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  • July's Theme Of The Month: Stuck In The Car!

    Wish He Would Shuttapahisface

    | NJ, USA | Siblings

    (My brother, as part of the ‘college experience,’ took a trip to Italy for a week. I found this strange, because he didn’t speak a word of Italian and never showed any interest in the culture; it turns out the island he visited is a notorious party spot that he described as ‘the hottest Spring Break party, but all summer long.’ This conversation happens after he gets back and gets over the hangover and jet lag.)

    Me: “So, how was the trip after all?”

    Brother: “Oh, it was great, except for the locals.”

    Me: “Ah, let me guess: they didn’t appreciate a bunch of American kids coming in and trashing the place?”

    Brother: “Huh? No, they loved us; probably made a fortune! Just that none of them spoke English!”

    Me: “…Really? Italians, in Italy, on a remote island, didn’t speak English?”

    Brother: “I know. Weird, huh?”

    Me: “Oh, my god, you’re serious. Why are you even in college, again?”

    No One Can Bug You Like A Mother, Part 2

    | Broussard, LA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am the author of “No One Can Bug You Like A Mother” . I’ve slain yet another roach, this time by spraying it to death. The corpse is located just in front of my toilet, and once again, I’m too scared to dispose of the corpse. And once again, when I post about it on Facebook, my mother has a solution.)

    Mom: “Just drop a big wad of wet paper towels over it, then stomp on the paper towels, then scoop it all up into a Ziploc. Then seal the Ziploc, put it in the trash, seal up the trash bag, take the trash bag out into the yard, douse it with gasoline, and set it on fire. Ta-daa, problem solved.”

    No One Can Bug You Like A Mother

    Hershey Kiss My A**

    | Nanaimo, BC, Canada | Siblings

    (My sister and I are on the sofa watching TV. She tosses me a mini chocolate bar from her Halloween stash. This particular bar has a new shape that resembles a body part.)

    Sister: *tosses me a candy*

    Me: “Oooh yay! I love butt chocolate!”

    Sister: “Uh…”

    Me: “SHAPED! Butt-SHAPED chocolate!”

    A Costly Joke

    | Vaud, Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

    (My siblings and I have harsh senses of humour. This is the story I use to prove that we got it from my mom.)

    Me: *choking on water* “Mom, I’m dying.”

    Mom: *continues folding laundry* “Don’t die. It’s too expensive.”

    Takes Drugs Religiously

    | CA, USA | Grandparents, Theme Of The Month

    (My family is about to eat Thanksgiving Dinner and my grandmother is praying.)

    Grandma: “…and most of all, thank you for wine – oh, and vicodin!”

    Now It’s Easier To Get Canned

    | Warwick, RI, USA | Siblings

    (It is my niece’s third birthday party. My brother and his friend have just returned from picking up the party pizza strips from the bakery. They have apparently obtained tiny cans of beer, and are explaining why they chose to buy them instead of regular sized when I tune back into the conversation.)

    Brother: “They’re baby beer! It’s a baby party so I got baby beer because I didn’t want to be an a**hole.”

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