(My 4-year-old daughter has only recently realized that all people die, and being a very curious girl, has been asking a lot of questions about why and how people die. I have explained that when people die we bury their body in a cemetery. A few days later, we drive past a cemetery close to our house.)

Daughter: “Mom, is that the landfill where we bury the bodies?”

(My mother has a doctorate, but decided to stay home and take care of me and my baby brother. She is now considering going back to work, and has found a job she has decided to apply for.)

Mom: “So I’ve decided I don’t just want to be a mother anymore, even though you two are great.”

Brother: *suddenly close to tears* “You’re sending us to an orphanage?!”

(My mother and I crack up, leaving my brother very confused.)

Related:
He’s At The (Orphan)Age

(My family is going home from a soccer game. We’ve come from two different locations so we have two cars, and I’ve decided to drive home with my Mom. It’s a sunny day, so she’s wearing her sunglasses.)

Mom: “Can you do me a favor? When we get home, can you remind me that I’m still wearing my sunglasses? Otherwise I’ll just forget to take them off.”

Me: “Okay.”

Dad: *to me* “I just remembered, we have some errands to run, don’t we? Do you want to go do them now?”

Me: “Okay.”

(Dad and I head off to go do errands in one car while my mom drives home in the other. We’ve driven about fifteen minutes.)

Me: “Dad, can I borrow your phone?”

Dad: “Sure. What for?”

Me: “I need to call mom.”

(I dial the house number and get the answering machine.)

Me: “Hi mom, it’s me. If you’re wondering why it’s so dark, it’s because you’re still wearing your sunglasses. Bye!”

(Later, when we get home.)

Mom: “Oh, I’m so glad you called! I had just sat down to listen to the answering machine, and I was wondering why everything was so dark!”

Sister: “I wonder what kind of cheese they use in Mozzarella sticks. Do you know?”

Me: “I’m not even going to answer that.”

Sister: “What? Why?” *long pause* “Oh… right.”

Mother: “I’m so chagrined right now!”

Sister: “What’s ‘chagrined’ mean?”

Mother: “Annoyed.”

Sister: “Really? In what language?”