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    Unforgettable Kisses

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Siblings

    (I am in the car with my mom and brother to drop him off for school. I’ve been giving him a last-minute quiz to make sure he knows what he needs to for an upcoming test, so he’s a bit distracted.)

    Brother: *kisses my mom and me on the cheek*

    Me: “Aw, hey, that’s different! You don’t usually kiss me, too.”

    Brother: “Whoops, sorry. I forgot.”

    Hasn’t Got A Head For Profanity

    , | UK | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My nephew is five, and has gotten in trouble at school with two other boys for yelling rude words, including ‘d***head,’ through the school gate at a woman passing by. His step-dad goes to pick him up after school and speak to the head teacher, and then drives him home.)

    Nephew: “Is mummy mad?”

    Step-Dad: “A bit, yeah. She’s upset that you were so naughty and used that word.”

    Nephew: “Am I grounded?”

    Step-Dad: “I don’t know. You apologised to the lady and Mrs. [Head Teacher]. You need to say sorry to mummy as well, though.”

    Nephew: “I will.”

    (There’s silence for a little bit, and then:)

    Nephew: “[Step-Dad], what’s a d***head?”

    Mommy’s Little Emo

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    (At summer school I’ve got a reputation as the ‘emo kid’ and a bit of a rebel. Today my mom, who’s very sweet and a bit naive, came in with me to sign a paper, but since it’s only my second day, we’ve gotten lost. We turn a corner and run into one of my new friends, who’s a bit of a punk.)

    Mom: *surprised* “Oh, hello.”

    Me: “Dude, where’s our classroom? This place is so weird.”

    Friend: *points* “That way. I’m heading there now. Wanna come?”

    Mom: “No, I think it’s the other way, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll see you later, Mom.”

    Mom: “Bye! Have fun in school!”

    (Once we get out of earshot…)

    Friend: “What was THAT?”

    Me: “Not. A. Word.”

    Actually WANTED A Red Wedding

    | New York, NY, USA | Siblings

    (My grad school colleague is a true, bright, redhead. She’s showing a bunch of us pictures of her family on her wedding day. All four of the sibs are redheads, the youngest boy with a huge red ‘fro. Her parents are both mousy brunettes.)

    Me: “So… both your parents must carry one copy of the recessive gene for red hair.”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which gives them a… one in four chance of ginger?”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which they hit…”

    Colleague: “Four times in a row. Yup.”

    Me: “Your youngest brother looks like Carrot Top.”

    Colleague: “Yup. It’s his style. My parents wanted him to shave it off for my wedding… I forbid him.”

    Calling Upon A Generation

    | Norway | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m at school, when I notice I have a missed call from my mother. Naturally, I call back.)

    Me: “Hey. You called?”

    Mum: “What?”

    Me: “You called. At least that’s what my phone says.”

    Mum: “Oh, you’re the one I called?” *laughs* “I was going to call my mother!”

    Me: “Well, that’s not me.”

    Mum: “I know, but you have the same name and I got confused.”

    Me: “Oh, okay then. Wait, you have grandma listed as [My Name] in your contacts ?”

    Mum: “No, but I saw your name and I didn’t make the connection!”


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