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    The Answer Doesn’t Grow On Trees

    | American Fork, UT, USA | Children, Nephews & Nieces, Siblings

    (My sister called me just after I got out of work to ask if I had a ride home. Since I enjoy seeing her, I accepted an offer to drive two miles total from work to my apartment. I get in the car and my four-year-old nephew and almost-two-year-old nephew are in the back seats.)

    Me: “Hi, [Sister]! Hi, boys!”

    Nephew #1: “HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI!”

    Nephew #2: *quietly* “Hi.”

    Sister: “I told him that he had to be nice tonight, since he cried last time.”

    Me: “I understand.”

    Sister: “[Nephew #2], what’s Friday?”

    Nephew #2: “Valentine’s Day.”

    Me: “Oh, that’s fun!”

    Sister: “Are you going to have valentines at school?”

    Nephew #2: “Yeah, but I don’t want to give them to people I don’t like.”

    (I stifle a laugh.)

    Sister: “That’s not a very nice thing to say! Say the nicest thing you can think of!”

    Nephew #2 *after a moment of hesitation* “Tree.”

    Ironic Meets Moronic

    | Lincolnshire, England, UK | Cousins

    (My cousin and I are driving, having a deep debate.)

    Cousin: “I do wish the Muslims would realise we westerners are not all the same.”

    (He’s still not grasped the irony!)

    NCIS: Modern Family

    | USA | Parents & Guardians, Siblings

    (My family and I are driving home from an event. My little sisters are excitedly talking about a door they’d seen labeled ‘danger.’)

    Sister #1: “What do you think was behind it?”

    Sister #2: *jokingly* “Maybe a dead body!”

    Me: *not having paid attention* “Did someone say there was a dead body!? Cool!”

    Mom: “You need to stop watching crime shows, [My Name].”

    Go With Option Number Two

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Siblings, Theme Of The Month

    (My sister and I (aged around 10 and 12 respectively) are arguing in the back seat of the car.)

    Me: *to sister angrily* “You’re a s***-head!”

    Mum: *wearily* “People who resort to using swear words are showing they’re not smart enough to use the proper words.”

    Me: *to sister* “You’re a faeces-face!”

    Wanna Get High (Up North)

    | OH, USA | Grandparents

    (I am driving back to my grandma’s house after she had a doctor appointment. We are driving down a country road when we see a car that seems lost. I see their car plates.)

    Me: “Oh, they’re from Canada!”

    Grandma: “Must be drug dealers.”

    Me: “What? Why are they drug dealers? They could just be a couple of people lost.”

    Grandma: “People from Canada come to the United States all the time to sell drugs.”

    (Later my grandma’s insurance man has come to the house to speak with her.)

    Grandma: “So, I’ve seen two drug dealers today…”

    Me: *face palm*


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