Allergic To The Truth

| Australia | Children, In-Laws

(My brother-in-law and I are having a conversation with our mother-in-law. The subject has turned to allergies.)

Mother-In-Law: “I don’t believe in peanut allergies. I raised nine children and they all ate peanuts. So, I don’t think it’s true.”

Me: “That just means that your children didn’t have allergies. Lots of children have them.”

Mother-In-Law: “No, allergies don’t exist. We never heard of allergies until recently.

What happened to the children who had allergies back then?”

Brother-In-Law: “They died.”

Mother-In-Law: “That can’t be true. Kids didn’t just die.”

Me: “My mother had a couple of friends who just suddenly died when she was young. She was told ‘they were too good to live.’”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh! I had a friend who suddenly died…”

(Glad we set her straight! Turned out my own daughter has a peanut allergy.)

Passed Parenting With Flying Natural Colors

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | In-Laws, Parents & Guardians

(We are at my mother-in-law’s, when my 18-month-old daughter runs in. Her cheeks are rosy; her hair is gorgeous blonde curls.)

Mother-In-Law: *to my daughter* “Oh, look at you. You are gorgeous. Definitely don’t need any make up on that beautiful face. Don’t need to change anything.”

(My daughter giggles and runs back outside.)

Mother-In-Law: *to me* “You need to wash her hair with Borax.”

Me: “Borax? What for?”

Mother-In-Law: “Her hair is going dark; Borax will bleach it back to blonde.”

Me: “Yep, I am so going to put something toxic on her hair to keep it from going to its natural colour.”

Not Depressingly Average

| England, UK | Parents & Guardians

(My father and I have both been diagnosed with some form of depression. I am autistic and one of my special interests is mental illness and disorders. I have recently discovered a fact and decide to make my dad laugh.)

Me: “Did you know?”

Dad: “Daughter, what?”

Me: “One in four people are diagnosed with a mental disorder in their lifetimes.”

Dad: “And?”

Me: “Our family is above average.”

Dad: “Well, should we expand our family?”

Me: “No! I like being the youngest!”

A Brain Of Marshmallows

| WA, USA | Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

(My mom bought a bunch of very large peppermint flavored marshmallows and is sharing them with everybody.)

Mom: “Here you go, have a marshmallow.” *hands my three-year-old nephew a marshmallow*

Sister: “Now, [Nephew], what do you say?”

(My nephew stares at the marshmallow for a minute after biting it.)

Nephew: “This is the best donut I have ever had!”

Made A Conversational Boob

| MO, USA | Friends, Parents & Guardians

(My mom is talking with a friend, who thinks that I miss the finesse of adult conversation as long as she motions without words sometimes. I am in elementary school at the time.)

Mom’s Friend: “So this lady jumped up with [Singer] and—” *motions pulling her shirt open* “—and everyone went crazy!”

Mom: “Um… maybe we shouldn’t talk about that sort of thing in front of [My Name].”

Mom’s Friend: *waves me away* “Oh, she doesn’t understand a thing I’m saying.”

Me: “Yes, I do!”

Mom’s Friend: “Oh, yeah? What did I say, then?”

Me: “You said a woman jumped up on stage at the concert and opened up her shirt to show [Singer] her boobs!”

Mom’s Friend: *startled* “Uh…”

Mom: “Why don’t you go play in the other room, [My Name]?”

(Her friend was a lot more careful what she talked about in front of me after she realized I paid attention.)

Hasn’t Got A Powerful Drive

| Fresh Meadows, NY, USA | Parents & Guardians

(I just recently helped my father purchase a new laptop. He calls me in this morning to ask a question.)

Dad: “Can you show me how to open the DVD drive again?”

Me: “Sure.”

(His laptop has a button on the DVD tray that needs to be pressed to open. I assume it is in sleep mode and push the button while folded. Nothing. I showed my father how to use the DVD drive the day we got it and he did use it so I assume he has a DVD in there already. I remind him of the button to open it. I then lift the screen and notice something peculiar…)

Me: “Is the power on?”

Dad: “No. Should it be?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Dad: “Then I guess that is why it isn’t opening…”

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