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    Fifty Shades Of Pokémon

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My brother, my dad, and I are all in the car. I’m on the front seat talking to my dad about stuff and my brother, who is 11 years old, is playing a game where you create and name your own monster. He likes to ask me to make it for him but eventually I get tired and want to take a nap. Worst idea ever…)

    Brother: “Okay, so this one is going to be a fire element. Here you go do it for me.” *he tries to hand me his tablet*

    Me: “Why don’t you do it yourself? I made mine into a tornado.”

    Brother: “Okay.” *about five minutes pass* “His name will be Pornado!”

    (My dad and I exchange horrified looks.)

    Me: “Pornado?”

    Brother: “Yeah. He’s poor. What did you think I said?”

    Dad: “Oh, look. What a beautiful moon.”

    Me: “Yeah, let’s open the sun roof so we can see it.”

    Brother: “Why are you guys acting like that?”

    Me: “No reason.”

    Dad: *at me* “Wait until you have kids.”

    Palming Off A Pun On You

    | Beaverton, OR, USA | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My sister and I are driving to church the Sunday before Easter and I’m complaining about all the other drivers.)

    Sister: “Yeah, today must be idiot day.”

    Me: “It’s Facepalm Sunday.”

    Sister: “Haha! Good one!”

    I Know I’m Wrong But I’m Not Sorry

    | TN, USA | Siblings, Spouses & Partners

    Dad: “Listen, boys. The six most important words to know when your married are ‘I know, I’m wrong, and I’m sorry/'”

    Mom: “That’s right!”

    Me: “Or: ‘woman make some room now!'”

    Brother: “Dude, that’s only five words.”

    Me: “It is? One two three four five. Oh, it is. How about ‘Woman go make some food now!'”

    Mom: “Give me your phone.”

    Me: “I was kidding!”

    Mom: “Don’t talk until we get to the hotel.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Trident And Try Again

    | Manchester, England, UK | Children, Siblings

    (I am travelling in the car with my parents and little brother who is age three. We are discussing what to get as a gift for my grandmother’s birthday.)

    Little Brother: “Get her a devil stick!”

    Rest Of The Family: “A devil stick?! What’s that?!”

    (After questioning him, we establish that he means a trident. I have no idea why he thought a trident would be a good gift for an elderly lady.)

    As Long As It’s Not ‘Avada Kedavra’

    | OH, USA | Grandchildren

    (I’ve been reinforcing manners with my grandsons. One day, the older one offers his brother the dry-erase board:)

    Older Grandson: “What’s the magic word?”

    Younger Grandson: “Abracadabra?”

    Totalled Distraction

    | USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mother has always been a scary driver and it has only gotten worse as she gets older. I am about 12, riding in the passenger front seat. We are approaching a green light that turns yellow, then red, my mom does not slow down. We get way too close to the white line and I start to freak out.)

    Me: “MOM! STOP!”

    (She hits the brakes and we screech to a halt half in the intersection. I stare wide eyed at her not able to even ask.)

    Mom: “I was distracted by the pretty lights.”

    Me: “You mean the stop light?”

    Mom: “Yeah!”

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