• Ten Out Of Ten For Honesty
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    A Little Mermaid With A Lot Of Love

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My dentist and I are both obsessed with Disney, so whenever I go in for an appointment, that’s usually our main topic of conversation. One day, while I’m in, she tells me that she showed her easily frightened four-year-old daughter ‘The Little Mermaid’ for the first time. Her daughter freaks out over Ursula, but outside of that, she enjoyed the movie. They put her to bed afterwards, but she wakes up crying about half an hour later.)

    Dentist: “Sweetie! What’s wrong? Did you have a scary dream about the mean squid-lady?”

    Daughter: “No! It’s the prince! Ariel’s prince, Prince Eric! I just love him SO much!”

    A Great-Grand Insult

    | CA, USA | Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (All my life, everyone in my dad’s family has told me how much I look like my great-grandmother, who died years before I was born. I have never seen a picture of her, however. At my grandmother’s funeral, we’re gathered at her house, when one of my dad’s cousins hands me a framed picture of an extremely large, scowling woman who could charitably be called ‘plain’ at best.)

    Cousin: “Here! I found this and thought you would like to have it.”

    Me: *puzzled* “Um, thanks? Who is it?”

    Cousin: “Can’t you tell? That’s [Great-Grandmother]!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Dad: *beaming* “You look just like her!”

    Refusing To Open The Door Of Reason

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (It is my neighbour’s 18th birthday, in the early afternoon. The doorbell has just rung. My dad looks out the window.)

    Dad: “I’m not answering it. It’s a young girl. Probably trying to sell me some crap.”

    (Later that evening, a party starts next door and continues into the early hours of the morning, with loud music and screaming.)

    Dad: “That’s completely unacceptable. They didn’t even inform us. We have young kids here! I’m going to go and talk to them.”

    (My dad goes next door, and relays the following conversation to us when he comes back.)

    Dad: “I’d just like to let you know that I’m really angry about the party last night. It was incredibly loud and disruptive, particularly given you know lots of families live in this street.”

    Neighbour’s Father: “I’m so sorry. I told her to go around and inform every person in the street that she would be hosting a party last night. She’ll be getting a talking to.”

    (After my dad tells that story, we return to our normal conversation.)

    Dad: “So apparently she just didn’t have the courtesy to come over and talk to us.”

    Mum: “Didn’t a young girl come to the door yesterday and you refused to open it?”

    Dad: “…Yes. Yes, she did. I’ll just go and apologise, shall I?”

    Completing The Kessel Run In The Mutara Nebula

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I talk to my parents every Thursday night. We’re all nerds, although I’m easily the biggest Trekkie.)

    Me: “You called just as Khan is chasing Kirk into the Mutara Nebula.”

    Mom: “What?”

    Me: “Khan is chasing Kirk into the Mutara Nebula.”

    Mom: “They were in the same movie?”

    Me: “…How have you never seen The Wrath of Khan?”

    Mom:  “I’ve seen it…

    Me: “…”

    Mom: “I don’t remember Han Solo being in that movie.”

    Me: “Where did Han Solo get into this?”

    Mom: “You said he was chasing Kirk…”

    Me: “No, I said Khan.”

    Mom: “Who?”


    Making Stuff Happen

    | QLD, Australia | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (I’m watching two of my nephews, aged seven months and six years. I have to take the eldest to school but he’s no where near ready. I’m changing his brother’s diaper while talking to him.)

    Me: “[Oldest Nephew], go get your jumper… Go get your Chill Out Pass… Go brush your teeth… Go put your socks on… Get your shoes…”

    Nephew: *now frustrated* “Why do you keep making me do STUFF?!”

    Me: “Because I’m not your slave?”

    (That night my sister comes to talk to me after putting him to bed.)

    Sister: “So, [Nephew] complained that you are bossy and make him do things.”

    Me: “Yeah, he didn’t like me telling him to get ready for school this morning.”

    Sister: “Oh, don’t worry. I just laughed and said ‘good.'”

    Me: “Oh?”

    Sister: “He didn’t like that…”

    Not So Cheery Anymore

    | Billings, MT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (It’s morning and I am microwaving instant oatmeal. I go to pull it out of the microwave and notice my father staring oddly at me.)

    Dad: “How does that work?”

    (I am completely confused by this turn of events. After several seconds of just staring, I point down to my breakfast.)

    Me: “The oatmeal?!”

    Dad: “Oh. I thought you were microwaving Cheerios, for some reason.”

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