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    Parental Approval Is A Mountain To Climb

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I chose to attend a school that’s half an hour away from my house because I live in the rural part of my state and the high school I live in the boundaries for is less than satisfactory. My dad and I have just helped a family move into their new house.)

    Dad: “This craziness is why I would never want to move.”

    Me: “I would want to move somewhere up near [current school].”

    Dad: “Well, you should’ve just gone to [boundary school].”

    Me: “Where there are drugs and guns and gangs?!”

    Dad: “Psh… there aren’t guns.”

    Me: “Yes, there are! There have been people shot! Would you want your kids in that environment?”

    Dad: “That’s nothing! You know I had to walk through the jungle with nothing to eat and I had to climb up and down a mountain with landmines and people dying every second.”

    (This is how conversations with Asian parents always end… no matter how difficult your life is, theirs have always been worse because they had to climb a mountain, or swim across a lake…)

    A Fish Out Of Agua

    | Puerto Rico | Parents & Guardians

    (We’re in Puerto Rico for the day on vacation. None of us speak Spanish, though my father fancies himself an expert because he read a ‘learn Spanish on your own’ book several years ago that focused on Castilian Spanish.)

    Father: *snootily* “They don’t speak proper Spanish here!”

    Mother: “He’s been here five minutes and he’s already telling the natives how to speak their language.”

    (A few hours later, we see a sign my sister is curious about.)

    Sister: “Hey, Dad, what does this sign say?”

    Father: “I don’t know.” *walks away*

    (He couldn’t even translate the first word: ‘agua,’ meaning water!)

    The Best And Worst Idea To Date

    | Staten Island, NY, USA | Children, Friends, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I am out with my two young sons, when I run into a friend. We get on the topic of him taking a girl out on a first date in New York City.)

    Friend: “I was thinking of taking her on a buggy ride in Central Park, followed by a romantic dinner, and then a Broadway musical.”

    Me: “Ooh.. nice.”

    (My six-year-old son decides to interject.)

    Son: “Excuse me. Can I say something?”

    Me: “No. Go play with your brother.”

    Friend: “That’s okay. Let’s hear it.”

    Me: “You will regret this.”

    Friend: “Let the kid talk.”

    Son: “Uhm, buggy ride? Are you crazy? It’s stinky and it’s bumpy. That girl will not like to eat dinner after a buggy ride.”

    Friend: “Have you been on a buggy ride?”

    Son: “Plenty of times. My brother loves it. But it’s the most disgusting thing in New York City. You see the horse’s butt the entire time. Stinky. And the ride is so bumpy you get a bellyache, and you wanna throw up.”

    Friend: “So, I’ll skip the buggy ride then?”

    Son: “I’m not finished. Why don’t you have dinner first? Then, if your girl is being nice, take her to Broadway. If she’s not nice, then you take her to the buggy ride.”

    Friend: “And the reason for the buggy ride is…?”

    Son: “So she throws up! Weren’t you listening to my story? You need to learn how to listen.”

    Friend: *to me* “What the h*** kind of things have you been teaching your kids?!”

    Me: “I really don’t know…”

    Driving In The Generation Gap

    | CT, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (I am about six years old. My grandma and I get out of the car and are walking into the mall. She’s closer to the sidewalk and I’m closer to the road.)

    Me: “Grandma you need to switch sides with me. Mommy said I need to walk on the inside so I don’t get hit by a car.”

    Grandma: “But what if Grandma gets hit by a car?”

    Me: “That’s okay. You’ve already had kids!”

    The Jokes Should Move To Pastures New

    | Shrewsbury, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My dad and I love bad puns and cheesy jokes. We are talking with my younger sister about the possible whereabouts of some cows we had seen earlier.)

    Sister: “Oh, where are the cows we saw earlier?”

    Me: “Maybe they mooved?”

    Dad: “Maybe they are cowering in a corner.”

    Me: “Dad! Don’t milk it!”

    Sister: “Oh no, please stop.”

    Me: “Sorry, have you herd these all before?”

    Sister: “Please stop; this is so embarrassing.”

    Me: “Can I not tell an udder one?”

    Dad: “How are you coming up with all of these?”

    Me: “Because I am legen-dairy!”

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