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    Sink Or Swim Or Drive

    | Elizabethtown, KY, USA | Aunts & Uncles

    (This exchange occurs a couple months after a massive sinkhole opened up under the National Corvette Museum in Bowling Green.)

    Great Uncle: “Yeah, I went out to check the property lines and stumbled onto this big sinkhole. It must’ve been 15-20 feet deep!”

    Aunt: “Did you find a Corvette in it?”

    Conversation Can Be Pregnant With Potential

    | Pendleton, SC, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I work at the same school: him as a teacher, me as a tutor. While we get along well, we rarely see each other outside of work. We’ve been talking about this semester’s classes, and now I’m showing him comics online.)

    Me: “This one reminds me of [Stepsister].”

    Dad: “Oh, she had an exciting day yesterday. She had to go to the hospital; she thought she was in labor.”

    Me: “[Stepsister]‘s pregnant?”

    Dad: “Yeah, about eight months. I didn’t tell you?”

    (A week or two later, my brother’s girlfriend comes over to our house and mentions seeing Stepsister’s new baby. A week or two after THAT, my dad calls…)

    Dad: “Did you ever hear from [Student]? I told him to call you.”

    Me: “Yeah, I did. So, what’s new with you?”

    Dad: “Oh, not much…”

    Me: “[Brother's Girlfriend] told me [Stepsister] had her baby?”

    Dad: “Oh, yeah, a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t tell you?”

    (Maybe we need to talk more.)

    Maybe It Means You’re Over The Hill

    | CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I work at a water park that is built on the side of a steep hill, which I climb and descend at least once each day I work.)

    Me: “Ugh, I keep having muscle spasms in my back and I don’t know why.”

    Mom: “That’s not good. That’s usually a sign that you need more exercise.”

    Me: “I exercise! It’s a huge hill!”

    Not An Airy-Fairy Child

    | Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (I was always a skeptical kid, and learning that Santa wasn’t real was a very average day. This happened a few years before the Santa thing; I am seven and have just lost another tooth the night before.)

    Me: *distressed* “Mummy! The tooth fairy forgot about me!”

    Mum: “Oh, no! Well, I’m sure she was just a little busy last night. Go play for a few hours, she’ll get there.”

    Me: *suss* “Okaaaaay..”

    (About an hour later I hear mum calling me from my room.)

    Mum: “She came. She left extra for forgetting, too!”

    Me: “Sure, mummy.”

    Mum: “What?”

    Me: “Yeah, the TOOTH FAIRY did that, huh?”

    Mum: “… You’re not a normal kid, are you?”

    God Heard You The First Time

    | KS, USA | Siblings

    (My little sister is young and has a hard time saying meaningful prayers at night. She often asks me to say mine out loud so she can repeat my prayers.)

    Me: “Amen.”

    Sister: “Amen.”

    Me: “Goodnight, [Sister]. I love you.”

    Sister: “Goodnight, [Sister]. I love you.”

    Me: “You know you can stop repeating me now, right?”

    Sister: “You know you can stop repeating me now, right?”

    Me: *silence*

    (Three seconds later.)

    Sister: “… oh.”

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