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    Trying To Push The Meaning On Him

    | Germany | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My six-year-old son yells at me while his little sister is still sleeping.)

    Me: “You should be more considerate.”

    Son: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “If someone is sleeping, you should be quiet. This is considerate. And if anyone carries heavy loads…”

    (I look at him expectantly.)

    Son: “I should not push him!”

    Geriatric Mutant Ninja Turtles

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I’m about four years old and watching a wildlife film about turtles and their age.)

    Guy On TV: “And this turtle is over 100 years old…”

    Me: “Gee, mum, that’s even older than you are!”

    Mum: “No more TV for tonight!”

    The Sisterhood Of The Inappropriate Pants

    | UK | Siblings

    (My elder sister is well known for her strange sayings and outburst. Also note that in the UK panties are called pants.)

    Sister: “Dad, have you got anything hard to put in my pants.”

    (My dad just stares and her while me and my mum crack up. Turns out she wanted a divider to separate different types of underwear in her drawer. She has yet to live it down.)

    Related:
    The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants, Part 2
    The Parenthood Of The Missing Pants
    The Parenthood Of The Travelling Rants

    The Measure Of A Man Face

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother comes into my room while I’m in the middle of sewing.)

    Mom: “Are you done with the tape measurer?”

    Me: “I am at the moment. Why? I’ll need it again shortly.”

    Mom: “Your dad needs it.”

    Me: “For what?”

    Mom: “He needs to measure his mustache.”

    Me: *confused face before I burst out laughing*

    Careful When Expressing Yourself

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I’ve just introduced my boyfriend to my parents for the first time. This conversation occurs once he’s gone home. My family has a weird sense of humour, mainly coming from my dad.)

    Mum: “He’s very sweet.”

    Dad: “Quite a vacuous expression on him, though.”

    Me: “Just how I like ‘em!”

    Dad: “Where did you develop a taste for vacuous expressions?”

    Me: *without missing a beat* “I’m guessing I inherited it from mum.”

    (Mum burst out laughing. Dad just sighed in defeat.)


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