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  • Stupid For Not Trying
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  • Michael Bay’s Next Project

    | USA | Siblings

    (My nine-year-old sister fell asleep on a long car ride and begins talking in her sleep.)

    Sister: “Ninja pigs are coming in through the window…”

    Not Quite Telling Him Straight

    | Shawano, WI, USA | Nephews & Nieces

    (Wisconsin started a reforestation program in the early 1900s because of the decimation done by heavy logging in the 1800s. We’re driving past one of the numerous pine plantations in the area.)

    Nephew: “There go some Straight-Row Pines.”

    Me: “What do you mean, ‘Straight-Row Pines?'”

    Nephew: “They’re called that because they always grow in straight rows.”

    Me: “Who told you that?”

    Nephew: “My dad.”

    Me: “And you believed him?”

    (How my nephew could get to high school without questioning that piece of information given to him by a dad who loves to tease, I don’t know.)

    Doesn’t Nose What She’s Talking About

    | Harrington, DE, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother has just picked me up from spending the night at my friend’s house and we’re talking in the car on the way home. While at her house, my friend and I had talked about how we resemble or don’t resemble our parents. My mother and I have somewhat long, pointed noses with a slight turn upwards at the end. This is the only way I physically take after my mother, since I mostly take after my father and my great-grandparents.)

    Me: “I never really thought I looked much like you and Dad, but [Friend] says I have your nose.”

    Mom: “I’m sorry honey; if I had the money for it I’d have gotten something done to make it look half-decent.”

    Me: “Mom… plastic surgery won’t change your genetics.”

    Mom: “Your point?”

    Me: “I’d still have your nose.”

    Mom: “But strangers wouldn’t know that.” *sighs and looks at me for a moment* “I’m sorry you have my nose.”

    Taking Their Marriage In Different Direction

    | MN, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family is driving to a relative’s house. I’m in the back with my mom, my dad is driving, and my uncle is in the passenger’s seat. The GPS is a British woman’s voice, calling out directions in a residential area.)

    GPS: “Turn left at Spooner Street. Re-calculating. Turn right at French St and make another right.”

    (My dad partially knew the way, but looks at the GPS to make sure.)

    Mom: “He doesn’t even listen to me when we’re driving. I’m shocked when he does listen to the GPS.”

    Dad: “I just don’t listen to her because it’s sexy when she’s gets mad and recalculates all the time.”

    Me: “Dad… a GPS? Seriously? I don’t know who you are or why I’m in this car with you.”

    Dad: “Someday when you’re married, you’ll understand.”

    (I looked at my mom who was nodding and she whispered that she switches to the male voice on the GPS when my dad isn’t around.)

    My Family Has Got Seoul

    | CT, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are driving home from visiting my paternal cousins. I’m somewhere around seven at the time.)

    Mom: “Well your cousins were adopted just before you were born so…”

    Me: *in complete, sincere shock* “They’re ADOPTED!?”

    Mom: “… [My Name], they’re KOREAN.”

    (My family is very, very white. To this day my mom insists that it was just cute that I never thought anything of it.)

    Ignoring The Silent Majority

    | Nelson, BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (My husband, two daughters (ages four and six), and I are driving home after a trip into town. We have been playing a game called ‘This Animal’ where you say three things about an animal and everyone else has to guess what it is. Our four-year-old has just used her turn to try and get us to identify an animal she has made up in her head. Slightly frustrated and feeling a headache coming on I decide we’re going to play a new game.)

    Me: “Okay, now we’re going to play ‘See Who Can Be The Quietest.'”

    Six-Year-Old: “I know this game! We used to play it in kindergarten! How long do we have to be quiet for?”

    Me: “Until I say we’re done.”

    Six-Year-Old: “Okay!”

    (My four-year-old starts rambling loudly about various things.)

    Four-Year-Old: “What is everyone doing?”

    Me: “Well, currently everyone is doing better in this game than you…”

    (My four-year-old starts talking about something else that has nothing to do with anything that we are currently doing and trying to get her sister to answer her.)

    Me: “SSHHH!”

    Four-Year-Old: *in a very condescending tone* “Don’t you sshh me!”

    (At this point the game degenerated into our two daughters ‘sshhing’ and saying ‘don’t sshh me’ to each other until I announced that Daddy was the winner and we started to play ‘I Spy’ instead.)

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