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    An Ugly Thing To Say

    | USA | Siblings

    Sister: “If you were a woman, you’d look like me.”

    Brother: “Are you calling me ugly?!”

    Not Alpha-betting On Her Succeeding

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am a college graduate.)

    Mother: *while talking on the phone to me* “How many letters are in the alphabet?”

    Me: “…”

    Mother: “Is it, like, 54?”

    Me: *complete confusion*

    Mother: “Well, between the big letters and the little letters, I wanted to know how many letters there were.”

    Me: “Um, there are 26 letters in the alphabet.”

    Mother: “But the big letters and the little letters mirror each other.”

    Me: “I believe I need to go now.” *click*

    (Even worse, the reason she was asking was so she could make an educational toy for a child. I think maybe she should get one first.)


    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom and I have been out most of the day. When we return, my sister has fallen asleep on the couch while watching the TV show ‘Avatar.’ We open the front door, talking loudly, and she abruptly sits up, her eyes wide.)

    Sister: “Where’d she go?”

    Mom: “What? Who?”

    Sister: “She was just behind you. Where did she go?”

    Mom: *thinking she meant the dog might have gotten out* “Monkey is right here.”

    Sister: “No! The Air Bender! Where is she?”

    Mom: *extremely confused now, but we realize she has been dreaming and we both start to laugh* “There is no one here; there’s no one behind me.”

    Sister: *suddenly FURIOUS* “Stop lying to me! Where is she? Where did she go? You’re hiding her! Stop laughing at me!”

    (My sister screams this, and throws herself off the couch. She storms upstairs and locks herself in the bathroom while my mom and I are cracking up. My mom goes up to ask my sister if she is okay, and my sister screams at her to be left alone. We do for about an hour, but when my mom goes to check on her again, the same thing happens. My sister eventually comes downstairs several hours later, thoroughly confused.)

    Sister: “…Why was I asleep on the bathroom floor?”

    Me: *laughing* “You had some weird dream about an Air Bender and got mad that we didn’t know where she was.”

    Sister: *slowly remembering* “Oh… Oh, yeah. I had a dream I was talking to an Air Bender, and then you came home and I sort of woke up. Suddenly she was gone, and you were standing there, and I thought you were hiding her from me. Oh, God, I was so angry. I thought I literally fire-bended off the couch!”

    Spanked By Mamma Mia!

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother is eight and we just finished playing Mario 64. He’s being naughty so my mom swats him on the behind to discipline him.)

    Brother: *grabs his behind and jumps around* “Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!”

    Mom: *confused* “Did I hurt you?”

    Me: *fighting laughter* “No, he’s imitating Mario! Mario does that when he falls in lava!”

    (My mom didn’t believe me and really thought that she had hurt him! Still makes me laugh to this day.)

    Don’t Want To Be In His Robin Hood Anymore

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I didn’t grow up with my father, but due to court-ordered visits, I have to see him every other weekend. I am watching ‘Teen Titans Go!’ with my little seven-year-old step-brother, who my father told me to watch while he takes a nap. I am a huge superhero fan. I am watching an episode where they have different Batman Robins on the show.)

    Step-Brother: “Why does one of the Robins have red hair?”

    (My father walks in and hears the red-haired Robin speak. Then he runs and turns off the TV.)

    Dad: “H***, no! You guys are not watching a show where there is a clearly open gay character! It will turn you gay!”

    Me: “Dad, that’s a girl! Carrie Kelley! She was one of the Robins!”

    Dad: *laughs in my face* “All the different Robins are only boys. Don’t talk back to me about something you clearly don’t know anything about. You two are not allowed to watch the show again!”

    Me: “How does being gay affect the character, anyway! Would you tell a police officer or firefighter they are not a true hero because they are gay?!”

    Dad: “Well, I, um… I am taking you home! You are not allowed to be in my house when you talk to me that way.”

    (I was fine with it!)

    Like You Were Dragonborn Yesterday

    | Northampton, PA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister is playing Skyrim and has just spent over an hour painstakingly organizing and decorating her in-game home, a task that was marred with lots of frustration as she was having trouble getting everything to line up just right.)

    Sister: “Here, save the game for me while I go to the bathroom so I don’t have to do this all over again.”

    (She hands me the controller and walks away. I somehow accidentally manage to do a dragon shout and knock every single object that she had just organized off the shelves and tables and all over the floors before getting a chance to save.)

    Me: “Uh, [Sister]?”

    Sister: *from the bathroom* “You just did a Fus Ro Dumb, didn’t you?”