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    Chicken Is The Center Of The Community

    | Rescue, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am 15 years old. My father is mostly deaf, but he usually can interpret what people are saying by reading their lips and/or extrapolating from the bits that he is able to understand.)

    Me: “Hey, Dad, can you give me a ride to the community center?”

    Dad: “We’re having chicken.”

    Me: “O…kay, thanks.”

    Sick Of Laughing

    | Canada | Aunts & Uncles, Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and aunt are siblings and often joke around. I have also inherited a disease from my aunt.)

    Aunt: “Don’t worry; you inherited it from me. It’s better than inheriting the crazy from your dad.”

    Dad: “Don’t worry; even though you have the disease you still have a future.”

    Uncle: “Always have the last laugh, huh?”

    Dad: “Yup.”

    She Didn’t Get The Message

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad has a tendency to just call my cell phone if he’s downstairs and I’m in my room. He also tends to call three or four times if he doesn’t get an answer. One morning due to a combination of putting in a contact lens and Dad not wanting to get a recording, he calls three times after which point I just go to the landing and explain what happened, which he accepts. My stepmother, who was in earshot, apparently does not.)

    Stepmother: “If you knew your dad called, you should have called back.”

    Me: “I know Dad usually calls multiple times, so I didn’t want to call him and confuse the phones.”

    Stepmother: “Yes, but after three times you should have called back!”

    Me: “After three times I was worried something was going on with the phones and asked what was going on in person!”

    Stepmother: *in a tone that clearly indicates she still thinks I did something wrong* “Well, good for you.”

    No Warm Feelings In Your Tummy Here

    | Wollongong, NSW, Australia | Nephews & Nieces

    (My four-year-old nephew and I are looking at some of his baby pictures.)

    Me: “You were so cute!”

    Nephew: “You loved me when I was a baby, didn’t you?”

    Me: “I’ve loved you from the very moment you were born; I was in the room when you came out of your mummy’s tummy, you know.”

    Nephew: “No! I came out of her VAGINA!”

    Block Out The Bad Language

    | Minneapolis, MN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m about two in this story. I can’t get two Mega Blocks to fit together.)

    Me: “D***, d***, d***, d***, d***!”

    (My mom glares at my dad.)

    Dad: “I swear she didn’t learn that from me.”

    Should Have Thought A Head

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (At my high school, we have off campus lunch where we’re allowed to walk around the city. On this particular day I’ve been unfortunate enough to have a bird poop on my hair.)

    Mom: “You must be tired.”

    Me: “Yeah, I really am. What’s for dinner?”

    (My dad kisses my head.)

    Dad: “What do you want?”

    Me: “Did you really just kiss my head?!”

    (Dad’s eyes widen in realization as he runs upstairs to wash his mouth.)

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