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    Devouring The Language

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (During a long car trip my mom lets me plug in my mp3 player so we can listen to my music for a change. We’re listening to a song by a popular German metal band. My mom doesn’t understand a word of German.)

    Mom: “I wish I could understand what this song is about.”

    Me: “It’s a true story about a cannibal that puts out an ad asking for someone that he can dismember and eat.”

    Mom: “I wish I could go back to not understanding what this song is about.”

    Forgot Your Words But They Remember

    | VA, USA | Children, Grandchildren

    (I get my three-year-old grandson strapped into his car seat in the back of my truck and go to get in the driver side. Just as I close my door, I remember that I forgot something inside the house. It’s been one of those days so when I realize I forgot it, I mumbled:)

    Me: “S***!”

    Grandson: “What did you forget?”

    Not Going To Have That Licked For A While

    | CO, USA | Siblings

    (My family and I are on a road trip in the car together. At the time, my brother is about 10 or 11 years old. My brother is sitting in the very back seat, uncharacteristically quiet and deep in thought. Suddenly, we hear him say:)

    Brother: “I wish every part of me had a tongue!”

    Finally Addressing The Awkward Grandad Situation

    | ON, Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (My mum loves to tell this story. I’m still a toddler in this story. My mother and I are pulling into the driveway of my grandfather’s house.)

    Me: *reads off the numbers on my grandfather’s house*

    Mum: “Oh, very good! We’re going to have to tell Grandpa you know his address!”

    Me: *with a ‘duh’ voice* “MUM, Grandpa’s a BOY. He doesn’t wear a DRESS!”

    May Be A Chicken But Is A Total Road Hog

    | Felton, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (I’ve recently gotten a temp job at a state agency that’s across the street from where my dad works; to save me money he suggests carpooling. Since we live in the middle of the country it isn’t that unusual to see farm animals, but on this morning we round a corner only to have to stop since there’s a chicken in the middle of the road. Unable to help but laugh, I look over to my dad.)

    Me: “Hey, Dad?”

    Dad: “What?”

    Me: *laughing while gesturing to the chicken* “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

    Dad: “To f****** make us late to work.”

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