(My mother is driving. My dad is in the passenger seat eating an apple. He starts choking.)

Mom: “Are you okay?”

Dad: *continues choking*

Mom: “Are you choking, or are you choking-choking?”

Dad: *blows a piece of apple out his nose*

(My mother is teaching me how to drive.)

Mom: “So, what do you do if a cop behind you turns on its lights?”

Me: “Pull over!”

Mom: “Yes.”

Dad: “No! You gun it and make a run for it! A hard right, couple of sharp lefts.”

Mom: “No! Don’t teach her that!”

Dad: “Once you’re away, that’s when you switch to your backup license plates. Put on your disguise in case they find you again. And remember to dump the body ASAP.”

Mom: “Stop that!”

Me: “But what if I’m smuggling cocaine?”

Dad: “Dump the body!”

Mom: *face palm*

Related:
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 7
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 6
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 5
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 4
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 3
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 2
The Family That Slays Together, Stays Together
(from NotAlwaysRomantic):
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together, Part 2
The Couple That Slays Together, Stays Together

(We stop by the McDonald’s drive-thru to get our two daughters some supper.)

Three-year-old Daughter: “Can I have a fry?”

Nine-year-old Daughter: “Mom, she’s asking me for a fry but she has her own.”

Mother: “So? Ask her for a fry then.”

Nine-year-old Daughter: “Can I have a fry?”

Three-year-old Daughter: “No, you have your own.” *laughs maniacally*

(I am driving with my five-year-old grandson. We pass a cemetery.)

Grandson: “Oh! A graveyard!”

(I attempt the old groaner kiddie joke about ‘dying to get in’.)

Grandson: “Do you know why they put fences around graveyards?”

Grandson: “Zombies!”

Related:
Logic Of The Dead

(I am on a very long car trip with my dad and 4 siblings. My youngest brother is about 9. We are several hours away from home, and getting bored, so we start reading signs along the highway.)

Me: *spotting a sign* “‘Entering Warrior City limits.’ Warrior, Alabama? Who comes up with these names?”

Brother: *sees a business billboard* “Warrior Dentistry… They must be armed to the teeth.”

Related:
Meet The Pun Family