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    Should Have Gone For Tutti Fruits Of The Holy Spirit

    | IN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom grew up in a fairly religious home, and although she doesn’t go to church any more she’s still religious. I’m a bit of an agnostic. We’ve stopped at a small, independent grocery store for ice cream before I pick up my kids and go home.)

    Me: “I’d like some mint chocolate chip, but I don’t see it in [Brand].”

    Mom: “Well, how about this one? They have it in [Brand].”

    Me: “Yeah, I guess…” *sees price* “Jesus Christ!”

    Mom: “Watch your mouth!” *whacks my arm*

    Me: “I think even Jesus would be upset at $7 for a pint of ice cream!”

    Causing A National Stink

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Children, Parents & Guardians

    (My cousin and I are grocery shopping at our local store. We pass a family in the cheese section. My cousin is wearing a shirt advertising a Quebecois festival, as we are Quebecois.)

    Child: “Mommy, why does this cheese stink so much?”

    Mother: “Sometimes cheese has to sit for a long time and it gets smelly, sweety.”

    Father: “Uggh. The French stink.”

    Cousin: “He better have been referring to the cheese.”

    Time To Put Selfishness On Hold

    | Houston, TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Spouses & Partners

    (I am standing behind a couple in line at Walmart. The woman is holding their baby in one arm, and is struggling to work the credit card swiping machine with the one free hand she has. Her husband stands there oblivious to her struggles while looking at his cell phone.)

    Wife: “Could you take him, please? I’m trying to swipe my card and I need you to hold him real fast.”

    Husband: *rolls eyes and goes back to using his phone*

    Wife: *raising her voice* “I held this baby for nine months; you can hold him for nine seconds!”

    Husband: *looking awkward and embarrassed, takes baby*

    That Goes Down A Treat

    | Salo, Finland | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My mom, my little brother and I are out shopping for groceries. My brother has a huge sweet tooth and he’s picking up candy, chocolate, and all sorts of sweet stuff into his cart. We are all adults and live separately.)

    Mom: “Someone’s having a treat day, huh.”

    Brother: “No, not really. I don’t have a treat day. I have a treat week.”

    Mom: “Oh? How often is that?”

    Brother: “Four times a month.”

    For No Rea-Son

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Siblings

    (I am 18 years older than my youngest brother. He is about three years old. Our mom is sick, so I take my brother with me to grocery shop. We are waiting in line and there are multiple people around, both behind us and in other lines. The female cashier rings up our cart and then smiles at my brother as I finish paying with my card.)

    Cashier: “Aw, is this your son? He’s so cute!”

    Me: “He’s my little brother, but thank you!”

    (At this point, my brother gets an extremely heartbroken look on his face and exclaims in a voice that matches his expression:)

    Brother: “But… but… I AM your son!”

    (He buries his face in his hands as everyone who has heard gives me a death glare. I can’t get out of there fast enough!)

    Me: “Why did you say that!?”

    Brother: “I don’t know. Wait, what’s a son?”

    Fooied That Up

    | IA, USA | Children, Siblings

    (My eight-year-old autistic, but very verbal and outgoing, brother learned the ‘F’ word. To get him to stop using it all the time, we started using ‘fooie’ all the time. We explained that he should say ‘fooie’ instead and soon he was doing it, too. Whenever we take him out we’d have to remind him to behave because he fusses quite regularly. One day, in the parking lot of the grocery store:)

    Mom: *to my brother* “Now remember to be a good boy, and not have a fuss.”

    (When we get in the store, they see it is more packed than they’ve ever seen it before. All the employees are restocking, and there are wall to wall customers. All the aisles were facing the door. As my brother sees all these people he straightens up and states loudly.)


    (Everyone turns to look at him. Seeing everyone watching him, he holds his head higher and declares as loud as he can:)


    (There was every reaction imaginable. Hilarity, horror, shock, and everything in between. My poor mom desperately tried to disappear into the crowd. He’s now eighteen, and we still laugh about it.)

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