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    My Family And Other Animals, Part 6

    | Farmington, MI, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    (My husband has recently been assimilated into the family mass-texts (to his ‘joy’), when we both get a text from my step-mom. The text shows a picture of a giant wooden armadillo that is apparently my younger brother’s present. We also receive a few replies from people who don’t understand how to hit reply instead of reply-all.)

    Me: “So, I got a mass text…”

    Husband: “Who was the idiot who thought it was a cockroach?”

    Me: “I guess you got the text, too.” *laughs*

    Husband: “Yes… but who thought it was a cockroach?”

    Me: “… I did.”

    My Family And Other Animals, Part 5
    My Family And Other Animals, Part 4
    My Family And Other Animals, Part 3
    My Family And Other Animals, Part 2
    My Family And Other Animals

    Spinning Their Own Web

    | Cincinnati, OH, USA | Children, Cousins

    (Being a lover of the animated rendition of ‘Charlotte’s Web,’ I decided to introduce it to my younger cousin,who is around three years old. This was her synopsis…)

    Me: “So, did you like the movie? What happened?”

    Cousin: “Her daddy said ‘I’ma kill this pig, and her said ‘NO, Daddy, don’t kill my pig!’”

    Stick It To The Apocalypse

    | CT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I have repainted my room recently, so I have been going through things to throw away or donate to clean out some space. One of the things getting thrown away is an old hockey stick I’ve had for years mounted on my wall.)

    Dad: “Are you sure you don’t want to keep your hockey stick?”

    Me: “No, why?”

    Dad: “You don’t even want to keep it under your bed to beat up zombies with?”

    Me: *laughing* “No, I think I’ll be fine.”

    Dad: “Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you about the apocalypse!”

    Mother Doesn’t Know Best

    | GA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother and I are sitting at a computer skimming websites to plan for my upcoming wedding. My brother is nearby. I pull up a link of a silver butterfly necklace and my mother suddenly jumps.)

    Mom: “What is that?!”

    Me: “It’s a necklace.”

    Mom: “What for?”

    Me: “Those are gifts for the girls in the wedding party.”

    Mom: “Wedding party? What girls?”

    Me: “You know; the bridesmaids and the mothers.”

    Mom: *highly offended* “And exactly how many mothers are there?”

    (I turn to look at my mother in disbelief. Luckily, my brother is fast on the uptake.)

    Brother: “Well, Mom, in a traditional wedding the bride gets one and the groom gets one. I think that’s what [My Name] is planning, so, two.”

    A Whole New Class Of Weirdness

    | The Netherlands | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My one-year-old son can’t talk yet, but he likes to communicate with his four-year-old sister. He’s making faces, hoping she’ll catch on.)

    Me: *to my son* “You’re an utter weirdo.”

    Daughter: *to me* “Yes, [Brother] is an utter weirdo. And I’m only a normal weirdo. Right, Dad?”

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