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    Little Monsters

    | TX, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My four-year-old niece and two-year-old nephew go outside to play, and she comes back by herself.)

    My Sister: “Where’s your brother?”

    Niece: “I don’t know. He’s lost. Maybe a monster ate him. That’s why our mommy should watch us.”

    (He was fine.)

    Real-ly Mean

    | Oslo, Norway | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mother and sister have just come home from a week visiting family in Russia. My sister is telling our father about the trip.)

    Sister: “We were at the zoo, and I saw monkeys!”

    Father: “What, did you look in a mirror?”

    Sister: “That’s not nice! No, they were real!”

    Father: “Well, you’re real.”

    Driving A Hard Bargain

    | IA, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (My husband and I decide to surprise our families and drive 1,100 miles to visit them the weekend after Mother’s Day. I have my dad get my siblings together that weekend for a ‘late Mother’s Day celebration’ so I could see everyone. We have already arrived and surprised our moms, but our siblings don’t know yet. I called my sister to find out her schedule for the next day.)

    Me: “So, do you have any big plans this weekend?”

    Sister: “Well, I work tomorrow, and then on Sunday I’m spending the whole day with Mom and [Brothers] for a Mother’s Day celebration, since Mom worked last weekend.”

    Me: “Oh, that sounds like fun.”

    Sister: *jokingly* “Yeah, you guys should come!”

    Me: “Ha ha. Yeah, we’ll get right on that. It’s kind of a long drive…”

    Sister: *still joking* “Well, if you start now, you should be here in time!”

    Me: *to husband* “[Sister] wants us to come up and visit this weekend.”

    Husband: “I’ll only do it if I get to eat [Restaurant].”

    (The restaurant is local and his favorite.)

    Sister: “Tell him I’ll buy him some [Restaurant] if you guys come.”

    Me: “All right. Well, we’ll talk it over and get back to you. We love you. Good night!”

    (Five minutes later, we arrive at my sister’s door.)

    Sister: *flabbergasted* “Wha… What?! What are you… You’re not getting [Restaurant]!”

    The Scream Of The Crop

    | Singapore | Parents & Guardians, Top

    (I come home at three am. I am tiptoeing so that I don’t wake the family, when I suddenly encounter a white shape rising from the floor and getting bigger every second.)

    Me: *screams loudly*

    White Shape: *screams back*

    (The “white shape” suddenly throws off the covering, which was a large, white bed-sheet, revealing my dad.)

    Me: “What were you trying to do, give me a heart attack?!”

    Dad: “You’ve been going out clubbing every night and coming back so late. I thought I’d teach you a lesson!”

    Me: “Then why did you scream?”

    Dad: “Because you screamed so loudly, it startled me!”

    Enough Ick To Make You Sick

    | Denver, CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I work in a small office with no more than 10 employees. I am in the kitchen telling my mom the names of my coworkers. Note: Most of them have names ending in ‘ick’ or ‘ic.’)

    Mom: “That’s a lot of ‘ick.’ There’s a lot of ‘ick’ in that office!”

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