is this a bad time to tell you that I dyed my hair?”

    Save The Date To Get Tested

    | OH, USA | Cousins

    (I have just received in the mail a ‘Save The Date’ for my cousin’s wedding. I decide to text him to thank him for having invited me and to confirm that I had received it.)

    Me: “Got your STD today. Thanks!”

    Cousin: “Huh?”

    Me: “You are aware [His Fiancée] is planning your wedding, right?”

    Cousin: “Okay… I just lost all my contacts… Don’t know who this is… All I saw was STD from me. Who is this?”

    Me: “Oh, whoops! ‘Save The Date.’ This is [My Name], your cousin.”

    Cousin: “That was my best laugh in a long time… Thanks!”

    Muggling Through The Trivia

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I just started college and I’m in class when I get a text from my dad. Since my grandparents are old and sick, I check it immediately in case there’s something wrong.)

    Dad: “What are the ‘wispy creatures’ called in Harry Potter?”

    (I facepalm and then I tell him. A few minutes later…)

    Me: “Why did you need to know?”

    Dad: “Oh, it’s just useless trivia.”

    Me: “In regards to Harry Potter, there is no such thing as useless trivia.”

    Needs To Employ A Better Morning Routine

    | Portland, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother is texting me the morning after I was hired for my first job. I’m very into literary roleplaying as a hobby.)

    Mom: “How are you, working girl?”

    Me: “Waking up.”

    Mom: “Did you wake up, realize you’re officially employed, and then smile?”

    Me: “No, I woke up, grumped about a role-play, and then fell back asleep for 15 minutes on my floor.”

    Mom: “Well. That’s one way to do it, I suppose.”

    Worked Her Socks Off

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m at my friend’s house when I receive a text message from my mother.)

    Mom: “We were just thinking of you and what an overachiever you were. We just heard on TV that the average number of lost socks a year is seven per person. Clearly, given the number of sock orphans we found when you left, you are in a league of your own.”

    Me: “I always knew I was!”

    Mom: “Always special.”

    Me: “Aw, my mommy says I’m special!”


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