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    An Honest Prayer

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom is a devout Catholic. She is teaching me and my siblings the new versions of prayers.)

    Mom: “We’re going to be reviewing the Confiteor. I’ll say the first part, and then you recite the rest. ‘I confess to Almighty God…’

    (Note: The next line is, “And to you, my brothers and sisters”)

    Brother: “That I have forgotten the rest of this prayer.”

    (My mom couldn’t stop laughing. At least he was honest!)

    Trying To Redress The Situation

    | CA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

    (I am currently planning my wedding, with the help of my fiancé. His mother wants to be helpful, but gets upset if we don’t actually need or want her help. I have just gotten fabric swatches in the mail for the bridesmaids’ dresses and she, of course, wants to see them.)

    Me: “I think I am going to go with this color. It’s my absolute favorite shade of blue, and I am surprised they even have it! Not many places even have this shade of aquamarine.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Oh, are you sure you want to go with that color?”

    (Keep in mind that my mother-in-law helped plan her daughter’s wedding, so she thinks she knows how everything should be. However, her daughter is one of my bridesmaids and is super supportive of everything I have chosen so far.)

    Me: “Um… it’s my favorite color blue, exactly what I was thinking. So, yeah, I want it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Are you really sure? That is such a hard color for people to pull off. It’s going to make [Daughter] look super pale, as well as the tan ladies look darker. It’s not very flattering.”

    Me: “I am super pale, and I wear this color all the time. I think it will be fine. All the ladies are fine with it, too. This is the color I am going with.”

    Mother-In-Law: *after a long pause, with her looking over all the samples again* “Well, I am sure it will look lovely on all the ladies.”

    (Guess what? The dresses came, and the color worked nicely on everyone. I love my mother-in-law, but can’t wait for the wedding planning to be over!)

    These Attempts At Charades Are A Charade

    | Scotland, UK | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (The kids, 7 and 11, have decided that we will play charades before bedtime.)

    Daughter: “I’ve got one!”

    (She indicates two words, and the first word has two syllables. Before she can continue…)

    Me:Spongebob Squarepants!”

    (She looks crestfallen.)

    Son: “Okay, I have one, since that was so quick.”

    (He indicates two words, first word has one syllable. Immediately…)

    Wife:Star Wars.”

    (The kids stared at us in total shock. We high-fived.)

    Dark Valentine’s Is The New Black

    | NY, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter has been bullied by a girl in her class. It is now Valentine’s Day and my daughter is making cards for everyone in her class. When she gets to the bullies card I see her scribbling a black heart.)

    Me: “Uh, [Daughter], who is that card for?”

    Daughter: “[Bully].”

    Me: “Why did you make her a black heart?”

    Daughter: “BECAUSE THAT IS HOW SHE MADE MY HEART FEEL.”

    Me: “…You know what? Go for it!”

    (She actually gave the card to her!)

    That Behavior Is Just Not Cricket

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Pets & Animals

    (When I am 11 I discover a baby snake under our doormat one day and decide to keep it for a pet. My mother’s not too pleased.)

    Mom: “It’s poisonous and it’s going to bite you! You’ll die!”

    Me: “I already checked: it’s not.”

    (I check and find out that it eats crickets, so I go outside to catch it some. Problem is, the only ones I can find are big, nasty ones, so I catch one and put it in with my new snake in a cage.)

    Me: *to self* “Maybe I should kill the cricket… Nah, no need. I heard snakes like to eat their food alive, not mashed.”

    (I figure that nature will take its course and the snake will kill and eat the cricket, but I wake up and find out the other way around happened. My poor snake is partially eaten and the big nasty cricket is hopping around like mad.)

    Mom: “What happened?!” *realizes* “Oh, my god!”

    Me: *crying sadly* “My poor snake! Stupid cricket!”

    (My mom tried to hold back laughter but failed, and dad came to find mom laughing hysterically and me mashing the cricket to death, crying bitterly. He decided we’d lost our minds and made a beeline for the door!)

    Laugh In The Face Of Death

    | Platteville, WI, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My fiancé and I are watching a TV show, and our year-and-a-half-old son is sitting on his lap. A main character is losing a battle to the villains, and says, ‘as long as I’m breathing, I’ll never give up!’ The villains start attacking him again, and as the camera fades away, our son waves at the TV and cheerfully says ‘bye bye!’)

    Fiancé: “That was kind of morbid.”

    Me: “I don’t think he expects [Character] to make it…”


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