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    Enough Ick To Make You Sick

    | Denver, CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I work in a small office with no more than 10 employees. I am in the kitchen telling my mom the names of my coworkers. Note: Most of them have names ending in ‘ick’ or ‘ic.’)

    Mom: “That’s a lot of ‘ick.’ There’s a lot of ‘ick’ in that office!”

    Drink And Be Merry, For Tomorrow We Die

    | NM, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My daughter is hanging out with her aunt in the living room as I finish some up some work in the other room. My daughter is making fake food and drinks.)

    Daughter: “Here’s your drink. Enjoy!”

    Aunt: “Oh! That was yummy!”

    Daughter: “Good, because you just drank your death.”

    Aunt: “Did you just poison me?”

    Daughter: “Yes. Please die now.”

    Aunt: “But I’m not ready to die!”

    Daughter: “I asked nicely!”

    Me: “Well, she did at least ask nicely.”

    Aunt: “You do know your uncle will avenge me rig—” *falls over on the couch pretending to be dead*

    Daughter: “That worked well.” *covers aunt with blanket*

    Me: “I’m going to have to talk to your father about what is being watched at his house…”

    Aunt: “Remind me to never take real food or drinks from her.”

    Me: “Agreed.”

    Flowing Into An Ocean Of False Knowledge

    | NY, USA | Children, Siblings

    Brother: “Is the Hudson River fresh or salty?”

    Dad: “It’s fresh near the mountains and salty near the ocean.”

    Brother: “Where does it get salty?”

    Dad: “Around Yonkers.”

    Brother: “Why?”

    Dad: “Big dump trucks full of salt drive up to the edge and dump it in the river.”

    Brother: “Oh.”

    Cracking Up

    | Bristol, England, UK | Parents & Guardians

    (My family goes on caravan rallies, which is where a bunch of people in a club meet up and have a fun holiday away. Some of the weekends have interesting names. My mum is trying to decide which rallies we’ll go on for the next few months.)

    Mum: “[Dad], what about [rally]?”

    Dad: “I don’t care. You know what days you have off. You pick.”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Mum: “We should do crack more.”

    Me: “What?”

    Mum: “CRACK MORE.”

    Sister: “Mum listen to what you’re saying!”

    Mum: “Oh! C-r-a-c-k-m-o-o-r-e! It’s a place! Drugs are bad!”

    Mix Mix Up

    | FL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters, Spouses & Partners

    (My fiancé has just come back from the store getting stuff for our two kids. In the bag is a can of mango juice.)

    Me: “What do you want the baby to drink?”

    Fiancé: “Give him the drink mix I just bought for him.”

    Me: “Oh… that can thing? It was mix?”

    Fiancé: “What did you do? You gave it to him straight, didn’t you?!”

    Me: “I thought it was odd that you bought him a can of juice.”

    Fiancé: “And yet you did it anyway. Why do I let you do things?”


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