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    Inconsiderate Of Your Consideration

    | BC, Canada |

    (My mother, my father, and I are going out to see a popular film in the theatres. My father enters the door first, followed by me and my mother.)

    Dad: *looks at me angrily when we get inside*

    Me: “What?”

    Dad: “You should have held the door open for your mother!”

    (I’ve had a problem with this in the past and he’s right to be ticked off.)

    Me: “Sorry, Dad.”

    Dad: “You need to be considerate of other people!”

    (The movie is very popular and the theatre is busy. It is so busy that they are doing reserved seating, and there’s only one block of seats left: a group of five, in which we can all sit together.)

    Cashier: “Would you like the middle three of the five?”

    Me: “No, thanks. We’ll take the three that are closest to the center of the row.”

    (After we’ve paid for our tickets…)

    Mom: “Why’d you pick those particular seats?”

    Me: “Since the theatre is so busy, we should make sure there’s another group of two seats, so that a couple can sit together.”

    Dad: “Why go to that effort? I don’t care about other people!”

    Counting On Some Lip Service

    | MN, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings

    (My boyfriend, my 25-year-old sister, and I are at the movies. We are let in early and there’s no one else there yet. My boyfriend kisses me. We eventually part our lips.)

    Sister: “17.”

    Me: “What?”

    Sister: “17. That’s how many seconds you two were kissing.”

    Me: “Are you going to count every time we kiss?”

    Sister: “No. I can’t count that high.”

    In Space, No One Can Hear Your Stupid Questions

    | Newberg, OR, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are seeing ‘Prometheus’ at a local movie theater. I usually go to movies with my dad, because we are the professed geeks of the family. My mom always asks a lot of questions during movies, which generally annoys me. ‘Prometheus’ is in its first few minutes, and mom already taps me on the shoulders and whispers…)

    Mom: “Is this Star Wars?”

    (I try to contain my laughter!)

    Of Demon Barbers And Mad Hatters

    | Burlington, MA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I are watching ‘Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’ together. I choose the movie because I like Tim Burton, I like the music, and I am used to seeing stage productions. On the stage, the killing is indicated with a motion, and red scarves/ribbons are used to indicate blood. We are given an idea of what we are in for after just seeing the violent killing of Sasha Baron Cohen’s character.)

    Dad: “Oh my…”

    (The scene switches to Sweeney’s barbershop, where Alan Rickman’s character, the one whom Johnny Depp’s character is plotting revenge against, comes in for a shave.)

    Dad: “Oh, God!”

    Me: *in a stage whisper* “Dad! He can’t kill him now! Otherwise there’d be no movie!”

    (I manage to convince my dad to see Tim Burton’s ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with me by promising him there is no throat-slitting in that one.)

    Failed Potty Training

    | Newark, DE, USA | Children, Grandchildren

    (I’m waiting in the queue to wash my hands in a bathroom, when a grandmother and her young granddaughter come in and the girl goes right into a stall. A moment later I hear this exchange.)

    Grandmother: “Big girls have to use the potty; they don’t have diapers. I know you can use the potty by yourself.”

    Granddaughter: *crying* “Nooooo!”

    (A moment later, as I get to the sinks, I hear them start talking again.)

    Grandmother: “Honey, are you going number one or number two?”

    Granddaughter: “SIX!”


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