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    Took A Leap Of Faith

    | USA | Siblings

    (I’m waiting for my brother to finish talking with his friend so we can walk home, when he finally finishes he runs over he speaks excitedly. This happens in late February.)

    Brother: “You’ll never believe this! I got a date.”

    Me: “You’re right; I don’t believe you. Who’s the unlucky girl?”

    Brother: *ignoring my insults* “Oh it’s [Girl my brother has a crush on even though she bullies everyone]. She says to meet her at [Movie Place] on the 30th! I can’t wait!”

    Me: “…how many days are in February?”

    Brother: “I don’t know, like 29? Ohhh, darn.”

    Me: “This is so going on the Internet.”

    Brother: “You wouldn’t!”

    (Yes, I would.)

    Unforgettable Kisses

    | Dallas, TX, USA | Siblings

    (I am in the car with my mom and brother to drop him off for school. I’ve been giving him a last-minute quiz to make sure he knows what he needs to for an upcoming test, so he’s a bit distracted.)

    Brother: *kisses my mom and me on the cheek*

    Me: “Aw, hey, that’s different! You don’t usually kiss me, too.”

    Brother: “Whoops, sorry. I forgot.”

    Hasn’t Got A Head For Profanity

    , | UK | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My nephew is five, and has gotten in trouble at school with two other boys for yelling rude words, including ‘d***head,’ through the school gate at a woman passing by. His step-dad goes to pick him up after school and speak to the head teacher, and then drives him home.)

    Nephew: “Is mummy mad?”

    Step-Dad: “A bit, yeah. She’s upset that you were so naughty and used that word.”

    Nephew: “Am I grounded?”

    Step-Dad: “I don’t know. You apologised to the lady and Mrs. [Head Teacher]. You need to say sorry to mummy as well, though.”

    Nephew: “I will.”

    (There’s silence for a little bit, and then:)

    Nephew: “[Step-Dad], what’s a d***head?”

    Mommy’s Little Emo

    | USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    (At summer school I’ve got a reputation as the ‘emo kid’ and a bit of a rebel. Today my mom, who’s very sweet and a bit naive, came in with me to sign a paper, but since it’s only my second day, we’ve gotten lost. We turn a corner and run into one of my new friends, who’s a bit of a punk.)

    Mom: *surprised* “Oh, hello.”

    Me: “Dude, where’s our classroom? This place is so weird.”

    Friend: *points* “That way. I’m heading there now. Wanna come?”

    Mom: “No, I think it’s the other way, sweetie.”

    Me: “Well, I’ll see you later, Mom.”

    Mom: “Bye! Have fun in school!”

    (Once we get out of earshot…)

    Friend: “What was THAT?”

    Me: “Not. A. Word.”

    Actually WANTED A Red Wedding

    | New York, NY, USA | Siblings

    (My grad school colleague is a true, bright, redhead. She’s showing a bunch of us pictures of her family on her wedding day. All four of the sibs are redheads, the youngest boy with a huge red ‘fro. Her parents are both mousy brunettes.)

    Me: “So… both your parents must carry one copy of the recessive gene for red hair.”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which gives them a… one in four chance of ginger?”

    Colleague: “Yup.”

    Me: “Which they hit…”

    Colleague: “Four times in a row. Yup.”

    Me: “Your youngest brother looks like Carrot Top.”

    Colleague: “Yup. It’s his style. My parents wanted him to shave it off for my wedding… I forbid him.”


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