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    That Was Surprisingly A Piece Of Cake

    | Pawtucket, RI, USA | Sons & Daughters

    (I’m in the kitchen, baking pumpkin muffins. It’s around supper time, but the children have repeatedly been told that the muffins are for breakfast. My four-year-old son and 14-year-old daughter are in the kitchen.)

    Son: “Mama, can I taste a muffin to make sure it’s good enough for breakfast?”

    Daughter: “It’s okay, [Son], I already tasted them and they’re good enough.”

    Son: “Okay, then, never mind. I don’t need to taste them. I didn’t know [Daughter] already did it!”

    (My daughter catches herself on the doorway to avoid falling over in shock.)

    Mom: “Didn’t expect that to work, did you?”

    Daughter: “No, not at all!”

    In England, No One Can Hear You Scream

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My three-year-old daughter, like most kids her age, is obsessed with Disney movies and stories. One day while answering her questions about Frozen, my wife accidentally reveals the horrible truth that magic isn’t real. This leads to the discovery that witches aren’t real either.)

    Daughter: *desperate by now* “But are princesses real?”

    Wife: *with some relief* “Yes, there are really princesses. They have them in England and some other places.”

    Daughter: “Can I see them?”

    (My wife calls me over and I spend the next twenty minutes showing my daughter pictures and videos of Kate Middleton’s wedding. The following day I am playing a computer game involving aliens. My daughter points at one and asks:)

    Daughter: “What’s that?”

    Me: “It’s an alien.”

    Daughter: “Can I see one for real?”

    Me: “No, aliens aren’t real. Remember yesterday mommy told you that witches aren’t real? Aliens aren’t real either.”

    (My daughter pauses for a short time.)

    Daughter: “Are there aliens in England?”

    Trying To Be Better, Gosh Darn It

    | NSW, Australia | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mum and I love watching black and white public service announcements on better living because we both find them hilarious. We’ve just watched one on better family life.)

    Me: *imitating the daughter from the PSA* “Gee, mother, do you think [Friend] could come over this Sunday? Only, we were fixing to make some cakes for [Other Friend]‘s birthday.”

    Mum: *imitating the mother* “Well, I don’t know, daughter. I think we should call a family meeting when father gets home. I’m sure it would be all right as long as you help me fix the dinner and do the dishes afterwards.”

    Me: “Golly, mother, you’re just swell!”

    (We’ve both cracked up when we hear my sister shouting from her bedroom.)

    Sister: “What the h*** are you two doing?!”

    Mum: “We’re just trying to be a better family.”

    The Only Raisin She Baked Them

    | CA, USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (I am visiting my parents who have my younger sister and her son living with them at the time. My sister has stepped out to pick up her son from daycare. I find some chocolate chip cookies she has baked and try one. They are OK, but during one of the bites, I notice something odd. I realize it’s a raisin in the chocolate chip cookie! Curious, I text message her about it.)

    Me: “Why is there a raisin in one of your chocolate chip cookies?

    Sister: “You found the prize!”

    (Our mother comes inside and sees me looking perplexed.)

    Mom: “What’s wrong?”

    Me: “Apparently, [Sister] has invented ‘Chocolate Chip & a Raisin Cookies.’”

    (When my sister got home, I asked her to confirm and she had indeed added a single raisin to the batch of cookies.)

    Children Speak The Truth-Brush

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (One evening my husband is getting our four-year-old ready for bed. He accidentally dropsher tooth brush on the floor. She looks at the floor and then back up at him.)

    Daughter: “You forgot to say ‘son of a bitch.’ Mommy always says ‘son of a b****.’”

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