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    Children Are Gifts In Themselves

    | IL, USA | Siblings

    (This story takes place when I’m about six and my little sister is three. It is my dad’s birthday, and our gift to him is a pair of pants.)

    Me: *to sister* “Now remember, don’t tell Daddy we got him those pants, okay?”

    Sister: “Right! Don’t tell Daddy we got him those pants!”

    (Our dad gets home from work a few minutes later. My sister immediately runs to greet him.)

    Sister: “Daddy! We got you a present! And it’s NOT pants!”

    All Foreign-Talk And No Trousers

    | Israel | Nephews & Nieces

    (My husband’s family lives overseas. Our niece is four years old – her parents speak English to her at home, but it is not her first language. She and I are playing Barbies, in English.)

    Niece: *holds out an item of Barbie clothing that looks like an oddly shaped skirt* “What is this? A shirt?”

    Me: “Hmm. Well, it doesn’t have sleeves. So, it could be a shirt, but I don’t think it’s shaped right to be a shirt.”

    Niece: *pulls the little skirt over the Barbie’s legs* “It’s a… it’s a… shirt for legs!”

    A Hair-Raising Explanation

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am a 15-year-old girl when ‘There’s Something About Mary’ comes out, and I watch it with my mom. The infamous hair-raising scene plays. My mom always tries to be truthful with me.)

    Me: “I don’t get it; what’s so funny about gel doing that?”

    Mom: “Er—” *explains*

    Me: “Oh, Ew! And girls like guys even though they do THAT?!”

    (The whole theater stared at us.)

    Recessive Stubble

    | OH, USA | Siblings

    (This takes place a few years ago in the worst of the recession. My brother and I are both out of work. We run into each other at our parent’s house, where I see he’s got a decent beard going.)

    Me: “Not shaving until you get a job?”

    (He gives me an odd look, and I realize that came out nastier than I meant.)

    Me: *pulling up the leg of my jeans* “That’s okay. Me, too!”

    A Well-Grounded Argument

    | Allentown, PA, USA | Siblings

    (I’m communicating with my sister via Skype while playing a video game and start describing to her an amusing glitch I’d just encountered where my two squad mates both floated up straight into the air and started hovering over an NPC’s head.)

    Sister: “Could you get them down again? How long were they stuck up there?”

    Me: “Not long. I threatened to ground them both and all of a sudden they got off his head and floated back to the floor.”

    Sister: “So if you threatened to air them, would they float back up again?”

    Just Pooping Out Knowledge

    | Canada | Nephews & Nieces

    (I am babysitting my niece. She has just finished telling that she knows everything.)

    Me: “Well, you’re only five, so there’s lots more for you to learn!”

    Niece: “I may be only five, but I know that caca is French for poop!”