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    Mexplosion

    | IN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My family has gone to eat at a Mexican restaurant, and we’ve ordered a shared fried ice cream for dessert. I’m chipping away at the tortilla bowl it comes in when I jab a bit too hard and send shards of tortilla and lumps of ice cream everywhere.)

    Sister: “Geez, [My Name], we can’t take you anywhere!”

    Me: “Remind me, when exactly was the last time something like this happened?”

    Sister: “Well… never?”

    Me: “Exactly. It was an accident. At least none of it got on anyone, right?”

    (We check, and this seems, miraculously, to be the case.)

    Me: “And now I know what the breaking strength of these tortilla bowls is!”

    Mom: “There’s a tortilla chunk in my purse!”

    The Dominant Education

    | NJ, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Children, Cousins

    (I am out to dinner with my family to celebrate my oldest cousin moving into a new apartment with her boyfriend. I have recently been tutoring my younger cousin in biology.)

    Younger Cousin: “Hey, [My Name], you have attached earlobes! That means that you have two recessive alleles, right?”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s right!”

    Younger Cousin: “Well, dad and I have unattached earlobes, and that means we have the dominant allele, right?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    Younger Cousin: “And my mom has unattached earlobes, too! We’re all dominant!”

    Me: “Actually, I think your mom has attached earlobes. Take a closer look.”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: “Well, dominant traits are always shown, and recessive traits are hidden, so you have to have two copies of the recessive gene to have a recessive trait.”

    Me:  “Right…”

    (Older cousin’s boyfriend continues to try to explain genetics to me as our family watches in silence, holding back snickers until finally my cousin says something.)

    Older Cousin: “You do know that this is what she is getting her Ph.D. in, right?”

    Older Cousin’s Boyfriend: *to me* “Why didn’t you say anything?!”

    Me: “Well, you didn’t say anything technically wrong…”

    Telepoultry

    | NY, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (I’m having lunch with my boyfriend and his sister.)

    Sister: “Hmm… should I get chicken or turkey on this?”

    (She then looks at her brother, and they stare at each other for approximately a minute before she nods.)

    Sister: “Yeah, I’ll get chicken.”

    Going Head-First Into Your Innuendo

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Grandparents, Siblings

    (My family is having dinner at a restaurant for Mother’s Day. I’m sitting with my brother and sister opposite our grandpa.)

    Grandpa: *pouring beer* “Oops, too much head.”

    Brother: “Are you practicing your beer-pouring skills so you can be a barman?”

    Grandpa: “No, I don’t think I’ll be able to work a bar with this dismal effort.”

    Me: *muttering* “It’s got more head than a high school football player.”

    Brother & Sister: *laughing so hard they’re crying*

    (My stepdad was laughing too hard to tell us off.)

    Cheating At The Game Of Thrones

    | IN, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My sister and I are avid fans of ‘Game of Thrones’ and are in various stages of reading the books, as well. I’ve finished all of them and she’s almost done with the third book. Our dad has just finished the first book, but doesn’t watch the show. We’re discussing both the books and the show at lunch, and avoiding spoilers is tricky.)

    Dad: “So who’s still alive by book four?”

    Sister: “Well…”

    Dad: “I mean, I know [Character #1] and [Character #2] both die before then, but I was wondering who else does.”

    Sister: “Uh… why?”

    Me: “And how do you know that?”

    Dad: “I saw a news story on my homepage about it when it happened on the show.”

    Sister and Me: “…”

    Dad: “And I saw that [Character #3] died last week. And what’s up with [Character #4]‘s hand?”

    Me: “Everything you just said are probably the biggest spoilers of the entire series so far. Why are you ruining it for yourself?”

    Dad: “I just want to know where the characters end up…”

    Sister and Me: “That’s why you READ THE BOOKS!”


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