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    A Cornell Deaf Knell

    | Roseville, CA, USA | Grandchildren

    (I am eating lunch with my grandparents. They are in their late 80′s and my grandfather is nearly deaf. He is sharing about the time he spent at Cornell University.)

    Me: “I know someone who used to work at Cornell.”

    Grandfather: “Really? What did he do?”

    Me: “He’s a chemist.”

    Grandfather: “He does table tennis!?”

    Me: “No, he’s a chemist!”

    Grandfather: “Okay… What does Dennis do?”

    This Tale Has No Dead End

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Cousins, Top

    (My brother has had an accident. I visit him almost every day, and even make sure I am in the recovery room when he comes out of surgery. My parents are panicking. I hold his hand, speaking to him and getting him to squeeze my hand back in response. I am able to calm my parents once they know he is responding. We didn’t talk about it afterwards. About two months later at my Mum’s birthday dinner one of our cousins comes up to me.)

    Cousin: “Oh, my God. I have so much respect for you after what I heard about you.”

    Me: “Umm, what did you hear?”

    Cousin: “[Brother] told me what you did. I love you so much for what you did.”

    Me: “What I did do?”

    Cousin: *tearing up* “It just makes me cry!”

    Me: “What did I do?”

    Cousin: “[Brother] told me that he thought he was dead after his surgery. He couldn’t see anything or hear anything. Then he heard your voice talking to him. He thought he was DEAD. You called him back and held his hand.”

    (It was so nice to hear that. We tease the bejeezus out of each other but really don’t tell each other how we feel…)

    There Was No One WHO Knew

    | CA, USA | Grandparents

    (We all go to a restaurant for my cousins’ birthday. It looks pretty small before we walk in, but when we walk in this place is HUGE.)

    Grandma: “This place is so big!

    Me: “Yes, it’s much bigger on the inside!” *quiet for a minute* “Dang it. It’s sad when no one gets my references.”

    An Able Assessment

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My family and I are in a restaurant, and we see a car parking outside in a disabled space. The people inside are very clearly not disabled and the car does not have a disabled permit.)

    Sister: “Dad, are they really disabled?”

    Dad: “Just mentally.”

    After The Terrible Twos Come The Flirty Threes

    | Mt. Juliet, TN, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My mother and stepfather have my niece [8 months] and nephews [2½  and 5] one day and they want to go out to eat, so they take the kids to one of their favorite restaurants. While the older boy is playing with his little sister, the 2½-year-old is smitten with their waitress, a tall, pretty blonde girl in her late teens.)

    Waitress: “Oh, aren’t you just a little sweetie!”

    Nephew: “Thanks, and you’re a nice and pretty lady.”

    Waitress: “Why, thank you! I bet you say that to all the girls.”

    Nephew: “Nope, just you right now.”

    Mother: “Aw, [Nephew], are you flirting with her?”

    Nephew: “Yeah, Nana…”

    (The waitress is giggling the whole time she’s finishing their order and then heads over to the cook to put it in. When he asks what she’s laughing about, she tells him about my nephew. He gets a look of disbelief on his face.)

    Cook: *loud enough for the restaurant to hear* “Wow, little man thinks he knows what he’s talking about, huh? There’s no way he know what that means!”

    Mom: “Did you hear that? Tell him you know what flirting is!”

    Nephew: “Mind your own d*** business!”

    (The restaurant was silent for about three seconds before the whole place erupted in laughter. After they finish their meal and tip and are walking out, my nephew decides he’s not done…)

    Nephew: “Call me!”

    Older Nephew: “On what phone?! Nana’s never going to let you give out her number!”

    (They laughed again and told my mom and stepdad they’re welcome back with the kids at any time, as the kids were otherwise well behaved and they could use a laugh every now and again.)


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