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    Tabling That Argument

    | ON, Canada | Siblings

    (Four of us go to a restaurant. My sister goes to find a seat while we get food. We find her at a weird spot… in the middle of everything with other tables attached.)

    Me: “Why did you pick this spot? There are other empty seats everywhere else.”

    Sister: “I looked at it; it looked at me… We fell in love. That’s why we are here.”

    Me: “…How does a table look at you?”

    Sister: “I never said it looked at me. I said, ‘I looked at it; it looked at…’ Damn it.”

    Totally Whacko Taco

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom, my little sister, and I are getting tacos at a restaurant. I am the only one who ordered tacos with a hard shell.)

    Me: “I just can’t stand tacos with soft shells. They remind me of a tortilla.”

    Mom: “That’s what soft shells are made of!”

    Me: “Well, they remind me of a raw tortilla.”

    Little Sister: “That’s because they are!”

    Me: “They remind me of… I don’t know, an uncooked, soft tortilla!”

    Mom & Little Sister: “Because they are!”

    Me: “Never mind. I just don’t like them.”

    Not The Lord Of The Flies

    , | IL, USA | Siblings

    Me: *violently swatting at the flies buzzing around my head*

    Brother: “Stop it. You’re embarrassing me in front of the flies.”

    Me: “I don’t care if I embarrass you in front of poo-eating vermin.”

    Brother: “You never like my friends.”

    Laid It All Out In The Open

    | Orem, UT, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m pregnant, and my husband and I decide it’s time to start informing the extended family, since winter sweaters can only hide my growing bulk for so long. We start with his younger brother, and meet him for dinner and a movie.)

    Brother: *holding up his beer* “You sure you don’t want one?”

    Me: “Even if I did drink, I’d be off alcohol for the duration.”

    Brother: “Wait, what? Do you mean you’re…? Congratulations!” *holds up his bottle in a toast, then takes a drink*

    Me: “Yes, there is now physical evidence that your brother has gotten laid.”

    Brother: *chokes on his drink*

    Husband: *blushes*

    A Capital Reason To Travel

    | Canada | Siblings

    (My sisters and I do a lot of traveling, mostly for vacation but sometimes for work as well. We used to have a race going on between the four of us to see who would reach Russia first. My second eldest sister ended up going to Sochi for the Olympics last year, but since we’re rarely all in the same area we hadn’t had a chance to discuss it.)

    Sister #1: “I don’t think it should count.”

    Sister #2: “Why not? I made it to Russia; race OVER.”

    Me: “I think countries should only count if you actually spent more than one night in the capital. Otherwise, you technically can count countries you’ve had a lay-over in – even if you didn’t leave the airport.”

    (We then begin counting all the countries we’ve ‘actually’ been to.)

    Sister #1: “I’ve got at least twenty.”

    (She’s an aide worker and travels to many different countries in the world for work.)

    Sister #2: “I’ve got eight, then.”

    Me: “Five.”

    (My third sister is counting to herself and then lets out a loud groan. If we don’t include all the countries my eldest sister traveled to for work, my third sister has done the most traveling.)

    Sister #3: “I’ve only been to Canada!” *pouts and then crosses arms* “I don’t like this rule.”

    Slow On The Slow On The Uptake

    | St. Paul, MN, USA | Friends, Siblings

    (I sort of help my little brother get his first job, as a busser at a restaurant I’d previously worked and where I am friends with the assistant manager. After his first shift, I ask my friend how he is doing.)

    Friend: “Okay. A little slow, but he’ll get better.”

    Me: *joking* “Slow as in speed, or slow on the uptake?”

    Friend: “Ha ha. Slow as in speed.”

    (Later, I relayed this conversation to my brother.)

    Me: “So I said, ‘Slow as in speed, or slow on the uptake?’.”

    Brother: “Uptake?”


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