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    Endowment Empowerment

    | UT, USA | In-Laws

    (My mother-in-law has just given my two-month-old son a bath and is getting a diaper on him.)

    Mother-In-Law: “One thing I really remember about [My Husband] was that even as a baby he was so well endowed down there.”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Mother-In-Law: “Really, it was so strange to see a baby so… big… and endowed.” *to my son in a baby voice* “I guess you didn’t get that from daddy, but maybe it’ll happen.”

    Catering For Your Future

    | Washington, DC, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (We’re on a family walk through a very nice neighborhood. My younger sister is walking beside our mother, a little ahead of my father and me. We are all pointing out our favorite houses as we pass them. Suddenly, my mother shoves my younger sister off the sidewalk and into the street.)

    Sister: “Hey!”

    Dad: “Everything all right up there?”

    Mom: “Did you hear what she just said to me!?”

    Dad: “No, why? What’d she say?”

    Mom: “I asked if she’s gonna have a room for me when she gets all rich and famous and buys her big house. She said ‘Sure am. It’s gonna have hardwood floors, granite countertops, and stainless steel appliances. It’s gonna be called “The Kitchen.’”’”

    Naivety Is Too Precious

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My family is  together watching Lord of the Rings from the very beginning.)

    Mom: “What are these? Dwarves?”

    (My family tends to troll my mother.)

    Brother: “Yes.”

    Dad: “Yeah, it’s the chief dwarf’s wedding.”

    Me: *taking pity* “No, they’re hobbits. It’s that Bilbo’s birthday, and also Frodo’s.”

    Mom: “I wonder where they found these actors.”

    Brother: “Oh, they’re in New Zealand. They have this whole village of midgets.”

    Dad: “Yeah. It’s an actual village they recruited.”

    Me: “But they don’t like being called midgets. The tallest person in that village is 4’10″.”

    Mom: “Really?”

    Us: “Yes.”

    (We kept going until my brother and I started cracking up- and even then she was still unsure if we were joking or not.)

    This Argument Turned Ugly

    | Prince George, BC, Canada | Children, Cousins, Parents & Guardians

    (We’re all at my grandparent’s house for a birthday party. My mom has just told my cousin, who is about seven at the time, to do something he doesn’t want to do.)

    Cousin: *huffily* “You’re not my mom! Why do I have to listen to you?”

    Mom: *jokingly, but making a somewhat scary face at the same time* “Because I’m bigger, meaner, and uglier than you are!”

    (My cousin grapples with this for a minute before coming up with a retort.)

    Cousin: “You are not uglier than me!”

    A Babe In The Woods

    | Italy | Children, Parents & Guardians, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I am about five years old, and I tell my sister of three years that she had been found in the woods outside our house and that she is not actually my real sister. Fast forward two years later:)

    Mom: “Stop throwing tantrums, start behaving, and follow your sister’s example!”

    Little Sister: “I know she is not my sister! She told me that I was found outside in the woods. You are not my real mom!”

    (I had completely forgotten about that, but my sister had been believing that she was found in the woods for two years!)


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