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    No Longer Just A White Christmas

    | NJ, USA | Cousins, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s Thanksgiving and my uncle, cousin, sister, and I are hanging up wreaths around town for Christmas. My other sister stays home because she is on her period. We are in a small car with the ladder, making it impossible for me to turn around. There are also some groceries in the back that my mom got. My cousin is ten.)

    Cousin: *in a joking voice* “Hey, [My Name], I have an early Christmas gift for you.”

    Me: “Oh, yeah? What is it?”

    Cousin: “Here.”

    (He tries to hand me something. I drop it the first time, but get it the second time. Contorting around, I pull the thing in front of me. It’s a package of pads.)

    Me: *suppressing laughter* “[Cousin], do you know what this is?”

    Cousin: “Diapers!”

    That’s Her Answer And Cheese Sticking To It

    | USA | Siblings

    (My 17-year-old sister and I just finished picking up some take out which includes my sister’s favorite food… mozzarella sticks.)

    Sister: “I love mozzarella sticks, they’re just so good. I wonder what kind of cheese they use the make them.”

    Me: *I flash my sister a blank look*

    Sister: “What? I wanna know what kind of cheese they use to make mozzarella sticks.”

    Me: “Really? What kind of cheese they use for MOZZARELLA sticks?”

    Sister: *confused look* “Yeah… oh… oohhhhhh… right. Mozzarella.”

    Hit The Show Running

    | CO, USA | Parents & Guardians

    (My dad and I are just leaving a fast food restaurant much later than expected mostly due to poor service.)

    Me: “Wow, it’s 7:45.”

    Dad: “Oh, I wanted to go running before 8.”

    Me: “Yeah, and [my favorite TV show] comes on at 8.”

    Dad: “Then we’d definitely better get home quick.”

    Me: *laughing* “I’m glad you understand how important [TV show] is to me.”

    Disgracefully Put In Her Place

    | The Netherlands | Grandparents

    (We’re having a family gathering for my grandma’s birthday at a party location. My parents take me and my grandma there. My older sister drives there by herself with her husband and her kid. Before we leave to pick up grandma, my mother fumes about my cousin.)

    Mother: “[My Name], just remember not to talk about [Cousin] with grandma. It’s a disgrace.”

    Me: “Eh, what, exactly?”

    Mother: “She’s having a child while not being married! It’s a disgrace. Luckily, [Older Sister] did it better. Grandma is so disappointed about [Cousin]. Don’t mention it to her today; we don’t want her to get upset.”

    (We pick up grandma and she comes to sit next to me in the back seat. After a few blocks, she starts chatting with me. My mom listens in from the front seat.)

    Grandma: “You know, I am SO happy for [Cousin] that she got pregnant.”

    Me: “Um, yes… yes.”

    Grandma: “You know, in my time, it was a disgrace to have kids before you were wed. But times have changed! These days, it’s so much better. People first start living together, get to know each other, get kids. Being wed isn’t so important anymore as it used to be.”

    (My mother’s look I spotted in the rear-view mirror? Priceless!)

    Deck The Halls With Fa La La’s

    | MI, USA | Parents & Guardians, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m about seven. My parents and I are driving to the Detroit area for Christmas with my mom’s family. We’ve been singing Christmas carols. We’ve just finished ‘Deck the Halls, ‘with its repeated ‘fa la la’s in it, when this ensues:)

    Mom: “Isn’t there another song with ‘fa la la’s in it?”

    (We discuss it for a minute or two, but none of us can think of one. So we then proceed to sing ‘We Three Kings’.)

    All: “We three Kings of Orient are…”

    Dad: “Fa la la!”

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