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    Logged In As Me, Myself, And I

    | Glendale, AZ, USA | Siblings

    (My sister’s game console broke, so she’s borrowing mine. After she signs into her account, I note the symbol indicating a friend is also signed in.)

    Me: “Look, a friend of yours is online.”

    Sister: “Oh, is it you?”

    Love Makes Fools Of Us All

    | USA | Grandparents

    (I have just mentioned to my grandmother that I will be seeing a production of Romeo and Juliet soon.)

    Me: “I’m so excited to see it since I loved reading the play. The story’s themes are so great, like giving up social positions and family status for true love. However, I do think it is seriously illogical for two people to fall in love after a single conversation, marry the next day, and commit suicide when the other is dead on the third day.”

    Grandmother: “But that’s how love works; as soon as you first meet them, you know they’re the one. It can’t go any other way.”

    Me: “Well, I guess some people do get a crush on somebody after one day, but love takes a lot longer.”

    Grandmother: “What makes you think you know anything about love? You’re just a kid!”

    Me: “Actually, I do know something about love. I’ve really liked a friend of mine for the past year, even though we started off as just friends. Tonight is senior prom, and I just went through having to hear all about his date for the dance, somebody who only likes him because of how he looks, not his amazing personality. At the moment, I’m having a major breakdown, and judging by the fact that I feel my entire world has crumbled around me, I can definitely say I am in love and heartbroken. So I think my opinion of love is just as valuable as yours.”

    Grandmother: *shuts up*

    A Love Across The Stars

    | San Jose, CA, USA | Boyfriends & Girlfriends, Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (I am pretty much the family oddball. I’m talking to my sister while she has her boyfriend on the phone. She leaves to talk to our mother. I pick up the phone.)

    Me: “What’s up, [Sister's Boyfriend?]”

    Sister’s Boyfriend: “Not much. Playing Jedi Knight, Jedi Academy.”

    Me: “Really? Cool! I played that a lot as a kid.”

    (We talk about the game for about another half-minute when my sister returns.)

    Sister: “Hey! Give it back!”

    Me: “No! We’re talking about Star Wars!”

    Sister: “He’s MY boyfriend!”

    Me: “Our mutual fascination has to be discussed!”

    (She takes the phone away and retreats into her room.)

    Me: *calling after her* “Why do you have to be so possessive?”

    Wickedly Early In The Morning

    | Wales, UK | Siblings

    (It is Sunday morning and my sister is at her wardrobe in our shared room. She is choosing an outfit for the day and evidently has decided the dress she is wearing looks like a well known character.)

    Sister: “[My Name], are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

    Me: “Ahem!” *belting it out* “I’LL BEEE JUST FIIINE DE-FY-ING GRAV-I-TY!”

    Sister: *deadpan look* “That was quick for this time in the morning.”

    On The Scent Of The Latest Technology

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve shown my completely technophobic mother a picture on my laptop. Since all technology is kept in my room, she doesn’t get to experience everything that comes with along said technology. As I’m leaving to go back to my room, she breathes heavily, like she’s smelled something bad.)

    Mom: “Ew! It smells like technology!”

    Me: *completely taken aback* “Wait, what…? Like… plastic?”

    Mom: “No! It smells like… technology! I don’t know. You’re always on the computer. Maybe you just can’t smell it.”

    Me: “Uh…” *I head back to my room*

    Mom: “Ick! I can still smell it! Pew! Pew, pew, pew!”

    Me: *can’t resist* “LASERS!”

    Mom: “What?”

    Me: “LASERS!”

    Mom: “In English?”

    Me: “La-sers. You said ‘pewpewpew.’”

    Mom: “Is that some Internet lingo?”

    Me: “Yup.”

    (Sadly, she says this a lot, and never remembers it. )


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