(The weather has been nice, but the forecast is calling for evening rain showers.)

Me: “Hey, mom, it’s supposed to rain, so don’t forget to close the storms.”

(We have wooden sills, and the rain can damage them. Hours later, I come downstairs for a snack, only to hear the rain on the front walk.)

Me: “Mom! The storms! You forgot to close the storms!”

(I’m running through the house trying to close all of them, when I notice she hasn’t lifted a finger to open a single one.)

Me: “You ignored me just so I’d do all the work, didn’t you!?”

Mom: *cackles evilly*

(We have recently moved into a new house across from a family with lots of kids. The neighbor comes over, and points to me playing in the yard.)

Neighbor: “Is that your oldest daughter?”

Mom: “Well, sort of; she’s the only one.”

Neighbor: “You have boys then?”

Mom: “Nope, just her.”

(The neighbor suddenly looks sad.)

Neighbor: “Oh, you just have the one?”

Mom: “Yeah, I did it right the first time.”

(The neighbor never mentioned my only-child status again.)

(My brother has a fear of being ill. This is unfortunate, because as part of treatment for a stomach condition, I have to take immunosuppressants. As a result, I get ill a lot. I currently have shingles, and my brother is griping to my mum about it.)

Brother: “If I get ill, I won’t be best pleased.”

Mum: “It’s not like your sister will give it to you on purpose.”

Brother: “Well, she can be spiteful at times…”

(I’ve been helping my six-year-old nephew with a craft project.)

Me: “Wow, you’ve got glitter everywhere. You’re all sparkly, like a vampire!”

Nephew: “VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE!”

Sister: “Good boy.”

Related:
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 5
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 4
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 3
In The Twilight Of Their Youth, Part 2 (From Not Always Romantic)
In The Twilight Of Their Youth (From Not Always Right)

(I’m in the basement. I’m working on a large scale project, and can’t leave the work unattended.)

Me: “Hey, sis. Can you run to my room and grab the extra pair of craft scissors?”

Sister: “Uh…”

(She is EXTREMELY reluctant, because my room is completely covered in various works in progress. There is basically no floor to walk on.)

Sister: “How am I even supposed to find anything in you room?”

Me: “It’s organized chaos! The scissors are on the floor by the foot of my desk.”

Sister: “Okay…”

(She reluctantly leaves to get my scissors. Almost 10 minutes later I realize she’s been gone for a long time. Fearing she might’ve actually tripped and hurt herself in my clutter, I run up from the basement and shout upstairs.)

Me: “ARE YOU OKAY UP THERE?”

Sister: “SOMEBODY HELP ME! I’M LOST!”

(I start laughing.)

Sister: “No, seriously! It’s like your room moved! I turned around and there’s NO FLOOR! It won’t let me leave!”

(I guide her out when I’m done laughing.)