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    They’re Not Going To Boldly Go For It

    | USA | Siblings

    (I’m the geek of the family, and absolutely love ‘Star Trek,’ especially the original series. My sisters, however, have watched several episodes with me, but never actually got into the fandom. This happens while we’re watching an episode.)

    Sister #1: “You know what I think? Spock should really get a girlfriend. I mean, he has, like, no love life!”

    Me: “Well, what kind of love interest would you give him?”

    Sister #2: “She could be someone who works on the Enterprise and they could go on missions together and like save the world and stuff.”

    Sister #1: “Yeah, that would be so cute. I bet he’d be all protective and save her life or whatever.”

    Sister #2: “Ohmigod, that’d be so cool! [My Name], does Spock ever get a girlfriend?”

    (I glance at the screen, where Spock has just jumped in front of Kirk to save him from a blast of deadly poison.)

    Me: “Well, you two got everything right except for one minor detail.”

    Sister #2: *excited* “Really? What’s her name?”

    Me: “…I’ll let you figure this one out for yourselves.”

    (They still haven’t comprehended what I’d meant.)

    He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly, Part 3

    | USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends

    (I am the only person in my family who has read or watched Harry Potter. However, my brother is now watching it with me for the first time.)

    Brother: “How did Hagrid get Harry Potter in the first place?”

    Me: “He borrowed someone’s motorcycle and went and got Harry from his dead parents’ house before anyone EVIL could get him.”

    Brother: “Like the bad guy, whatsisname… Woldermont? Vondermord?”

    Related:
    He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly, Part 2
    He Who Shall Not Be Named Correctly

    Losing The Wilma To Live

    | OH, USA | Cousins

    (For the last four weeks, I have been getting phone calls from a company asking for Wilma. Each time I tell them it’s the wrong number but they still keep calling. My name is not even close to Wilma, Finally I have go change my number, because they were acting mean and I was started to get scared. I text my cousin my new number.)

    Me: “Hey, [Cousin]. This is my new number.”

    Cousin: “Wilma?”

    Brought To You By The Letters M, R, S, and A!

    | Finland | Children, Sons & Daughters

    Daughter: “What’s MRSA?”

    Me: “It’s a kind of bacteria. It stands for Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus.”

    (My daughter tries to repeat it, but has trouble pronouncing it.)

    Me: “You sound like the Swedish Chef.”

    (She then tries to say ‘Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus’ in a Swedish Chef voice.)

    Me: “You actually pronounce it better as the Swedish Chef.”

    Don’t Sell Mom Short

    | WA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom is 5’1″, while I’m 5’6″ at age 18; I passed her in height around age 14. I go to give her a hug good night.)

    Me: “Good night, Mom. I love you. I miss being shorter than you.”

    Mom: *sarcastic* “Thanks, honey.” *thoughtfully* “I wish… well, no, being short is kind of part of who I am.”

    Me: “Good night, Mom. I love you. Let me not cause an existential crisis right before bed.”

    Not Getting Ahead That Easily

    | Germany | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (My father’s cousin is having a quarrel with his brother. Their mother steps in:)

    Mother: “[Cousin], the wiser head gives in.”

    Cousin: “I’m not that stupid to want to be always the wiser head!”


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