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    My Crappy Emo Life

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My younger sister has a habit of asking very random questions.)

    Sister: “So, I was just thinking about how when people first meet they always judge each other right away. [My Name], what kind of first impression do you think you make?”

    Me: *shrugs* “Not really sure.” *turns to mom* “What do you think, Mom?”

    (At the moment, I’m wearing dark skinny jeans, a black shirt with a picture of a rock band, black sweatbands, and have my hair messily pulled back. I’ve got my nose buried in a book and a slight scowl on my face. Also note that my mom refuses to accept who I am and that I’ve been going through a lot of hard stuff.)

    Mom: “People probably think you’re a sweet and happy teenage girl.”

    Me: “Well, crap…”

    Mom: “Young lady, I will NOT tolerate that language in my house! Your sister’s only fourteen and can’t be hearing that.”

    Me: “Really, Mom?! And people wonder why I don’t fit in with my family…”

    Offline And Off-topic

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (Our little one is three months old, so a fairly consistent bedtime routine has been established. Most evenings my husband and I watch Netflix or HULU or browse the Internet while holding her, but this particular evening it’s down and no matter how hard we try it won’t come back on. We decided to turn in early.)

    Me: *singing a made up lullaby tune to baby* “It’s time for sleep; it’s time for bed…”

    Husband: “…because the Internet is dead.”

    A Sprinkling Of The Ages

    | QLD, Australia | Siblings

    (It’s my birthday and my sister and I are decorating the cake. I’m putting on sprinkles.)

    Sister: “Why don’t you try and make a sixteen?”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    (I try but put it in the wrong place, so although a ‘6’ is very apparent there’s no room for a ‘1’. I shrug and move to put the sprinkles all over the cake in no particular order. Next, my sister puts on the candles. She counts out sixteen and I pause.)

    Me: “Wait. You told me to do a sixteen. Why did I listen to you?”

    Sister: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “I’m seventeen…”

    Hopefully They’re Not On A Roll

    | UT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (We’ve recently moved into a new house. My one-year-old is used to sleeping in bed with us, but we decide it’s time to transition him to his own bed. He’s never been a good sleeper, and has a tendency to roll around in bed. His bed is open on one side, but it’s just inches above the floor. I’m lying in bed with my husband when this happens.)

    Me: “[Son] hasn’t rolled out of bed yet today.”

    Husband: “The night’s not over yet.”

    Me: “It’s one am. Close enough. I think we should get one of those signs that says ‘one day since our last accident.'”

    Husband: *laughs*

    An Honest Prayer

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom is a devout Catholic. She is teaching me and my siblings the new versions of prayers.)

    Mom: “We’re going to be reviewing the Confiteor. I’ll say the first part, and then you recite the rest. ‘I confess to Almighty God…’

    (Note: The next line is, “And to you, my brothers and sisters”)

    Brother: “That I have forgotten the rest of this prayer.”

    (My mom couldn’t stop laughing. At least he was honest!)

    Trying To Redress The Situation

    | CA, USA | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

    (I am currently planning my wedding, with the help of my fiancé. His mother wants to be helpful, but gets upset if we don’t actually need or want her help. I have just gotten fabric swatches in the mail for the bridesmaids’ dresses and she, of course, wants to see them.)

    Me: “I think I am going to go with this color. It’s my absolute favorite shade of blue, and I am surprised they even have it! Not many places even have this shade of aquamarine.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Oh, are you sure you want to go with that color?”

    (Keep in mind that my mother-in-law helped plan her daughter’s wedding, so she thinks she knows how everything should be. However, her daughter is one of my bridesmaids and is super supportive of everything I have chosen so far.)

    Me: “Um… it’s my favorite color blue, exactly what I was thinking. So, yeah, I want it.”

    Mother-In-Law: “Are you really sure? That is such a hard color for people to pull off. It’s going to make [Daughter] look super pale, as well as the tan ladies look darker. It’s not very flattering.”

    Me: “I am super pale, and I wear this color all the time. I think it will be fine. All the ladies are fine with it, too. This is the color I am going with.”

    Mother-In-Law: *after a long pause, with her looking over all the samples again* “Well, I am sure it will look lovely on all the ladies.”

    (Guess what? The dresses came, and the color worked nicely on everyone. I love my mother-in-law, but can’t wait for the wedding planning to be over!)

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