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    Parental Misguidance

    | Manila, Philippines | LGTBQ, Parents & Guardians, Sons & Daughters, Top

    (I come home from college, along with my friend. I am straight, but he is quite obviously gay. My mom greets us.)

    Me: “Hi Mum. This is my friend, [name].”

    Mom: “Hello, nice to meet you.”

    (She suddenly turns to me, and gives me a sly wink.)

    Mom: *reaching for her handbag* “Would you like me to leave you two boys alone?”

    Me: “What? No!”

    Mom: *putting on her shoes* “I always wondered when you’d bring someone home.”

    Me: “Mom, it’s not like that, we’re just friends!”

    Mom: *grabbing her jacket* “That’s cool too! Young people these days can be friends with benefits!”

    Me: “I’m not gay, mom.”

    Mom: “Exactly, who needs labels anymore? Gay, straight, let’s all just be called ‘lovers’!”

    (As she is leaving the apartment, she calls out loudly.)

    Mom: “Be safe you two! I have some supplies in the bathroom if you need them!”

    Me: “You realise my mom did that just to embarrass me, right?”

    Friend: “Your mom is fabulous. Can I take her shopping?”