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    I Will Call You Squishy, And You Will Be My Squishy

    | Fairview, NJ, USA | Siblings

    (I was sitting in my room reading a book when I heard my sister throwing things around her room. Our rooms are right next to each other and the walls are pretty thin.)

    Sister: “WHERE THE H*** DID IT GO? WHERE IS IT?”

    (I poke my head into her room and see her legs sticking out from under her bed. I am about to ask her what she lost when she crawls out from under it and notices me. She is sixteen.)

    Sister: “HAVE YOU SEEN MY SQUISHY?!”

    Me: “What on earth is a squishy?”

    Sister: “OH, LOOK OUT! YOU’RE GOING TO STEP ON IT!”

    (I look down to see a stress ball by my foot. She grabs it and starts to squeeze it with her hand. Then she looks up at me still squeezing it and smiles.)

    Sister: “This is Squishy.”

    Me: “I worry about you.”

    Sister: “I know.”

    Making Dad Shirty

    | Singapore | Parents & Guardians

    (I come back from a shopping trip with a t-shirt, which I show my parents.)

    Dad: *reading off the t-shirt* “‘In my house, my dad is the boss’… Ha! I’m the boss of the house!”

    Mum: *continues reading the next line* “‘My mum is just a decision maker.’ Haha! You can call yourself the boss but I have the power!”

    (Needless to say, my dad really dislikes that t-shirt.)

    Hiding The Meaning Of Being Mean

    | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (It has been a long day of cleaning, furniture moving, and re-arranging everything in our living room to make it where we can see and interact with each other. Due to the kids’ whining and complaining, we’ve had problems with them not only getting on our nerves, but keeping them from harassing each other. Now dinner is done and the kids are lying happily on the floor watching TV while we sit behind them on the sofa and chair.)

    Wife: “Well, I think this is really good. We might see a change in how we relate to each other now that we can see each other.” *with a look towards our kids* “Perhaps we’ll be nicer with each other, too. What do you think?”

    Me: “Well…” *I give her a mock anger face and then flash the finger at her*

    Wife: “I can’t believe you did that!” *laughs in disbelief*

    Son and Daughter: “What? What?”

    Me: “I made a stupid angry face at her.”

    Wife: *once the kids aren’t looking, shoots the finger back at me*

    (We spent about twenty minutes trying not to laugh while we kept being ‘mean’ to each other and not being seen by the kids.)

    No Hope For The Millennium

    | Berkeley, CA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister was born in the year 2000. I was born in 1996. We are talking about years and ages.)

    Sister: “Woah, so when I’m 100 years old, it will be the year 3000, right?”

    Me: “No, that would be if you were a thousand years old.”

    Sister: “I don’t get it. I was born in 2000, so another hundred is 3000!”

    Me: “No, it will be the year two thousand and ONE HUNDRED.”

    Sister: “Oh! That makes sense.”

    (A minute passes.)

    Sister: “But wow, it’s so crazy that you were born in the 1900s. I mean, it took a thousand years to get from 1900 to 2000!”

    Me: “…”

    Can’t Put His Finger On Why They’re Laughing

    | IA, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (My mom, autistic brother, a caretaker of his, and I are eating a bowl of mixed nuts while chatting. My brother starts rummaging through the nuts to look for his favorites.)

    Mom: “[Son], no one wants you fingering their nuts.”

    (Pause.)

    Mom: “Oh. god! That’s not what I meant!”

    Caretaker: “Well, I wasn’t going to say anything…”

    (Then we all burst out laughing while my brother looked on in bemusement.)

    An A-Moo-sing Soundbite

    | UT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m reading my 10-month-old son a bedtime story. He loves to make noises, and is especially restless on this particular night.)

    Me: “The moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you, and the night wind whispered—”

    Son: “Moo!”

    (Needless to say, I laughed pretty hard about the wind mooing.)


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