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    Dovetailing On An Explanation

    | PA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister is driving. We stop at a red light near a sign for a restaurant with loopy cursive writing and a pig with a frying pan.)

    Me: “Oh, Famous Dave’s BBQ. For a second I thought that said “Famous Doves” but that name didn’t make any sense for a pork place.”

    Sister: *teasing me*: “Yes, it does. They served BBQed doves. They’re delicious.”

    Me: “Right.”

    Sister: “They’re burnt offerings. Burnt peace offerings!”

    Me: *laughing* “That’s so wrong.”

    Sister: “Hey, if you’re going to misread signs, I’m going to run with it until I create an explanation that makes sense.”

    Taking Distraction Action

    | Dubuque, IA, USA | Siblings

    (My sister lost her wallet earlier, and is understandably upset. I’m taking her to go look for it, and offer to buy her a taco to help calm her down. On the road again, I reach in the bag for one of my burritos, and pull out her taco. I look over at her.)

    Me: “[Sister]! You’re eating my burrito!”

    Sister: *looks down and realizes she has in fact eaten half my burrito* “I didn’t notice!”

    Me: “How can you not notice that! It’s completely different from a taco!”

    Sister: “I have no idea.”

    (We did find her wallet later, and she apologized again for eating most of my burrito, saying that she was a little distracted at the time!)

    The Driver From U.N.C.L.E.

    | San Francisco, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My family and several sets of aunts/uncles/cousins are in California for a family reunion. One of my uncles is an infamously bad driver — his wife had been terrified of driving, but was convinced to get a license herself because she was afraid he would get into an accident and kill her children. One morning, we have all agreed to meet up at the nursing home where my grandmother lives.)

    Dad: *pointing to a car in front of us that’s driving really badly* “I bet that’s your uncle!”

    (The car parks, badly, in front of the nursing home, and the driver gets out.)

    Me: “Wait, that… Oh, my god, that actually IS [Uncle].”

    (This happened three separate times during that trip.)

    Getting Ballsy With Anatomy

    | KS, USA | Siblings

    (My older brother and I are riding together to meet our parents for dinner. I am whining about being too shy to ask if I can go on a cross-state trip with just one of my friends. Both my friend and I are female and my parents are overprotective.)

    Brother: “You should just go and apologize later. Grow some balls!”

    Me: “But, I’m a girl.”

    Brother: “Well, grow some lady-balls.”

    Me: “Lady-balls? So, like, ovaries? Pretty sure I’ve got those already.”

    On The Long Drive To Mordor

    | TX, USA | Parents & Guardians, Teenagers

    Me: “Okay, everyone, time for a restroom break…”

    Teen Daughter: “But Mom, I don’t need to.”

    Me: “[Teen Daughter], this is a long trip and I don’t want to be stopping every time someone needs to go. If we all go at the same time, our bladders will be synced up.”

    Teen Daughter: “Mom, I don’t feel the need!”

    Me: “I don’t care. In the words of Gandalf, ‘You shall PISS!'”

    Mom Is All Fired Up About It

    | Norway | Parents & Guardians

    (At an earlier occasion I have mentioned to my mom that I will probably want to be cremated when I die. The following happens as we drive past a crematorium.)

    Mom: *pointing* “That is where you will burn one day!”


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