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    A Speedy Resolution

    | ID, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom has been borrowing my car while her own is at the mechanic’s. She’s a speed demon and I’m not.)

    Mom: “Your car starts to shake when I go over 70 MPH.”

    Me: “Then don’t go over 70.”

    Mom: *gives me the finger*

    Home-Baked Movie Quotes

    | MN, USA | Siblings

    (My brother, mom, and I are in the car. My brother is eating a homemade sandwich which happens to have a lot of flour sprinkled on it. We both have watched Mean Girls but my brother does not like it; however, I do.)

    Brother: “There’s so much flour on this bread! It’s getting everywhere.”

    Mom: “Well, they want the bread to look more artisan.”

    Brother: “Ugh! Why is this bread so white?”

    Me: “Oh, my god, [Brother], you can’t just ask bread why it’s white!”

    Brother: *stops eating and stares at me* “You did NOT.”

    Me: “I did.”

    I Tire Of Your Antics

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I am driving with my dad. We are looking to pull over for a break, when we see a car on the side of the road, near our intended exit. My dad is driving, while I’m navigating.)

    Me: “Yeesh, I’d hate to be stuck that close to the road while changing a tire.”

    Dad: “Yeah, that sucks…”

    (The driver comes into view. It’s a young woman, around my age, wearing bright pink, tight-fitting yoga pants. She’s bent over the tire, her pink posterior sticking up in the air.)

    Dad: “Oh! It’s a female! We have to help!” *immediately begins to pull over*

    Me: *entirely bemused as I’ve never seen him act like this*

    (We pull up in front of the car. As I’m on the safe side I get out first.)

    Me: “Hiya! Need help?”

    Driver: “Nope! Just finished. Thanks, though!”

    (She then proceeds to take her equipment and put it away. My dad has just now come over.)

    Me: “S’alright, Dad, she’s finished.”

    Dad: “You sure?”

    Me: *giving him a “You serious?” look* “Yeah, Dad, she’s good. Get in the car and let’s go.”

    (It should also be noted, I’m a female and Dad taught me how to change tires so I wouldn’t be stuck in this situation. He denies it, but I’m pretty sure my sixty-year-old dad just wanted to help out because he saw her a** in yoga pants, especially since I have never seen him leap to help someone so quickly. Still haven’t decided if I should tell Mom yet…)

    That’s What Makes You Superpositioned

    | WI, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad is driving and I’m sitting in the passenger’s seat, when One Direction’s “That’s What Makes You Beautiful.”)

    Me: “I saw a video online where the guy talking said that the girls listening this song are no longer beautiful as they now know they are beautiful, but that makes them not know that they are beautiful.”

    Dad: “So they are in a constant state of both ugly and beautiful.”

    Me: “Exactly. Like Schrodinger’s Cat.”

    Dad: “More like Schrodinger’s B****.”

    Scary For Different Reasons

    | Hershey, PA, USA | Aunts & Uncles, Siblings

    (During a long car ride, my eight year old sister gets bored and snatches my aunt’s copy of 50 Shades of Grey from the basket in front of her.)

    Sister: “I’m bored. I’m going to read this.”

    Me: *snatching it from her* “Nooooo, you’re not…”

    Sister: “Why not?”

    Aunt: “Because it’s not for kids.”

    Sister: “But my daddy lets me watch scary movies all the time!”

    Me: “Yeah, that’s not really the problem…”

    Which Twin Is The Evil One?

    | CT, USA | Siblings

    (My twin sister and I are being a little silly and talking about how much we care about each other.)

    Sister: “You know, if someone told me that I had to choose between like, 700 people dying and you dying, I would let the 700 people die.”

    Me: “I would pick up a knife and ask them where they wanted me to start!”

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