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    The Cycle Of Life

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My mom and I are sitting in the car when a big group of cyclists pass. A few seconds later, a few who are lagging behind pass as well.)

    Mom: “Those are the ones that get eaten by lions in the wild.”

    A People Person

    | BC, Canada | Children, Sons & Daughters

    (I have just strapped my three-year-old daughter into her car seat in the back of the car.)

    Me: “Oooh, now you’re trapped, so I can eat you!”

    (I pretend to try and chew on her head making ‘nom, nom’ noises.)

    Daughter: “No, Mummy, you can’t eat me. I’m a people.”

    Me: “I can’t?’”

    Daughter: “No, you can only eat food, and I’m NOT a food. I’m a people.”

    Me: “You’re a people?”

    Daughter: “Yes, so you can’t eat me.”

    Me: “Okay, then…”

    Shift Language Gears

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Parents & Guardians

    (I haven’t gotten my full drivers license. The following occurs as my Mum and I are practicing on some back roads.)

    Me: *struggling to shift up into second gear* “I can’t… ack… S***! I mean…” *back-pedaling* “Not s***… I mean…”

    Mum: “The word you’re looking for is ‘shift.’”

    Seems To Be Blowing This Sky High

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces

    (My nephew is going through a phase. We are helping my mom run errands.)

    Me: “Oh, look at Grammy! She’s walking really well without a cane now.”

    Nephew: “No, you’re wrong.”

    Me: “No, really, look. No cane.”

    Nephew: “Nope. She uses a cane.”

    Me: “Look, she does not have the cane WITH her.” *I point to show him*

    Nephew: “Oh… well, I thought you said she did have a cane. It’s because you don’t talk clearly.”

    Me: “My enunciation is fine. It’s something I’ve noticed with you recently; you don’t even listen to me and you just say I’m wrong. I could tell you the sky is blue and you would say it was wrong because you didn’t listen. It makes me sad because I think that you don’t care about what I say.”

    Nephew: “Oh, well, sometimes my brain is too full and it deletes some words.”

    Me: “Well, we should work on that.”

    Nephew: “Besides, the sky isn’t blue. It’s light blue.”

    Reading You Your Rights

    | Thurmont, MD, USA | Children, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters

    (I am five years old. My parents, my little brother, and I are on our way home after a day out.)

    Me: “I’m hungry! Mom, can stop somewhere?”

    Mom: “No, [My Name]. Besides, there isn’t anywhere out here to eat!”

    Me: “Yes, there is! That sign says ‘restaurant!’”

    Mom: “The jig is up! The kid can read!”

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