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    No Longer Driving In The Fast Lane

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Siblings

    (We are driving home from a restaurant one night when my parents, who love to play pranks, did the following to my sister, who is three years older than me:)

    Dad: “See this button, [Sister]? Don’t ever press this button.” *gestures to hazard light button* “Because it’s the turbo button!”

    (He then proceeds to pretend to push the button and step on the gas pedal causing the car to accelerate fast. Fast forward 10 years. My sister is now 13. My mom and sister are taking the car to the carwash and a sign says to turn the hazard lights on if you want a certain clean. Mom reaches for the button.)

    Sister: “WAIT, Mom, no! Don’t press that button! It’s the turbo button!”

    My Imaginary Eye

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Children, Grandchildren, Grandparents

    (Every week my family has a nice dinner out with my parents. We are driving home with everyone in the car. We are teaching my four- and five-year-old daughters to play ‘I spy.’ It is night and dark so the game is a little more challenging than usual.)

    Five-Year-Old: “I spy with my eye something that starts with ‘A’”

    (After a few moments.)

    Me: “We give up. What do you see that starts with ‘A’?”

    Five-Year-Old: *looks around a moment* “Well, you can use your imagination!”

    (Cue laughter in the car.)

    Grandpa: “What about ‘upholstery’…?”

    Food For Thoughtless, Part 3

    | FL, USA | Children, Sons & Daughters

    Brother: “Dad, what’s chicken made out of?”

    Dad: *surprised* “Chicken.”

    Brother: “No, but what animal?”


    From NotAlwaysRight:
    Food For Thoughtless, Part 2
    Food For Thoughtless

    Must Be Something In Their Milk

    | Jerusalem, Israel | Children, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I am riding in the car with my three-year-old daughter and two-year-old son when they begin bouncing a nonsense phrase back and forth to each other.)

    Daughter: “Everybody was poats!”

    Son: “Everybody was poats!”

    Daughter: “Everybody was poats!”

    Son: “Everybody was poats!”

    Daughter: “Everybody was poats!”

    Son: “Everybody was poats!”

    (This goes on rhythmically for about fifteen minutes, during which I’m apparently being lulled into a false sense of security, because:)

    Daughter: “Everybody was poats!”

    Son: “Everybody was poats!”

    Daughter: *shouting at the top of her lungs* “DEMON LLAMA!”

    (I laughed so hard from shock that I almost crashed the car.)

    The Answer Doesn’t Grow On Trees

    | American Fork, UT, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister called me just after I got out of work to ask if I had a ride home. Since I enjoy seeing her, I accepted an offer to drive two miles total from work to my apartment. I get in the car and my four-year-old nephew and almost-two-year-old nephew are in the back seats.)

    Me: “Hi, [Sister]! Hi, boys!”


    Nephew #2: *quietly* “Hi.”

    Sister: “I told him that he had to be nice tonight, since he cried last time.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    Sister: “[Nephew #2], what’s Friday?”

    Nephew #2: “Valentine’s Day.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s fun!”

    Sister: “Are you going to have valentines at school?”

    Nephew #2: “Yeah, but I don’t want to give them to people I don’t like.”

    (I stifle a laugh.)

    Sister: “That’s not a very nice thing to say! Say the nicest thing you can think of!”

    Nephew #2 *after a moment of hesitation* “Tree.”

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