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    Little White Mouse Lies

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (My parents used to have a habit of telling white lies to my big brother and me to keep us from developing bad habits. Since my brother has moved out and I am past middle school, I assumed that we were past the age bracket where they could continue to spread white lies. However, one night while I’m playing computer games my mum is on the phone with my brother, and I overhear this…)

    Mum: “So, what’s new with you? … Oh, very good… Well, actually, I visited a psychiatrist today, because I think I may have developed a phobia. [Brother], you have to promise not to laugh. I’m worried that I look like a mouse. I told the psychiatrist about it, and he said that it is actually very common among middle-aged women. It even has a name: Anorexia Mousia.”

    (From what my mother told me later, he believed it, until the next time we saw him when Mum told him the truth. I doubt he’s still THAT gullible.)

    A Bad Command Of English

    | England, UK | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Parents & Guardians

    (My mum, boyfriend, and I are watching a game show.)

    TV: “List countries starting with two consonants.”

    Boyfriend: “I can’t think of any…”

    Me: “Chile?”

    Mum: *with a ‘duh’ voice* “England!”

    Me: “Mum…”

    Mum: “What?”

    Me: “‘E’ is a vowel.”

    Mum: “Oh! United Kingdom, then!”

    Me: “Mum.”

    Mum: “OH!” *blushes*

    Prefers To Be Heartless

    | WI, USA | Siblings

    (I hand my sister a maple seed, which is called a key.)

    Me: “Here is the key to my heart.”

    Sister: “I don’t want the key to your heart.” *throws it at me*

    Me: *singing* “Last Christmas I gave you my heart. The very next day, you gave it away.”

    Sister: “Don’t be ridiculous! I had it for less than five seconds.”

    A Supreme Reason To Brush Your Teeth

    | UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am at home with my younger sister, my dad, and my mum. My parents are trying to get her to go upstairs and brush her teeth.)

    Mum: “Come on, [Sister], quick! Greased Lightning!”

    Sister: “Who’s Greased Lightning mum? Who is he?”

    Family: *laughing*

    Sister: *getting increasingly frustrated* “WHO IS GREASED LIGHTNING?!”

    (After about ten minutes of this, we explained and she brushed her teeth!)

    Flagging Down The Answer

    | Dayton, OH, USA | Siblings

    Me: “What’s the game called where you have to capture the other team’s flag?”

    Brother: “Um… capture the flag?”

    Me: “Yeah! That’s it!”

    (Yeah, not the smartest eight-year-old out there.)

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