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    Ironic Meets Moronic

    | Lincolnshire, England, UK | Cousins

    (My cousin and I are driving, having a deep debate.)

    Cousin: “I do wish the Muslims would realise we westerners are not all the same.”

    (He’s still not grasped the irony!)

    NCIS: Modern Family

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My family and I are driving home from an event. My little sisters are excitedly talking about a door they’d seen labeled ‘danger.’)

    Sister #1: “What do you think was behind it?”

    Sister #2: *jokingly* “Maybe a dead body!”

    Me: *not having paid attention* “Did someone say there was a dead body!? Cool!”

    Mom: “You need to stop watching crime shows, [My Name].”

    Go With Option Number Two

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My sister and I (aged around 10 and 12 respectively) are arguing in the back seat of the car.)

    Me: *to sister angrily* “You’re a s***-head!”

    Mum: *wearily* “People who resort to using swear words are showing they’re not smart enough to use the proper words.”

    Me: *to sister* “You’re a faeces-face!”

    Wanna Get High (Up North)

    | OH, USA | Grandparents

    (I am driving back to my grandma’s house after she had a doctor appointment. We are driving down a country road when we see a car that seems lost. I see their car plates.)

    Me: “Oh, they’re from Canada!”

    Grandma: “Must be drug dealers.”

    Me: “What? Why are they drug dealers? They could just be a couple of people lost.”

    Grandma: “People from Canada come to the United States all the time to sell drugs.”

    (Later my grandma’s insurance man has come to the house to speak with her.)

    Grandma: “So, I’ve seen two drug dealers today…”

    Me: *face palm*

    In Case Of Hit, Pull Here

    | USA | Grandparents

    (I am about 14, on vacation with my sisters and my grandmother. My grandmother has rented a sedan for the trip. As she opens the trunk so we can stow some beach gear inside, I notice there is a glow-in-the-dark latch with instructions printed on it inside. It looks like a device to pop the trunk in case you get trapped inside.)

    Me: “What a weird thing to have inside your trunk.”

    Grandmother: *deadpans* “It’s the anti-mafia latch. Usually you’re dead when they put you in the trunk, but in case you’re not…”

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