• I Smell A New Train Of Thought
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  • August's Theme Of The Month: Best. Family Member. Ever!

    Needs To Re-Assemble His Emotions

    | TAS, Australia | Parents & Guardians

    (My little brother had been trying to play a game on the iPad and getting very frustrated when things go wrong, but because he’s deaf he can’t tell us what he needs help with. He’s currently throwing a tantrum about it. Note: we all really love Marvel movies.)

    Mum: “I think you’re a bit emotionally invested in this game. You shouldn’t react like this over a game. You save these sorts of reactions for Marvel movies!”

    A Politician Born Every Minute

    | Canberra, ACT, Australia | Siblings

    (We see the very unpopular Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott, on TV. My sister is seven years old.)

    Me: “Who’s that?”

    Sister: “I don’t know.”

    Me: “It’s Tony Abbott.”

    Sister: “OOOOOOOOOOH!”

    Me: “Do you know who Tony Abbott is?”

    Sister: “Yes. An idiot.”

    A Few Characters Short Of A Keyboard

    | Milwaukee, WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My laptop keyboard has been broken for several weeks, with the ‘G’ and ‘H’ keys completely unresponsive. I’ve been using an external keyboard until I come home for spring break and my dad can look at it. He’s on the computer company troubleshooting website entering the service tag number. I notice he doesn’t have the external keyboard connected.)

    Dad: “D*** it, this isn’t working.

    Me: “Is there a reason you don’t have the other keyboard hooked up?”

    Dad: “Oh, not a whole lot of typing on this site, and anyway, if the letters are missing, it shows the tech pretty clearly what the problem is.”

    Me: “What’s the service tag number you’re trying to enter?”

    Dad: “It’s [Number].”

    Me: “You do realize that has an ‘H’ in it, right?”

    Dad: “Oh, yeah.” *plugs in the keyboard and types in the number, which works* “This is why I don’t work tech support…”

    Clean The Garbage With Soap

    | NSW, Australia | Siblings

    (My sister and I are discussing shows that aired during the nineties.)

    Me: “No, no, I’m talking about shows like Neighbours… What’s it called?”


    Me: “No, the genre.”

    Sister: “Garbage?”

    (The answer I was looking for was ‘soap opera.’)

    …and ‘Young Adult,’ ‘True Grit,’ ‘Law & Order,’ ‘Up In The Air,’ ‘Rendition…’

    | Switzerland | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother and I are discussing a movie she liked.)

    Mom: “…and the man who played the teacher? It was his first role in a movie, and he did so well he got a BAFTA and an Oscar! He was really good!”

    Me: “But wait, Mom, that was J.K.Simmons! He’s been in tons of things before! I’ve seen him everywhere!”

    Mom: “Well, maybe, but no major movie!”

    Me: “He was in all the Spidermans! Plus Juno and tons of TV shows!”

    Mom: “Well, then, it was his break-through performance!”

    That Is Inadvisable

    | Newburgh, IN, USA | Siblings

    (I have to write an advice column for my school newspaper, and since we don’t get requests we have to make stuff up.)

    Me: “I don’t know what to write my advice column on!”

    Brother: “Write about a guy who has a cup, and when he cries in it, it makes pearls.”

    Me: “[Brother], this is an ADVICE COLUMN.”

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