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    Too Many Elephants, Not Enough Dogs

    | The Netherlands | Friends, Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (I’m 12 years old, and a friend of mine is over at my place. We’re asked to take the dog out to walk. We’re almost at the end of our garden, when my dad calls out from the house.)

    Dad: “Hey! Aren’t you two forgetting something?”

    Me: “I’m pretty sure we’re not.”

    Friend: “We never forget anything. We got the memory of two elephants!”

    Dad: “Oh, really? Then would you Dumbos mind explaining why you’re holding a leash, but the dog is still here?”

    Being Have Is Overrated

    | CT, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I’m about three, and acting up a bit at a party.)

    Mom: “[My Name!] Behave!”

    Me: *bursting into tears* “I don’t want to be have! I WANT TO BE ME!”

    There Can Be Only One(sie)

    | Kent, England, UK | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mum has a onesie she is very fond of and wears pretty much every evening. She has just come downstairs from changing into it when my brother walks in, wearing a zebra print onesie, complete with ears, tail, and mane.)

    Brother: *looks mum up & down* “You look ridiculous.”

    Not Respecting All Nine Lives

    | Felton, DE, USA | Siblings

    (It’s Thanksgiving. After dinner my family starts to play a board game I found in a thrift store. The point of the game is to have the most cats by the time you get to the end of the board’s path. On some spaces, you gain cats and on others you lose cats, and on some you have to spin the spinner to see how many you lose/gain.)

    Brother: “I got to the vet, but I don’t have any cats left. What do I do?”

    Mom: *looks at the box for the directions to see if there’s anything about what to do in this situation* “Uh… just spin anyway. We can write down that you have negative cats.”

    (Despite the disbelief and disapproval of the direction, my brother spins the spinner.)

    Brother: “I lost six cats.”

    Dad: “So you have negative six cats.”

    Me: “How do you even have negative six cats?”

    (My brother stares at the spinner for a minute, then gets up and leaves the room. When he returns, he’s holding a plastic box full of game pieces for various games. He rummages through and finds three dice with skulls for the one, and three game tokens with skulls, which he places in his area for cats. At the confused looks on our faces, he explains.)

    Brother: “This game is now called Euthanasia!”

    Just Drink Water Next Time

    | UT, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

    (My husband and I live with his parents. I just went shopping and I’m talking to my mother-in-law while drinking cranberry juice.)

    Mother-in-Law: “Hey, are you feeling okay?”

    Me: “Yeah, why?”

    Mother-in-Law: “I noticed you were drinking some cranberry juice and people drink that when they’re having… problems.”

    Me: “Nope. My throat’s bothering me and I was really thirsty at the store, so I bought some.”

    Mother-in-Law: “Okay, because I could give you some great tips from my urologist.”


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