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    Some Food Only Looks Good On Paper

    | Robeline, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m eating a peanut butter sandwich which I’m holding in a paper towel. My mom walks into the living room and stares at me a minute.)

    Mom: “[My Name], what are you eating?”

    Me: “A peanut butter sandwich.”

    Mom: “Oh! I didn’t see the sandwich.”

    Me: “Wait, so you thought I was eating a paper towel?”

    Mom: “I couldn’t see the sandwich!”

    (I stuff the last of my sandwich into my mouth then proceed to start shredding the paper towel using my teeth.)

    Me: “Omnomnom! Paper is tasty!”

    Mom: “Shut up.”

    Growing Into Mowing

    | UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My dad and I are sitting in the yard and we can hear the next door neighbor mowing. I am about two years old.)

    Me: *turns to dad* “Shouldn’t you be doing that?”

    A Branded Method Of Child Control

    | Canada | Children, Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (My mom is watching my cousin for a couple of days while her parents get moved in to a new place. She has proven to be a fussy eater and my mom hates waste. We also don’t have much money, which even I at age three know. Lunch time comes around and my mom pulls out a can of cheap store brand soup. My cousin immediately sets up a protest.)

    Cousin: “That’s not [Pricey Name Brand]. I only eat [Pricey Name Brand] soup!”

    (Sensing yet another meal time struggle, my mom thinks of something.)

    My Mom: “This is so [Pricey Name Brand]! ”

    Cousin: “It doesn’t look like [Pricey Name Brand].”

    My Mom: “That’s because it’s made just for children. See? Right there on the label. It says [Pricey Name Brand] for KIDS.”

    (Since my cousin is four, she can’t read, so she settles down and eats her [Store Brand] soup with no further squawking.)

    A Listless Excuse

    | The Netherlands | Siblings

    (For my birthday, I have made a rather long list of things I want on an online store website and sent it to my family. My sister gives me my present, but it is a random book not on the list.)

    Me: “Why didn’t you pick something from the list?”

    Sister: “There were so many things on it. I didn’t know which one you wanted…”

    That’s One Way To Sterilize The Cut

    | England, UK | Children, Siblings

    (My brother is four. He’s got a big cut on his hand so we’re taking him to my aunt, who is a nurse, to put a plaster on it.)

    Brother: “Let’s go to Aunt’s house to get plastered!”

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